Not A Co-Ed Bed

, | USA | Dorms, Non-Dialogue

I attend a women’s college for my undergraduate degree, and understood before moving in that there are some pretty simple rules in place for the dorms concerning guests (i.e. boys). Unfortunately, there are many freshmen students who have trouble either understanding or following the rules. I don’t mind them, but apparently some girls thought it is more important to sneak their boyfriends into the dorms instead of going three miles down the road to the co-ed state college.

Then came the night when the fire department showed up at 1:30 am, because a freshman girl tried to hide her boyfriend in her fold-up bed and he got stuck inside. They had to completely remove the bed from the wall to get him out!

Tearing Down Your Pig House

| Milton, WA, USA | Backhanded Compliments, Games, Students

(I am one of those girls who rarely has a good comeback on the spot, and I am easy to annoy. I am in science class, and we are in the middle of an experiment. I already finished my work and am now waiting for my partner to finish his. A couple of other guys are being annoying as h*** at the table over, and haven’t even looked at their work, much less done it. Note that Angry Birds, a game with an objective to fling birds at pigs via slingshot to score points, has been out for about a month at this time.)

Student #1: “Yo, we need to finish this up so [Teacher] doesn’t grade us down and give us detention again.”

Student #2: “We could have [My Name] do it for us. She’s smart and wouldn’t mind being around some hot guys like us.” *yeah, he actually said that*

Student #1: *looking in my direction, where I was staring off into space but aware of my surrounding* “Yo, [My Name]. Why don’t you come ‘ere and help us do this.”

Me: “Do it yourself. It’s not that hard.”

Student #1: “I bet you just suck at science if you’re saying no.”

(Annoyed now, I show him a hand gesture — both index and ring up, like a V, and the palm facing me. While it’s offensive in several countries, it looks like a number in the USA, and not offensive in school.)

Student #1: *laughs* “Wow, the number two. I’m so afraid.”

Me: “Actually, I want to flip you the bird, but it feels too much like Angry Birds.”

(I start packing things up after looking at the clock, not realizing the double meaning of what I just said. My partner, snickering, finishes up the work, and speaks up.)

Partner: “She just implied that you’re a pig, [Student #1].”

(The bell rang literally ten seconds later, and I’d already left the room, so Student #1 didn’t have enough time to say anything back.)

Toe-tally Gross

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Food & Drink, Teachers

(It’s the late 1980s and we’re in the sixth grade. In our social studies class, we’re learning about cost of living.)

Teacher: “How much does a pound of cheese cost at the store where your family buys groceries?”

(None of us actually knows, so one student takes a guess.)

Classmate: “A dollar?”

Teacher: “What kind of cheese is that, toe cheese?!”

Uh… Uhm… Title

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Language & Words, Lazy/Unhelpful, Students, Technology

(This story takes place in the class “Programming I”, where we are learning how to code in the programming language known as C#. I am typing away at my work, when I hear a faint “uhm” come from a fellow student seated beside me. I turn over, and see them looking my way, pointing at their screen. For clarification, this person is very clear and fluent in English… when not focused on work.)

Student #1: “Could you… uh… check… code…?”

Me: “Sure. What’s wrong?”

(Leaning over, I start to analyze their code. I don’t see anything wrong, and no errors pop up when they run the program.)

Me: “What is the problem?”

Student #1: *waving their hand around aimlessly in front the screen* “Code. The uh… you… the… euh… ehh.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Student #1: *pointing at the now running program* “Just… eugh… ehhelp…”

(Confused, I test the program a few times, eventually realizing that the two possible results are mixed up. Note, this can be VERY EASILY SOLVED by changing a single character.)

Me: “Oh, the results are switched around! You just have to switch them out for one another, or change the ‘greater than’ symbol with the ‘lesser than’ symbol!”

Student #1: *continuing to wave hands about and point at the screen in arbitrary place* “Huuuh? But… no… the… hu… eeh… euhh… mmmmh…”

Me: “Everything else is fine. I can’t help you if I don’t know what the problem is!”

(After trying to reword what I mean several times, they eventually go silent and flat out ignore me. After getting back to my work, they call over Student #2, and speak in the same slurred way.)

Student #2: “What’s the problem?”

Student #1: “Could you…” *points at screen* “…the…”

(Student #2 then goes through every single line Student #1 made, mumbling to himself about what each piece of code does. Student #1 sits back and blankly stares as Student #2 works it out.)

Student #2: “You just need to switch the two around.” *turns around and walks away*

Student #1: “Okay, good. Thank you! That helps.”

(Screaming internally, I continued to work on my own programs. For the rest of class, Student #1 just stared at the screen, didn’t actually change anything, and eventually procrastinated on their phone.)

Sadly This Wins Debates (And Presidencies)

| NC, USA | Politics, Students

(We’re working on an assignment in English class where you stand if you agree with a statement and stay sitting if you don’t. We get to a statement where the only person who stands is a bit of a jokester. He makes his argument jokingly.)

Jokester: “…and if all else fails just say wrong a lot.”

Teacher: *weary sigh* “Okay, anyone want to share their answers as to why they don’t agree?”

(Other students share their answers with the jokester saying “wrong!” every few words. It finally gets to me.)

Jokester: “Wrong!”

Me: “Rude!”

Teacher: “[Jokester], one more time and you’re out!”

Jokester: “Fine! Alternative facts!”

Class: *laughs*

Jokester: *screams* “WRONG!”

Teacher: “Outside, we’re going to have a chat!”

(The jokester goes outside and as he walks out he door we catch a glimpse of one of our classmates skipping and crack up. Eventually the teacher gives up and laughs, too. The whole ordeal was so funny that it really made my day.)