Left That Part Out Of Mein Kampf

| ON, Canada | History, Rude & Risque, Technology

(I’m sitting in History class and the teacher is writing a Canadian history timeline of the chalkboard beside me. He starts writing briefly about WWII. Student #1 sits behind me and Student #2 beside them while Student #3 sits across the room.)

Student #1: *not very quietly* “Didn’t Hitler have a sex doll?”

(I turn around in horror at what I thought I just heard.)

Me: “Did I just hear what i thought I heard?”

Student #2: “What?!”

(The teacher has stopped writing on the board.)

Teacher: “What’s the joke?”

Student #2: “Uh… You don’t want to know.”

Teacher: “No, no, tell me.”

Student #2: “He was just asking about Hitler and their… blowup companion.”

(The teacher looks like he’s having a migraine.)

Student #1: “I just wanted to know, didn’t Hitler have a sex doll?”

Me: *struggling to breathe*

(The whole class is listening at this point.)

Teacher: “We’re just going to end that topic of conversation and move on.” *continues to write on the board*

(A solid minute later:)

Student #1: *looking it up on his phone* “Yeah, it says right here he had a sex doll!”

Student #2: “No, nooo…” *starts grabbing [Student #1]’s phone away*

Me: *dying again*

Student #1: “I just heard about it and I wanted to know if it was true!”

Student #3: “Why are we still talking about this!”


Downside Up

| MI, USA | Exams/Tests, Extra Stupid, Language & Words

(I am the teacher. While reading directions to a lab, I also read the lame cartoon I had included on the lab sheet. When the class laughed/groaned, one of my students finally perked up:)

Student #1: “Wait, what?”

Me: “I just read the cartoon.”

Student #2: “But my paper’s in Spanish!”

Student #1: *reaching over and turning paper* “Your paper is just upside down.”

Student #2: “Oh.”


The Measure Of A Man

| New Zealand | Exams/Tests, Math & Science

(It is the end-of-year exams and I am currently sitting my maths exam.)

Question: “Jimmy wants to chop a tree in one. The tree is 6m high and is 48° from the ground. Will Jimmy be able to chop the tree?”

My Answer: “No, because Jimmy is a normal human being who doesn’t rely on measurements to chop trees.”

(Oddly enough, I got a pass.)


Sometimes School Is Just A Lot Of Noise

| USA | Bad Behavior, Movies & TV, Teachers

(We are watching a video in class when a student walks in.)

Student: “Excuse me, [Teacher #2] wants you to lower the volume.”

My Teacher: “Okay, no problem.”

(After the student leaves the teacher raises the volume and laughs. The next day, we are finishing the video when we hear loud noise coming from Teacher #2’s classroom.)

My Teacher: “Okay, then…”

(She raises our volume, which leads Teacher #2 to raise the volume of her video. The rest of the class was basically a noise war.)


Going To New Lengths To Prove Her Point

| Lancaster, PA, USA | Awesome, Math & Science, Teachers

(This happens in first grade math class.)

Teacher: *holds up a ruler* “Do you know what this is?”

Student #1: *raises hand* “A ruler!”

Teacher: “Good! Who knows what it’s for?”

Student #2: *raises hand* “Measuring things.”

Teacher: “Measuring things? Okay.” *holds ruler out in front of her and looks at it* “I weigh ten pounds!”

Class: *confused looks on our faces*

Teacher: “What? That’s measuring!”

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