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    Category: Musical Mayhem

    The Wrong Time Warp

    | Exeter, England, UK | Bizarre/Silly, Musical Mayhem

    (I’m in a tutorial for one of my modules at university. I and the friend I’m sitting next to are known for being a bit goofy but not to the extent where we disrupt the class. Our tutor, however, usually ends up rather exasperated by our escapades. This time around he’s a little late to the classroom and we’ve occupied our time by singing the Time Warp from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. He enters:)


    Teacher: “What the h*** are you two doing?”

    Friend: “We’re doing the Time Warp!”

    Me: “There’s never a wrong time to do the Time Warp!”

    Teacher: “Yes, there is. There are many wrong times to do the Time Warp and this is one of them.”

    Definitely Not Blowing His Own Horn

    | VA, USA | Musical Mayhem, Students

    (I play French Horn in my High School band. We’ve just finished playing a march.)

    Band Director: “So, what have you learned about this song?”

    Me: “Everyone has a cooler part than me.”

    The Conductor Isn’t Over The Rainbow Just Yet

    | OH, USA | Movies & TV, Musical Mayhem, Teachers

    (During my band class, I and a few friends start getting off topic. It ends in us singing the first few lines of Over the Rainbow, and we giggle a lot.)

    Me: *finishes singing* “I wonder if [Conductor] noticed…”

    Conductor: “I did. You’re not in Kansas anymore.”

    Instrumental In Your Graduation

    | OH, USA | Musical Mayhem, Students

    (After the marching band season is over, our band parents host a banquet to celebrate the graduating seniors. The director is giving the seniors their awards.)

    Director: “She’s dedicated to what she does and is both instrumentally and vocally talented! [Friend], please come up!”

    My Friend: *goes up to the band director*

    Director: “[Choir Teacher] and I will miss you.”

    (They do a photo and my friend sits down.)

    Director: “It’s amazing, she plays multiple instruments that are not alike and still does extremely well in them! She always kept her section of the band held to a higher standard than the rest. Please come up, [My Name]!”

    Me: *goes up to the band director*

    Director: “After you graduate, it will be hard to find an oboist and a flutist to fill your shoes.”

    (After the photo, I sit down with my parents.)

    Mom: “I like how he acknowledged that you played multiple instruments.”

    Me: “He didn’t for [Friend], though. I don’t think he caught that she sings, plays clarinet, plays flute, and plays bass clarinet…”

    Instrumental Teaching

    | Glenville, NY, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Movies & TV, Musical Mayhem, Students

    (I am substitute teaching in a third grade general music classroom, and had just finished showing the kids a video about woodwind instruments. The video explains that reeds are made out of a plant called cane, which confused a lot of the kids. Although I explain that sugar cane is different from cane, the silliness has already taken root. One little boy raises his hand to ask a question.)

    Student #1: “Is mayonnaise an instrument?”

    Me: “No, Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument.”

    (The student raises his hand again.)

    Me: “Horseradish is not an instrument either.”

    (The kids all stare at me in slack-jawed wonder.)

    Student #2: “You got that from SpongeBob!”

    Me: “Yes, I did.”

    (There were no more behavioral problems from that class!)

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