Toe To Toe Tic-Tac-Toe

| CA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Games

Teacher: “So, I see that many of you have your notebooks out but aren’t taking notes, but a few of you are. While not writing notes for some you may work, I know that [Student] probably should.”

Student: “Well, yeah, but when I take notes I become not engaged with the class because I get distracted playing tic-tac-toe with myself…”

Teacher: “Do you ever win?”

Student: “No…”


The Advertisers’ Job Here Is Done

| IN, USA | Extra Stupid, Students

(It’s tornado season. We have been on tornado lockdown since around 3:30. It’s now 5:15. We have gotten word that there have been funnel clouds sighted nearby. We are instructed to get the kids silent and back into cover position.)

Me: “[Student], turn around, put your head down, and get your hands over your head.”

Student: “Miss, I don’t want to crease my sneakers!”

Me: “Your shoes are not worth more than your life. Get your head down!”

Student: “Nuh-uh, these shoes were, like, $200.”


Here We Pokémon Go Again

| TX, USA | Games, Sports

(There is a Pokémon GO gym directly in front of my gym. Currently, it is my team’s color, and an attacking team levels it down.)

Me: *walks into school, trying to level gym back up*

Favorite Teacher: “Good morning!”

Me: “Good morning.” *taps furiously and is given an error*

Me: *looks at gym again, notices an empty slot for a Pokémon and turns back around, walking outside*

Favorite Teacher: “Aaand goodbye.”

Me: *puts Pokémon in gym, re-enters school*

Teacher: “Good morning, again!”

Me: *laughing* “Good morning.”

(I regret nothing.)


They Can Be Sick Of Teaching

| CA, USA | Health & Body

(I am working with one child while another sits at the same table and works on his own. These two happen to be related, and it is usually difficult to limit the banter between them enough to make them focus on their work. While the student I am working with explains an answer to me, I begin sneezing repeatedly. Everyone in the students’ family has been taking turns being sick over the last week.)

Student #1: “Are you sick?”

Me: “No, I just had to sneeze.”

Student #2: “You’re probably getting sick. We’ve all been sick, so it’s your turn.”

Student #1: “No, she won’t get sick; she’s a teacher. Teachers have to teach, so they don’t get sick.”

(Oh, if only…)


Looking For A Class To Get Twenty Winks

| AB, Canada | Lazy/Unhelpful, Students

(There are two class tracks you can go through: the 10/20/30 courses, which are a little more advanced and prep you for university, and the 13/23/33 courses, which focus more on practical aspects and prepare you for the real world. On the first day of English 20, the teacher explains what we can expect in the course, and one of the students jumps up out of his chair.)

Student: “Well, I’m out.” *starts heading toward the door*

Teacher: “Where are you going, [Student]?

Student: “The way you’re describing this course, I can tell right away it’s going to be too hard for me. I’m going down the hall to English 23. See ya!”

(The teacher goes pale. After the student has left.)

Teacher: “Gee, I’m not really trying to scare you off. Am I really making this course sound too difficult?”

(What always gets me was that student was hardcore into Army Cadets and a military way of life. He was always going on and on about challenging oneself, yet as soon as he was presented with an intellectual challenge, he turned and ran.)