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  • Flipping Out Over The Desk
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  • Category: Teachers

    This Class Has Reached Its Climax

    | Manchester, England, UK | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Teachers

    (It’s the last class of the day on the first day back. Over the holidays we were supposed to each create a presentation on the same artist, and after that, different groups would argue points that are either positive or negative about the art. Not many people did the work, so the teacher ends up dropping the presentation part completely and just asks the opinions of the groups instead. Before we leave, the teacher takes a moment to talk to the class about the original lesson plan, and ends with this.)

    Teacher: “Well, I’m sorry we couldn’t do the debate. I know you were looking forward to it. But we did do it a little bit, didn’t we? Just not a mass debate like—”

    (A couple of students and I start giggling.)

    Teacher: “What?”

    Student: “Mass debate.”

    (Everyone else realises and laughs, too, including the teacher.)

    Teacher: “All right, go home.”

    Get Educated Or Die Tryin’

    | Flemington, NJ, USA | Musical Mayhem, Teachers

    (We are learning about Rasputin in my AP European history class. My teacher is notorious for clever, but corny jokes.)

    Teacher: “Yeah, so, Rasputin was shot nine times and didn’t die.”

    Class: “Really?”

    Teacher: “Nah. That was ’50 Cent.’”

    Not A Calculated Risk

    | CT, USA | Exams/Tests, Teachers

    (My pre-calculus teacher is useless. At the beginning of every class she simply recited verbatim out of the book and made us take notes. When we checked our tests or homework, we had to discuss among ourselves any answers we got wrong, and she flatly refused to help, even when there were questions that NO ONE got right. She was out for extended medical leave, and we got a substitute who, while very nice, didn’t know much about math. On the day our usual teacher came back, half of the class was absent on a marching band trip.)

    Teacher: “So! Tomorrow I’ll be testing everyone on all of the material you were meant to cover while I was gone! And I was gone quite a while, so this will be a very big test, constituting 30% of your grade.”

    Us: “But… we barely learned it! The sub didn’t know what she was doing!”

    Teacher: “Well, you should have figured it out on your own, then.”

    Us: “And half of the class is out today! They won’t know to study!”

    Teacher: “I guess you’ll all just have to contact them, won’t you?”

    Us: “That’s your job, not ours! And not everyone in this class has friends in it!”

    Teacher: “Well, that’s just too bad for them.”

    (Nearly everyone did poorly on the test. What was worse was that this teacher was already retiring at the end of the year, so there was nothing that could be done to penalize her for this behavior. One of my best friends actually had to go to summer school due to her poor teaching. He’s now a mechanical engineer.)

    This Teacher Is Grating

    | FL, USA | Language & Words, Teachers

    (I’m five years old, and my usual kindergarten teacher is out. There’s a substitute in her place, who was left with instructions to have us write little stories. I’ve always been intelligent, and started reading at a very young age, so I’m a little rebellious when this sub comes over to review my work. She’s reading over my shoulder, and immediately points out a ‘mistake.’)

    Sub: *pointing at a word I’d just written* “That’s not a real word, young lady. You spelled it wrong.”

    Me: *reading the word* “No, I’m sure it’s spelled right.”

    Sub: “No, no! You see, ‘grateful’ is spelled ‘G-R-E-A-T-F-U-L’.”

    Me: “No, it’s not.”

    (At this point, I’m puzzled, and the sub suddenly becomes very forceful.)

    Sub: “It’s not spelled like that! ‘Grateful’ is spelled like ‘great!’ It’s spelled like great! G-R-E-A-T! ‘Great!’”

    (She goes on like this until I change the word to meet her expectations. I change it back as soon as she’s moved on to another student. I told my mother when I got home, and was very relieved the next day when my regular teacher was back.)

    Unable To Find The Answer

    | CA, USA | Exams/Tests, Extra Stupid, Teachers

    (We are taking a multiple-choice chemistry test using a scantron. A substitute teacher is supervising the class because our regular teacher had a doctor’s appointment.)

    Student #1: “Um, [Teacher]? Question number 26 doesn’t have any answer choices below it.”

    Teacher: “Then it must be a short-answer question. Just write the answer out in words instead of putting A, B, C, or D.”

    (The class is speechless for a moment.)

    Student #2: “We’re using scantrons.”

    Teacher: “So? Write the answer on the scantron.”

    Student #3: “There’s no place to write anything. You just fill in the bubbles.”

    Teacher: “Really? It doesn’t have a short-answer section or anything?”

    Student 3#: “No…”

    (The substitute teacher takes a spare scantron and stares at it for a few seconds.)

    Teacher: “Huh. Can you write in the blank space at the top or on the sides or…”

    Student #2: “The machine can’t read that.”

    Teacher: “Can you write in this blue box?”

    (She points to a dark blue box that reads “Do not write in this area.” Then she sees the text.)

    Teacher: “Oh… never mind.”

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