They’ve Saigon The Wrong Way

, | Brooklyn, NY, USA | Geography

(Two young boys have come into the library and pulled down a massive atlas. The librarian comes over to see what they’re doing.)

Librarian: “Aren’t these big maps lovely? Let’s see, what do we have here… What are you boys looking for?”

Student #1: “We’re gonna find the place where [Teacher] was born!”

Librarian: “Uh…okay. And, can you tell me, where was [Teacher] born?”

Students: *in unison* “Madison, Wisconsin!”

(Pause.)

Librarian: “This is a map of Vietnam.”

(Longer pause.)

Student #2: “So… we’re not going to find Madison, Wisconsin?”

Librarian: “Not on this map. You need–”

(Both boys started sobbing.)

Wish You’d Caught This On Tape

| USA | Bizarre/Silly, Staff

(My teacher wants a couple students to hang some fliers around school, so we go to the library and ask to borrow the tape. The librarians don’t want to give us the tape in its big plastic dispenser because apparently it’s too valuable, so they attempt to take the tape out first…)

Librarians: “Almost got it!”

(We waited at the desk for ten minutes before they gave up.)

Not Going To Cheer That One On

| NY, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Rude & Risque

(We are learning about stereotypes for stories and how they impact our perspective on the story.)

Teacher: “What are some stereotypical ways you can describe a cheerleader.”

Me: “They are ditzy.”

Teacher: “Okay, they are ditzy dumb chicks. What else.”

Random Student: “THEY GET BANGED BY FOOTBALL PLAYERS!”

(Whole class goes silent.)

Teacher: “I will just the leave the class, if you don’t mind…”

Can’t Take It “Back”

| Washington, DC, USA | Bad Behavior, Language & Words, Teachers

(I’m a teacher. Last year my classroom was a staff development/teacher workroom. It is the second week of school and most of the staff have realized that meetings are now held elsewhere. Today there is a substitute in the building who had been a long-term sub at the school for the past two years. He wasn’t hired as a full-time teacher because he didn’t have his license and the majority of staff can’t stand him. There’s a meeting scheduled in the media center.)

Sub: *throws open the door to my classroom* “I’m back, b****es!”

(He quickly closed the door and hurried off, but the damage was done. I emailed my admin, but my school is known as a “rough” school and it’s hard to get substitutes, so they refused to take disciplinary action against him. My students’ new favorite phrase is “I’m back, b****es!” Thanks, dude.)

The Anatomy Of A Beep

| UK | Bad Behavior, Teachers

(Our chemistry teacher is fairly strict, but is well liked as he’s a good teacher with a good, dry sense of humour. Today we are in the computer room. These computers make an obnoxious beeping sound if the tab key is pressed too many times. Many of the pupils are deliberately making this noise.)

Student: *knowing what the noise is but feigning ignorance* “Sir, what’s that beeping noise?”

Teacher: “It is the sound of people with incredibly small penises.”

(The beeping immediately stopped.)