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What Came First, The Chicken Or The Joke?

| Lexington, KY, USA | Staff, Transportation

(I have a bit of a reputation for telling bad jokes. As I’m sitting on the bus, the driver and I notice a chicken crossing the road.)

Bus Driver: “Don’t you dare say it!”

Me: “Aww…”

Sin (Free) City

| ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, History, Religion, Students

(I overhear this conversation in geography class.)

Student #1: “Jesus was a Jew.”

Student #2: “No, he wasn’t.”

Student #1: “Yes, he was!”

Student #2: “No, he wasn’t. He was Christian!”

Student #1: “He was a Jew! That’s why they call it Jew-rusalem!”

Roll Call For Retirement

| Houston TX, USA | Family & Kids, Students, Teachers, Theme Of The Month

(It’s the first day of high school for me and I’m sitting in my freshman English class. This teacher had my two sisters before in a creative writing class so she had gotten some very bizarre pieces from them. She is calling roll.)

Teacher: *gets to my name on the roll and slams down her stack of papers* “Another [My Last Name]!?

Me: *cracking up* “Yes.”

Teacher: “How many more are there?”

Me: “Two more.”

Teacher: “I’m retiring by then.”

(She did continue to be a substitute teacher so there’s a chance!)

Bullying The Bully Into Submission

| Kent, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Bully, Teachers

(During my first year of senior school there is a girl that doesn’t like me. She does things like hide my bag, take the band out of my hair, etc… Some teachers are good about it and punish her, but most tell me to ‘ignore her and she’ll stop.’ When we start school the next year my former head of year is with us again. He has been useless at sorting problems out and knows the situation with me. He is giving a talk about bullying and asks if there were any questions.)

Me: “What do you count as bullying?”

Teacher: “Anyone who hurts or upsets another pupil physically, emotionally, or verbally.”

Me: “And how will the bully be punished?”

Teacher: “That depends on the situation.”

(He tries to carry on the assembly but I’m not letting him off that easily.)

Me: “Let’s say, for example, someone did things like pull my hair, take my stuff, hide my books—”

(The girl starts crying but I just talked louder.)

Me: “—what if, for example, she wasn’t allowed to go to the toilet on her own during P.E because she would move my bag and uniform. If I told a teacher would she get in trouble and be punished?”

(The teacher glares at me, knowing full well what I am doing but also knowing that he didn’t do anything to help me last year.)

Teacher: “Of course. Anyone who bullies will be punished.”

(The girl is still crying, quite loudly now.)

Me: “By every teacher? No matter how many times she did it?”

Teacher: “Yes.”

Me: “I don’t suppose it’ll be a problem now though.”

(Neither the girl nor that teacher spoke to me for the whole year. Lots of other teachers and pupils thought what I had done was brilliant though!)

Spelling Beee

| Nottingham, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Language & Words, Students

(I am in electronics class, sitting next to my friend. He is fairly bright, but stops to check his spelling.)

Friend #1: “Hey, [My Name]? How do you spell “electrode”?

Me: “E-L-E-C-T-R-O-D-E.”

Friend #1: “Are you sure? That looks weird, I thought it ended in ‘T-R-O-W-D’?”

Me: “Nope, pretty sure mine is the correct way.”

Friend #1: “Okay, thanks.”

(Five minutes pass by.)

Friend #1: “How about ‘vacuum’, please?”

Me: “V-A-C-U-U-M…” *and, because I am unable to resist* “…E.”

Friend #1: “Thanks.”

(Friend #2, sat on the other side of Friend #1, shoots me a confused look but I shake my head and stifle a laugh. The look in Friend #2’s eyes means he knows what I’m doing. Five more minutes pass.)

Friend #1: “How about ‘etched’?”

Me: “E-T-C-H-E-D… E.”

Friend #1: “…wait, that doesn’t look right at all.”

Friend #2: “No, that’s right. It’s how I always spell it.”

Friend #1: “Really?”

Friend #2: “Honest!”

Friend #1: “…it still doesn’t look right. Well, whatever, I’ve run out so can you loan me some more paper?”

Me: “P-A-P-E-R… E.”

(A full ten seconds of silence goes by. Then…)

Friend #1: “D*** YOU!” *begins erasing whole sentences that he’s been writing for most of the lesson*


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