• First Grade Problems
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  • November Theme Of The Month: Horrible Histories!

    Makes You Want To Curse(ive)

    | Broussard, LA, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Teachers

    (I’ve loved to read and write since I learned how. When I was in first grade, I found a book that taught me how to write in cursive, which was a third-grade subject. At the beginning of my third grade year, I want the teacher to know what I can do. On a test, I proudly write my name in cursive. When my teacher hands back the text, she’s written in red pen:)

    Teacher: “Good job, but write in print next time!”

    (She sees me frowning and leans down to explain.)

    Teacher: “It’s not fair that you’ve learned something no one else has, [My Name]. Everyone else will catch up in a few months, but until then, I want you to stick to print, okay?”

    (I had knowledge no one else did, and instead of encouraging me, my teacher told me to hide it.)

    Shedding Some Light On The Mystery

    | France | Extra Stupid, Students

    (We’re a college trip and have just returned to the coach to go home.)

    Me: *looking around* “Does it seem a bit dark to you?”

    Friend: “No? Why?”

    Me: “Just looks dark.” *shouting* “Can we turn on the lights?”

    Tutor: *shouting back* “Take your sunglasses off!”

    (I sheepishly took my sunglasses off – that I had bought earlier in the day – and stayed silent the rest of the trip. My friend nearly died of laughter.)

    I Have A Sinking Feeling About This

    | UK | Sports, Teachers

    (After a full term of swimming lessons, my four-year-old daughter’s teacher wants to meet me and give a report on my daughter’s progress.)

    Teacher: “Your daughter never listens to my instructions.”

    Me: “Really? That’s very unusual behaviour for her.”

    Teacher: “Yes, I call [Another Name] and she looks but doesn’t respond.”

    Me: “That’s because [Another Name] is not her name.”

    (But it was her older sister’s name, which is why she took notice.)

    Still Trying To Make Fetch Happen

    | NY, USA | Movies & TV

    (I am in rehearsal for my school musical, and I have just been assigned a new part. I go to the bathroom and hear the last part of the conversation just as I’m opening the door.)

    Teacher: “At this point, [My Name] will walk in and everyone will stop singing.”

    Girl #1: “Oh, my god, she’s right there!”

    Classmates: “Oh, my god, look! That is SO funny!”

    Me: “Um… hi? What’s going on?”

    Girl #2: “So, Mr. [Teacher] was just saying you’d walk in and interrupt the singing, and you just walked in.”

    Me: “Oh… hey, maybe I’m psychic! Like I have… ESPN or something…”

    Friend: “Yeah, like your boobs know when it’s going to rain… or if it’s already raining.”

    Girl #2: “What?”

    Me:Mean Girls quote. Sorry.”

    Kill You With Laughter

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Math & Science

    (My mom is a chemistry teacher. She is known throughout campus for being extremely funny and crazy. I get to sit in on her eighth-period class. This particular day, she is going over the MSDS so her students could go do a lab over it. She begins cheerfully describing all the sections like so:)

    Mom: “So the MSDS is comprised of a whole ton of data sheets for a whole ton of chemicals. Each chemical has about 16 sections on it. Let’s go through them, shall we? Section One: This is what it is. Section Two: This is how it’s gonna kill you. Three: This is what is in it that is doing the killing. Four: This is how you stop it from killing you. Five: My personal favorite; This is how it’s gonna kill you — with fire! This is what you should never, ever, ever, ever do, so it doesn’t kill you. This is how you store it, so it doesn’t kill you.”

    (By now, the entire class is trying to suppress hysterical giggles.)

    Mom: “These are the properties which allow it to kill you. This is what it’s gonna react with — to kill you. This is what you should never store it with — so it doesn’t kill you. This is how it’s going kill you — with poison. This is how you should clean it up — so it doesn’t kill you. This is how you should get rid of it — so it doesn’t kill you. This is how you should carry it around — so it doesn’t kill you.”

    Student: *raises hand* “So the MSDS has the stuff you do with all these chemicals so it doesn’t kill you.”

    Mom: “Basically!”

    (Needless to say, I hope I have Mom next year.)

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