• A Very Long Engagement
    (640 thumbs up)
  • October's Theme Of The Month: Literally Illiterate!

    A Monstrous Lack Of Knowledge

    | Allentown, PA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Geeks Rule, Geography, Students

    (We had a substitute kindergarten teacher who is telling us about how she used to teach English in Japan before she returned home to teach here.)

    Classmate: “Mrs. [Teacher], did you have Godzilla drills like we have fire drills when you were in Japan?”

    Teacher: “…”

    Obviously The Coffee Isn’t Working

    | Salem, AR, USA | Food & Drink, Teachers

    (I’m in my high school history class. My teacher is going through notes with us, and then he stops.)

    Teacher: “I had a coffee earlier.”

    (Several of us look around the room.)

    Teacher: “Did I drink it?” *looks in trash-can* “Yeah, I drank it.” *continues with notes*

    Delayed Reaction To The Delayed Start

    | Boston, MA, USA | Students

    (We’re in class and the bell’s about to ring.)

    Teacher: “Before you go just remember that we have a delayed start on Monday. There are a lot of meetings so you can come in at 9:30.”

    Student #1: “Wait, which day?”

    Teacher: “Monday.”

    Student #2: “Why do we get a delayed start?”

    Teacher: “…There’s a lot of meetings.”

    Student #3: “Wait, what time do we come in?”

    Teacher: *visibly annoyed* “For everyone who didn’t hear. There will be a delayed start on Monday. School starts at 9:30. It is because there are meetings. Everybody got it?”

    Student #4: “Wait, what?”

    (Me, laughing hysterically.)

    Stop This Cretinous Behaviour

    | Horsham, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Language & Words, Religion, Teachers

    (During a French class, the word “chrétien” crops up in a book we are reading. The teacher establishes that this is the French word for “Christian”.)

    Class Smart-Alec: “Is that the origin of the word “cretin”, sir?”

    Teacher: “That’s it. I’ve had enough of your unholy and anti-religious attitude. You’ll be in for a Saturday detention and you can go and see the Headmaster immediately. Then …”

    Class Swot: “Actually, sir, the word “cretin” does ultimately derive from the word “chrétien.” We looked it up one day some time ago.”

    Teacher: “Well, er, that’s not the point…”

    Class Swot: “It absolutely is the point, sir. You can’t punish someone for bringing up an interesting etymological fact, just because it contradicts your own prejudices.”

    Teacher: “Right, that’s enough! You are also in Saturday detention, and you can also go and see the Headmaster immediately.”

    (Class Smart-Alec and Class Swot both went and visited the Headmaster and related their story, who agreed with both that this detention was unfair. No idea what he said to the French teacher, but the teacher was considerably less quick to punish members of the class for being smart.)

    A Class Of Little Angels

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Language & Words

    (My year three class is doing a worksheet on metaphors. One student has gotten a bit stuck.)

    Student: “I don’t understand this.”

    Me: “It’s asking what the metaphors mean. ‘My feet are blocks of ice’ must mean your feet are very…”

    Student: “Cold!”

    Me: “Yes! And ‘my grandma is an angel’ must mean my grandma is very…”

    Student: “Dead!”

    Page 1/53512345...Last