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    A De-Grading Test

    | CA, USA | Exams/Tests, Parents

    (In second grade I am given a reading test and score at a 6th grade level. In third grade, I was given the test again, and the school called my father in to discuss the results.)

    Teacher: “Mr. [Dad], we’re concerned about your daughter’s reading. She’s not improving.”

    Dad: “What do you mean not improving? Isn’t she testing above grade level?”

    Teacher: “She’s tested at the same level two years running.”

    Dad: “Yes, but she’s scoring well above her grade level. Out of curiosity, what’s the highest score you can get on that test?”

    (The teacher checks:)

    Teacher: “Sixth grade.”

    Dad: “…How, exactly, do you expect her to score higher than the test goes?”

    (They gave me a different test and I scored at an eighth grade reading level.)

    Temperamental About The Parental

    | Grand Rapids, MI, USA | Exams/Tests, Parents

    (I am in fourth grade. I have a terrible teacher who does many things that are uncalled for; the following is one of them. Every time we have a spelling test we are required to study with our parents or we have to stay in at recess with our heads down. It didn’t matter what grade we get on it.)

    Teacher: “[Student #1], did you study with your parents last night for the test?”

    Student #1: “Yup”

    Teacher: “[Student #2]?”

    Student #2: “No…”

    Teacher: “You’ll be in last recess. [My Name]?”

    Me: “No, but I got an ‘A’ on it!”

    Teacher: “Doesn’t matter, you’ll be in at last recess, too.”

    (My parents complained to the administrator, stating that it taught us all to lie. The teacher was actually fired for something else later that year.)

    Getting A Pronounced Punishment

    | TX, USA | Language & Words, Teachers

    (I am in third grade. My class is reading aloud from a book about Native Americans, a topic in which I am very interested.)

    Teacher: “The eye-RO-kwis, also known as the Six Nations…”

    Me: “[Teacher]?”

    Teacher: “Yes?”

    Me: “It’s pronounced Iroquois.”

    Teacher: “No, that’s not how it’s said.”

    Me: “Yes, [Teacher], it is.”

    Teacher: “No, I’m an adult and your teacher, which means you need to listen and learn what I’m saying. Now don’t interrupt.” *continues reading* “The name is French, and pronounced… oh.” *grudgingly* “Ir-oh-koi… Their name for themselves is… … [My Name],, how do you say this one?”

    Me: “Haudenosaunee.”

    (The teacher sent a note home about my ‘impertinence’. Fortunately, my parents knew better and I didn’t get in trouble.)

    All Talk And No Talking

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Teachers

    (In grade four, my teacher hates me. He leaves us in a line outside our class door to get some photocopies.)

    Class: *making a bunch of noise in the hallway*

    Me: “You guys should really quiet down. At this point all of the second floor will complain about us.”

    Class: *still making noise*

    (I say that they should be quiet many times. As a failed effort I sit down against the wall waiting for the teacher to come back. When he comes back he complains about us being noisy and gives us a lecture in class.)

    Teacher: “Do you little kids even KNOW how EMBARRASSING that was?! To you AND TO ME?! You guys are old enough to keep your mouths shut! I bet [My Name] was talking the most, too.”

    (I am about to my end’s wit. I am horribly mad so I get out of my seat.)

    Me: “I actually told everybody to stop talking or else this would happen! I only told them to be quiet! Other than that no words came out of my mouth!”

    Teacher: “Oh really? Raise your hand if you heard [My Name] talk?”

    (A classmate raises his hand. Keep in mind we are not friends.)

    Teacher: *shoots me a glare* “And what did [My Name] say?”

    Classmate: “[My Name] said that we shouldn’t talk or else we would get in trouble.”

    Me: *shoots glare back at teacher and smirks*

    (At this point he blushes and doesn’t know what to say.)

    Teacher: “J-just go back to your seat.”

    Monster Of All Music Themes

    | Fukushima, Japan | Language & Words, Movies & TV, Musical Mayhem, Teachers

    (I’m an American acting as an assistant English Teacher in Japan. Summer vacation is coming up and I’m eating lunch with one of my classes.)

    Homeroom Teacher: “What are you doing for summer vacation? Are you going to visit America?”

    Me: “Probably not. I plan to see a couple of movies though.”

    Student #1: “What?”

    Me: “Eiga o miru.” *see a movie*

    Student #1: “Nan eiga desu ka?”

    Me: “Kore wa eigo nan desu ka?” *what is that in English?*

    Student #1: “Uh…”

    Me: “What…”

    Student #2: “Oh! ‘What movie?'”

    Me:Guardians of the Galaxy, maybe… Definitely Gojira.”

    (Gojira is the proper Japanese pronunciation of Godzilla.)

    Homeroom Teacher: “Oh! Gojira?”

    Me: “Oh, yeah, definitely. I used to watch that all the time as a kid.”

    Homeroom Teacher: “Really?”

    Me: “Yep. When I was a kid there were a lot of ninja movies and Godzilla movies to watch every Saturday.”

    (I start humming the Godzilla attack theme from the original 1950’s movie.)

    Me: “That’s not right.”

    (Homeroom Teacher joins in.)

    Me: “Ah! Thanks!”

    Homeroom Teacher: “No problem.”

    (We spend the next two minutes or so humming the attack theme song from ‘Godzilla: King of the Monsters’ together.)

    Me: “Awesome.”

    (The students didn’t stop staring at us.)

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