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    Same Name, Different Junk

    | CA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Rude & Risque, Teachers

    (I have a psychology teacher who is really intense during lectures in a hilarious way. He is known for giving out nicknames and using them for the eternity of the school year. We are playing a class jeopardy game where the student who answers the question correctly chooses to pick the person to choose the next question. I am male. There are two other females in my class with my name.)

    Student: “I choose, Female [My Name].”

    Teacher: “Female [My Name]? Do you mean [My Name] C.?”


    Different Student: “I choose, Male [My Name].”

    Teacher: “Yes, the male one. The [My Name] with testicles. Hey! That’s a good nickname. You are now [My Name] with testicles, or [My Name] T for short.”

    (The female student with my name laughs much louder than the rest.)

    Teacher: *calling on same female student* “Okay, now you can answer a question, [My Name] V.”

    Thinks He’s Getting Chicken Feed

    | OR, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Students

    (I’m a freshman at a private college, working in the school cafeteria as a server to help pay for tuition. Tonight has been really busy and since they are short staffed, I amasked to come in and work. Note: The chicken and pot pies run out the fastest.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

    Customer #1: “Yeah, I’d like potatoes and two pieces of chicken.”

    Me: “Sorry, we’ve been running out of the chicken pretty quickly and it takes the longest to cook. I’m afraid I can only give you one.” *gives him a large piece*

    Customer #1: “Look, I just got out of football practice and I need more food!”

    Me: *gesturing to line going out the door on my side* “Look behind you. Most of those people are going to want the same exact thing. If we give everyone a lot then we’d run out faster and hold up the line even more.”

    Customer #1: “Just give me another one!”

    Coworker: “Sir, we’re not giving you another one. Take your food and leave, please.”

    Customer #1: “FINE!” *storms out of room*

    Customer #2: “Man, what a jerk. Uh, so I know you told him that you can only give out one, but he had received a very large piece. May I have two since the others are very small?”

    Coworker: “You’re right; these are very small. Okay, you can have two small ones.”

    Customer #2: “Thank you very much, ladies. Have a good night! Let me know if he comes back, I can deal with him.”

    (Surprisingly, Customer #1 never returned. We do allow seconds, but he didn’t even come back for that. Maybe he realized that he was being rude. Who knows?)

    Stopped The Lesson From Falling Flat

    | Ukiah, CA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Math & Science, Teachers

    (I am in my high school physics class. The teacher is lecturing on light and sound waves while I’m leaning my chair back. I accidentally tip too far and my chair falls backward.)

    Teacher: “Let’s jump forward a few chapters; that’s gravity. Now back to waves.”

    Don’t Bank On His Language Skills

    | Newark, NJ, USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words, Students

    (I’m an after-school English tutor for our exchange students. The assignment today is a brief speech about what everyone in your family does, but no dictionaries are allowed while they’re writing the speech.)

    German Student: “Okay. I can go first?”

    Me: “Okay, [German Student], go ahead.”

    German Student: “My mother is a nurse. She works at a big hospital in Essen. She takes care of new babies who are born with sickness. When she was young, she was a nurse in Moscow. My father is an ATM. He—”

    Me: *interrupting* “A what?”

    German Student: “ATM.”

    Me: “A banker?”

    German Student: “No! ATM! He met my mother at hospital! He is a wagon-driver!”

    (He makes siren noises and flashes the classroom lights.)

    Me: “Oh… an EMT?”

    German Student: “Oh, yes. EMT.”

    (He finishes the speech without incident. Next up is a nervous Spanish student.)

    Spanish Student: “My father, uh, is… My father is an avocado.”

    (His father is an ‘abogado': a lawyer.)

    Talking Turkey About Politics

    | KY, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Language & Words, Politics, Teachers

    (This occurs during a discussion of Turkey’s government in social studies class.)

    Teacher: “Now, their government is a bit like the French government in which they have a parliament with both a president and a prime minister…”

    Principal: “Excuse me, Mrs. [Teacher]? Can I talk to you for a moment?”

    (My teacher and the principal go out into the hall to have a short discussion.)

    Teacher: *coming back into the room* “Now, where was I? Oh yes, now they have a turkey and a prime minister…” *the whole class starts laughing* “What did I just say?”

    Friend: “That’s going on the quote list!”

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