Continuing Education Meets Continual Aging

| Louisville, KY, USA | Family & Kids, Students, Teachers, Top

(This story involves my aunt, who has gone back to college. She is 54 years old. It’s the first day of class and she’s arrived early as she is a very punctual person by nature. She is seated at a desk near the front of the classroom.)

Student #1: “Oh, hello! You must be Professor [teacher’s name].”

Aunt: “Nope. I’m a student, just like you.”

(At this point, Student #1 takes a seat. Four more students enter, one after another, and each also assumes my aunt is the teacher. She continues to explain that she isn’t, remaining pleasant but obviously becoming a touch annoyed as the assumptions continue. Finally, the actual teacher enters. The teacher sees my aunt, pauses, and then looks around.)

Teacher: “Hm, I could have sworn this was my classroom. Sorry to interrupt!” *smiles, waves at my aunt then leaves the room*

Aunt: *facepalm*

Mad Johnston, The Overruled

| Florida, USA | Bad Behavior, Math & Science, Students, Teachers

(My Chemistry 101 class has been underway for a few weeks and we are having our first exam. This class is held in an auditorium and seats around 300 students at a time. Our professor introduced himself at the beginning of the semester as “Mad Johnston, The Cruel.” The exam begins, when suddenly our professor begins playing loud, obnoxious music.)

Several Students: “Hey! What are you doing?!”

Professor: “You guys are always talking during my lectures! This is to pay you back!”

(Exams make up a large portion of our final grade, so everyone tries to continue on. At one point, some students stand up, shout at the professor and walk out of the exam hall. The rest of the students do their best amid the obnoxious music and turn their exams in. The next class after the exam, we are greeted by the Dean of Chemistry.)

Dean: “I would like to apologize for the most recent exam. Everyone who scored lower than 90 points will receive 90 points on the exam.”

Professor: “Yeah, every year I do one really stupid thing, and this was it for this year.”

Putting The Egg In V-egg-ie

, | GA, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Students, Top

(The dining hall where I work encourages vegetarian students to let staff know they’re vegetarian so that we can switch utensils when preparing food. I’m working the omelette bar.)

Me: “Hi. What can I get for you to—”

Student: “Change your utensils.”

Me: “Oh, are you a vegetarian?”

(I turn to grab the pan and spatula reserved for vegetarians.)

Student: “I’m not a vegetarian! I’m a vegan! Where are your vegan utensils?”

Me: “Uh, ma’am, this an omelette bar. We don’t have vegan utensils.”

Student: “WHAT!? Why don’t you have vegan utensils?”

Me: “Like I said, this is the omelette bar. Sometimes we’ll saute vegetables from the salad bar, but we don’t have any pans that haven’t touched eggs.”

Student: “That’s ridiculous! I want an omelette! How am I going to eat an omelette if you don’t have vegan utensils?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t even have egg substitute. We only use real eggs. I can’t make you a vegan omelette.”

Student: “Well what’s that?” *points at egg whites*

Me: “Those are the egg whites.”

Student: “Well those are vegan! Egg whites are vegan!”

Me: “No, they’re not. They’re still an animal product.”

Student: “Shut up! I’m a nutrition major! I know what vegan is! I demand to see your manager!”

(Suddenly, my co-worker, who is on break, walks by on his way to the drink machine.)

Me: “[Coworker’s name], can you get a manager over here?”

Co-Worker: “Sure. I’ll go find someone.” *walks off*

Student: “Stupid burger flipper! Make me a vegan omelette! I’m a nutrition major! I know vegan!”

(This rant continues in the same vein until my co-worker returns — without a manager.)

Co-Worker: “Sorry, [my name]. They’re in a meeting. You need me to stay, or can I finish my break?”

Me: “Uh, do you know how to make a vegan omelette?”

Co-Worker: *laughs* “Seriously, did someone just ask you for that?”

Student: “Yeah! I did! Tell her to make me a vegan omelette! I’m a nutrition major! I know that vegan means healthy!”

Co-Worker: *looks the girl up and down* “Look, that’s not possible. We don’t have any egg substitute. We only have eggs. Now you can let [my name] make you an omelette using the vegetarian utensils, or you can go to the salad bar. I’m going back to break. They don’t pay us enough to deal with this crap.”

Student: “Ugh! I can’t believe you’re being so rude. I’m never eating here again!”

Me: “Well if you’re not on the meal plan, maybe you can get a refund?”

Student: “I’m on the meal plan!”

Me: “You purchased the meal plan, but you’re never eating here again?”

Student: “Yeah!”

Me: “That would mean you’ll lose money, though, if you bought the meal plan and you never use it.”

Student: “Oh, just make me a f****** omelette. Egg whites, peppers, spinach, tomato, and extra cheese.”

Me: “Um, it’s not vegan cheese.”

Student: “F*** you. Just put cheese on it.”

He’s A Cultural Geicon

| USA | Math & Science, Movies & TV, Pets & Animals, Students

(We’re talking about food chains in biology class.)

Girl #1: “Wait, what’s a gecko?”

Girl #2: “You know the lizard from the Geico commercials?”

Girl #1: *annoyed* “No, that’s a Geico!”

Masters’ Degrees Of The Universe

| The Netherlands | Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, Old Comics, Students, Teachers, Technology, Top

(I have recently started a college program focusing on video game creation. Needless to say, most of the students and teachers are a little geeky. I’ve just made some drawings for a group project and need to scan them, but I am having issues getting the scanner to work.)

Me: “Excuse me, [name of teacher]. I can’t seem to get the scanner to work. Could you help me with that?”

Teacher: “Sure, let’s have a look.”

(We go back to the scanner and I put one of my drawings on the scanner bed.)

Teacher: “Now look, here’s what you do…”

(He proceeds to stand in front of the scanner, and dramatically raises his arms.)


(After a few moments of silence he calmly turns back to me while I’m left staring at him rather flabbergasted.)

Teacher: “And if that doesn’t work, you try this…”

(He then moves to the computer attached to the scanner, and shows me the menu option I’d overlooked. Within a minute, I had my scans. The man is still one of my favorite teachers.)