• Don’t Be So Quick To Judge The Kick
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  • October's Theme Of The Month: Literally Illiterate!

    Trying To Keep Abreast Of The Game

    | Missouri City, TX, USA | Health & Body, Sports, Teachers

    (I am in PE class with my friend. Our coach is instructing us on basketball passes. Note that I am in seventh grade; however I skipped a grade and am generally a year younger than my classmates. I hate basketball, even though I am quite athletic. I am obviously very flat-chested.)

    Me: *throws ball badly to friend*

    Friend: *throws ball badly to me as I struggle to catch it*

    Coach: *walking to me* “No, no, no! That’s the wrong hand position! Where are your boobs?”

    Me: *slightly stunned silence*

    Coach: *guides my hand to the center of my chest, basically in between my non-existent breasts* “See? There. Now push!”

    Me: *more stunned silence as I push the ball towards my friend*

    Coach: *walks away, satisfied*

    (I was secretly thinking as she asked me, “Well I don’t know. Where ARE my boobs?”)

    P.E. = Political Education

    | IL, USA | Politics, Sports, Teachers

    (My P.E. class has had a vote on whether to play softball or tidy up the balcony. Most vote to tidy up the balcony, but the coach declares that we are to play softball.)

    Me: *walks up to him* “I hereby petition you to recognize the majority!”

    Coach: “No matter how republican I am, this is not a democracy. This is a dictatorship.”


    Student: “I will tase you!” *chases me with two fingers pointed at me*

    Me: *runs around* “Help, I’m being oppressed!”

    A Study In Bullying

    | Langley, BC, Canada | Bully, Exams/Tests

    (In my math class, one of my classmates who is known for being a bit of a bully is caught copying off other people’s homework and even cheating on an exam. My teacher’s been keeping a close eye on him ever since, so he has taken to bothering me outside of class.)

    Bully: “Hey, how far along are you in the homework assignment?”

    Me: “It was pretty easy, so I already finished, actually.”

    Bully: “Good, now let me copy those answers off you.”

    Me: “I don’t think that’s a very good idea. You’ve already been caught copying and cheating numerous times, and if you start copying answers again, then you’re just gonna get in even more trouble. You even might be suspended this time.”

    Bully: “Ugh! Fine! Then explain to me how the answers work!”

    Me: *taken aback* “Umm, what?”

    Bully: “The reason I keep getting caught is because [Teacher] keeps asking me to explain how I got that answer! So tell me how the problems end up with those answers!”

    Me: “So you want me to carefully explain the equations to you, so you can figure out how to get the answers?”

    Bully: “Yeah!”

    Me: “You know what? I’m surprisingly okay with that.”

    (And that’s how I got “bullied” into helping someone study!)

    To You They’re All Just Bantha Fodder

    | NY, USA | Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

    (This happens one day in school. A student’s cell phone has gone off, and the ringtone is Star Wars music.)

    Student: “Oops.”

    Teacher: “You kriffin’ kids, all you care about are those dumb comms and holorecoders. Sit back down, you nerfherder.”

    Student: “Huh?”

    Teacher: “Oh, goddess, flyboy. You just don’t understand, do you? What, did you grow up in the Outer Rim or something?”

    Student: “Okay…”

    (At this point, the teacher’s phone goes off.)

    Teacher: “Excuse me, I have an important meeting with Mon Mothma.”

    (She walked out of the class. She did not return.)

    Not The Uniform Way To Spell It

    | IN, USA | Language & Words, Students

    (This is my middle school English class. We are playing “Sparkle” with our spelling words. For those unfamilar with Sparkle: The teacher says a word. Each student goes around the circle and says a letter. If you say the wrong letter, you have to sit down. After the last letter, the next person says ‘sparkle’ and the person after sits down.)

    Teacher: “The word is uniform.”

    Student #1: “U.”

    Student #2: “N.”

    Student #3: “I.”

    Student #4: “F.”

    Student #5: *confused* “There’s no ‘F’ in unicorn!”

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