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    Winter Can Give You A Good Licking

    | NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Students

    (Before Christmas break we show our students ‘A Christmas Story’ in an assembly. After we get back, it’s extremely cold outside and a teacher walks up to me, stifling laughter.)

    Teacher: “Err… [My Name]?”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Teacher: “I think you may need to call indoor recess for the rest of the week.”

    Me: “What’s happening?”

    Teacher: “Well… look out this window.”

    (I look outside and see at least four or five kids who’re stuck to the fences, tether-ball poles, and metal basketball hoops, while several more adults are walking out with water bottles. I realize exactly what had happened.)

    Me: “You know… it’s a good thing none of them got Red Rider B.B. guns for Christmas, or we’ll be dealing with shot-out-eyes.”

    (We had indoor recess for the rest of the week, as I announced to everyone NOT to lick flagpoles or metal, even if someone triple-dog dared them.)

    Adopting A New Teaching Style

    | FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Teachers

    (In fourth grade, I have an older teacher that is renowned for her strictness and lack of tact. We’re currently discussing the ‘abortion vs. adoption’ controversy in which she, being very conservative and religious, is pro-life and very intent on proving it.)

    Teacher: “I don’t know how this could be more obvious! People must live with the consequences! Look at [My Name], she was adopted and is perfectly fine!

    Me: *blinks confusedly*

    Rest Of The Class: *turns to stare at me, horrified*

    (And that was how I found out I was adopted. It had apparently been brought up in a parent/teacher meeting some weeks before, for reasons I still don’t know.)

    Yes We Quack!

    | SC, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Politics, Students

    (The first graders at the school where I volunteer are learning about the election process and voting. There are ‘campaign posters’ for their little mini-elections up and down the halls. Most of them say things like, “vote for [Student] because she is nice!” and ‘vote for [Student] because he makes right choices!’ Then I walked further down the hall and found this:)

    Poster: “VOTE FOR DUCK! VOTE FOR CHANGE! I AM A DUCK!”

    An Appointed Time To Be Disappointed

    | Omaha, NE, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Students

    (I’m a third grade teacher and have been working on getting over disappointment with this particular student.)

    Teacher: “Okay, buddy. I know this is upsetting, but are you going to let it ruin your day, or are you going to move on?”

    Student: “I’m going to let it ruin my next ten minutes!”

    Shell-Shocked

    | SA, Australia | Bizarre/Silly, Geology, Students

    (I’m a student teacher in a prep class. During morning play, a few of the children have picked up shells we’ve left out for discovery and held them to their ears.)

    Child #1: “I can hear the ocean!”

    Child #2: “I can hear a bathtub!”

    Child #3: “It sounds like a toilet flushing!”

    (The mentor teacher – who was walking past at the time – and I burst out laughing. I had to excuse myself as I was laughing so hard. Then just as I come back into the room…)

    Child #2: “It sounds like a monster’s breathing!”


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