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    Category: Teachers

    The Chalice Is Definitely Half Empty

    | ON, Canada | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Teachers

    (Our German teacher has decided to spend three days’ worth of lessons having us watch foreign language films, none of which are in German. She pauses the French/English one during a scene where the French-Canadian character is teaching the English-Canadian character how to curse in Québec slang.)

    Teacher: “Of course, only the uneducated… or Québecois, would say ‘câlisse.’ The educated would say ‘shâlisse,’ from the ‘shâlisse,’ the cup used in churches.”

    (There is no such thing as a ‘shâlisse’ in French, Québec dialect or otherwise. It’s said with a hard ‘C.’)

    Me: “Uh, I’m not sure that’s right. Nobody says ‘shâlisse.’ My mom’s pretty educated, and she and pretty much every French person she knows says ‘câlisse.'”

    Teacher: *condescendingly* “Well, I learned this in second-year university.”

    Me: “I learned this when my mom dropped a can of paint on her foot. Definitely ‘câlisse.’ Tons of other words, too…”

    (Ironically, the same teacher taught French at our school. Kind of makes me wonder about the German we were taught…)

    Some Jokes Are All Class

    | AZ, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Teachers

    (It is the first day of my college class on classroom management. The class was supposed to start at 10:30. It’s now 10:40. Our school has a policy that if the instructor doesn’t show up after fifteen minutes, the students can go home, so everyone is starting to get antsy. A student in the back is particularly concerned, and has started asking other students what to do if the teacher is a no show. He approaches our group.)

    Concerned Guy: “Has this ever happened to you guys before? What are we suppose to do?”

    Classmate #1: “I know that after fifteen minutes, we’re allowed to leave if the teacher doesn’t come to class.”

    Concerned Guy: “But won’t we get in trouble if he comes later?”

    Classmate #1: “No, I don’t think so. Teachers know the policy.”

    Concerned Guy: “Should we write him a note or something? I don’t want him to be mad if he comes to class.”

    Classmate #1: “I mean, I guess, if you want to.”

    (The concerned guy goes to the front of the class and starts writing on the whiteboard; he turns around.)

    Concerned Guy: “What should I write?”

    Classmate #3: “I don’t know, write something like: ‘Hey, can you send out an email of what we missed from the first class? We left after twenty minutes. Thank you.'”

    (The concerned guy turns around again and writes: ‘Welcome to class!’ He turns back around.)

    Concerned Guy: *revealing himself to be the actual professor* “HA! I got you guys GOOD! Finally, students who are my age and will believe this!”

    Use His Outdoor John Voice

    | ON, Canada | Bizarre/Silly, Teachers

    (Our radio teacher is known for being the human incarnation of ADHD. During this class, we’ve split off into groups, and I’m in the radio studio with two guys named ‘John.’ The teacher comes bounding into the room.)

    Teacher: “You two! I just thought of something! If you two formed a band, and then you had a concert outside, you could call yourselves ‘The Outdoor Johns’!”

    (Then he bounded right back out of the room.)

    A Noteworthy Point

    | Houston, TX, USA | Language & Words, Musical Mayhem, Teachers

    (I am in a community youth orchestra and we have just finished running through a new piece.)

    Conductor: “So this will be the hardest piece on the program. You’ll have to practice. Make sure you play all the wrong notes—”

    (The orchestra erupts into laughter.)

    Conductor: “The RIGHT notes! You played the wrong notes just fine…”

    Teaching Knowledge Is A Laughing Matter

    | IL, USA | Awesome, Teachers

    (A professor for one of my classes has a very unique teaching style: he tells bad jokes and random facts related to what we’re talking about, in addition to the lessons themselves. We all love him. He has just told us one of his random facts.)

    Professor: “And this kind of stuff is very useful to know. You can tell it to your friends, like I did when I took this course. Of course, they all called me a nerd.” *the class chuckles at this* “But I won. They’re all working at [Local Grocery Store Chain], and here I am teaching you guys. I tell a bad joke, 140 people laugh. That’s power, right?”

    (He was absolutely right.)

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