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    Mom Knows How To Make A Meal Out Of It

    | RI, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Parents, Students

    (I’m stopping by the main college building, where most of the offices and administration are, at the beginning of the school year. At the information/help desk, a mother and her freshman son are bombarding the student employee at the desk with questions. I stand nearby to wait my turn.)

    Mother: “Okay, so how do I check how many dining hall meals my son has on his account?”

    Employee: “Whenever he goes to the dining hall and has his card swiped, he can ask for his meal plan balance.”

    Mother: “No. I want to know how I, MYSELF, can check on his balance.”

    Employee: “…um, I don’t think we have a service like that. Only the student can access that, so you can ask him.”

    Mother: “But how am I supposed to check if he’s eating enough?! I want to keep an eye on his meal plan balance to make sure he’s eating well and often! How do you expect him to do that on his own?!”

    Son: *standing there embarrassed and looking like a kicked puppy*

    (I gave him a sympathetic look, and then decided I was better off coming back later!)

    Inappropriate Gaymes

    | ON, Canada | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (My mom is a daycare teacher with kids aged two to five in one area of the centre. In another area there’s a before- and after-school program for kids aged six to twelve. They’re doing a games day, and are making signs for it. My mom goes to their room to talk to one of the teachers. A lot of the children had her as their teacher when they were little, so they know her.)

    Children: “Ms. [Mom], Ms. [Mom], come look at our signs!”

    (My mom looks at the painted banners, each with the name of a different game or event, e.g. Three Legged Race, Sack Race, etc. Everything is fine until she gets to the banner for the Capture the Flag game.)

    Mom: “Um… how did you make these signs, guys?”

    Children: “Well each person got to draw and colour in our letter.”

    Mom: *calls for the older kid’s teacher* “Did you proof-read these signs?”

    Other Teacher: “No. Why?”

    Mom: *points at the sign which should read CAPTURE THE FLAG, but is missing the letter ‘L.’*

    Other Teacher: “Oh, my gosh!”

    They Have A Badly Written Warning

    | ON, Canada | Art/Design, Teachers

    (My teacher is from Europe and has a very thick accent which can make him sound very scary.)

    Teacher: “If your writing is bad, I have a hard time reading it.”

    Students: *look at him questioningly*

    Teacher: “If it is really bad I have a hard time not burning it and sacrificing it at dawn.”

    Students: *laugh*

    Teacher: “For real.”

    Guilty Until Proven Innocent

    | Pittsford, NY, USA | Books & Reading, Exams/Tests, Parents, Teachers

    (I am in my ninth grade history class and we are given a writing assignment. I choose a subject I am very interested in, and am excited to do the paper because I normally get very poor grades due to confidence issues. This time I am confident about my ability. A couple days after I turn in my paper, my mother gets this phone call.)

    Teacher: “I think [My Name] plagiarized her paper.”

    Mom: “What?! She would never do that. What makes you think that?”

    Teacher: “Frankly, it’s too good. One of the best papers I’ve ever had in this class. I know she couldn’t have done it.”

    Mom: “She chose a subject she loves. Of course it’s good!”

    Teacher: “She simply doesn’t have the work ethic to do this good of a paper. She needs to bring in all of the books she cited for this paper to prove she didn’t plagiarize.”

    Mom: *furious but trying to stay calm* “Okay. If she brings them in what will her grade be?”

    Teacher: “An ‘A,’ of course.”

    Mom: “And if she doesn’t?”

    Teacher: “A ‘D.'”

    Mom: “I was with her when she went to the library for these. One of the books had a cover that was falling off, and I don’t think they will have it back in circulation. What if she can’t find it?”

    Teacher: “That’s not my problem. I have no proof that book even exists.”

    (My mom and I tried our valiant best to find another copy of that book, even looking in other libraries, to no avail. I ended up getting a “D” on “one of the best papers” to go through that class. For the record, I transferred schools and became a straight-A student and graduated a couple years ago with a double-major bachelor degree in the same amount of time as a single degree. Some teachers just need to show a little more faith in their students!)

    The Pun Just Came Naturally

    | FL, USA | Spouses & Partners, Teachers

    (I am a senior in an AP/IB Spanish Class with 40 kids. At times, the teacher tells stories about her life to give both us and herself a break from what is a difficult class. In this particular case she is telling us about how, before she decided to teach Spanish, she had intended to major in Biology. However, she had always had difficulty with chemistry and finally abandoned the major when she came to an incredibly difficult organic chemistry class with an especially difficult teacher.)

    Teacher: “So, that’s when I decided to change my major to education, and 20-or-so years later I’m here! But seriously, the best thing I got out of that class was an ex-husband, if that tells you anything.”

    Student: “So, wait, you met your first husband in that class? That’s so cute!”

    Teacher: “Actually, I had known him before then and we had a few classes together, but we had never really talked. I don’t know why, but—”

    Me: “So, what you’re saying is, that’s where the chemistry happened?”

    Teacher: “That’s enough stories for today.”

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