July's Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Category: Teachers

Your Careers Are History

| ON, Canada | Teachers

(After twenty minutes of our history lecture, our professor stops and sighs.)

Professor: “Maybe I sound a little bit conceited when I say this, but none of you are going to find careers. Get used to it.”

Stripped Of His Teaching License

| Baytown, TX, USA | Rude & Risque, Teachers

(I’m about to take a group of third graders to PE. They’re not allowed to have their coats in the gym.)

Me: “Remember to take your coats off and leave them here.”

Boy: “What? We have to take off our clothes?”

Rest Of Class: “No, coats!”

Me: “Please, please, please do not go home and tell your parents that I told you to take your clothes off!”

A Window Of Opportunity

| AL, USA | Awesome, Teachers

(I am in a sophomore chemistry class, and our teacher is less than helpful. Her explanations aren’t working for most of us. We have chemistry lab with a different teacher, and she would always answer our questions significantly better. My friends and I got caught by our sophomore teacher asking the lab teacher a question and she told us to come to her for help instead. We had no intentions of doing so, but when we next want to ask a question, they are both in the same room.)

Me: *before going into the room* “So what do we do?”

Classmate: “I have an idea!”

(My classmate wrote a sign that said “Please help us! Library. Third Period. Friday.” I slithered through the bushes and popped up at the window by the lab teacher’s desk with our sign and held a finger over my mouth. She saw me, nodded subtly, and winked. What she taught me built the foundation for six semesters of college chemistry!)

Needs To Go On A Pop Culture Odyssey

| USA | Movies & TV, Teachers

(I am doing homework in the lobby while my sister is doing her class; namely, she’s reading the Odyssey. My karate teacher notices this, and talks to me about it while we’re stretching.)

Teacher: “So you’re reading The Odyssey?”

Me: “Yup.”

Teacher: “What part are you on?”

Me: “The part where Odysseus goes to the kingdom whose name I can’t pronounce.”

Teacher: “Are you at the part of the sirens yet?”

Me: “No. Don’t spoil it for me!”

Teacher: “That’s like the oldest book! Asking for no spoilers is like asking for no spoilers for The Lion King!”

Me: “…”

Teacher: *face turns to shock* “You haven’t watched The Lion King!?”

Me: “Nope.”

Teacher: “You had a sad childhood. Did you at least watch Toy Story?”

Me: “Nope.”

Teacher: *stares* “…You had a dark, sad childhood…”

Me: *attempting to make him stop mock-pitying me* “I watched Toy Story 3, though.”

Teacher: “…You mean you watched it without watching the first two?”

Me: “Yeah…”

Teacher: *makes some sort of plus sign with his fingers, or perhaps an X, and shakes his head disapprovingly*

Me: “What’s that supposed to mean?!”

Teacher: *walks away* “Don’t talk to me.”

The Note Is More Thong Than Wrong

| Allentown, PA, USA | Awesome, Teachers

(My friend passes me a note in class. I take one look at it, laugh, and write something else on it before passing it back without trying to hide what I’m doing from the teacher. Predictably she sees, walks back over, and takes the note from me.)

Teacher: “Well, since this is apparently more important than history lessons, you shouldn’t mind too much when I read it aloud to the class.”

Me: “Uh, you might want to read it to yourself first before you read it out loud.”

(Thankfully she listens to me.)

Friend’s Note: “I wonder how long it’s going to take [Teacher] to realize her thong is showing?”

My Note: “Maybe if we’re not discreet, she’ll see us, read the note, and fix the problem before anyone else notices.”

(She took one look at the note, turned bright red, and then rushed back to her seat to quietly correct the problem. We didn’t get in trouble.)

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