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    Marked For Death

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Students

    (A student takes a marker from another student and hides it under the table.)

    Me: “Put that marker back.”

    Student: “I don’t have it.”

    Me: “I saw you take it.”

    Student: “No, you didn’t.”

    Me: “Yes, I did. I’m a teacher. We see everything.”

    Student: “Well, can you see death?”

    Me: “Yes. And yours is coming very soon if you don’t give me that marker.”

    (The student quickly handed back the marker.)

    Missed A Few Breadcrumbs Of Knowledge

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Students

    English Teacher: *on analogies* “…Okay, so this answer would be ‘bagels: bread’ because, that’s what they’re composed of. See?”

    Student: “Wait a second… BAGELS ARE MADE OUT OF BREAD?!”

    In Space, No One Can Hear The Truth

    | USA | Awesome, Family & Kids, Math & Science, Students

    (My grandfather was a NASA astronaut. You probably don’t believe me, but I’m used to that. I am in the fourth grade. My teacher tells the class that our current subject in science will be space. The teacher pins a big piece of paper on the wall, opens up a marker, and asks the class to raise their hands and tell her what they know about outer space.)

    Student #1: “Mars is Red!”

    Student #2: “Stars are pretty!”

    Student #3: “I can see the moon at night!”

    Teacher: “Okay, [My Name], what do you know about outer space?”

    Me: “My grandpa was an astronaut!”

    (She looks at me, tilts her head, and rolls her eyes.)

    Teacher: “Okay. [My Name]’s grandpa was an astronaut.”

    (She sarcastically writes my addition on the piece of paper, looks back to me with a smug look, and moves on to other students. I didn’t know it at that time, but she didn’t believe me. But looking back on it, I don’t really blame her. Would you believe a fourth grader that said his grandpa was an astronaut? A few weeks later, the teacher across the hall comes to our class to chat with my teacher and notices that we are talking about space. She was my older brother’s fourth grade teacher two years earlier. When my brother was in fourth grade, Grandpa actually came to school to talk to his class and left them a book. Needless to say, the subject came up.)

    Other Teacher: “You know it’s kind of funny that you’re talking about space and you have ‘him’ in your class.”

    (My teacher is confused for a moment and asks why it is so funny. The other teacher then explains that my grandpa really was an astronaut, came to her class two years ago, and left an autographed book. She goes to her class to get the book to show it to her, and my teacher is stunned.)

    Teacher: “That’s amazing! Why didn’t you tell me that?”

    Me: “I did! Remember when I told you and you wrote it on the big piece of paper?”

    (I can still remember the look of shock and surprise as my teacher came to the realization that I was telling the truth.)

    Never Bothered With The Cold Anyway

    | Canada | Family & Kids, Movies & TV

    (I’m covering for another instructor’s class. One of the little girls is obsessed with Frozen.)

    Me: “Hi, everyone. My name is Anna, and I’ll be teaching you today!”

    Student: “You’re Anna? Then I’ll be Elsa! I’m going to be a princess today, and I’ll have icy powers!”

    (We start climbing into the pool. It’s fairly cold, which is unusual.)

    Student: “I’m making the pool warmer with my icy powers!” *makes swishing gestures with her hands*

    Me: “Are you getting rid of the cold water and making ice?”

    Student: “No!”

    Me: “Are you making the pool into an ice cube to warm it up?”

    Student: “Yes!”

    (The parents on deck were very amused.)

    An Inventive Take On History

    | CT, USA | Extra Stupid, History

    (My fifth-level French class is studying France in the 16th century. In French, the word for “this” is “cette,” and the word for “seven” is “sept,” which sound similar.)

    Teacher: *in French* “Name two inventions from this century.”

    Student: *in French* “The seventh century?”

    Teacher: *in English* “No, in THIS century. Can you imagine if I asked about inventions in the seventh century? ‘Hmm, the wheel, fire…'”

    (The other students continue making suggestions along these lines.)

    Me: “Um… the seventh century was after the fall of the Roman Empire.”

    Teacher: “Oh. So I guess they had fire already, huh?”

    Me: “Yup.”


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