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    Corrosive Fun

    | CO, USA | Health & Body, Math & Science, Students

    (The science class I am in is generally regarded as the worst honors class in my school’s history. Besides major behavioral issues, most of the other people there are just idiots. I think that including myself there are about 5 out of 36 people who pay attention.)

    Teacher: “What precautions should we take when we’re handling hazardous materials? Come on, someone else’s gotta have an answer.”

    Student: “Be yourself and have fun.”

    Teacher: “I’m… I’m keeping the hydrochloric acid away from you.”

    Segway Around The Truth

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | History, Students, Travel

    (It’s the first day of my Texas History class for college and my professor asks all of us to introduce ourselves one at a time. My classmate to my right finally stands up to introduce herself.)

    Classmate: “Hi, my name is [Classmate] and I’ve lived here for about five years. I work downtown at a Segway touring company.”

    Professor: “Do you ever make up shit when you’re touring with people?”

    Classmate: “All the time. They believe everything.”

    Professor: “So if I get hired there, I can roll up to the Alamo and say ‘This is where Jim Bowie and his gay lover stood?'”

    (The class starts to laugh and my classmate turns to my professor and smiles.)

    Classmate: “I’ve already done that one, but yes, go for it. The more you do it, the more they believe you.”

    I Throw The Book At You

    , , , | Brooklyn, NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Teachers

    (I am a high school teacher.)

    Student: *holding up a textbook* “What would you do if I threw this at someone?”

    Me: “I’d throw you, along with the book, out the nearest window.”

    Student: “But wouldn’t you get in trouble for that?”

    Me: “Of course, but it would totally be worth it.”

    Multiplied Waste

    | LA, USA | Math & Science, Students

    (I’m talking to a fifth grader having trouble with word problems.)

    Student: “So to do this one I need to add 20 over and over again 15 times?!”

    Me: “Well, yes, but if you add something over and over again what are you doing?”

    (The answer I’m looking for here is multiplication.)

    Student: “Wasting your time?”

    Their Intentions Are Noble

    | New York City, NY, USA | Field Trip, Math & Science, Students

    (A ninth grade class is visiting my lab. Although we study bacterial genetics, the class has been asking the researchers questions about many topics.)

    Student #1: “Is it true that [Famous Scientist] works here?”

    Researcher #1: “He used to, but that was a long time ago, before he got the Nobel Prize.”

    Student #2: “Why is it called a ‘noble’ prize?”

    Researcher #1: “It’s named after Alfred Nobel.”

    Student #1: “Why’d he get to make a prize?”

    Researcher #2: “Oh, I can answer that.”

    (The second researcher launches into a ten-minute talk about Alfred Nobel’s life and how the discovery of dynamite lead to the founding of the prize. After he’s done…)

    Student #1: “How does dynamite work?”

    Teacher: “All right, all right. You’re supposed to be here for biology class. These people study bacteria, so ask them questions about that!”

    (Long silence.)

    Student #3: “Is it true fingernails are made of hair?”


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