Congruent To Your Maturity

| Portland, OR, USA | Language & Words, Math & Science

(We’re learning about types of congruence in isosceles triangles in my geometry class, and this unfortunate type of congruence pops up.)

Teacher: “So this type of congruence would be Angle-Side-Side congruence, or ASS congruence.”

College Of Fools

| San Diego, CA, USA | Money, Students

(I work in student services, and a lot of my calls are to help students who can’t figure out how to log into the school’s system or find their transcripts. A few of my favorite comments recently:)

Student #1: “I tried all my passwords — Batman, SuperBatman, SuperCoolBatman — and nothing works!”

Student #2: “My first and last initials? You mean, like, the first and second letter of my first name?”

Student #3: “I tried to order my transcript from [Other College] and they want to charge me for it. Can’t you just call them and ask them for it so they’ll send it for free?”

Student #4: “I don’t see why I have to set up an account with you. I don’t want the email address, and if I can’t log in to the system to register for classes, then you’ll just have to do it for me and that will be your problem, not mine.”

Student #5: *after having an account go to collections* “Well, I ignored the bill because I wasn’t going to go back to your school. Now you won’t give me my transcript if I don’t pay? I need it right now, so I don’t think I should have to pay the bill since I’m still not coming back to your school.”

Wasn’t Calculating On That Outcome

| IL, USA | Math & Science, Teachers

(We are in an advanced math class in my junior year of high school. Our teacher is new, mainly hired on to coach volleyball. She doesn’t have a very good temper and while she’s good at math, she doesn’t teach it well. This is an advanced class of pre-calculus with analytical geometry. One of the smartest students in class likes to know as much as possible.)

Classmate: So what IS calculus?

Teacher: *annoyed* “What do you mean? It’s calculus. It’s an advanced type of math.”

Classmate: “Well, geometry deals with lines, shapes… that sort of thing. What do we do with calculus?”

Teacher: “It’s not that simple.”

Classmate #2: “Okay, so what would we use calculus for in real life?”

Teacher: *now angry* “I don’t know! Why does it matter? All you need to know is that you’re in this class and you’re learning pre-calculus.”

Classmate #3: *under breath to me* “…Seriously?”

Lego Up There

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Bizarre/Silly, Children

(I am covering for a sick teacher. I normally teach special-ed but she teaches grade one. As I’m sitting at my desk, a kid shuffles over to me.)

Kid: “Mrs. [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes?”

Kid: “I have a Lego stuck up my nose. Can you help me?”

Me: *startled* “Why did you put a Lego up your nose?”

Kid: “I wanted to see if it fit!”

(We’ve had problems at this school where parents freak out if we touch their kids so we aren’t allowed to even let them sit on our laps. Keep in mind, kids in grade one are six to seven years old, and they’re kind of touchy-feely so it’s quite a task. We can’t touch them but have to be careful to make sure they aren’t upset about it. I had to verbally guide the kid on how to get the Lego out of his nose. Luckily, he got it out before I had to call paramedics.)

“DoNut” Test Me

| AK, USA | Exams/Tests, Food & Drink, Homework

(In eighth grade, I had a science teacher I didn’t like. Gradually, over the first few months, she became one of my favorite teachers. There are quite a few students in the class who were not the brightest. Apparently, a deal was made between her and Student #1.)

Student #1: “Hey, [Teacher]! If I turn this in, then I’ll have a ‘B,’ and I’ll win!”

Teacher: “Yeah? But, remember: I’m the one pushing the button.”

Student #1: “That’s blackmail!”

Teacher: “No, it’s teacher privileges.”

(Everyone in the class, including me, tune into the conversation.)

Student #2: “Oooh, kill ’em!”

Teacher: “So, [Student #1] and I made a deal. If he gets a ‘B’ in my class, I’ll buy donuts for all of you.”

Student #2: “[Student #1]! We’re counting on you!”

Teacher: “Hey, let’s throw [Student #2] into the mix. If he gets a ‘C,’ everyone gets two donuts.”

(No more than five minutes later does this happen:)

Teacher: “Today, we’re studying for our test tomorrow.”

Student #2: *loudly* “Wait, we have a test?”

Student #1: *loudly, immediately after* “Wait, we had homework? What?”

Teacher: *looking directly at me, she laughs, and says* “Donuts…”

(We’re not quite sure we’re going to get donuts at all!)