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    An Alarming Ability

    | MI, USA | Awesome, Teachers

    (I am taking a history class with a world-famous historian. Most of us have taken multiple classes with him and he has specifically asked us to take this class. We view him as a minor deity. One day during class the fire alarms go off.)

    Professor: “I guess we should evacuate.”

    (Twenty minutes later it is clear it was a glitch in the alarms, so we go back to class. Five minutes later the alarms go off again.)

    Professor: “STOP.”

    (The alarms immediately stop.)

    Professor: “I can do that.”

    Amar-gin Of Error

    | Liverpool, England, UK | Language & Words, Love/Romance, Students

    (The language classes have combined for European Language Day. We have been told to learn a phrase about our current scheme of work that hasn’t come up in class, then tell everyone what we learnt.)

    Student: “Quiero una novia, pero ella no debía estar [My Name].”

    Me: “Oi!”

    (I’m fuming, and the language teachers are practically dying of laughter.)

    Student: *confused, like the rest of the pupils* “Woah, woah, what’s wrong? I’m trying to be nice…”

    Me: “You’ve just said that you wanted a girlfriend, but it mustn’t be me!”

    Student: “Oh, s***!”

    (After he explained, while the class laughed at him, we agreed to try having a date. Being an above average linguist, needless to say, our date was a Spanish-tutoring session!)

    Swearing Like A White Anglo-Saxon Protestant

    | MI, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Pets & Animals, Religion

    (There is a wasp in the classroom. It has been flying around for several minutes and finally lights on the podium behind the oblivious professor.)

    Student: “Excuse me, sir, but there’s a wasp right behind you.”

    Professor: “What?” *whirls around* “Where?”

    (The wasp promptly takes off and lands on the projector screen.)

    Professor: *chuckling nervously* “Well, uh, I’m something of a pacifist, so… I’m going to see if I can get him to go outside.”

    (Despite the protests of many bloodthirsty students, myself included, he opens the window. He then proceeds with the lecture, gesturing forcefully at the projector screen as always, occasionally shaking it.)

    Professor: *jokingly* “Now, don’t you sting me!”

    (A few minutes later, the wasp flies again, this time to land on the professor’s shirt.)

    Student: “IT’S ON YOU!”

    Professor: “Wha— Oh!” *swats at the wasp frantically*

    (The wasp makes its way out the window at last.)

    Professor: “Wow. That was a little frightening! Good thing it didn’t sting me, though. Ya’ll would’ve heard quite a few choice words.”

    Breaking Bad Habits

    | Tucson, AZ, USA | Math & Science, Movies & TV, Teachers

    (My brother is a chemistry teacher at a public high school. Due to the popularity of ‘Breaking Bad’, he’s lost track of the number of times he’s had this conversation.)

    Student: “Hey, Mr. [Teacher], do you watch Breaking Bad?”

    Teacher: “Yes.”

    Student: “Do you know how to do that stuff?”

    Teacher: “Yes.”

    Student: “Can you teach me?”

    Teacher: “No.”

    (One day he gets tired of it, so he finds a new response.)

    Student: “Do you watch Breaking Bad?”

    Teacher: “Yes.”

    Student: “Could you do that?”

    Teacher: “Yeah, but I’d make ecstasy; the profit margin is higher.”

    The Wrong Time Warp

    | Exeter, England, UK | Bizarre/Silly, Musical Mayhem

    (I’m in a tutorial for one of my modules at university. I and the friend I’m sitting next to are known for being a bit goofy but not to the extent where we disrupt the class. Our tutor, however, usually ends up rather exasperated by our escapades. This time around he’s a little late to the classroom and we’ve occupied our time by singing the Time Warp from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. He enters:)


    Teacher: “What the h*** are you two doing?”

    Friend: “We’re doing the Time Warp!”

    Me: “There’s never a wrong time to do the Time Warp!”

    Teacher: “Yes, there is. There are many wrong times to do the Time Warp and this is one of them.”

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