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    Driving Down His Age

    | London, England, UK | Food & Drink, Students

    (I made the decision at 23 to go back to education and get a college qualification. Since I am going to be older than most of the other people in class I decide to let my beard grow out in the months before I started so that it is very obvious I am older. My plan works and whilst some people think I’m weird, everyone is aware that I’m about six years older than most of the other students. About three months down the line we are chatting over lunch.)

    Classmate #1: “I can’t wait until I’m 18 and can drink legally… I’m gonna get wasted on my first day.”

    Me: “You think that… but give it a month, six at the most, and the novelty will wear off.”

    Classmate #1: “What would you know about it?”

    (At this, more or less everyone in the room looks at her.)

    Classmate #2: “Umm… [Classmate #1], you know [My Name]… is 23, right?”

    Classmate #1: “Stop lying! He’s 16.”

    Me: “No, he’s telling the truth. I’m 23.”

    Classmate #1: “Stop lying; you’re 16.”

    (I pull out my driver’s license and show her, at which point a thought occurs to me.)

    Me: “Hang on, I gave you loads of lifts in my car… How did you think I could drive?”

    Classmate #1: “I thought you were driving illegally! I thought it made you kind of a bad boy…”

    (At this everyone in the room burst out laughing. The course we’re studying is public services and almost everyone in the class wants to become a police officer.)

    Evolving Your Viewpoint

    | USA | Math & Science, Religion

    (I’m in my free period. I’m leaving the bathroom, and I walk right past one of my fellow teachers’ biology classroom, and I stop when I hear this exchange.)

    Student: “I’m sorry, but [Teacher], you’re wrong.”

    Teacher: “How so?”

    Student: “Read the book of Genesis! Everything you are saying is wrong! Nowhere does it mention evolution in the bible!”

    Teacher: “Do you have a bible handy?”

    Student: “Like any good Christian.”

    Teacher: “May I see it please?” *she is silent for a few moments* “Fascinating; right here in chapter one, verses twenty-nine and thirty, it says, ‘Then God said, “Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the surface of all the earth, and every tree which has fruit yielding seed; it shall be food for you; and to every beast of the earth and to every bird of the sky and to every thing that moves on the earth which has life, I have given every green plant for food;” and it was so.’ So, class? Who remembers what the word ‘carnivore’ means?”

    Student #2: “They eat meat!”

    Teacher: “Very good, and yet here in [Student]’s bible, it says that God designed every animal, bird, et cetera, to eat plants. And yet we know for a fact that some animals are carnivores and have been for thousands of years. Why do you suppose this happened? [Student], can you answer?”

    Student: “Well, they obviously evolved to eat meat!”

    Teacher: “Very good, [Student]. You’ve JUST used the bible to prove that the theory of evolution is actually true.”

    Student: “But evolution is false!”

    Student #2: “You JUST said animals evolved from vegetarians!”

    Student #3: “I heard you clear as day!”

    Student: “I didn’t say they evolved!”

    Student #4: “I heard you plain as day!”

    (Every student starts speaking up, and we are calmed down by the teacher eventually. How she managed to keep a straight face through this exchange, I have no idea.)

    Breeding Like Rabbis

    | MA, USA | Language & Words, Pets & Animals, Religion

    (I am in 10th grade Hebrew school class. I am asked to read a passage about two rabbis discussing a problem. I am very shy and dislike talking in front of others.)

    Me: “The rabbis could not come to an agreement. Rabbi Feldberg argued that the laws must stay the same…” *I continue for another minute*

    Teacher: “Yes, keep on reading, [My Name]; you are doing fine.”

    Me: “Um… okay. The rabbits eventually agreed that… Wait… I mean rabbis! RABBIS!”

    Class: *laughing hysterically*

    Me: *wishing I could disappear*

    They’re Babying History

    | ID, USA | Bizarre/Silly, History, Teachers

    (I’m in middle school. Our world history teacher is a somewhat eccentric lady who talks about historical events as if she were actually there and famous people of history as if they were her best friends. After a test on ancient Rome, we get this lecture:)

    Teacher: “On your tests, some of you referred to Julius Caesar as ‘Julie-Baby.’ Let me tell you – I’m the only one allowed to call him ‘Julie-Baby!’ To the rest of you he’s Julius Caesar! Got it?”

    (To this day I still think of Julius Caesar as ‘Julie-Baby.’)

    Up To Your Knees In Stupidity

    | UK | Bizarre/Silly

    (A classmate wearing a skirt has just finished a presentation to the class.)

    Teacher: “Okay, any constructive comments?”

    Student: *deadpan, to the classmate* “Your knees look like they have faces in them.”

    Classmate: “What?!”

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