Category: Religion

Can’t See The Woodwork For The Trees

| USA | Religion

(I am attending a course that is talking about vocational rehabilitation, and getting jobs for people with disabilities. A list of transferable skills that carpenters have is on the screen.)

Teacher: “Now, you see, people who are carpenters have many transferable skills that work in many different fields—“

Student: *interrupting* “OH! So, like Jesus.”

The Teacher Is A Dinosaur

| Israel | History, Popular, Religion, Teachers

(I am in fourth grade, and studying at a (Jewish) religious school. I am also extremely obsessed with dinosaurs. The teacher has instituted a policy according to which on our birthdays, each student will present a topic of their choosing. I, naturally, choose dinosaurs. According to traditional Jewish belief, the world was created approximately 5700 years ago.)

Me: “Dinosaurs lived between 230 and 65 million years ago, in a time known as the—”

Teacher: “Look at that! They think the world actually existed more than five thousand years ago!”

(I was thoroughly embarrassed on many levels. I am so glad I transferred to a different school at the end of that very year.)

Your Belief Lacks Focus

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Art/Design, Movies & TV, Popular, Religion, Teachers

(This occurs while my eighth-grade class is visiting the Our Lady of Angels Cathedral in Los Angeles, California. In the sanctuary, there is a tapestry where if you look in the correct spot and un-focus your eyes, you (supposedly) are able to see the face of Jesus. Many of us, however, can not. It is also worth noting that I attend a Catholic middle school, and although my teacher and many of my classmates are Catholic, I am not.)

Me: *to Teacher* “Can you see it?”

Teacher: “If you kind of look towards the top in that dark spot, I think that’s the bridge of his nose.”

Me: “I probably can’t see it because I don’t… believe!”

Teacher: “It’s not the Polar Express.”

Jesus! I Won’t Ask, Then!

| ON, Canada | Popular, Religion, Students

(I teach acting classes for eight-twelve year olds. It is a tradition for my class to perform Jesus Christ Superstar in a local theater around Easter. I have just told my class this. I also have a few errands to run.)

Me: “Easter is coming in a few months and we usually perform Jesus Christ Superstar at [Theater]. Anyone who doesn’t want to take part in it for religious reasons must say so beforehand. Oh, that reminds me, [Boy with long hair], can you…”

Boy: “I DON’T WANT TO BE JESUS AND IF YOU MAKE ME, I’LL SHAVE MY HEAD!”

Me: “I was going to ask you to put these flyers up. Auditions will be next Friday.”

Boy: “Oh, Okay. I’ll put them up.”

(He did participate in the production but as an extra. I told him that he didn’t have to be in the play if he didn’t want to, but he insisted on it.)

Pew Pew Poltergeist

| Lancaster, PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Religion

(I went to a Catholic elementary school. In religion class one day, we’re learning about house blessing. This is a ritual some families do wherein a priest blesses their new home with holy water.)

Student: “So, how exactly does the priest do it? Does he like put the holy water in a squirt gun and spray the house?”