Hogwarts Kitchen Staff

, | Tacoma, WA, USA | Food & Drink, Students, Time

(As some of the cafeteria ‘stations’ close earlier than others, my coworker is starting to pack up the extra food for the night. As she is doing this, a student approaches her.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry, we’re closed.”

Student: *points at the food she’s packing away* “Food.”

Coworker: “Um…”

Student: “There’s still food.”

Coworker: “Closed. We’re still closed.”

(The student let out an exasperated sigh and walked away. What, did they think the food just magically vanished the instant that the station closed or something?)

When You Want To Get An ‘F’

| NY, USA | Language & Words, Math & Science

(We are learning about ANOVA (analysis of variance) in math class. Our teacher is very Russian.)

Professor: “Now, for many years, always some students forget how to score ANOVA. [Student], when you do ANOVA, you will check score on which distribution table?”

Student: “Uhh… Z-table?”

Professor: “No. Definitely not. See, there is excellent way to remember that one student taught me. He did not mean to teach me, I think, but now all my students know. ANOVA is scored on the ‘F’ distribution. So remember, when you see ANOVA, say to yourself what my student told me: ‘eff this!'”

(We didn’t forget.)

Karma Travels At Righteous Velocities

| CA, USA | Bully, Students

(I’m subbing in a seventh grade class. The kids have finished what they were assigned, and are getting a little noisy. I am watching the class finish up their assignment when I see something get thrown.)

Me: *to student I saw throw it* “Please pick that up.”

(The student gets up, and throws it away. A few minutes later, I see him throw something else.)

Me: “Please pick that up. And stop throwing things.”

(A few minutes later.)

Student: “Ouch! Something hit me! What was that?”

Me: “Karma.”

Evolution Skipped A Few People    

| UK | Math & Science

(Science Class:)

Student: “So, one morning fish just woke as monkeys?”

You Wood Not Believe Where He’s Been

| USA | Bad Behavior, Non-Dialogue

In first grade, I was extremely bored and hated going to school. My siblings and I were being watched by a neighbor for about 10 minutes after my parents left for work.

After my sister and brothers left for school, I would lag back, and then go home. I would spend the day in the woods.

My parents finally found out when they were told I missed 87 days!

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