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Taking Grade A Drugs

| IN, USA | Language & Words

(Our health class recently took our quiz on the chapter over illegal drugs and their effects on the body. My grade is good, but not as good as I had expected. I ask the teacher if I can go over it with her.)

Me: “I just want to see what I did wrong. In all of my past health classes, I’ve always been really good at drugs!”

Teacher: *chuckling* “My goodness, I hope not!”

Me: “Yeah. That didn’t come out right.”

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Choosing Not To Go Down That Rabbit Hole

| AZ, USA | Books & Reading, Movies & TV

(In the middle of one of our English classes, we’re discussing ‘The Iliad.’ We’re analyzing if a certain character is a hero or not, even though he ended up giving up information to an enemy under distress. We’re not supposed to mention anything pop culture at our school.)

Kid #1: “Well, it makes sense that he would give up information. He’s a coward.”

Kid #2: “To be fair, this passage here describes the situation as ‘a rabbit being chased by rabid hounds.’”

Kid #1: “I guess that makes sense. Rabbits aren’t going to be able to do anything to hounds.”

Kid #2: *dryly* “A rabbit can’t really stand up to anything. Makes me wonder why he decided to be a soldier.”

Kid #3: “THAT IS NOT WHAT ZOOTOPIA TAUGHT US!”

(Everyone stares at Kid #3, who kind of wilts.)

Kid #3: *quieter* “Rabbits can do anything they put their minds to… That’s what Zootopia taught us.”

Teacher: “I’m just going to assume Zootopia is a novel you read last year for class, and we’re going to move on.”

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Copying It To The Letter

| USA | Musical Mayhem

(I’m a teacher and will often joke with my students in class. It’s the beginning of class and I go to answer a knock at my door while I am giving instructions to my students.)

Me: “Okay, guys, go ahead and jump onto the computers and into our program. Well, not literally into the computers, like Steve jumps into pictures on Blue’s Clues.”

(A few of the students respond and giggle as I open the door to a student dropping off a document. I turn around to walk it back to my desk and a student sees that it’s in an envelope.)

Student: *singing, just like the Blue’s Clues song* “We just got a letter!”

Me: *joining in* “We just got a letter!”

Rest Of Class: “We just got a letter! Wonder who it’s from?”

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You’re Just Adding To The Problem

| NS, Canada | Bad Behavior, Math & Science, Teachers

(Within the first couple months of my grade three year, I come down with a bad case of chickenpox, with strep throat on top of it. While my teacher sends out booklets for me to work on during the week-and-a-half or so I am out of school, I am still a bit behind. On my first day back, I find out that my class had started on multiplication. I’m not understanding anything that’s on my worksheet, so I go to the teacher.)

Me: “Miss, how do I do this?”

Teacher: “Oh, it’s just like addition.”

Me: “Then why is it different?”

Teacher: “Oh, you’ll figure it out.” *walks away*

(I went back to my desk and started work in my paper. I treated every question like it was addition, and of course got all of them wrong. It wasn’t until a class almost a week later that I got it better explained to me, and I was given a times table sheet that I was supposed to have gotten along with the booklets and should have had partially memorized by then. By then, the damage had already been done, and I’ve struggled with math since then.)

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Be Careful What Jew Say

| CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Students

(I work as an assistant for a university, basically doing anything and everything asked of me by students, staff, and faculty. We have a student copier. It’s a dollar to purchase a card and then you can put money on it. Most people don’t complain because printing is free to somewhat offset it. However, if they only need a couple pages, I’ve been told I can use our copier and do it for them but to judge it on a case by case basis. The only exception to this is textbooks. I am not allowed, under any circumstances, to make copies for students from textbooks. I can’t stop them from buying a copy card and doing it themselves, though. One night, I have a student come up to me and wave his textbook in my face.)

Student: “Hey, can you copy a few pages for me?”

Me: “I’m really sorry, but I’m not allowed to make copies of textbooks. You can purchase a copy card, though. It can be purchased for a dollar from the machine next to the copier in the student lounge. It’s a dollar for the actual card, and then ten cents per page.”

Student: “Are you kidding me?! Why can’t you just copy a couple pages for me. I don’t want to spend two bucks just to make some copies.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I’m not allowed to make copies from textbooks. I could get in a lot of trouble.”

Student: “Why are you being such a Jew?”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?!”

Student: “A Jew! You’re like those fat cats down in La Jolla. They’ve got a fountain!”

Me: “Sir, you really shouldn’t talk that. It’s incredibly rude and offensive.”

Student: “Screw you. This is America and I’ve got free speech. I can say it all I want.”

(He proceeds to stomp off, leaving me annoyed at his rude behavior. He returns a couple nights later.)

Student: “You done being Jewish yet?”

Me: “Sir, I will not now or EVER make you copies. You will need to purchase the card or go buy your own copier. Good night.”

(I wish I could have done more but by that time of night, there’s only me and a frail old security guard on staff to handle the students and faculty and we can’t force them to give us their names or student IDs. At least I never saw him at our location after the month ended.)