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    Category: Teachers

    Three Unwise Jokes

    | Norway | Religion, Rude & Risque, Teachers

    (Our philosophy teacher is in his early 60s. He always tells bad jokes and puns. The whole school loves him, except for one teacher who refuses to lecture next door, as our teacher has a rather booming voice. He even has a fan-page on Facebook, where students share his jokes and ‘advice.’)

    Teacher: “If you were on a beach, and everyone wore bikinis and shorts, how would you know who Adam and Eve were?”

    Me: “They wouldn’t have navels.”

    Student #1: “Wait, Adam and Eve don’t have navels?”

    Me: “Of course not. The navel is what’s left of the umbilical cord after you’re born. Adam and Eve were created.”

    Student #1: “Oh… that’s weird.”

    (The lecture continues.)

    Teacher: “Now, why weren’t Adam and Eve allowed to eat from the tree of knowledge?”

    Student #2: “Maybe he was testing them? Like, ‘hey, I’ll put this delicious fruit in your reach, but don’t touch,’ just to see what happens?”

    Student #1: “Oh, I know! Because if you eat, you have to poop, and you weren’t supposed to poop in the garden.”

    Teacher: *pauses for a second* “I think you should let me tell jokes in this classroom.”

    (Close to the end of class, he manages to squeeze in one more joke.)

    Teacher: “Does anyone know why they didn’t out on a nativity play in [Nearby Town] this year?”

    Me: “Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin?”

    Teacher: “Why do you know so many bad jokes?!”

    A Perconal Pronunciation

    | Perth, WA, Australia | Language & Words, Teachers

    (I’m sitting in my law class. My lecturer is discussing the damages awarded in civil law cases. This woman is the head of the business/law faculties.)

    Lecturer: “And so if the three essentials in negligence are proven, the court can then decide whether to award pecuniary or non-pecuniary compensation.”

    (She pronounces it ‘per-soon-ary.’)

    Classmate: “Isn’t it pronounced ‘pi-KYOO-ni-ary’?”

    Lecturer: “Uh, maybe. I think the two are the same word with the same meaning but you have to say it differently in legal things.”

    An Explosion Of Thought(less)

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Math & Science, Teachers

    (I am a junior, and I am sitting in an upper-level chemistry class just as the teacher is about to give us a test. Another chemistry teacher walks in from the supply room between the two chemistry classes carrying a five gallon-or-so bottle like the ones use on top of water coolers. The bottle appears to be empty.)

    Teacher #2: “Mrs. [Teacher #1], do you have a match?”

    Teacher #1: “Of course.” *puts down quizzes and retrieves matches from her desk*

    Teacher #2: *lights match and drops in bottle, then smiles gleefully as the explosion rocks the entire room*

    Teacher #1: *laughs*

    Teacher #2: “Yup, I was right. That was methane.” *turns and walks out the door like nothing happened*

    Professors Can Come In All Flavors

    | USA | Bizarre/Silly, Musical Mayhem, Teachers

    (My college has just recently built a new lab school, which houses a play-based daycare. It also has classrooms for the college students, an office for the head of the department, and a large common area. A classmate and I are in the common area, working together on our final projects. From the common area, we can see one of our professors and the head of the department in her office, in a heated discussion. After a few minutes, our professor comes out and stands in front of us.)

    Professor: “Girls, I’m glad you’re here. I have a question to ask.”

    Us: “Okay?”

    Professor: “Who’s that rap artist with the big clock around his neck?”

    Me: “You mean Flavor Flav?”

    Professor: “I knew it. I was right. Thanks!”

    (She goes back into the office and closes the door. My classmate and I just look at each other.)

    Classmate: “Did she seriously just…?”

    Me: “I have no idea what that was about.”

    (Both professors then exited the office and offered us chocolate. We decided not to question it too much!)

    Amplifying The Meaning Of Life

    | Canada | Bizarre/Silly, Teachers, Technology

    (Lectures held in big halls are usually recorded through the portable microphone that the professors can attach to their clothes. Therefore, for the lecture to be recorded properly, the microphone has to be worn and turned on. On this particular day, the professor is wearing the microphone but is having trouble turning it on.)

    Professor: “Is it on yet? No? Well, can you hear me?”

    Class: *scattered answers*

    Professor: “Well, regardless, we can’t do anything about that. Too bad for those guys who decided to skip today and listen to recorded lectures later. Boy, are they missing out. That’s why you should always come to lectures! Even when they’re recorded! Things like these can happen at any time! Well, anyway, let us begin!”

    (After a few minutes well into the lecture, the microphone finally comes on.)

    Professor: “Ah—” *pauses when his voice is suddenly amplified* “And that, my friends, is the meaning of life. Oh, boy! Those guys who decided to not to come to class today? They really missed out, didn’t they! That’s why you have to come to class every day. Something like could happen again and you could be missing out on something amazing! Now, back to the lecture.”

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