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  • The Teacher Became A Whole Different Person

    | Scotland, UK | Parents, Teachers, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m about seven, and my brother is a year older. We look very alike, and both our names start with the same letter. My parents get home from parents’ evening with my teacher, who’s been picking on me since term started a couple months ago. My mum looks outraged, my dad near laughing.)

    Brother: “How was it?”

    Mum: “Your teacher was fine. You just need to go over your reading book more at home. But, [My Name]‘s teacher—”

    (She’s cut off as Dad starts laughing.)

    Dad: “She started going on and on about how you don’t pay attention in class, don’t use your full potential, and just as your mother is about to argue with her she says ‘it’s no wonder he had to repeat the year!’”

    (Dad starts laughing again.)

    Mum: “That stupid cow thought you were [Brother]! Moaning about kids not paying attention and she doesn’t even notice you’re a different person!”

    (That teacher suddenly became a whole lot nicer to me in class!)

    Wildly Off About Wilde

    | Sweden | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Students

    (I am usually teaching Swedish at school, but since this is close to the holidays, we have a bit of art and craft.)

    Me: “So, today we’ll be reading The Happy Prince by Oscar Wilde.”

    Student: “Wait, Oscar Wilde? The famous DJ?”

    Writing’s On The Wall For This School

    | TX, USA | Parents, Teachers, Theme Of The Month

    (I am in fourth grade. I am retelling this from my parents’ accounts.)

    Teacher #1: “We’ve noticed that [My Name] hasn’t been doing well in our writing camp.”

    Teacher #2: “It’s our prep camp for the state writing test.”

    Mom: “So, what’s her issue?”

    Teacher #1: “[My Name] hasn’t been finishing her assignments on time, and often misbehaves when we give directions.”

    Principal: “She has been to my office an alarming number of times.”

    Mom: “Well, how much do they have to write?”

    Teacher #2: “Not much, just a paragraph a day. We give them about thirty minutes each day, and by the end of the week they have a full composition.”

    Dad: “I see. [My Name] is a rather slow writer. Is there a possibility that she could receive extra time?”

    (Upon hearing this, the staff present laughed in my parents’ faces! Luckily, I was eventually able to leave that school, go to a better one where students receive more teacher focus, and receive some psychological help. It turned out that I have high functioning autism, which contributes, in this case, to slow penmanship and sensitivity to time pressure. My new school was able to accommodate me as needed, and now I’ll be entering high school with great test scores–including an almost perfect score in math!)

    No Endo To The Innuendo

    | Australia | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Teachers

    (We’re in drama class talking about various scenarios.)

    Drama Teacher: “… for example, hoeing in the garden.”

    (Two students laugh. I suddenly see the second meaning when the teacher tries again.)

    Drama Teacher: “Fine, mowing the lawn.”

    (The three of us crack up laughing.)

    Drama Teacher: “All right, baking a cake! Is that okay?!”

    (We all nod, whilst holding in our laughter. I don’t think our teacher saw the double meaning in the last one!)

    Perfect Attendance If Not Perfect Aim

    | MD, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Geeks Rule

    (We have a substitute in my science class and he has passed an attendance sheet to the top right of the room. Fifteen minutes passes.)

    Substitute: “Wait… Where’s that attendance sheet?”

    Classmate #1: “Over there. On the left side.”

    Substitute: “All right. Did everyone sign it?”

    (The right half of the class nods and the left half nods, but the middle is confused.)

    Me: “Uh, no? It. like, skipped us.”

    Substitute: “Wait. How?”

    (No one can give a clear explanation of how this happened.)

    Substitute: “Someone in this room has a Portal gun and I’d like them to share right now.”

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