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    Star Wars: A New Holiday Special

    | CA, USA | Geeks Rule, Holidays

    (I am an aide at an elementary school. This conversation happens with a couple of third graders. Spring break is drawing near. Note: It is a well-known fact that I have a pet rat.)

    Student #1: “Miss [My Name], what are you going to do for Easter?”

    Me: “Um… I don’t know. Watch TV?”

    (Student #1 looks horrified that I don’t have any real plans.)

    Student #1: “But it’s Easter! You should spend time with your rat.”

    Me: “Well, of course I will. He will likely be watching TV with me.”

    Student #1: “You should do something with him. Dress him up like… I don’t know, Darth Vader.”

    Student #2: “Darth Vader? No, you should dress him up as Yoda! Yoda is small.”

    Student #1: “And make him a light-saber.”

    Me: “Yes, because nothing says, ‘It’s Easter!’ quite like Star Wars.”

    Giving The Teacher The One-Finger Salute

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Bad Behavior, Rude & Risque, Students, Teachers

    (I’m in fifth grade and my regular teacher is out sick. We end up getting a substitute that turns out to be an obnoxious know-it-all.)

    Teacher: *holding up her hand with all fingers including her thumb extended* “How many fingers am I holding up?”

    Friend: “Five.”

    Teacher: “No, it’s four fingers.”

    Me: “But I think we all see five fingers being held up.”

    Teacher: “A thumb is not a finger. You guys must not be very smart.”

    (At this point we are all seriously pissed off.)

    Me: *holds up middle finger* “How many fingers am I holding up?”

    (I made a lot of friends that day.)

    This Pet Is Just A Whim Away A Whim Away…

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Students

    Student: “That’s a lion! It lives in the jungle.”

    Me: “Yes, that is a lion. But, they actually live on the savanna, grasslands.”

    Student: “No! Lions live in the jungle!”

    Me: “I promise, lions don’t actually live in the jungle. Trust me; this is a pet peeve of mine.”

    Student: “It’s not a pet. It lives in the jungle.”

    Me: “Is this really happening?”

    Mexican’t Believe It

    | San Fernando, CA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Health & Body, Teachers

    (I am in the fifth grade and have just moved from rural Indiana to the LA area. We are doing standardized tests and at the portion where they ask your ethnicity. My teacher is Hispanic.)

    Teacher: “[My Name] what are you doing? You can’t put that.”

    Me: “I can’t put what?”

    Teacher: “You put that you’re Hispanic. You can’t put that; you’re white.”

    Me: “No, I’m not. I’m Mexican. I’ve always put that I’m Hispanic.”

    (My father is Caucasian and I have an English last name, but my mother is Mexican born in Mexico along with the past dozen or so generations of her family. As such, I identify as Hispanic even though I pass for Caucasian. I explain this to my teacher. He doesn’t seem convinced.)

    Teacher: “Fine, but at least put white, too. You’re too white to be Mexican.”

    Oh, Brother…

    | Selma, AL, USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words, Parents

    (My five-year-old son has just started kindergarten. Because he was a preemie and is tiny for his age he is somewhat spoiled. The phone rings on his first day of class and I have been expecting a call related to him not sharing. This is the conversation with his teacher:)

    Me: “Hello?”

    Teacher: “May I speak to Mrs. [My Name]?”

    Me: “This is she.”

    Teacher: “Mrs. [My Name], you need to talk to your son!”

    Me: “About…?”

    Teacher: “His words!”

    Me: *thinking he said something rude* “Okay, what did he say?”

    Teacher: “He said SIBLING!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what did you say he said?”

    Teacher: “He said the word ‘sibling’ and he cannot POSSIBLY know what that means!”

    Me: “Why don’t you go ASK him if he knows what it means?”

    Teacher: “No! You need to talk to him!”

    Me: “No, I don’t think so. I think you need to go back to the classroom and ask my son what the word ‘sibling’ means.”

    Teacher: “Well, even if he does, the other kids don’t and it is rude!”

    Me: “If you think the word sibling is rude, perhaps you should re-evaluate your career options!”

    (For the record, my son not only knew what it meant, but a whole lot of other words that she found to be unacceptable in a five-year-old!)

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