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    Thanks, But No Spanks

    | GA, USA | Bad Behavior, Parents, Physical

    (I’m with my parents, visiting a school to help my parents decide whether they’re going to enroll me there. We’re talking to the principal about discipline.)

    Parent: “So, what kind of discipline do you use here?”

    Principal: “We give verbal warnings first, and then students are sent to my office, where they are spanked. Depending on the parent’s preference, I can spank them or a parent can be called to the school to spank them.”

    (My parents are dumbfounded. We don’t spank in my household.)

    Me: “Mr. [Principal], people aren’t for hitting!”

    Mom: “Yeah, we’re not enrolling her here.”

    In Space, No One Can Hear The Truth

    | USA | Awesome, Family & Kids, Math & Science, Students

    (My grandfather was a NASA astronaut. You probably don’t believe me, but I’m used to that. I am in the fourth grade. My teacher tells the class that our current subject in science will be space. The teacher pins a big piece of paper on the wall, opens up a marker, and asks the class to raise their hands and tell her what they know about outer space.)

    Student #1: “Mars is Red!”

    Student #2: “Stars are pretty!”

    Student #3: “I can see the moon at night!”

    Teacher: “Okay, [My Name], what do you know about outer space?”

    Me: “My grandpa was an astronaut!”

    (She looks at me, tilts her head, and rolls her eyes.)

    Teacher: “Okay. [My Name]’s grandpa was an astronaut.”

    (She sarcastically writes my addition on the piece of paper, looks back to me with a smug look, and moves on to other students. I didn’t know it at that time, but she didn’t believe me. But looking back on it, I don’t really blame her. Would you believe a fourth grader that said his grandpa was an astronaut? A few weeks later, the teacher across the hall comes to our class to chat with my teacher and notices that we are talking about space. She was my older brother’s fourth grade teacher two years earlier. When my brother was in fourth grade, Grandpa actually came to school to talk to his class and left them a book. Needless to say, the subject came up.)

    Other Teacher: “You know it’s kind of funny that you’re talking about space and you have ‘him’ in your class.”

    (My teacher is confused for a moment and asks why it is so funny. The other teacher then explains that my grandpa really was an astronaut, came to her class two years ago, and left an autographed book. She goes to her class to get the book to show it to her, and my teacher is stunned.)

    Teacher: “That’s amazing! Why didn’t you tell me that?”

    Me: “I did! Remember when I told you and you wrote it on the big piece of paper?”

    (I can still remember the look of shock and surprise as my teacher came to the realization that I was telling the truth.)

    Under Testing Circumstances

    | TX, USA | Exams/Tests

    (I am a fifth grader. My class is taking our end of year test, and I am the first one done.)

    Me: “Ma’am? I’m done.”

    Teacher: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Teacher: *after she has taken my test* “Now, [My Name], I want you to know that you will be receiving a detention for rushing on your test. There is no way that you took enough time to answer each question properly.”

    (I tried not to cry and failed. The teacher continued to ‘make a lesson out of me.’ I ended up getting a perfect score on the test, but I didn’t get an apology.)

    Taking A Vacation From Recess

    | CT, USA | Homework, Teachers

    (My family is planning to go to Disney World for our first family trip. I’m in the 4th grade, and we’re taking the trip in the fall to avoid the crowds, so I’m missing some school for it. This takes place just before we leave.)

    Teacher: “[My Name], you said you’re going to be taking a vacation, right?”

    Me: “Yep! We’re going to Disney World!”

    Teacher: “How fun! Well, I got together the work we’ll be doing when you’re gone, so you’ll have it for when you get back.”

    Me: “Oh, okay!”

    (I take the very thick packet of worksheets, not thinking much of it. Over the course of the vacation, I occasionally do a sheet or two, but it remains mostly untouched, as our vacation schedule is very busy. A week later, I’m back at school.)

    Teacher: “Welcome back, [My Name]! Did you have a nice trip?”

    Me: “It was the best!”

    Teacher: “Glad to hear it! Do you have your worksheets for me?”

    (I hand him the small pile of papers I’d had time to finish.)

    Teacher: “…This isn’t all of the work I gave you.”

    Me: “Well, no, but I was busy, and you didn’t say I had to have it all done.”

    Teacher: “This is completely unacceptable. You’ve been incredibly irresponsible.”

    Me: *getting upset* “But I was on vacation! You never told me it was all due when I got back, and even if you had I wouldn’t have had time to do it!”

    Teacher: “There’s no excuse for falling behind like this! You’ll have to stay in for recess until you finish all of this.”

    Me: “But… but I’ll just do it at home!”

    Teacher: “No, you have to learn your lesson.”

    (I cried, but the teacher wouldn’t budge. My parents were livid, but couldn’t get him or the principal to let me do my work at home. I spent two weeks worth of recess finishing the work he gave me – which only proved to me that there was no way I could have finished it all on my vacation!)

    A Shining Example Of Childcare

    | IL, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Family & Kids, Movies & TV

    (I am supervising outside time after school. I am playing tag with the students, and I notice one kindergartener waving his middle finger at me.)

    Me: “[Student]! What are you doing?”

    Student: “I’m calling you over! Come and catch me!”

    (I realize that he is trying to do the ‘come here’ gesture.)

    Me: “Try doing that with your pointer finger instead.”

    (He does, but he does it backwards so that his palm is facing forward.)

    Me: “Close. This is ‘come here.'” *I show him the right way* “You’re doing ‘Redrum! Redrum!'”

    Student: “What’s that?”

    Me: “Go play tag.”

    (He spends the rest of outside time running around with his finger screaming ‘Look guys! Redrum! Redrum!’)

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