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    Category: Musical Mayhem

    A Noteworthy Point

    | Houston, TX, USA | Language & Words, Musical Mayhem, Teachers

    (I am in a community youth orchestra and we have just finished running through a new piece.)

    Conductor: “So this will be the hardest piece on the program. You’ll have to practice. Make sure you play all the wrong notes—”

    (The orchestra erupts into laughter.)

    Conductor: “The RIGHT notes! You played the wrong notes just fine…”

    Only One Of Those Things Is True

    | CA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Musical Mayhem, Theme Of The Month

    (I work as a teacher’s aide at an elementary school. I normally work with upper graders, but a few days a week I have recess duty on the kindergarten playground. This story takes place one of the days I am on the kindergarten playground.)

    Kindergartner: *pointing at me* “You’re married!”

    Me: “I am?”

    (Note: I am not married. I am not in the habit of wearing rings, either.)

    Kindergartner: “You have a husband!”

    Me: “I do? Why didn’t I know this?”

    Kindergartner: “Justin Bieber is gay!”

    (I am stunned into silent confusion as she ran off to play some more.)

    It’s Either That Or A G-String

    | OH, USA | Musical Mayhem, Rude & Risque, Teachers

    (We’re in choir. Our director is telling the altos that the majority of them should not try for the higher note, and should instead stay on the lower note, a D.)

    Director: “Eh… most of the altos should take the D.”

    (The bass and tenor sections start snickering up a storm.)

    Director:  *glares* “Smooth.”

    O, Canaduh, Part 3

    | Brattleboro, VT, USA | History, Musical Mayhem, Students

    (We are in seventh grade, and my social studies teacher is playing a trivia game with us.)

    Teacher: “Does anyone know what country has its name in it’s national anthem?”

    Me: “Canada?”

    Other Student: “No way. It’s probably France or something.”

    Me: “It’s definitely Canada.”

    Other Student: “Last I knew, Canada hadn’t done anything important, so why would they have a national anthem?”

    Teacher: “Actually, [Other Student], she’s right. Also, ‘never done anything important?’ I guess this transfers well into our ‘War of 1812′ unit.”

    (In the ‘War of 1812,’ Canada, still technically Britain, burned down the White House.)

    O, Canaduh, Part 2
    O, Canaduh

    The Song Is Ever Endor-ing

    | NJ, USA | Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, Musical Mayhem, Teachers, Theme Of The Month

    (When I have my students do timed work, I use my phone as the alarm.)

    Phone: “ALAYLOO!”

    Me: *turns it off* “Okay, time’s up. Pass up the papers.”

    Class: *stares at me in absolute confusion*

    Student #1: “What… what was that?”

    Me: “Oh, you see, I’m completely obsessed with Star Wars and that was the ‘Ewok Song.'”

    Class: “Can you play the entire thing?”

    Me: “After we get through the lesson, if there’s time, I’ll play it for you.”

    (End of class:)

    Me: “Okay, you have about 15 minutes left. I’ll play the ‘Ewok Song’ IF you start on the homework so I can answer questions.”

    (After the song:)

    Student #2: “If we memorize that, can we get extra credit?”

    Me: “School’s policy is no extra credit.”

    Student #3: “So, then, um… can we get a homework pass?”

    Me: “I do homework passes! I would be very impressed if you can memorize it all!”

    Several Students: “WE’RE GOING TO DO IT!”

    (I’m looking forward to this school year.)

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