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    Category: Teachers

    Thou Shalt Not Bribe

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Exams/Tests, Language & Words, Religion, Teachers

    (My religion teacher has her class memorize one Bible verse per week. At the beginning of the next week, as a scripture quiz, we are expected to write out last week’s verse. She gives us the first two words as a cue. This particular week, a lot of us are having trouble remembering it, so she offers us the third word as well.)

    Classmate: “Can we get the fourth word?”

    Teacher: “No… you usually only get two and now you have three. I think that’s good enough.”

    Classmate #2: “Can we get the seventh word?”

    Teacher: “No.”

    Classmate #1: “Can we get the first syllable of the fourth word?”

    (Our teacher shakes her head.)

    Classmate #1: “I’ll give you 20 bucks!”

    Teacher: “Let’s think about this. You are trying to bribe a religion teacher. What is wrong with this picture?”

    Classmate #1: “I don’t think it is. I think it’s a very nice picture!”

    It’s Either That Or A G-String

    | OH, USA | Musical Mayhem, Rude & Risque, Teachers

    (We’re in choir. Our director is telling the altos that the majority of them should not try for the higher note, and should instead stay on the lower note, a D.)

    Director: “Eh… most of the altos should take the D.”

    (The bass and tenor sections start snickering up a storm.)

    Director:  *glares* “Smooth.”

    They Have A Badly Written Warning

    | ON, Canada | Art/Design, Teachers

    (My teacher is from Europe and has a very thick accent which can make him sound very scary.)

    Teacher: “If your writing is bad, I have a hard time reading it.”

    Students: *look at him questioningly*

    Teacher: “If it is really bad I have a hard time not burning it and sacrificing it at dawn.”

    Students: *laugh*

    Teacher: “For real.”

    Guilty Until Proven Innocent

    | Pittsford, NY, USA | Books & Reading, Exams/Tests, Parents, Teachers

    (I am in my ninth grade history class and we are given a writing assignment. I choose a subject I am very interested in, and am excited to do the paper because I normally get very poor grades due to confidence issues. This time I am confident about my ability. A couple days after I turn in my paper, my mother gets this phone call.)

    Teacher: “I think [My Name] plagiarized her paper.”

    Mom: “What?! She would never do that. What makes you think that?”

    Teacher: “Frankly, it’s too good. One of the best papers I’ve ever had in this class. I know she couldn’t have done it.”

    Mom: “She chose a subject she loves. Of course it’s good!”

    Teacher: “She simply doesn’t have the work ethic to do this good of a paper. She needs to bring in all of the books she cited for this paper to prove she didn’t plagiarize.”

    Mom: *furious but trying to stay calm* “Okay. If she brings them in what will her grade be?”

    Teacher: “An ‘A,’ of course.”

    Mom: “And if she doesn’t?”

    Teacher: “A ‘D.'”

    Mom: “I was with her when she went to the library for these. One of the books had a cover that was falling off, and I don’t think they will have it back in circulation. What if she can’t find it?”

    Teacher: “That’s not my problem. I have no proof that book even exists.”

    (My mom and I tried our valiant best to find another copy of that book, even looking in other libraries, to no avail. I ended up getting a “D” on “one of the best papers” to go through that class. For the record, I transferred schools and became a straight-A student and graduated a couple years ago with a double-major bachelor degree in the same amount of time as a single degree. Some teachers just need to show a little more faith in their students!)

    The Pun Just Came Naturally

    | FL, USA | Spouses & Partners, Teachers

    (I am a senior in an AP/IB Spanish Class with 40 kids. At times, the teacher tells stories about her life to give both us and herself a break from what is a difficult class. In this particular case she is telling us about how, before she decided to teach Spanish, she had intended to major in Biology. However, she had always had difficulty with chemistry and finally abandoned the major when she came to an incredibly difficult organic chemistry class with an especially difficult teacher.)

    Teacher: “So, that’s when I decided to change my major to education, and 20-or-so years later I’m here! But seriously, the best thing I got out of that class was an ex-husband, if that tells you anything.”

    Student: “So, wait, you met your first husband in that class? That’s so cute!”

    Teacher: “Actually, I had known him before then and we had a few classes together, but we had never really talked. I don’t know why, but—”

    Me: “So, what you’re saying is, that’s where the chemistry happened?”

    Teacher: “That’s enough stories for today.”

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