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    Just What The Médecin Ordered

    | Paris, France | Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, Students, Teachers, Theme Of The Month

    (My job is to teach the basics of English to six-year-old children who, at best, don’t care about what I say. I happen to be a huge fan of ‘Dr Who,’ and my pencil case is a Tardis replica. Since the show is not really famous in France, it is quite unusual that anyone ever notices it. One afternoon, though, a child who is usually quite unruly approaches me.)

    Child: “Your pencil case… It looks like something, but it’s something else…”

    Me: “What is it, then?

    Child: “The Doctor’s box!”

    (I almost gasp out of surprise, and then I regain composure and open my pencil case to show him my sonic screwdriver replica. I turn it on.)

    Child: “IT’S REAL!”

    (Let’s say we both made each other’s day.)

    Think They Can Read You Like A Book

    | Milford, MI, USA | Books & Reading

    (I’m in the third grade. I’m the quiet, bookish sort and I always have a book on me. While my classmates are still on picture books, I have long since picked up short chapter books. I have a brand new one to read for our silent reading time. Because it is new, I don’t want to keep it in my messy desk where it might get damaged. I keep it in my book bag for the morning and get it out on my way in from recess. We aren’t allowed to go to our bags at any other time during the school day. When silent reading is over I put the book at the corner of my desk, out of the way, and get my workbook out like I am supposed to.)

    Teacher: “[Name], please put your book in your desk.”

    Me: “I don’t want it to get damaged and my desk is messy. Can I go put it back in my bag?”

    Teacher: “No. Put it in your desk. This isn’t reading time.”

    Me: “I know it’s not. I just don’t want to damage my new book.”

    Teacher: “Put it in your desk right now or I’m taking it!”

    (I move a bunch of things to make a semi-safe spot for the book.)

    Teacher: “[Name]! This is not desk cleaning time, either!”

    Me: “I know. I’m just making room for the book.”

    Teacher: “If you don’t stop mouthing off and disobeying I’m calling your mother!”

    (Trying not to cry, I got back to work. When I go home that afternoon, I discovered that my teacher had called my mom and told her that I had been reading when I wasn’t supposed to and had repeatedly refused to stop and put my book away. Because my mom never believed a word I said over an adult’s, my new book was taken and I was forced to read from the class library (all picture books) for the remainder of the school year.)

    Head Isn’t Exactly Bursting With Ideas

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Holidays, Students

    (After college I move across the country to teach in a low-income school. It is almost winter break and the first time I’ll be able to go back home to visit family. During calendar time I decide to see if my students are aware of which holiday is coming up.)

    Me: *excitedly* “Who can tell me what is going to happen in just 17 days?”

    (I look around to see a lot of blank faces and shrugs. One student who has had extreme behavioral problems politely raises her hand and I eagerly call on her.)

    Student: “Uh… your head is going to explode?”

    The Learning Dead, Part 4

    | Omaha, NE, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre/Silly, Students

    (I’ve been having a very trying day with a third grader.)

    Student: “Miss, I just want you to know: when the zombies come I’m going to make sure you get eaten first.”

    The Learning Dead, Part 3
    The Learning Dead, Part 2
    The Learning Dead

    This Teacher Is Grating

    | FL, USA | Language & Words, Teachers

    (I’m five years old, and my usual kindergarten teacher is out. There’s a substitute in her place, who was left with instructions to have us write little stories. I’ve always been intelligent, and started reading at a very young age, so I’m a little rebellious when this sub comes over to review my work. She’s reading over my shoulder, and immediately points out a ‘mistake.’)

    Sub: *pointing at a word I’d just written* “That’s not a real word, young lady. You spelled it wrong.”

    Me: *reading the word* “No, I’m sure it’s spelled right.”

    Sub: “No, no! You see, ‘grateful’ is spelled ‘G-R-E-A-T-F-U-L’.”

    Me: “No, it’s not.”

    (At this point, I’m puzzled, and the sub suddenly becomes very forceful.)

    Sub: “It’s not spelled like that! ‘Grateful’ is spelled like ‘great!’ It’s spelled like great! G-R-E-A-T! ‘Great!'”

    (She goes on like this until I change the word to meet her expectations. I change it back as soon as she’s moved on to another student. I told my mother when I got home, and was very relieved the next day when my regular teacher was back.)

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