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    The Crappier Side Of History

    | CT, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I am having the social studies period with my teacher. We’re learning about English settlers. The teacher is writing ‘cash crop’ on the board and accidentally writes ‘cash crap’ and erases it quickly.)

    Me: *laughing*

    Teacher: “You were the only one who saw that, right?”

    Me: *nods, still laughing*

    (My class wouldn’t leave her alone after!)

    Literally Lost In Translation

    | Bangor, Wales, UK | Language & Words, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s my first German lecture at university. Being unaware that the university also offers intensive classes in the first year, I just ask the school receptionist where the German class is. When I get in and the class begins, the lecturer starts by teaching the alphabet, getting a couple of letters completely wrong. She then teaches introductions and tells us to speak in pairs. I get her attention, not wanting to just walk out on a member of staff in my first week, and hoping she can tell me where I should be.)

    Me: *in German* “I think I’m supposed to be in another room.”

    Lecturer: *eyes as wide as saucers, speaking German* “Yes, I think so, too.”

    (I wait a second to see if she’s going to tell me where I need to be.)

    Lecturer: *keeps staring*

    Me: *wishing I’d gotten into Hogwarts so I could use my invisibility cloak to walk out*

    Instrumental In Your Graduation

    | OH, USA | Musical Mayhem, Students

    (After the marching band season is over, our band parents host a banquet to celebrate the graduating seniors. The director is giving the seniors their awards.)

    Director: “She’s dedicated to what she does and is both instrumentally and vocally talented! [Friend], please come up!”

    My Friend: *goes up to the band director*

    Director: “[Choir Teacher] and I will miss you.”

    (They do a photo and my friend sits down.)

    Director: “It’s amazing, she plays multiple instruments that are not alike and still does extremely well in them! She always kept her section of the band held to a higher standard than the rest. Please come up, [My Name]!”

    Me: *goes up to the band director*

    Director: “After you graduate, it will be hard to find an oboist and a flutist to fill your shoes.”

    (After the photo, I sit down with my parents.)

    Mom: “I like how he acknowledged that you played multiple instruments.”

    Me: “He didn’t for [Friend], though. I don’t think he caught that she sings, plays clarinet, plays flute, and plays bass clarinet…”

    A Study In Failing

    | CO, USA | Exams/Tests, Lazy/Unhelpful, Students

    (While sitting in the business school, I overhear this little gem:)

    Girl #1: “Ugh, I have never failed a test so hard in my life!”

    Girl #2: “Which class?”

    Girl #1: “Supply chain.”

    Girl #2: “Oh, really? I have that soon. What do I need to know?”

    Girl #1: “I don’t even know… I didn’t even understand the questions.”

    Girl #2: “Oh crap. Did you make a cheat-sheet?”

    (Some teachers allow a small ‘cheat-sheet’ to use during tests, so long as you turn it in with the test.)

    Girl #1: “Yeah, it didn’t even help.”

    Girl #2: “Oh, god, this sucks… So… you’re in a bad mood because you failed?”

    Girl #1: “No, I didn’t even study… So, whatever. It was just so hard!”

    1984: A Christmas Special

    | Woodstock, GA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Books & Reading, Holidays, Students

    (Our literature teacher is known for being laid back, and has just put us into groups to discuss part of the novel 1984 in class. She claims that she can see anything, anywhere, and at anytime. This has led to the following discussion between our group members.)

    Student #1: “The book said that Big Brother can even see you when you are sleeping so–”

    Student #2: *shouting* “Big Brother is Santa!”

    Me: “[Teacher] also said that she can always see everything…”

    Whole Group: *shouting* “[Teacher] is Big Brother!”

    Student #3: “Wait, does that mean…”

    Whole Class: *having listened in* “[Teacher] is Santa Claus!”


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