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It’s Not Easy Getting A Diploma

| ON, Canada | Lazy/Unhelpful, Staff

(At my graduation ceremony I walk up to the front and am given the paper tube with my diploma in it, except that when I open it there is no diploma. Just a note saying ‘Please see the Registrar.’ I go to the Registrar’s office.)

Registrar: “You owe us $35.16. You need to pay this before we will give you your diploma.”

Me: “No, I don’t. I have paid up exactly.”

Registrar: “Go talk to the accounting department.”

Accounting Department: “We owe you $12.50.”

Me: “No, you don’t. I have paid up exactly.”

Accounting Department: “Go to [Name] building. Go to the basement and talk to the lady at the last desk on the left.”

Lady At The Last Desk On The Left: “We are even. Take this note to the Registrar and he will give you your diploma.”

(I go back to the Registrar’s building and ask to see him. On entering his office I give him the note. He swivels in his fancy chair at his fancy desk, rummages around in a cardboard box on the floor, and hands me my diploma.)

Me: “Thank you very much.”

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Photoflop

| New Zealand | Teachers, Technology

(I am allowed to use a computer to complete my art project through Photoshop. I have barely logged on when another teacher appears.)

Teacher: “What are you doing?”

Me: “Logging on.”

Teacher: “Well, it doesn’t look like it. Do you want a detention?”

Me: “No, I don’t want a detention; I want the program to load so I can use it.”

Teacher: “You weren’t even loading the program.”

(Then, without my prompt, the program opens and asks which file I want to load.)

Me: “The program was loading in the background, like most do on the school computers.”

Teacher: “I don’t like your smart attitude; you clearly opened it without me looking.”

Me: *inward sigh*

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The Teacher Has You Under The Microscope

| NC, USA | Teachers

(As my professor knows, I’ve taken higher-level college bio courses at another college but, for whatever reason, my new major requires this specific entry-level class to graduate. Today’s lab is just learning how the microscopes work, but I’ve gone on autopilot and set up my microscope already, as have a few others.)

Professor: *looking directly at me* “Some of you are speeding ahead of the rest of the class. You should know, I’m the Microscope Traffic Police, and if I catch you speeding again, I’ll write you a ticket.”

Class: *chuckles*

Me: *quietly adjusts my microscope back to defaults*

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Gives New Meaning To The Test Being ‘Hard’

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Exams/Tests, Rude & Risque, Students

(In my English class, marks for our midterms are posted on the wall of the classroom but to keep them confidential our teacher has let us pick nicknames to use on the list. You are not supposed to let anyone know what your nickname is and it’s only supposed to be used for the grade list. One day, not even close to midterms, my teacher is handing back tests.)

Teacher: “I don’t know who this test belongs to. Whoever did this test wrote Megapenis in the name space.”

(Class laughs.)

Student: “Oh, that’s mine. You told us to give you fake names for the test.”

Teacher: “You were supposed to make up a name to be used on the list of midterm grades which I will post on the wall next month. It’s supposed to be confidential. Stay here after class and tell me a different nickname.”

(The bell rang and he was the first one out the door. Later, when the midterm grades were posted I noticed he never changed his nickname. Surprisingly, “Megapenis” got the highest mark in the class.)

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A Lower Grade Of Behavior

| USA | Bad Behavior, Students

(My mom is a second grade teacher. My sister and I are in seventh grade. We are helping our mom in her classroom. It is important to note that grades pre-k through eighth are in the same school building.)

Sister: “I heard the math teacher complaining about her fifth grade class. Apparently they are really disruptive.”

(A few days later we are all at my mom’s classroom again when the math teacher walks through the door.)

Math Teacher: *to my mom* “I need your advice about my fifth grade students.”

(We all kind of stop and stare at her, because we are wondering why a fifth grade math teacher would be asking a second grade teacher for advice.)

Math Teacher: *noticing our confused looks* “Well, I figured that since they are acting like second graders, then I should treat them like one!”