Category: Bad Behavior

You Wood Not Believe Where He’s Been

| USA | Bad Behavior, Non-Dialogue

In first grade, I was extremely bored and hated going to school. My siblings and I were being watched by a neighbor for about 10 minutes after my parents left for work.

After my sister and brothers left for school, I would lag back, and then go home. I would spend the day in the woods.

My parents finally found out when they were told I missed 87 days!

Can’t Take It “Back”

| Washington, DC, USA | Bad Behavior, Language & Words, Teachers

(I’m a teacher. Last year my classroom was a staff development/teacher workroom. It is the second week of school and most of the staff have realized that meetings are now held elsewhere. Today there is a substitute in the building who had been a long-term sub at the school for the past two years. He wasn’t hired as a full-time teacher because he didn’t have his license and the majority of staff can’t stand him. There’s a meeting scheduled in the media center.)

Sub: *throws open the door to my classroom* “I’m back, b****es!”

(He quickly closed the door and hurried off, but the damage was done. I emailed my admin, but my school is known as a “rough” school and it’s hard to get substitutes, so they refused to take disciplinary action against him. My students’ new favorite phrase is “I’m back, b****es!” Thanks, dude.)

The Anatomy Of A Beep

| UK | Bad Behavior, Teachers

(Our chemistry teacher is fairly strict, but is well liked as he’s a good teacher with a good, dry sense of humour. Today we are in the computer room. These computers make an obnoxious beeping sound if the tab key is pressed too many times. Many of the pupils are deliberately making this noise.)

Student: *knowing what the noise is but feigning ignorance* “Sir, what’s that beeping noise?”

Teacher: “It is the sound of people with incredibly small penises.”

(The beeping immediately stopped.)

Trying To Be The Ruler Of The Class

| USA | Bad Behavior, Students

(We are in a pre-calc class of all sophomores — it’s an accelerated math and science program. The teacher hands out rulers to the class so we can graph what we’re working on.)

Student #1: “Hey, [Student #2]! Pass us the rulers!”

Student #2: “Wait one second… there!”

(Student #2 shows that he has made the rulers into Wolverine claws.)

Student #3: *rubs the rulers together as if to make fire*

Teacher: “Sometimes I forget you all are sophomores… and then you do this.”

Requires A Long Explanation

| Riverside, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Musical Mayhem, Teachers

(I am a student in one of the state’s most renowned bands. We are often late to our classes due to the fact that we have to help put away every instrument. All of my teachers are okay with it, except my math teacher, a strict woman in her mid-40s that seems to have an extreme prejudice against band students, and hates admitting that she’s wrong.)

Teacher: *sneering* “Well, if it isn’t [My Name]. I saw the football performance last night. I can’t believe that your trombones fell and caused over 13 people to fall.”

Me: “Ma’am, we didn’t have a football performance last night. Heck, football season is over! Also, that video is over three years old. And, they weren’t trombones; they were sousaphones.”

Teacher: *sputters* “Well, baseball season is right now! I know it was the trombones, because they were the long ones!”

Me: “Well, baseball season IS right now, but I have yet to see a marching band performance in a baseball game. Also, there about 17 different instruments that if you stretch them out, will become longer than the average human being.”

Teacher: *blushes red* “No! I saw a baseball marching band performance! There aren’t any instruments longer than the human body! The only long one is the long one, with the slide!”

Me: “You mean the TROMBONE? Also, the French horn, the really wacky one, is over 35 feet long.”

Teacher: *speechless*

(Thankfully, she resigned a year later.)

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