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    Will End Up Working Vice

    | Sweden | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Students

    (We’re in English class and discussing what careers we want in the future. One of my classmates is rather bad at English, so she usually ends up saying something completely different than was intended.)

    Classmate: “I wanna be a prostitute!”

    (The entire class falls silent.)

    Me: “Do you mean a prosecutor?”

    Classmate: “No, a prostitute! I wanna prostitute people!”

    Me: “… I’m FAIRLY certain you mean a prosecutor who prosecutes people.”

    Classmate: “What’s the difference?”

    Me: “Well, a prosecutor works with cops and knows a lot about the law. The prostitute is paid to have sex with people.”

    Classmate: “Oh. Then, yeah, I wanna be a prosecutor.”

    (The entire class lets out a sigh of relief.)

    Classmate: *under her breath* “But the other option sounds pretty fun, too…”

    A Hole New Way Of Spelling

    , | Jeffco, CO, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Students

    (A six-year-old girl comes up to the playground teacher.)

    Girl: “That boy called me a bad name!”

    Teacher: “What did he call you?”

    Girl: “He called me the S-word!”

    (The teacher and I look at each other a moment.)

    Teacher: “What’s the S-word?”

    Girl: “I can’t say it. It’s too bad!”

    Teacher: “Whisper to me then.”

    (Girl stands tippy-toe and whispers in Teacher’s ear, then trots away. Teacher turns to me with an odd look on her face.)

    Me: “What was the word?”

    Teacher: “S-hole!”

    A Recession In Behavior

    | VA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a small K-12 private school. I teach high school Spanish, but the only classroom available when I was hired is on the kindergarten hall. During my planning period I hear a particularly bad tantrum occurring outside my door. I poke my head out of my classroom to see a class of four year olds going out to recess.)

    Kindergartener: “Mrs! Mrs!” *points to classroom* “There’s two boys crying in there!”

    Me: “Oh, no! That’s not good. ”

    Kindergartener: “Yes, Mrs. And misbehaving!”

    Me: “You don’t misbehave, do you?”

    Kindergartener: “No, Mrs. I get to have all MY recess.”

    The Philosophy Of Photography

    , | USA | Extra Stupid, History, Students

    (I’m in creative photography class. My teacher puts up a photograph taken by a famous photographer.)

    Teacher: “All right, who took this photo? He’s famous!”

    Classmate: “Aristotle?”

    Thou Shalt Not Bribe

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Exams/Tests, Language & Words, Religion, Teachers

    (My religion teacher has her class memorize one Bible verse per week. At the beginning of the next week, as a scripture quiz, we are expected to write out last week’s verse. She gives us the first two words as a cue. This particular week, a lot of us are having trouble remembering it, so she offers us the third word as well.)

    Classmate: “Can we get the fourth word?”

    Teacher: “No… you usually only get two and now you have three. I think that’s good enough.”

    Classmate #2: “Can we get the seventh word?”

    Teacher: “No.”

    Classmate #1: “Can we get the first syllable of the fourth word?”

    (Our teacher shakes her head.)

    Classmate #1: “I’ll give you 20 bucks!”

    Teacher: “Let’s think about this. You are trying to bribe a religion teacher. What is wrong with this picture?”

    Classmate #1: “I don’t think it is. I think it’s a very nice picture!”


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