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Calling People Numbers Is Just Mean

| UK | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Students, Theme Of The Month

(I’m a TA, answering students’ queries about lab report writing in psychology.)

Student: “Okay, I’ve got the mean age 22.5. What else do I need to describe about the participants?”

Me: “What other information do you have from your questionnaires?”

Student: “Um, gender and ethnicity. Oh, I can report those… So they had a mean gender of 1.6 and a mean ethnicity of 1.3.”

Me: “What?!”

Student: “A mean ethnicity of 1.3.”

Me: “Are you sure about that?”

Student: “Yeah, look, the mean is 1.3.”

Me: “So, if you’d never met me and I wrote you a letter saying that my ethnicity was 1.3, you wouldn’t find that a bit weird?”

I’m Leaving Today…

| NY, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Teachers

(We are sketching in a required art appreciation class. As the school is geared towards math and science, most of the students are uninterested. Our teacher allows us to talk about whatever we like to maintain morale, as long as we finish the sketch.)

Student #1: “I think that’s a pretty common product. I’ve seen it at just about every bodega I’ve ever gone to.”

Student #2: “What’s a bodega?”

(Teacher points imperiously at the door.)

Teacher: “Get out. Leave New York City now.”

(Bodegas are a well-known type of convenience store, especially in New York City.)

Mexican’t Believe It

| San Fernando, CA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Health & Body, Teachers

(I am in the fifth grade and have just moved from rural Indiana to the LA area. We are doing standardized tests and at the portion where they ask your ethnicity. My teacher is Hispanic.)

Teacher: “[My Name] what are you doing? You can’t put that.”

Me: “I can’t put what?”

Teacher: “You put that you’re Hispanic. You can’t put that; you’re white.”

Me: “No, I’m not. I’m Mexican. I’ve always put that I’m Hispanic.”

(My father is Caucasian and I have an English last name, but my mother is Mexican born in Mexico along with the past dozen or so generations of her family. As such, I identify as Hispanic even though I pass for Caucasian. I explain this to my teacher. He doesn’t seem convinced.)

Teacher: “Fine, but at least put white, too. You’re too white to be Mexican.”

Might As Well Search All Of History

, | GA, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Students

Student: “Can you help me find a book my professor told me to get?”

Me: “Of course. What is the name?”

Student: “Umm, I don’t remember…”

Me: “That’s fine; do you happen to know the author?”

Student: “No…”

Me: “Oh, well, is it on reserve? What’s your professor’s name?”

Student: “…the class is history?”

Me: “Which history class is it?”

Student: “Um…”

Me: “Okay, well, we’ll try a general search. What’s the book about?”

Student: “I think dead people…?”

Putting A Break In The Toilet Break

| Singapore | Field Trip, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

(We go on a school trip to the science center to listen to a lecture. Everyone is about 11 years old. After a while the lecture becomes boring for us and people start excusing themselves to the toilet to get out of it. A teacher suddenly disrupts the lecturer and yells out:)

Teacher: “None of you are little kids anymore! I’m pretty sure most of you have complete control over your bladders. So let us extend our condolences to those who keep going to the washroom because apparently they seem to have some extreme bladder problems and now everyone knows. The poor things. Now the rest of you with proper functioning bladders, HOLD IT.”

(No one went to the toilet after that, even if they really had to.)

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