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    That Snow Way To Behave

    | UK | Bad Behavior, Teachers

    (At our boarding school there are two teachers who are sisters and used to be students here. They are both sweeping snow that people have trekked into the hall.)

    Teacher #1: “Snow used to be a lot more fun when we were kids.”

    Teacher #2: “Because we didn’t have to tidy it up?”

    Teacher #1: “Yeah, that… and do you remember that time someone threw snowballs in the corridor?”

    Teacher #2: “That was hilarious. Who did that?”

    Teacher #1: “Same person who built a huge snowman and left it right outside the front doors.”

    Teacher #2: “Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. Maybe it WAS me.” *notices us listening in* “…that was very naughty.”

    Time Warping To Victory

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Parents

    (In our religion classes sometimes our teacher and our class have a discussion about things that bother us. This week the topic is embarrassing parents.)

    Teacher: “Okay, class, who here has embarrassing parents?”

    Me: “My dad sings Beyoncé and did The Time Warp at the food court in a shopping centre, in public.”

    Teacher: “Well, [My Name], my dad loves to watch Miley Cyrus and sings Wrecking Ball all over the house. Which one would you rather?”

    Me: *not missing a beat, staring her right in the eyes* “My dad dances in public.”

    Teacher: “Good point.”

    Desk Fort


    Teach One Selfie

    | WI, USA | Language & Words, Students, Technology

    (I am the teacher. I walk into the hallway to see a student taking a photo of herself with her cell phone.)

    Me: “Selfie generation.”

    Student: “It’s not a selfie; it’s SnapChat.”

    Me: “What is the definition of selfie?”

    Student: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “A photo taken of oneself.”

    Student: “Oh… I guess it’s a selfie, then.”

    Traumatic Excuses

    | PA, USA | Excuses

    (I miss or am late to school a lot during my senior year of high school due to being snowed in or just out too late the previous night. My mom always likes to make up fun excused absences every once in a while for the office ladies. Keep in mind, I don’t normally read what they say. This particular case is right after the first week of hunting season.)

    Secretary: “What’s your excuse this time, [My Name]?”

    Me: “It’s too traumatizing to talk about so soon to the incident.”

    Secretary: *sigh* “Fine, just give me your excuse and wait here.”

    (At this point she goes back to the dean’s office and I hear hushed talking before I’m called into the back office.)

    Dean: “Are you okay? Are you sure you don’t need some more time off?”

    Me: “…Yes, I’m fine. Just trying to get to homeroom.”

    Dean: “I think you should go ahead and take a couple more days off just to come with terms of what’s happened.”

    Me: “Okay then, I guess.”

    (It turned out my mother had written a fairly lengthy detail of how I had saved my neighbor’s life by fighting off a deranged male deer. The neighbor was said to be in intensive care and my mother felt I wasn’t ready to return because I had PTSD. Apparently I had to go all Rambo on the animal to stop its murderous rampage. My mother had been reading the news and pulled this story off some tabloid and decided to use it as my excuse. I never did find out why they bought into it when the normal stories had something to do with aliens or being stranded in the woods to fend for myself. Either way I got a free week off school and the Dean always treated me like a hero afterward.)

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