• Monkey-like Behavior
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    Un-Adult-erated Access

    , | USA | Students, Technology

    (This classmate is actually one of the instructors for another class in the schoolhouse. Our computer class has become a prerequisite for his, so they have him audit the class, to see what material he can cut from his own teachings.)

    Classmate: “I can’t believe what my kids tried pulling!”

    Me: “What happened?”

    Classmate: “The older kid showed the younger kid where to find adult material online, and then how to delete the Internet history.”

    Me: “Wow. How’d you find out?”

    Classmate: “Well, the younger was silly enough to leave a printout in the printer. But even then, I would have STILL found out. Deleting the history doesn’t stop me from seeing where they go online. What’s sad is that … they KNOW I do this for a living yet they still thought they knew more about computers than the old man?”

    (When I got to the fleet to work with computers, I found out that he wasn’t lying. NOTHING stopped the admins from finding out where people went online, no matter how often someone tried to erase their history – or how much they lied to us about it!)

    Coping Without The Cabana

    | Richwood, WV, USA | Parents, Staff

    (My mother, a math teacher, has been moving furniture in her room to prepare for the end of school.)

    Mom: *to Principal* “I’m getting sore from moving all these tables. You think you could hire me a cabana boy to help me out?”

    Principal: “No, but I could put on a Hawaiian shirt.”

    Then You’re About To ‘Lapis’ This Up

    | CT, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Books & Reading

    (In Latin, part of our final is to recite four lines of Latin poetry from one of the authors we’ve been studying all year. The first presenter goes up and does a lovely job.)

    Latin Teacher: *said quickly and with emotion* “Ohmygawdohmygawdohmygawd! That was beautiful. I get a high when I hear poetry said like that. Oh, my gawd! That was perfect! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wow.”

    Next Presenter: *slowly* “Well, if that gave you a high, you’re about to get stoned.”

    (Welcome to our Latin class. This is how it goes.)

    Blowing Advertising Wide Open

    | Australia | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (We’re in a business law lecture, and our instructor is explaining false advertising.)

    Instructor: “Of course, most ads are not intended to be taken literally, so people can’t take legal action when the product doesn’t deliver what was ‘promised.’ Let’s look at this one, for example.”

    (He shows us a very old cigarette advertisement with the tag line ‘blow in her face and she’ll follow you anywhere.’)

    Instructor: “So, we have this ad: “Blow in her face and she’ll blow in yours.”

    (The whole class lost it, and the instructor was so embarrassed his assistant had to take over.)

    Monkey-like Behavior

    | Houston, TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Students, Transportation

    (My younger brother and I ride the morning bus at six am, and many of the students try to get a little extra sleep on the bus. This particular morning, one of the students has brought a ‘screaming monkey’ toy and is making it scream over and over again. He is ignoring protests to make it stop)

    Me: *to a friend* “If that kid makes that thing scream one more time, I’m gonna go over there and throw it out the window…”

    (My brother then stands up, walks over to the offending student, grabs the toy out of his hand, slaps him across the face with it, and hands it back to him.)

    Brother: “Don’t do that again.”

    Rest Of The Bus: *applauds*

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