• First Grade Problems
    (449 thumbs up)
  • November Theme Of The Month: Horrible Histories!

    Category: Musical Mayhem

    Making Beautiful Music Together

    | Boston, MA, USA | Language & Words, Musical Mayhem, Rude & Risque

    (We’re in a choir rehearsal, being led by one of the choir director’s graduate assistants. She’s trying to get the basses and tenors to see that their parts are in unison with the sopranos and altos respectively.)

    Graduate Assistant: “Okay, men, look at the lady parts.”

    (The choir director laughed the hardest.)

    The Class Is Really Coming Together

    | OH, USA | Musical Mayhem, Rude & Risque, Teachers

    (The choir teacher is trying to tell us to make our mouths taller so we sound better.)

    Teacher: “Ladies! Fix your vowels! It should be ‘ooh’ and ‘ah’, not ‘oowh’ and ‘aaeh’! Come on, you sound like monkeys!”

    Classmate: “Or really bad porn actresses.”

    (Our teacher is irritated, but she just nods after a second.)

    Teacher: “And that’s no good. Fix it!”

    Unable To Orchestrate Your Plan

    | Singapore | Musical Mayhem, Teachers

    (The maths class has just finished, and my teacher approaches me.)

    Teacher: “Hey, do you think you can teach some of the weaker students maths during recess? Your test results are very good.”

    Me: “Sorry, but I am busy training my juniors during recess. I’m afraid I don’t have any more time to teach others.”

    (To clarify, I’m responsible for teaching the underclassmen violin during recess, since I belong to the school string orchestra.)

    Teacher: “Can you tell whoever is responsible to let you off then?”

    Me: “I am.”

    (My teacher looked slightly shocked and embarrassed!)

    A Painful Song

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Health & Body, Musical Mayhem

    (It’s my freshman year of high school and I’m rather shy. I get very anxious when a lot of attention is put on me, so naturally I don’t tell anyone that it is my birthday. Of course, some kids found out anyway.)

    Student #1: “Hey! [Teacher]! It’s [My Name]’s birthday today!”

    Teacher: “Really? Everyone, let’s sing happy birthday to [My Name]!”

    Me: “No, really! It’s okay; you don’t have to!”

    Class: *starts singing*

    (I promptly start to panic, and in a desperate attempt to stop the song, I smack my face against the table so hard I nearly get a concussion. Everyone goes quiet.)

    Teacher: “Maybe we shouldn’t sing…”

    Needs To Put The Situation Into Con(Text)

    | Cardiff, Wales, UK | Ignoring/Inattentive, Musical Mayhem

    (I have the same name as another girl in my year, which seems to cause the school admin staff no end of problems. On one day, I am sitting in my third lesson. The teacher happens to be my head of year.)

    Teacher: *to me* “Okay, so let’s look at your… Hold on, the phone’s ringing. I’ll be right back.”

    (She picks up the phone. This is what I hear:)

    Teacher: “Hi… Sorry, who’s missing?… Wait, are you sure she’s not in school today?… Well… hold on.”

    (Looks over at me.)

    Teacher: “[My Name], have you been in school all day?”

    Me: “Yeah. I missed 20 minutes of first lesson because I had a guitar lesson but that’s it.”

    Teacher: “Thought so.” *turns back to phone* “No, she says she’s been in all day. I can check with her teachers but she’s not the kind of student who’d skip class… What do you mean she isn’t in now?… I know she’s in now… Because I’m looking at her, that’s how I know she’s in right now. She’s been here all lesson.”

    (Once the call is done, she looks over at me.)

    Teacher: “So, that was the school office. Apparently you’re registered as being absent all day. Since you’re not supposed to be absent all day, the school automatically sent a text to your mother saying you haven’t arrived. Your mother got concerned and phoned us.”

    Me: “Well, that explains why my history teacher was so surprised to see me when I turned up after my guitar lesson…”

    (It turns out the other girl was on a school-organised hike and the system had assumed we were the same person. I suspect her parents were also getting automated texts – when I went on the hike, the school texted my mother again, who reacted by assuming I’d died on a mountain. No one else’s parents got these texts)

    Page 1/2312345...Last