That Would Be North Carolina, Then

| OH, USA | Backhanded Compliments

(There is a well-known class clown who has been causing trouble in this class ever since it has begun. The teacher has had to tell him to calm down on multiple occasions. There is often banter between the class clown and the teacher. This one, though, takes the cake.)

Teacher: “Where are you from, [Class Clown?]”

Class Clown: “South Carolina.”

Teacher: “No, I mean what planet?”


Demands No Disorder In Class

| Fort Polk, LA, USA | Bad Behavior, Teachers

(This takes place when I’m six-years-old in first grade. I have a learning disability called ADHD, or attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, which makes it next to impossible for me to pay attention or sit still for long periods of time without something for me to do. I have a teacher who has children with ADHD, so he can help me. But one day he’s not in; instead, a substitute teacher on this day is in.)

Me: *starts tapping foot*

Substitute: “[My Name]! Stop it!”

(I immediately stop, scared about what my parents would do if I got in trouble. I then start to play with my necklace.)

Substitute: “[My Name]! If you keep distracting the other students like that, I will keep you inside for recess!”

(Getting scared, I again stop, but am kept inside for recess when I accidentally move my desk trying to get up. For those that don’t know, keeping a child with ADHD inside from recess is a horrible idea, since it builds up unreleased energy. The substitute then asks for some of my classmates to pass out rubber ducks for science.)

Girl: *sitting next to me* “Hey, [My Name], can you pass out the rubber duckies for me. My feet hurt from running.”

Me: “Okay.” *runs up to grab some ducks*

Substitute: “[My Name], what are you, an idiot? I didn’t call you. Go stand in the corner.”

(I spent the rest of the day in the corner. When I got home crying. My mom was worried, until I told her what happened. She was absolutely livid, and called the school. I learned later that he was that way towards me because he believed children with ADHD were just undisciplined by their parents, so he tried to “discipline” the ADHD out of me.)


Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 2

| Portland, OR, USA | Games, Pokemon

(Every Tuesday at my school, our vice principal does morning announcements. One morning, this is one of the announcements.)

Vice Principal: “You can sign up for this year’s school play, ‘Eight Ways Pokémon Go Can Destroy Your Life,’ on the sheet on the purple drama board located in A hall.”

Here We Pokémon Go Again


Thought The iPod Had Been Bricked

, | Pembroke, NC, USA | Dorms

(It’s almost the end of my freshman year and I’m cleaning my room for inspection. My roommate had moved out last semester to live with a sorority sister and had taken all her stuff. Or so I thought. I’m sweeping and hit something under the second desk, it was a laptop lock still bolted to the desk. When I open the closet to sweep in there I find a brick and a camo hat.)

Me: “Why the h*** did she have a brick?”

(Finally as I’m mopping up I accidentally hit the spare dresser and hear a rattle inside. I open up the doors and find AN IPOD NANO!)



So Sweet You Get All Choked Up

| SC, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Books & Reading

(In English we have been discussing Frankenstein. We are doing a mock trial of the monster. A friend of mine is playing Henry Clerval, Victor Frankenstein’s friend who was killed by the monster. He is defending the monster.)

Defense: “What was the last thing you saw before you died?”

Clerval: *trying to defend the monster* “Umm, the monster, uh, lovingly strangling me.”