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Flapping Around For The Answer

| SK, Canada | History, Language & Words

(Everyone in my grade six class is doing a report about a different First Nations group.)

Classmate: “…and they wore…” *thinks for a moment* “…y’know, buttflaps!”

Teacher: “[Classmate]!”

(He’d forgotten the word ‘loincloth’. He wasn’t wrong!)

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Waiver Goodbye To The Fee

| CT, USA | Money, Staff

(I have been unemployed for a year and have just started working again and want to go back to school. As a veteran, I have access to the G.I. Bill so I know I would have tuition assistance, but don’t have any disposable income yet. The university has a $50 application fee and I don’t have that available so I call the school about a waiver.)

Me: “Hi, I was wondering who I need to ask about the application fee waiver.”

Secretary: “The fee is only $50.”

Me: “I know, but I can’t afford that. Who should I talk to?”

Secretary: “Just pay it. It’s not that much.”

(I am starting to get angry and frustrated at her rudeness, but figure she is just tired or busy.)

Me: “I don’t have the money. Can you just tell me who I need to talk to?”

Secretary: “Well, if you can’t afford to pay for the application fee how do you expect to pay the tuition?”

(I am so shocked at this that I can’t even tell her how terrible that is to say.)

Me: “I’m a veteran, and I have financial aid, but that doesn’t cover the application fee.”

Secretary: “Fine. I’ll transfer you.”

(I couldn’t believe that an employee of a state university would say that! The whole reason I was going to college was to better my position so I could afford these things! And yes, I got the waiver and was accepted to the school.)

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A Note-Worthy Incident

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Staff

Substitute Teacher: “Good morning, class! I’m Miss [Substitute Teacher], and this is my first day teaching a class!”

(Cue seven-year-old kids acting up for a couple hours. My friend finds a washer under his desk and puts it on his finger, and finds that he can’t take it off. He approaches the teacher, who also can’t take it off.)

Substitute Teacher: “You’ll need to go to the school nurse. Here’s a note.”

Note: “[Friend]’s finger needs to be amputated.”

(My friend reads the note. He doesn’t know what “amputated” means, but knows it can’t be good. He goes to the school nurse.)

Nurse: *reads note* “Oh, boy! We’re going to have to cut your finger off! First we’ll have to break it one way, then the other…”

(While my friend is practically fainting at the thought of going home missing a finger, the nurse has already soaped the washer off.)

Nurse: “Okay, who wrote this stupid note?”

Friend: “Miss [Substitute Teacher].”

Nurse: “That new lady that came in today? Go to the cafeteria and bring back a packet of taco sauce.”

(My friend does so. The nurse tapes his finger down, puts some gauze and taco sauce on the end, and sends him back to class with a note of her own:)

Note: “The deed has been done!”

(My friend goes back to class and shows the teacher the note and his hand. She turns pale, and takes off down the hall screaming.)

Friend: *chases after her, showing his (uninjured) finger* “It’s really okay, Miss [Substitute Teacher]! See?”

(The substitute kept going, and was never seen at that school again. I don’t know who took over the class for the rest of the day.)

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Hamlet From The Hood, Yo

| Books & Reading, Language & Words

(We’re getting ready to start Hamlet in English class.)

Teacher: “Before we start reading, I really want to emphasize paying attention to the punctuation. When I used to teach Romeo and Juliet, people would read the line ‘Bring me my sword. Ho!’ as ‘Bring me my sword, Ho.’”

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Will Have To Make It Up Later

| AR, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Family & Kids

(On Fridays, our band director usually allows free days for the music class. Today, however, he has invited a class of second graders over for the next twenty minutes or so. Let it be noted that I am female, and don’t usually wear makeup. Today, though, I chose to wear my ‘dark look.’ It’s just black makeup and my hair all to one side, since my resting facial expression allows me to pull this off. Of course, with second graders, they are awfully nosy. There is no exception with this particular girl.)

Second-Grade Girl: “Why are you wearing makeup?”

Me: “Why aren’t you?”

(There is a brief silence from the other girls in my class, until one with a better-than-thou attitude tries to butt in.)

Girl #1: “Oh, my God, [My Name], I can’t believe you said that to a little kid!”

(The band director pulled me aside and talked to me about it, but the expression on everybody’s face when I said that made it all worth it!)