New Standing Orders

| FL, USA | Health & Body, Musical Mayhem, Popular

(I’m a sophomore in high school and a saxophone player in our marching band. One afternoon during class we are doing breathing exercises and I push myself a little too far. The next thing I remember is the band teacher’s face hovering over me and the room disturbingly quiet.)

Teacher: “[My Name]? Can you hear me?”

Me: *a little confused, as I’ve never passed out before* “Yes, sir…”

Teacher: “Good. Does your head hurt? Do you feel nauseous at all?”

Me: “No, sir, to both… What… um…”

Teacher: “You passed out. Don’t worry, happens to all of us at least once. Here, get her into a chair. You just stay put until you feel well enough to play, okay?”

Me: “All right. If you say so, sir.”

(For what I think is the next few minutes I sit in one of our uncomfortable blue plastic chairs as the teacher goes through the rest of breathing exercises and begins horn warm-up. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, everyone is at the finishing note of our show… And I’m still in the chair, with two of the bungee straps used to keep covers on the pit equipment wrapped over my legs and attached at the bottom of the chair, effectively keeping me in my seat.)

Me: *waits for the teacher to give the horns down gesture before raising my hand* “Sir? Why am I bungeed to my chair?”

Teacher: *awkwardly laughs* “You don’t remember?”

Me: “No…”

Teacher: “You kept trying to stand up. Whenever you stood up you just fell over again, so [Other Sax Player] suggested the bungees.”

Other Sax Player: “We tried telling you to stop but whenever you answered us you would just say ‘Cumberbun’ and keep trying to stand up.”

Me: “…Oh. Carry on, then.”


What Happens When You Get Too Much ‘D’

| USA | Awesome, Exams/Tests, Popular, Teachers

(I’m in my geography class doing a European region test. I have gone through ten questions, each with the answer D.)

“Q: What statement is true?

  1. A) You’re pretty sure you are being messed with now that every answer has been D.
  2. B) You’re freaking out right now trying to fix your answers.
  3. C) You’re really upset with [Teacher] right now.
  4. D) You’re hoping the answer to the next question isn’t D.”

Gone Way Past The Border Of Stupidity

| Winnipeg, MT, Canada | Extra Stupid, Geography

(I’m in ninth grade English class and we’re working on group projects about the Canadian governmental parties. My group of three has gone so far off topic that we’ve landed on citizenship and what happens if a baby is born on a plane flying over a foreign country.)

Group Member #1: “I was born on the border of Mongolia and Africa, but I’m Canadian. Explain that.”

Group Member #2: “What did you just say?”

Group Member #1: “What?”

Me: “Are you sure about that, [Group Member #1]. Are you sure?”

Group Member #2: *points at the map at the wall* “So you were born in Afghanistan?”

Group Member #1: “Uhm. I, uh, was kidding?”

(He hasn’t lived this down. It’s become a running joke in our class about him being from the Mongolia-Africa border.)