This Year’s Books Include ‘Great Sexpectations.’

| PA, USA | Rude & Risque, Technology

(I work at the bookstore and that means we get to handle the textbooks, and students will come in asking for their books. We need their schedule since the books are organized by course. Our university offers an app that includes an easy mobile-friendly page with their schedule on it. All the student has to do is log in. It’s great, except that means students are often times handing us their phones so we can pull the books. No big deal, except we get the occasional call from Mom. That is not what happens this time. I have the student’s phone and am pulling the books when the phone buzzes with a sexting message: a rather graphic explanation of what the student’s girlfriend would like to have happen later. I pulled the books and gave the student back his phone.)

Me: “Your girlfriend says ‘hello.'”

Student: “Oh, s***.”

(Best day at the bookstore ever.)

Trying To Be The Ruler Of The Class

| USA | Bad Behavior, Students

(We are in a pre-calc class of all sophomores — it’s an accelerated math and science program. The teacher hands out rulers to the class so we can graph what we’re working on.)

Student #1: “Hey, [Student #2]! Pass us the rulers!”

Student #2: “Wait one second… there!”

(Student #2 shows that he has made the rulers into Wolverine claws.)

Student #3: *rubs the rulers together as if to make fire*

Teacher: “Sometimes I forget you all are sophomores… and then you do this.”

You Only Have ‘Each Other’ To Blame

| Townsend, MA, USA | Language & Words, Musical Mayhem, Rude & Risque

(In music class, the song we are working on has a line that only the tenors sing to completion, with everyone else cutting off just before the words “each other.” However simply out of habit the entire class sings the whole line. We have gone over this a few times already and keep getting it wrong.)

Teacher: “Look, I know you all want to do ‘each other’…”

(We immediately all started laughing. Looking back on it, he probably did it on purpose.)

Pixar’s Latest Project

| El Paso, TX, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests

(My mother works as a librarian at an elementary/middle school. She has a large amount of busy work to do lately, so I volunteer my free time to help her. I am working at the front desk next to my mother when I overhear this conversation with a student who looks about ten years old.)

Student: “Excuse me, do you have any Toy Story books?”

Mom:Toy Story? No, I’m sorry. I don’t have any Toy Story books.”

Student: “Are you sure? It seems strange that you wouldn’t.”

Mom: “I’m sure, honey. I don’t have books about that.”

Student: “It’s just that it’s supposed to be really important.”

(At this point, my mom gets up to help him look and find something else to read. I figure it’s just a kid more interested in cartoons than regular books, but then it occurs to me…)

Mom: *coming back* “Sorry we couldn’t find it. Something must have happened to my copy.” *Student leaves*

Me: “Wait, was he saying Tolstoy?”

Mom: “Yeah.”

Me: “Like, Leo Tolstoy? War and Peace Tolstoy?!

Mom: “Yep, apparently he’d been reading it on his phone during summer break and now wanted a physical copy for school.”

Me: *stunned*

Google ‘Greenland Shark’ And Be Amazed

| St. Pete, FL, USA | Math & Science, Pets & Animals

(This is with my kindergarten class in the morning, right after we’ve finished singing a song about the flag.)

Student #1: “Miss [Music Teacher]? Do sharks die?”

Student #2: “They don’t!”

Student #1: “Yes, they do!”

Me: “We’ll save that for science time.”

Student #2: “You’re a liar! Sharks don’t die!”