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Knowing Your Stations In Life

| Chiba, Japan | Language & Words, Popular

(I am teaching English as a second language to a group of very clever elementary school kids. I am teaching them about how to tell directions, and we’re going over landmarks one might use. I’m showing them flash cards.)

Me: “What’s this?” *holding up a picture of a police station*

Students: “Police!”

Me: “Good! Good! Close! It’s a Police Station. Police Station. Now… what’s this?” *holding up a picture of a fire station*

Students: “Fire… Fire… Fire station?”

Me: “Oh, very good! Yes! Fire station! Next!” *holding up a picture of a train station*

Students: “Train station!”

Me: “Excellent! And next?” *holding up a picture of a hospital*

Students: *excitedly* “Doctor station!”

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If The Name Fitz

| ID, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid

(I’m in a high school music appreciation class. A friend of mine in this class is a classic blonde both physically and mentally. She’s sweet and smart, but can be ditzy at times. We’re studying jazz and the teacher is just starting to introduce us to Ella Fitzgerald.)

Friend: “Ellafitz. That’s a funny name!”

(Most of us were too nice to laugh out loud, but it still makes me chuckle. I miss her.)

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A Different Kind Of Shaq Attack

| Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(We are in Spanish class and my substitute teacher is going around tossing a ball to students and telling them to describe a famous person.)

Teacher: *tossing it to Student #1 who sits next to me* “Shaquille O’neal es…?” *Shaquille O’neal is…?*

Student #1: “Shaquille O’neal es… Uh how do you say rich?”

Teacher: “Well, I know rica means rich as in tasty meat.” *goes to Google it*

Me: *quitely so no one else can hear* “Shaquille O’neal had tasty meat.”

Student #1: *turns to me* “You’re a bad person.”