Which Came First, The Milk Or The Egg?

| CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(At school, I am taking an advanced cooking and catering class, and we need to write grocery orders for our teacher on what ingredients we need. We are sorting the ingredients based on what section you might find in the grocery store, and one of my group members is VERY confused. Our conversation goes a little something like this.)

Classmate: “So, mayonnaise is a dairy product, right?”

Me: “No, it’s a condiment. Besides, it’s made from eggs.”

Classmate: “But eggs are dairy!”

Me: “Eggs are not dairy.”

Classmate: “But they’re found in the dairy section!”

Me: *opens lunchbox, takes out coconut milk-based vegan yogurt* “So’s this, but that doesn’t make it dairy. I’ll even Google it for you.” *Googles “Are eggs dairy” and pulls it up to show classmate, obviously saying that eggs are NOT dairy* “You realize dairy means milk products, right?”

Classmate: “Yeah.”

Me: “Eggs are not made from milk.”

Classmate: “But they’re made from milk-producing animals, so they’re classified as dairy.” *he is talking to me in a tone as though I am really stupid*

Me: “You realize you basically just said that cows lay eggs, right?”

Classmate: *says nothing, writes “mayonnaise” in the dairy section anyway*

(We are basically yelling this conversation, but nobody else in the classroom is paying attention. We continue shouting at each other about eggs for a few more minutes, the other members of our group looking very confused. I walk over to my teacher:)

Me: “I’ve been trying to teach [Classmate] that eggs aren’t dairy, but he still thinks that mayonnaise is a dairy product. Maybe you can help him?”

Teacher: “It doesn’t even matter! Mayonnaise is a condiment!”

Me: “That’s what I said!”

Another Classmate: *yelling* “But eggs ARE dairy!”

(You know, I’d think high-schoolers in an advanced-level cooking class would know this stuff.)

Roy G Biv Is Disappointed In You

| Singapore | Extra Stupid, Students

(Our task during our pastoral lesson is to draw/write on a blank sheet of paper what equality means to us, meaning the different types of equality, e.g. gender, religion, etc.)

Friend #1: “I’m going to do the LGBT pride flag. What are the colours?”

Me: “Oh, just basically a rainbow.”

Friend #1: *hesitates* “Oh, so like, red…orange…?”

Me: “Yeah, the colours of the rainbow.” *pause* “You don’t know them?”

Friend #1: “Red, orange, right? Yellow, and I think… um… green?

Me: “Wait, you really don’t know?”

(I look at my other friend, but even she seems uncertain.)

Friend #2: “Red, orange, yellow… green… blue? Blue, I think.”

Me: *completely confused* “Oh… even you? Seriously? [Friend #3], you know right?”

Friend #3: “…”

Me: “…”

Friend #3: “Uh, red…?”

Friend #1: *laughs* “She’s worse than me!”

Eight Centimeters Of Cheating

| Brooklyn Park, MN, USA | Cheaters, Exams/Tests

(In my biology class, we have a lab exam with a section that requires us to get up and walk around to different stations in the lab. Our professor warns us against taking the opportunity to cheat, saying he’ll know and grade us a zero. On the following lecture, after he has handed back the exams:)

Professor: *while giving the correct answer to a question about the depth of field shown on a microscope* “On this question, two different people said it was eight centimeters.”

(He holds up his hands eight centimeters apart showing the distance is at least twice the width of the entire microscope.)

Professor: “There is no way more than one person could get it this wrong on their own.”

Going To Come Out Smelling Of Roses

| NY, USA | Awesome, Students

(I have PTSD, and one of my major triggers is the smell of certain perfumed body sprays. I write this in all of my class syllabuses, and make sure to tell all my students on the first day. Usually, it is not an issue at school. One semester, I am teaching an advanced class, and many of the students have taken me before, so I know them and they know me and my quirks. It’s the first day of class, and I start going over the syllabus. Suddenly, one of my returning students starts flapping her notebook in the air.)

Me: “What are you doing?”

Student #1: *gestures to girl sitting beside her* “She just sprayed some body spray! I’m trying to wave it out before it gets to you!”

(Several other students near her, all ones I’ve had before, start waving their papers and notebooks, too. The poor girl in question has never taken one of my classes, and looks terribly confused.)

Girl: “Um… am I in trouble?”

Me: “No, don’t worry. I’ll explain. Thank you, guys.”

(I went on with the syllabus, but I was really touched that those students didn’t hesitate about trying to keep me safe.)

Us Communists Gotta Stick Together!

| NC, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography

(I take a drama class when I am in eighth grade. One day we somehow get on the topic of Cuba. The teacher asks us if any of us know where Cuba is.)

Classmate: “Isn’t it somewhere in Russia?”

Teacher: “…”

Me: “Dude, it’s, like, ninety miles south of Florida!”

(How this dude got into eighth grade, I have no clue, especially considering that he was in the same Global Studies class as me.)