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    Plural Pick Up Lines

    | NY, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Students

    (We are reviewing possessives in French class.)

    Teacher: “The possessive depends on whether the noun is singular or plural.”

    Student #1: “Are you… single?”

    Teacher: *facepalm*

    Student #2: “Ooh! Ooh! Are you single? ‘Cause I’m single, and we can be plural together!”

    Teacher: “I. Am. Teaching. A French. Class… NOT A CLASS ON HOW TO PICK UP WOMEN!”

    Student #2: “Are you an angel? Because I’m allergic to feathers…”

    Teacher: “That’s not even how it goes…”

    Student #3: “[Student #2], it’s supposed be ‘did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?'” Mine is; ‘did you fall from a B14? ‘Cause you’re a bomb!'”

    Teaching Life Lessons

    | CA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

    (I am an aide at an elementary school, and I sometimes have recess duty during primary recess. One of the third graders comes up to me and talks to me like she usually does. She likes to ask me what I want to be when I grow up… but today it’s a little different.)

    Third Grader: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

    (I am about to answer ‘author’ like usual, but she keeps talking.)

    Third Grader: “And more than an author.”

    Me: “Oh, well, there’s not much more I want to be than author! Except maybe a millionaire so I can buy a nice house.”

    Third Grader: “Then why are you teaching?”

    Will End Up Working Vice

    | Sweden | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Students

    (We’re in English class and discussing what careers we want in the future. One of my classmates is rather bad at English, so she usually ends up saying something completely different than was intended.)

    Classmate: “I wanna be a prostitute!”

    (The entire class falls silent.)

    Me: “Do you mean a prosecutor?”

    Classmate: “No, a prostitute! I wanna prostitute people!”

    Me: “… I’m FAIRLY certain you mean a prosecutor who prosecutes people.”

    Classmate: “What’s the difference?”

    Me: “Well, a prosecutor works with cops and knows a lot about the law. The prostitute is paid to have sex with people.”

    Classmate: “Oh. Then, yeah, I wanna be a prosecutor.”

    (The entire class lets out a sigh of relief.)

    Classmate: *under her breath* “But the other option sounds pretty fun, too…”

    A Hole New Way Of Spelling

    , | Jeffco, CO, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Students

    (A six-year-old girl comes up to the playground teacher.)

    Girl: “That boy called me a bad name!”

    Teacher: “What did he call you?”

    Girl: “He called me the S-word!”

    (The teacher and I look at each other a moment.)

    Teacher: “What’s the S-word?”

    Girl: “I can’t say it. It’s too bad!”

    Teacher: “Whisper to me then.”

    (Girl stands tippy-toe and whispers in Teacher’s ear, then trots away. Teacher turns to me with an odd look on her face.)

    Me: “What was the word?”

    Teacher: “S-hole!”

    A Recession In Behavior

    | VA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a small K-12 private school. I teach high school Spanish, but the only classroom available when I was hired is on the kindergarten hall. During my planning period I hear a particularly bad tantrum occurring outside my door. I poke my head out of my classroom to see a class of four year olds going out to recess.)

    Kindergartener: “Mrs! Mrs!” *points to classroom* “There’s two boys crying in there!”

    Me: “Oh, no! That’s not good. ”

    Kindergartener: “Yes, Mrs. And misbehaving!”

    Me: “You don’t misbehave, do you?”

    Kindergartener: “No, Mrs. I get to have all MY recess.”


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