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  • Reading The Guard The Riot Act
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    Schooling Off The Books

    | CA, USA | Books & Reading, Students

    (We’re on break between our two classes. My friends will often leave their bags with me while they visit the catering truck to get fries or a burger. I’m reading a popular novel on my phone when they come back.)

    Friend: “You’re READING!?”

    Me: “It’s a good book!”

    Friend: “School just isn’t enough for you, is it?”

    Reading The Guard The Riot Act

    , | USA | Field Trip

    (I’m in an astronomy class taught by a teacher who works both at our school and the rival high school. The rival school has a planetarium but ours doesn’t, so we take a day-long field trip to the other school a couple times that year to use it. The rivalry between our schools is incredibly intense, especially around the football season, so we receive this warning from the astronomy teacher on the bus ride over.)

    Teacher: “Okay, now, I want you all to listen up. When I brought my last class over it was right before the big football game. We arrived right at the change of classes, someone spotted our IDs, and I found myself nearly having to diffuse a riot. You guys are a much smaller class and will be vastly outnumbered. I want you all to hide your IDs. Do not take them out for anyone and do not let them know which school you come from!”

    (As we arrive, a security guard waiting to check our IDs notices that we have them all pocketed.)

    Security Guard: “School IDs out at all times, please. The policy is the same here as it is at your school.”

    Teacher: “No, [Guard]! I told them to hide them so that we didn’t have another riot!”

    (The security guard looks at him, then at us, and then gets this glazed over look on his face like he suddenly remembers something. He looks at the clock then back at us.)

    Security Guard: “Classes are about to let out! The planetarium’s down that way! Quick, hide your IDs and run! Run! I’ll come check them once you’re all safe!”

    (Admittedly that was the first time a security guard ever told us to run in the halls…)


    | Hamburg, NY, USA | Language & Words, Religion, Students

    (My global history class is studying world religions. It’s the day before the test, so we’re playing an online quiz game where each student selects his or her own username. I’m a bit of a class clown, and my chosen username is ‘Satan’)

    Teacher: “All right, who’s Satan?”

    Me: “Me. Without a doubt, I am Satan.”

    (My username is kicked out of the game, so I have to choose another one.)

    Teacher: “I don’t think I have to ask who TotallyNotSatan is.”

    Will Be Crabby All Day About It

    | Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Students

    (It is break time at my school. I have stayed in a classroom to read a book because it’s quiet. Suddenly, my friend walks in with a very proud look on his face.)

    Friend: “Hey, bet you didn’t know that crabs aren’t fish.”

    (He has said things like this before, so I just assume he’s joking.)

    Me: “Really? What are they?”

    Friend: “They’re carnations.”

    (I realize he is saying this in all seriousness.)

    Me: “Crustaceans…”

    (He ponders this.)

    Friend: “Shut up!”

    Me: “And to think, you made it this far in school.”

    Making A Bad Compression Impression

    | Omaha, NE, USA | Staff, Teachers, Technology

    (I work for the help desk at a college of education. One part of student teaching has students taping themselves teaching. Our office checks out iPad Minis for students. We require an instructor to sign off for them just so we have someone connected to the university to call if someone doesn’t return a checked out item. Most practicum professors understand that students can only reasonably hand in 8-10 minutes of video to make it fit on the online portfolio and have decent quality. The ones that don’t are sadly in charge of student teachers.)

    Boss #1: “Hey, [My Name], I have a student out here that says someone came up here and told us that they didn’t need an instructor sign off to student teachers.”

    Me: “I haven’t heard anything.”

    (I go over to check on what’s happening.)

    Student: “They told us at orientation that everyone in this office had been told that student teachers would be coming and we didn’t need our supervisors to sign for us.”

    Boss #1: “I don’t ever remember agreeing to this.”

    (He checks with the other two bosses and neither of them remember being notified either.)

    Boss #2: “We can sign off for you, I suppose. Just write down who your supervisor is, too.”

    (She takes the iPad and we don’t hear much more about it until the day she’s scheduled to bring it back. She’s nearly in tears.)

    Student: “I can’t get my video to upload.”

    Me: “All right. Let’s take a look.”

    (I realize she’s trying to upload a twenty-five minute video. It’s no surprise that loads halfway and then crashes because the file is far too big.)

    Me: “I’ll try compressing it. It’s going to be very poor quality though.”

    Student: “I was told we weren’t supposed to compress it.”

    Me: “There’s no way they can view this unless it’s under 50 MB.”

    Student: “Just do it. I don’t even care anymore.”

    (She proceeds to call her supervisor and puts her on speaker so I and my three bosses can hear.)

    Student: “Dr. [Supervisor], this is [Student]. I was trying to upload my teaching video to the site but it kept crashing. I went to the tech office and they said that I have to compress the video.”

    Supervisor: “No, no, no. You’re supposed to leave it as is. We gave you directions.”

    Student: “And I’m telling you that didn’t work. I’ve been trying to upload it for hours and it just crashes.”

    Supervisor: “You’re uploading it now? How are you going to get your reflection paper on there? You’re only allowed to upload once.”

    Student: “You’ll have to open it up, because I am not doing this again.”

    Supervisor: “You’ll have to call [Professor]; she knows this better than I do.”

    (The student does so and re-explains the situation.)

    Professor: “Go to the tech office. They can help you.”

    Student: “I told you, I’m calling from the tech office.”

    (At this point, Boss #3, who is new and a bit of a pushover, asks for the phone.)

    Boss #3: “[Professor], this is [Boss #3], just downstairs. I would like you to walk down one flight of stairs and down to this office and explain how you conveniently forgot to notify us how fifty plus student would be needing iPads and how you gave every one of them faulty directions.”

    Professor: “I gave them the right directions.”

    Boss #3: “No, you told them to tape entire lessons and load them up without trying to lower the file size. We’re going to have panicking students in this office because you couldn’t take the five minutes to check with us on the proper procedure. I also understand that they can only submit items in once.”

    Professor: “Yes, to keep them from changing things.”

    Boss #3: “I see. So they have to submit a video on an iPad and a paper on a computer magically at the same time.”

    Professor: *silence*

    (In the end, the student managed to get her video up and they changed the amount of submissions each student could put up. All of us agreed not to check out iPads next semester until every professor and supervisor made a video and uploaded it themselves to see what they made their students go through.)

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