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  • Time To Assay The Essay Situation, Part 4
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  • Not Quite Crystal Clear

    | Omaha, NE, USA | Language & Words, Students, Teachers

    (I’m a first grade teacher. One student has just written the sentence ‘I love math,’ on the board.)

    Teacher: “Okay, who can read this sentence?”

    Student: “I love… meth?”

    Teacher: “Math! You love math!”

    Not The Definitive Article

    | Dearborn, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Students

    (I teach second grade. I give my students magazines and ask them to find articles to write about. One student approaches me with his magazine.)

    Student: “I found an article! Right there!”

    Me: “Great! Do you like that article?”

    Student: “Um… yes?”

    Me: “If you aren’t sure about it, you can go look for another one that you like more.”

    (The student returns a minute later.)

    Student: “I found another article. The.”

    Me: “So do you like that article?”

    Student: “I don’t know! It’s just the. The, the, the.”

    Me: “Why are you saying ‘the’? Do you want to write about that article or not?”

    Student: “I don’t know how to write about ‘the’ ”

    (Then it hits me that a few days ago I had taught them about the articles in English; a, an, and the.)

    Me: “Not that kind of article!”

    Greater Than The Sum

    | IL, USA | Math & Science, Parents, Teachers

    (I’ve had severe difficulties with math my entire school career. In fifth grade, we were starting to learn long division, and everything my parents have done to help me has been to no avail. My mother finally goes in to talk to the teacher and beg her to get me a little extra help.)

    Mom: “She just needs a little extra help with her math.”

    Teacher: “We can’t help her. Her grades are too good.”

    (I was making straight A’s in every other subject, but was close to failing math.)

    Mom: “What do you think I should do, then? I’ve tried everything. You marked her answers wrong when I tried to show her an easier way to do the work, even though they were right.”

    Teacher: “That’s not how she’s supposed to do the work.”

    Mom: “She doesn’t understand the work! What do you want me to do?!”

    Teacher: “I don’t know. Send her to [Tutoring Institution].”

    (This tutoring institution is infamous for being outrageously expensive and for having tutors talk down to the students as though they’re toddlers, no matter how old they really are. My mother is absolutely enraged. The teacher must’ve noticed this, because she started backpedaling.)

    Teacher: “I know it’s expensive, but…”

    Mom: “Expensive isn’t the problem! You are her TEACHER! Teach her! She only needs a little extra help!”

    (My mom won that argument. The teacher’s aide stayed inside with me every day at recess to help me with my math homework. I passed math with a B+ that year because of her. I’m still not good with numbers, but I would have failed fifth grade math if it weren’t for this incident!)

    That’ll Teach You

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Students, Teachers

    (I’m a college student studying to be a teacher. I have a practicum assignment in a second-grade class at the local elementary school. Today is career day. I dress professionally for my practicum assignment, even though it’s not required.)

    Child: “[My Name], what are you dressed up as?”

    Me: “I’m dressed as a teacher. That’s what I want to be. That’s why I come to visit your class during the week.”

    Child: “Teaching is a career?”

    Me: “…”

    Rested Development

    | USA | Language & Words, Students

    (I am student teaching in a first grade class. My supervising teacher is reviewing vocabulary with the students.)

    Teacher: “The next word is ‘rested.’ Can anyone use ‘rested’ in a sentence?”

    Student: “He was arrested by the tree.”

    Teacher: *trying not to laugh* “Not exactly…”

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