Time For Timezones

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Language & Words

(We’re sitting in Japanese class, getting our results back for the first test of the year. For the speaking tests, our teacher will generally write what we said incorrectly on the feedback sheet. Most mistakes are grammatical errors and the like, until I look at my friend’s form.)

Me: “You said geography is a clock.”

Ugh, F****** Physics…

| Odense, Denmark | Math & Science

(In physics class the teacher is explaining a formula that is needed for the next assignment that we have to hand in. It is a long formula and most of the students are having trouble understanding it, therefore asking the teacher a lot of questions.)

Student: “[Teacher], I don’t really get it, I understood it until you started adding the measurements and started f****** it up.”

Teacher: “Well, if we go back to base, which is these three smaller formulas that we want to add together, and then we start to f*** it up…”

Just Your Lucking Luck

| NC, USA | Language & Words, Parents, Rude & Risque

(I always had the reputation of being very innocent and naive; this unfortunately means that my classmates often get a kick out of manipulating me. This particular story takes place in sixth grade. I’ve finished my work and am idly looking at the bulletin board behind me where I see something that confuses me.)

Me: “What’s ‘Luck you’ mean?”

Classmate: “Try putting a “F” at the beginning?”

Me: “F*** you?””

(The teacher hears me and storms over.)

Teacher: “[My Name], what did you just say?”

Me: “F*** you.”

(I then get dragged to the principal’s office and suspended for a week. My mom is not happy about this and goes to the school.)

Mom: “[My Name] didn’t mean any harm. She didn’t know what she was saying.”

Principal: “There’s no way a 12-year-old couldn’t know what that word means.”

Mom: *indignant* “Excuse me; my 12-year-old doesn’t know that word and I worked very hard to ensure that.”

(They eventually changed the punishment to a shorter suspension and an essay but refused to remove it completely. To add insult to injury, I later found out my classmate did it on purpose, instead of not realizing what she was getting me into like I had always believed, and got away with it because she was a local golden girl.)

That’s One Way Of Saying They’re Hot

| USA | Language & Words

(We are learning about the verb ‘ser’ in freshman Spanish class. We have an exercise on describing groups of people. One boy has to describe “Los chicos en la clase de Español (the boys in Spanish class).)

Boy: “¡Los chicos en mi clase de Español son fuegos!” *the boys in my Spanish class are fire!*

(Cue laughter from the class.)

Banana-Drama

| FL, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Physical

(I missed the beginning of the conversation, but Student #1 is talking about hitting Student #2.)

Me: “Let’s not talk about hitting anyone.”

Student #2: “Yeah, that’s assault.”

Student #1: “It’s not assault; it’s a promise.”

Me: “Wait, so you take ‘It’s not a threat; it’s a promise,’ which already doesn’t make sense, and turn it into something that makes even LESS sense?”

Student #1: “It doesn’t have to make sense as long as someone is getting hit with a banana!”

(I cracked up and wrote on the board, “Quote of the day: It doesn’t have to make sense as long as someone is getting hit with a banana.” I’m leaving it up there for the other classes wonder about the context.)