Category: Pets & Animals

At Least They’re Coming Out Of Their Shell

| Perth, WA, Australia | Pets & Animals, Students

(This is heard outside a classroom just before the first science class of term starts. This term we are doing biology, and these two girls are not the sharpest crayons in the box.)

Student #1: “So… are there, like, types of snails that don’t have shells?”

Student #2: “Aren’t they called slugs or something?”

Student #1: “No, I know about slugs, but like snails, actual snails, without shells.”

A Superior A**-Hole

, | Noblesville, IN, USA | Pets & Animals, Religion

Theology Teacher: “Okay! So we’ve established that humans have superior intellects and free will. The real question now is, what do we do with it? Any ideas, [Student]?”

Student: *clearly very lost* “Um, rub it in the other animals’ faces?”

Theology Teacher: “Well, it’s not suggested, but I suppose you could. ‘Ha Ha, I was made in the image and likeness of God and you weren’t! TAKE THAT, FIDO!’”

Google ‘Greenland Shark’ And Be Amazed

| St. Pete, FL, USA | Math & Science, Pets & Animals

(This is with my kindergarten class in the morning, right after we’ve finished singing a song about the flag.)

Student #1: “Miss [Music Teacher]? Do sharks die?”

Student #2: “They don’t!”

Student #1: “Yes, they do!”

Me: “We’ll save that for science time.”

Student #2: “You’re a liar! Sharks don’t die!”

Your Excuse Is Poop

| Germany | Excuses, Homework, Pets & Animals

(I’m pretty forgetful, so as it happens, I forgot to do my German homework. My teacher will hand out extra assignments or deduct points if it happened too often, so as pupils we tend to make up excuses.)

Me: “Uhm, sorry, I don’t have it… It fell from the table, and I guess my cat decided that the litter box was too far away, so he used my sheets instead.”

Teacher: “Well, I’m glad you didn’t bring any proof, but I’ll have to write you up anyway.”

(Well… It was worth a try!)

Bitten By A Genetically-Modified Radioactive Emu

| CO, USA | Movies & TV, Pets & Animals

(I talking with friends in my geology class. Two girls are discussing ‘Spider-Man 3’, which has recently come out.)

Girl: “I think Spider-Man comes off as totally emu in this one.”

Me: “Emo. I think you mean Emo. Spider-Man is not a large flightless bird.”

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