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  • Category: Musical Mayhem

    Flipping Out Over The Music

    | Houston, TX, USA | Musical Mayhem, Rude & Risque, Teachers

    (I’m in beginning band and I play bassoon, so we practice with the saxophones. Saxophones keep screwing up a note involving the middle finger.)

    Teacher: ”Saxophones! Use your naughty finger!” *he starts to wave his middle finger around* ”SEE THIS?! USE YOUR MIDDLE FINGER!”

    Students: *burst out laughing*

    Several Musical Notes

    | MI, USA | Awesome, Musical Mayhem, Teachers

    (My choir teacher in high school is known for saying odd things that often end up being hilarious. My roommate begins keeping a list of them by writing them in her music and then putting them into a computer document. She even publishes a hardcover book and sends it to him. Here are some of my favorites.)

    Choir Teacher: “One person cannot raise pitch. That’s like putting a balloon on the Titanic: it won’t do anything.”

    Choir Teacher: “Have a nice weekend! Be safe. If you can’t be safe be smart. If you can’t be smart don’t get caught.”

    Choir Teacher: “What are you waiting for? For that crescendo to write you a note? ‘Dear singer, please sing me! Kthxbai.’”

    Choir Teacher: “Folks, if I could make you love dotted quarter notes, you would be a happier person. Take it out on a date… It’s tall, nice eyes, good sense of humor…”

    Choir Teacher: “In the second and third movement I kind of picture Mary and Jesus in the Millennium Falcon…”

    Choir Teacher: “You have to build a wall around your heart and soul, and it has to have a moat and sharks with laser beams and dragons that spit fire and battery acid.”

    Choir Teacher: “We are put on this earth as musicians to show them [the audience] the beauty of the world… Truth, passion, love, belief: these are the things that are true.”

    Singing From The Same Joke Book

    , | White Lake, MI, USA | Musical Mayhem, Students

    (During rehearsal, the band director is going through each section separately to work on problem areas. He tends to “sing,” rather badly, notes and rhythms every time we struggle with something.)

    Director: “Okay, I think that wraps that up for the flutes. Now for the saxophones…”

    Flutist #1: *yells out to the band director* “Hey, can we sing this part at the end?”

    Director: “No. No one wants to hear you sing.”

    Me: “No one wants to hear you sing, either, but you do it all the time.”

    (I slap my hand over my mouth as the rest of the class giggles. I hadn’t meant to say that out loud and was afraid the band director would punish me, but he has a sense of humor.)

    Director: *laughing* “You’re lucky you’re one of my best students.”

    This Is How You Remind Me What Is On The Exam

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Exams/Tests, Musical Mayhem, Politics, Teachers

    Professor: “Before we start discussing Congress, I was looking at a recent poll. Did you all know that America dislikes Congress more than cockroaches AND Nickelback?! I had no idea disliking Nickelback was a thing!”

    (The class agrees, affirming that Nickelback hate is definitely a thing.)

    Professor: “Well, I didn’t know that. But, evidently America prefers them over Congress. I should put that on the exam. Should I?”

    (Again, we all laugh and agree. A month later, all thought of government and disliked bands forgotten, we are taking the final exam.)

    Question #60: “True or False: Congress is less popular than Nickelback.”

    From Not Always Romantic:
    This Is How You Remind Me I Am A Jerk
    This Is How You Remind Me We Are Engaged
    This Is How You Remind Me I Am An Idiot

    The Laser Point Is Made

    | USA | Musical Mayhem, Spouses & Partners, Students, Theme Of The Month

    (In orchestra class, we are all practicing our different sections of the music we are playing for an upcoming performance. One of our bass players is goofing around, shining a laser pointer in several people’s eyes. He gets to me, and after a few times of doing it, I whip my cello bow around and smack him in the arm several times.)

    Student With Laser Pointer: “Ahhhh!”

    Orchestra Director: *shocked* “What happened?!”

    Me: “Nothing. It’s taken care of.”

    Orchestra Director: “Oh, okay… Well, let’s play [Song] all the way through together. [Student With Laser Pointer], get back to your instrument.”

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