The Bad Condition Of The Rules

| USA | Bizarre/Silly, Non-Dialogue

My high school job is shelving books in a library. It is a great job, good pay, wonderful coworkers, and flexible hours. They also have a relaxed dress code, which is basically the same as the local school system’s. That’s actually how they described it to newcomers: anything they can wear to school, they can wear to work at the library.

At another branch, the students started regularly wearing torn jeans to work. The main office saw this and thought it looked trashy, so they made a rule: no more jeans. Every other kind of pants were fine, even sweatpants, but no jeans.

So of course, now I can wear a pair of torn khakis with holes in the knees, according to the rules, but a nice, new pair of intact jeans are not allowed. I don’t think banning jeans in itself is a stupid and unreasonable move, but if they had a problem with the condition of them, it makes more sense to ban any pants in bad condition.

They’ve Saigon The Wrong Way

, | Brooklyn, NY, USA | Geography

(Two young boys have come into the library and pulled down a massive atlas. The librarian comes over to see what they’re doing.)

Librarian: “Aren’t these big maps lovely? Let’s see, what do we have here… What are you boys looking for?”

Student #1: “We’re gonna find the place where [Teacher] was born!”

Librarian: “Uh…okay. And, can you tell me, where was [Teacher] born?”

Students: *in unison* “Madison, Wisconsin!”

(Pause.)

Librarian: “This is a map of Vietnam.”

(Longer pause.)

Student #2: “So… we’re not going to find Madison, Wisconsin?”

Librarian: “Not on this map. You need–”

(Both boys started sobbing.)

An Undocumented Case Of Stupidity

| USA | Ignoring/Inattentive, Students, Technology

(I work the front desk at my university’s library. I often help students print from our large touch screen printer.)

Student: “Excuse me, can you help me print?”

Me: “Sure! Which computer are you printing from?”

Student: “One.”

(I walk him over to the printer and show him how to access the printing queue from computer one. There are roughly fifteen documents that pop up.)

Me: “Okay, which documents are yours?”

Student: “All of them!”

Me: “Okay.”

(I’ve never had a student print so many documents at once, but I figure it’s an end of semester project or something. I put in his print card, select all of the documents, and hit print.)

Student: *grabbing the pages being printed* “These aren’t mine!”

Me: “…”

Et Tu Genealogy?

| Provo, UT, USA | Family & Kids, History

(I work at a university library, in a section that deals specifically with religion books and with family history research. I’m also getting a history degree, so I get a lot of history-related questions. We have a large-format printer with which people print off pedigree charts, fan charts, and any other posters. The fan charts, which show about nine generations, especially are a popular service. One day I get this call.)

Me: “[Library]. How may I help you?

Caller: “Hi. Can you print fan charts that go as far back as Julius Caesar?”

Me: *thinking it’s a joke* “Sorry?”

Caller: “Yeah, I traced my genealogy back to Julius Caesar, and I want to show that on a fan chart.”

Me: “Um, no, I’m afraid the program can only portray nine generations. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Caller: *obviously disappointed* “No, that’s all right.”

(He hangs up. I relate all this to my coworker.)

Me: “I didn’t have the heart to tell him that Julius Caesar doesn’t have any known surviving descendants.”

Not Saved By The Bell

, | USA | Bad Behavior, Students, Time

(At my college library at closing time, we signal by pressing a bell at 15 minutes, 10 minutes, and then 5 minutes to close. There are always two people on closing shift: one person stays at the checkout counter to help people check out books and the other person walks around the floors, politely reminding everyone that it’s time to leave. One night, after I have rung the 15 minute and 10 minute warning bells, a girl storms up to the checkout counter.)

Girl: “Someone up there keeps ringing a bell. You need to make them stop. It’s very loud and I’m trying to study!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I did. That’s our closing warning bell. We’re closing for the night in 10 minutes. Please pack up your books to leave.”

Girl: “Humph! Well, you shouldn’t make it so loud. I have a test to study for!”

(Guess who made me and my shift-mate 10 minutes late to close that night while she packed up her books?)

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