It Had To Be Asked:

| Lancaster, PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Religion, Students

(In history class, we’re learning about the Quakers. One student decides to ask this very important question.)

Student: “Did they, like, invent oatmeal?”

Still Taught You Something Thirty Years Later

| USA | Teachers

(When I hit high school, I coincidentally ended up with several of my mother’s old high school teachers, including her science teacher.)

Mother: “Oh, you got [Teacher]! He was one of the hardest teachers I ever had! I did this one project, and I worked so hard on it, but he gave me a ‘C.’ I was so angry with him. Good luck this year!”

(Instead of being difficult, this teacher frequently did movie days, showing us old sci-fi films from the ‘60s and ‘70s. One day, a student asks about the movie days.)

Student: “Mr. [Teacher], why do you always show us these old films?”

Teacher: *with joking gusto* “It’s the future!”

(Yeeeaahh, my mother had gotten Mr. Teacher fresh out of school when he was still in Hardest Teacher Ever mode, and I had gotten him 30-plus years later, when he was coasting until retirement. My mother was thoroughly annoyed about the unfairness of it all.)

Lacks The Computing Power To Understand

| USA | Teachers, Technology

(I am a graduate level student. I am a full-grown adult and so is everyone else in my class. I do not have a laptop or tablet, so I switch between taking notes on my latest model of [Smartphone] and paper and pencil. I often look up theorists or writers and bookmark them for later. My friend, in the same class, has an ancient laptop that is at least 7 or 8 years old but works fairly well. She also goes between a notebook and computer. My professor calls me in for a one-on-one meeting.)

Professor: “I find it very distracting and upsetting that you are on your phone so much during class. It’s a very small group and very noticeable.”

Me: “Oh! No, I have a smartphone, and I’m using it to look things up and make notes, sometimes order books or papers.”

Professor: “It’s very unprofessional to be texting.”

Me: “You do realize my smartphone is more advanced than [Other Student]’s computer, right?”

Professor: “She is not texting on her computer.”

Me: “Well, I’m not texting either, but you can send texts and messages from the computer to people’s phones. The only inherent difference between the two of us is that my system is smaller and more advanced with a touchscreen.”

Professor: “If you want to bring in a laptop, that’s fine, but I expect your phone to stay in your pocket during class.”

Me: “If you prefer us not to have electronics that’s fine, but you can’t single out my phone without including everyone else’s laptops and tablets.”

Professor: “Phones are not computers! This is very different!”

(I never did convince him that smartphones are computers, but he eventually stopped complaining about my phone after I made an effort to show him what I was doing on it.)

Deputy Heading For Trouble

| UK | Bad Behavior, Staff

(I am currently in sixth form and heading to a teacher’s classroom to pick up a project I’m working on. As I enter the building I cross paths with a teacher who taught me for five years straight, but recently was promoted to deputy headmistress. This teacher also interviewed me for my admittance into sixth form. During my time under her we didn’t really get on. She didn’t like anyone else having opinions other than hers and kicked me out frequently for either disagreeing or asking for clarity, so I already have little respect for her. In my school, sixth formers are the only students allowed to be out of uniform.)

Headmistress: “Where are you going?”

Me: “To Miss [Teacher]’s room.”

Headmistress: “Don’t you think you should be in class?”

Me: “No. I don’t have a lesson until this afternoon.”

Headmistress: “Do you realise you have just admitting to truancy to a deputy head?”

Me: “Sixth formers have study periods.”

Headmistress: “You’re a sixth former?”

Me: “You let me in…”

Headmistress: *squinting her eyes* “Where’s your timetable?”

(I take it out.)

Headmistress: “Where is your PRINTED timetable? The one you got at the beginning of the year.”

Me: “Sixth former. We don’t get them printed.”

Headmistress: “You’re far too young to be in sixth form. You barely look GCSE age.”

Me: “So I’m a fourteen year old with facial hair and out of uniform, and I have a timetable for lessons that you can’t even get a GCSE in?”

Headmistress: “Attitude!”

(She drags me by the arm to every group tutor in the GCSE years (10/11), and all verify that I am not in their group, their year, and am indeed a sixth former. She refuses to accept this and tries to take me to the reception. I sprain my ankle when she opens a door but lets it swing back at me making me lose my balance. I’m past done by this point. I rip myself out of her grip and head to my sixth form centre.)

Headmistress: “GET BACK HERE!”

Me: “Complain all you want, but I am DONE with you.”

Headmistress: *chasing after me as I limp* “I’ll have you excluded for this!”


(We make it to the sixth form centre but she bars me entry, along with everyone else trying to enter or leave. Our head comes out of her office.)

Head: “[Headmistress], what on earth are you doing?”

Headmistress: “Having this BOY expelled.”

Head: “Expelled? What for?”

Headmistress: “Truancy, attitude, assault.”

Me: “Assault! If anyone has been assaulted it’s me. My ankle’s already swelling.”

(The headmistress starts this crazed rant which includes me assaulting her because she broke a nail when I broke free, screaming and swearing at her, and lastly, skipping my English lesson.)

Head: “But, [My Name] doesn’t do English at A-Level.”

Me: “I don’t.”

(We end up going down to reception to have them verify my age. The headmistress acknowledged that I was in fact a SIXTH FORMER. I have my driving license on me, which helps, which I also wish I had shown earlier. The headmistress then waltzes away as if nothing is wrong, while I sit with an ice pack on my foot. My head speaks to me.)

Head: *shaking her head* “How ever did she last this long…”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Head: “Hazard a guess as to why she was promoted.”

(I shake my head.)

Head: “Because so many students complained about her that the only position she could fill was one where interaction with students was at a minimum, and that so happened to be the deputy head.”

(It was good to know I wasn’t the only one who hated her. She’s still there.)

Christmas Comes Earlier Every Year

| AZ, USA | Holidays, Homework, Time

(I teach high school math, and gave a major assignment to review a specific concept that is very important to students’ future success in high school math classes. Very few of the students have actually completed it, so I’m giving them another reminder.)

Me: “Don’t forget to be working on your Solving Equations Review and get it turned in to me as soon as possible.”

Student: “Wait, when is that due?”

Me: “It WAS due on October 31.”

Student: *gasp* “THAT’S CHRISTMAS!”