| Kent, UK | Unfiltered

(I have a habit of taking something someone has said and replacing some of the words with “your mum”, just as a joke. Sometimes I don’t think through what it is I’m about to say and get myself into hot water. At this point in time my class is making posters in groups as it helps us absorb knowledge better.)

Student in another group: [Tutor] there isn’t enough room on this paper.

Me: there isn’t enough room on your mum!

*I freeze in horror as I realise what I’ve said*

Student next to me: [my name] oh my god that’s so rude! *starts laughing at my face*

Me: *spluttering* no- I didn’t mean- oh c**p *puts my head on the desk in shame*

(Thankfully the first student didn’t hear me, but I’ve since learned to think before I speak!)

Let’s Hope The Project Is A Tardis

| ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Homework

(I am in an advanced degree course, working on a project. My two classmates had worked hard on part one, so I assumed the same on part two. Then this happens:)

Me: “When should we work on this?”

Classmate #1: “I have work on Sunday and Monday, so it will have to be after that.”

Me: “It’s Thursday; how about tomorrow or Saturday?”

Classmate #2: “I have a midterm late Friday I need to study for and it’s late in the evening. I have work Saturday.”

Me: “How about Tuesday then?”

Both: “No, I have a midterm Tues/Wed.”

Me: “So do I, but we need to do this. How about just a few hours on Tuesday?”

Classmate #2: “Let’s meet up Thursday.”

Classmate #1: “That’s perfect; it’s after all our midterms. What time?”

Classmate #2: “1:30?”

Me: “You guys know this is due Wednesday, right?”

Classmate #1: “Yeah, but there’s no time. Let’s do it Thursday.”

Classmate #2: “Yeah, Thursday.”

(They never did see the problem with that.)

The Music Of Math

| UK | Math & Science, Money, Students

(A group of plumbers have come to take a technical course, which includes learning higher maths. I’m trying to teach it to them but they keep insisting they don’t need to know it. I decide to try making it relevant to their job by setting them a problem which involves assessing the cost of various plumbing jobs based on a list of costs I give them. Sadly, they take this as an opportunity to show off…)

Student #1: “No, I wouldn’t pay that much for piping. I’ve got a mate who’ll sell me it for half that price.”


Student #2: “I wouldn’t charge tax. I take cash in hand.”

Me: “That’s irrelevant right now. Just do the problem that’s been set.”

Student #3: “But you haven’t included music in the expenses.”

Me: “Music?”

Student #3: “For listening to while I work.”

Told His Stories In Passing

| USA | Health & Body, Teachers

(It’s the first day of class and the teacher, an old man, is telling us about himself. He has a jovial, carefree attitude.)

Teacher: “Yeah, I was in the war and I watched my buddies die, and I got shot multiple times myself, but I survived somehow. Made me realize how fleeting life is, you know? Anyway, since then, I’ve been skydiving and once my parachute didn’t open and I slammed into the ground. Broke nearly every bone in my body but survived. I guess I’m just one of those people that cheats death!”

(The students are listening with fascination, and the teacher goes on with the lesson. I don’t think anything of it, until the next day…)

Student: “Where’s the teacher? He’s late and we can’t get into the classroom.”

Me: *jokingly* “Maybe he finally kicked the bucket, haha.”

Student: “Yeah, right! If he can survive two wars and skydiving into the ground, he’ll live forever!”

(Sadly, another teacher came soon after and informed us that the old teacher had indeed suddenly passed away, at 89. I guess no one is immune after all!)

Biology 101, One On One

| LA, USA | Love/Romance, Math & Science, Students, Top

(I’m stretched out on my boyfriend’s bed, burrowed under the covers, and he’s sitting at his desk, adding the finishing touches to an English paper. His roommate pokes his head into the room.)

Roommate: “You’re not done with that essay yet? I thought you said it you were nearly finished.”

Boyfriend: *without looking away from the computer* “Yeah but [my name] came over and we had a biology lesson.”

Roommate: *confused* “I thought she wasn’t in college?”

Me: *giggle*

Roommate: “What? I thought you weren’t a student!”

Me: *laughing harder* “I’m not!”

Roommate: “Then why did you have a biology lesson with [boyfriend’s name]? I know you’re too old to be in high school!”

Boyfriend: *shakes his head* “Dude, you’re in college. If you don’t get what I’m trying to say, I can’t help you.”

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