Strip Down A Rumor And You Get Pizza

| WA, USA | Bad Behavior, Liars/Scammers

(As a freshman in high school I find myself back in school with another girl I had had issues with a year previously, in middle school. I had left that middle school before eighth grade. Thinking the school was big enough that we wouldn’t cross paths much I didn’t think anything of it, being too busy with a new school and the sports I was in. This was until we crossed paths at one of my swim meets where her cheer leading squad had shown up to do a girl’s teams support thing.)

Teammate: “[My Name]! [My Name]! Some cheerleader is trying to start some rumors about you to the rest of the team.”

Me: *sighs and describes the girl*

Teammate: “Yeah, that’s her! How did you know? Do you have issues with her?”

Me: “Yeah, for a couple years now. She saying anything I should be worried about?”

Teammate: *begins to giggle* “That you strip down for both guys and girls of all ages.” *I swim on an all ages coed youth team in the summer in a competition bikini, in a desperate attempt to get a tan, so, basically underwear* “…and that you eat like a fat man…” *my ability to down an entire pizza after putting in a full day of school and 4+ hours of practice is well known and I have no shame about this*

Teammate: *begins laughing* …and that your nose and hair are fake!”

(I’d broken my nose two years previously and had to have it surgically rebuilt which had changed its shape, and my hair was short and dyed a terrifyingly unnatural shade of maroon at the time. Every last one of these facts is common knowledge to my teammates and friend.)

Me: “Okay. So, has she said anything that’s not completely true?”

Teammate: “Nope!”


Race Card Is Double-Sided

| GA, USA | Bad Behavior, Students

(A seventh grader, who is black, is sitting in the front office after being accused of stealing something that belonged to another student. He is waiting on his parents to come pick him up.)

Student: *muttering – verbatim* “This isn’t fair. I didn’t do nothing.” *louder* “Man, y’all are racist.”

School Safety Officer: *who is white* “Well, when your parents get here, explain what happened.”

Student: “Man, my parents aren’t gonna believe me anyway.”

School Safety Officer: “What, are they racist, too?”

(The kid stopped complaining.)


Reaching For The Best Teaching

| Bury, England, UK | Awesome, Teachers

(It’s the first day of a new year and we’re waiting in our classroom to meet our new form tutor, who we’ve been told is running late. Five minutes after the bell has gone, a young looking teacher walks into the classroom with a furious look on his face. His eyes stop on me.)

Teacher: “[My Name]?”

Me: “Yes?”

Teacher: *points out the door into the hallway* “Now.”

(He turns around and strides out into the corridor. I follow him out wondering what I’ve done wrong to make him so angry as I’ve never been in trouble before. He closes the door behind me, then turns to look at me, all traces of anger completely gone.)

Teacher: “Sorry about the scowl; I need to build a rep. I’ve heard you’re the star pupil of my class.”

Me: “Um… I guess…”

Teacher: *now grinning widely* “And humble, too. I like it. Listen, [Teacher #2] came up to me earlier complaining about you getting in his way by using the crossing before school, and asked me to talk to you about road safety. You must have had right of way seeing as it’s a zebra crossing, but if anyone asks I was really strict and scary while telling you off, okay?”

Me: “I… uh… okay?”

Teacher: “Perfect. I’m sure we’re going to get along famously.”

(With that, the scowl came back and he walked back into the classroom. I followed him back in looking confused and worried as he started talking to the class.)

Teacher: “Right, I’ve been told you’re the worst class in the school.” *we’re definitely not* “So rest assured I’m gonna whip you into shape. I don’t tolerate lateness, interruptions, fighting, excuses, or Crocs. You may refer to me as ‘Sir,’ ‘Mr [Teacher],’ or ‘My Liege.’ Are we clear?”

Class: “Yes, sir.”

Teacher: “Good. Now, the lesson plan I’ve been given for this introduction is really boring, but it’s also meant to take another hour and 50 minutes, so let’s go to the playground and do interesting things instead.”

(We spent the rest of the lesson standing in lines doing one minute interviews of each other, playing word games, sharing interesting stories from the summer with the class, and generally bonding as a class. Apparently the other classes had to fill in a worksheet about themselves and present it to everyone, which they didn’t have anywhere near as much fun doing.)


Any Day Is Lightened By Puns

| Elnora, IN, USA | Punny, Teachers

(One of the classroom lights does not come on.)

Teacher: “Everyone raise your hands!”

(All the students do so.)

Teacher: “That’s odd. I thought ‘Many hands make light work.’”


Not Warming Up To You

| IL, USA | Lazy/Unhelpful, Tutors

(Over the summer I am hired to be a nanny/tutor for a fourth grader. She is smart, but also very lazy, and often wants me to just give her the answer. One afternoon we are working on science, specifically talking about global warming. She has to come up with one reason that she thinks it might be hard to stop global warming. After about 10 minutes of getting nowhere, I decide to just walk her through it.)

Me: “So why might it be hard to stop global warming?”

Kid: “I dunno.”

Me: “Well, does everyone you know have a car?”

Kid: “Yes.”

Me: “Do cars contribute to global warming?”

Kid: “Yes.”

Me: “That’s right! Do all those people you know with cars want to stop using their cars?”

Kid: “No.”

Me: “Right, so why might it be hard to stop global warming?”

Kid: “The sun? I don’t know.”

(Needless to say after an entire summer of similar incidents I was about ready to tear my hair out in frustration.)