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    Teach One Selfie

    | WI, USA | Language & Words, Students, Technology

    (I am the teacher. I walk into the hallway to see a student taking a photo of herself with her cell phone.)

    Me: “Selfie generation.”

    Student: “It’s not a selfie; it’s SnapChat.”

    Me: “What is the definition of selfie?”

    Student: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “A photo taken of oneself.”

    Student: “Oh… I guess it’s a selfie, then.”

    Traumatic Excuses

    | PA, USA | Excuses

    (I miss or am late to school a lot during my senior year of high school due to being snowed in or just out too late the previous night. My mom always likes to make up fun excused absences every once in a while for the office ladies. Keep in mind, I don’t normally read what they say. This particular case is right after the first week of hunting season.)

    Secretary: “What’s your excuse this time, [My Name]?”

    Me: “It’s too traumatizing to talk about so soon to the incident.”

    Secretary: *sigh* “Fine, just give me your excuse and wait here.”

    (At this point she goes back to the dean’s office and I hear hushed talking before I’m called into the back office.)

    Dean: “Are you okay? Are you sure you don’t need some more time off?”

    Me: “…Yes, I’m fine. Just trying to get to homeroom.”

    Dean: “I think you should go ahead and take a couple more days off just to come with terms of what’s happened.”

    Me: “Okay then, I guess.”

    (It turned out my mother had written a fairly lengthy detail of how I had saved my neighbor’s life by fighting off a deranged male deer. The neighbor was said to be in intensive care and my mother felt I wasn’t ready to return because I had PTSD. Apparently I had to go all Rambo on the animal to stop its murderous rampage. My mother had been reading the news and pulled this story off some tabloid and decided to use it as my excuse. I never did find out why they bought into it when the normal stories had something to do with aliens or being stranded in the woods to fend for myself. Either way I got a free week off school and the Dean always treated me like a hero afterward.)

    Not Chickening Out Of History

    | Lexington, KY, USA | Awesome, History, Pets & Animals, Teachers

    Professor: *discussing the auspices in Roman religion* “And when they were in a place without birds, such as they open sea, they usually carried sacred chickens with them along with some sacred grain which they’d spread on the ground or something to let the chickens peck at.”

    Class: *sniggering*

    Professor: *in the most epic voice possible* “RELEASE… THE CHICKENS!”

    Fifty Swings Of Grey

    | NY, USA | Rude & Risque, Teachers

    (We are in the intermediate swing class at NYU. We’re practicing a move called the whip for a dance called lindy-hop.)

    Instructor: *to the leads* “Be careful when you do this with your follow. If you do it too hard, it could hurt her shoulder. Ladies like soft whips.”

    (Needless to say, it took us a few minutes to stop laughing.)

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