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    I Pity The Fool

    | Townsend, MA, USA | Politics, Students

    (It’s time for student government elections, and most of the candidates are going around making ‘campaign promises’ and trying to win over the voting students. One student, however, was content to simply hand out slips of paper and post a few fliers.)

    Slips/Fliers: “I’m not popular. Cast your pity votes now!”

    The Teaching Style Is Below Average

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Exams/Tests, Teachers

    (The professor for our entry level class is in the habit of curving grades. I can’t imagine he’d pass many people if he didn’t. All midterms were worth exactly 100 points.)

    Professor: “I want you to know how disappointed I am in all of you. More than half the class had a score between 30 and 40.”

    Classmate: “So what are you counting as an A this time?”

    Professor: “60. One of your classmates scored in the 70s. This is proof that all of you can succeed if you only tried.”

    (The second highest score, it turned out, was a 44. The average of our previous test was in the 20s. At the end of the semester, he still refused to entertain the notion that maybe something about his teaching or testing methods might be off.)

    Email Fail

    | Denver, CO, USA | Crazy Requests, Staff, Time

    (My phone rings at 6:20 am.)

    Me: *struggling to grab and orient the phone* “H-hello?”

    Administrator: “Oh! Did I wake you?”

    Me: “Uh, yeah.”

    Administrator: “You didn’t get my email?”

    Me: “Huh?”

    Administrator: “I sent you an email, telling you I’d be calling at 6:20!”

    (She told me what she needed to tell me, and we hung up. An hour later, when I was actually up, I logged into my email and found:)

    Email: “I’ll call you at 6:20.”

    (It was time-stamped 6:01 am!)

    Disconnected From Reality

    | UT, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Extra Stupid, Students, Technology

    (Our college has several servers, one which is dedicated to course support for faculty and students. Students will sometimes call if they are having difficulty connecting to the server. Since we do not maintain the student computers, we usually have to ask them several questions about their computing environment in order to help them. Typically, this is not an issue.)

    Me: “[College Help Desk]. This is [My Name].”

    Student: “Who is this?”

    Me: “This is [My Name].”

    Student: “I can’t get to my folder. I’m in [Course].”

    Me: “So, are you not seeing the course folder, or—”

    Student: “I can’t login. You need to help me.”

    Me: “Okay, are you trying to connect from on-campus or off-campus?”

    Student: “I’m at home”

    Me: “Are you on a Mac or—”

    Student: “No! I have a PC.”

    (For security reasons our University requires that Windows users either be on-campus or connected to the Campus VPN to access servers.)

    Me: “Okay, have you connected to the campus VPN?”

    Student: “Just help me connect. You need to stop asking questions. I am telling you everything you need to know. Just help me!”

    Me: “I am trying, but I do need to ask you some—”

    Student: “I AM TELLING YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW! STOP ASKING ME QUESTIONS!”

    Me: “Did you get an error message when you tried—”

    Student: “STOP ASKING ME QUESTIONS! JUST TELL ME HOW TO GET MY FOLDER! IT IS LIKE I AM AN ALIEN AND I CAME TO YOU AND SAID, ‘BEEP BEEP BEEP! DO YOU WANT TO BE MY FRIEND?’ JUST ANSWER ME!”

    Me: “…”

    A Punishing Wit

    | BC, Canada | Exams/Tests, Students, Theme Of The Month

    (I am in my math class just minding my work and studying for an upcoming test, when my teacher comes up to my desk. He is a known joker.)

    Teacher: “[My Name], you better do well on the test or your parents are going to punish you.”

    Me: *without a moments pause* “What could they possibly do that is worse than being in your class?”

    (The entire class burst out laughing. My teacher found it so funny he marked the day on his calendar: ‘[My Name] made a funny.’)


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