Category: Extra Stupid

I’m Allergic To Meg

| BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(In my high-school Home-Ec. class:)

Classmate: *completely serious* “If you take the nut out of nutmeg, can people who are allergic to nuts eat it?”

Which Came First, The Milk Or The Egg?

| CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(At school, I am taking an advanced cooking and catering class, and we need to write grocery orders for our teacher on what ingredients we need. We are sorting the ingredients based on what section you might find in the grocery store, and one of my group members is VERY confused. Our conversation goes a little something like this.)

Classmate: “So, mayonnaise is a dairy product, right?”

Me: “No, it’s a condiment. Besides, it’s made from eggs.”

Classmate: “But eggs are dairy!”

Me: “Eggs are not dairy.”

Classmate: “But they’re found in the dairy section!”

Me: *opens lunchbox, takes out coconut milk-based vegan yogurt* “So’s this, but that doesn’t make it dairy. I’ll even Google it for you.” *Googles “Are eggs dairy” and pulls it up to show classmate, obviously saying that eggs are NOT dairy* “You realize dairy means milk products, right?”

Classmate: “Yeah.”

Me: “Eggs are not made from milk.”

Classmate: “But they’re made from milk-producing animals, so they’re classified as dairy.” *he is talking to me in a tone as though I am really stupid*

Me: “You realize you basically just said that cows lay eggs, right?”

Classmate: *says nothing, writes “mayonnaise” in the dairy section anyway*

(We are basically yelling this conversation, but nobody else in the classroom is paying attention. We continue shouting at each other about eggs for a few more minutes, the other members of our group looking very confused. I walk over to my teacher:)

Me: “I’ve been trying to teach [Classmate] that eggs aren’t dairy, but he still thinks that mayonnaise is a dairy product. Maybe you can help him?”

Teacher: “It doesn’t even matter! Mayonnaise is a condiment!”

Me: “That’s what I said!”

Another Classmate: *yelling* “But eggs ARE dairy!”

(You know, I’d think high-schoolers in an advanced-level cooking class would know this stuff.)

Roy G Biv Is Disappointed In You

| Singapore | Extra Stupid, Students

(Our task during our pastoral lesson is to draw/write on a blank sheet of paper what equality means to us, meaning the different types of equality, e.g. gender, religion, etc.)

Friend #1: “I’m going to do the LGBT pride flag. What are the colours?”

Me: “Oh, just basically a rainbow.”

Friend #1: *hesitates* “Oh, so like, red…orange…?”

Me: “Yeah, the colours of the rainbow.” *pause* “You don’t know them?”

Friend #1: “Red, orange, right? Yellow, and I think… um… green?

Me: “Wait, you really don’t know?”

(I look at my other friend, but even she seems uncertain.)

Friend #2: “Red, orange, yellow… green… blue? Blue, I think.”

Me: *completely confused* “Oh… even you? Seriously? [Friend #3], you know right?”

Friend #3: “…”

Me: “…”

Friend #3: “Uh, red…?”

Friend #1: *laughs* “She’s worse than me!”

Us Communists Gotta Stick Together!

| NC, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography

(I take a drama class when I am in eighth grade. One day we somehow get on the topic of Cuba. The teacher asks us if any of us know where Cuba is.)

Classmate: “Isn’t it somewhere in Russia?”

Teacher: “…”

Me: “Dude, it’s, like, ninety miles south of Florida!”

(How this dude got into eighth grade, I have no clue, especially considering that he was in the same Global Studies class as me.)

Thumb Dumb

| Grand Rapids, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Students

(It’s biology class and we’re to the lesson on blood types. This is, of course, when we all get to stick a finger to draw blood and find out our blood types. Most of us handle this in the usual fashion: a few with some hesitation, a few are accustomed to the procedure and it’s no big deal to do it to ourselves. Of course, there’s the one person who just freaks out and spends the whole class period working up the nerve to cope with a little poke. But the real fun was the kid with little impulse control and that generally fails to listen to instructions.)

Kid: *after one poke* “It’s not working!”

(He pokes his finger tip again, quite deeply. Then a few more times in rapid succession.)

Other Kid: “Dude, you’re supposed to put some pressure at the base of your finger pad with your thumb.”

Kid: “Oh, yeah!” *presses thumb and suddenly his finger is gushing and dripping on the floor* “Whoah!”

(You can probably imagine how this is affecting “panic girl” and further delaying her getting the task done. Isn’t high school biology fun?)

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