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    Their Deduction Skills Are On The Wayne

    | Manchester, England, UK | Geeks Rule, Math & Science, Students

    (My job involves either having classes of children visit me in my lab at the nearby college, or visiting schools to deliver science lessons. I’m just about to start clearing away after a practical at a school I’m visiting.)

    Boy: “Mr. [My Name], can we take these home?”

    Me: “Sorry. I’ve got to get these back to my lab so I can clean them.”

    Boy: “You have a lab?”

    Me: “Yup. Where did you think all this apparatus came from?”

    Boy: *gasps* “Are you Batman?!”

    Chalk It Up To Inexperience

    | Australia | Bizarre/Silly, Food & Drink, Students

    (I am a teacher, and am a few minutes late to class. I am walking in.)

    Students: “Morning, [My Name].”

    (They are clearly eating something. Upon closer inspection I realize that they all have a piece of white chalk in their hands and are busy munching on them.)

    Me: *very shocked* “WHAT do you think you’re doing?! Are you seriously eating CHALK?!”

    (They continue eating, but one of them pipes up.)

    Student: “It’s okay. The box says ‘toxic free’.”

    (I had a VERY hard time convincing them they shouldn’t eat the chalk.)


    | USA | Exams/Tests, Students

    (I am sitting at lunch with a friend. He is explaining to me how he didn’t know the answer to a question so he just BSed an answer, meanwhile looking up on the internet for the correct answer.)

    Friend: “What do you know? I got it correct!”

    Me: “High-five!”

    (We high-five.)

    Friend: “No, wait. Maybe not.”

    Me: “I guess I high-fived you too early.”

    (We do a reverse high-five.)

    Friend: “It looks like I got it right except one important fact. Half credit.”

    (We proceed to high-five but with only three fingers up each.)

    Adding Flames To The Fire They Didn’t Start

    | MI, USA | Language & Words, Musical Mayhem, Rude & Risque, Students, Technology

    (I am in an AP US History class, and the teacher is known for assigning creative oral reports. One student has been assigned a presentation on the Billy Joel song ‘We Didn’t Start the Fire’ and how it relates to the 1950s in particular. I am manning the computer to click through the slides as he talks.)

    Student: “So, to start, I’ll play the song for you.” *to me* “[My Name], can you turn down the volume really quick when the video reaches [time]? Some of the lyrics aren’t really school-appropriate.”

    (I agree, but about the time he specified comes around my elbow bumps the volume controls, blasting the lyric “BRITISH POLITICIAN SEX” to the entire classroom.)

    Student: *horrified* “I told you to turn it down!”

    (I begin apologizing profusely.)

    Teacher: “Well, at least we know what the song says, instead of everyone going home and trying to Google it.”

    This Class Is Cut Short

    | CA, USA | Sports, Students, Themed Giveaway

    (My friend and I are sitting in the field during P.E. since the teacher has given us a break.)

    Me: “Do you think people in our school would be stupid enough to wear their P.E. shorts over jeans? Like, it doesn’t take long to change and there’s no point in wearing the shorts!”

    Friend: “Some girls wear tights under their shorts even though it’s a thousand degrees outside.”

    Me: “But that’s normal-ish. Maybe they don’t want to show their legs. For guys, they can’t wear leggings or anything but they wear jeans!”

    (My friend agrees and we become silent.)

    Me: “But, again, why would guys wear their jeans over their—”

    (As if on cue, a guy walks past with his P.E. shorts over his jeans.)

    Me: “—never mind.”

    (We both laugh.)

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