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Stories from school and college

The Parents’ Brains Are Stuffed With Fluff, Too

, , , , , | Learning | April 19, 2024

CONTENT WARNING: Dead Animals (Taxidermy)

My aunt used to do free presentations using taxidermy specimens from the college where she worked. I’d help. These specimens had tags saying the dates they’d been stuffed — some back to the early 1900s. (The oldest I recall was a bear cub from 1903.)

The kids understood that the animals were dead and stuffed. On multiple occasions, we had parents ask what kind of drugs we had given the animals to keep them so quiet and docile.

THEY’RE DEAD!

For The Love Of God, Let Him Chew The Pens!

, , , , , , | Learning | April 18, 2024

When I was in college, I worked part-time in the building that served as the central hub for the college campus. No classes were held there, but the building had conference rooms, an auditorium, restaurants, and a computer laboratory, where I worked. The computer lab also sold software and printouts. Plus we were expected to help students on occasion, so we had basic office supplies on site: staplers, pens, etc. 

Like any other retail place, we had regulars. Most were fine, but one guy was just weird. He bought a copy of MS Office once and then just walked around the place a bunch of times, never using the computers, studying, or anything. He would frequently stop by and ask to borrow a pen, and then he would go back to walking around the place some more. I don’t think I ever saw him actually write anything down with the pens. 

One day, he asked to borrow a pen from me, and I gave it to him. He gave it back a few hours later, and I was disgusted to find that he had chewed it up. 

Me: “No, I’m not taking this pen back. This is now your pen. Keep hold of it now, because I’m not letting you borrow any more pens from here.”

[Weirdo] took the pen and left without saying anything. I didn’t see him for the rest of the day. 

On my next shift, which was late afternoon to close, [Weirdo] was there again, because he always was. 

Weirdo: “Can I borrow a pen?”

Me: “No. Last time you were here, I gave you a pen to keep. You can use that pen, and it should be fine because it was two days ago.”

[Weirdo] left immediately without saying a word. No arguing, no hassle. I didn’t think anything of it at the time. 

Later in that same shift, I was getting a bit hungry, so I called a member of the setup crew (other student employees who set up the auditoriums and conference rooms for events) to cover for me a bit because I wanted to get some dinner at one of the restaurants in the building.

I came back twenty minutes later to find the place swarming with police.

Me: “What in the h*** happened here?”

Setup Crew Guy: “[Weirdo] came in with a large axe and just started prowling around the place! I called the police, and they arrested him.”

I never saw [Weirdo] again after that. To this day, I wonder if [Weirdo] would have tried to murder me with an axe because I wouldn’t let him chew on a pen. If that’s the case, I’m glad he wasn’t smart enough to check the restaurants in the building.

Maintaining Helicopters And Maintaining A Certain Mystique

, , , , , , | Learning | April 17, 2024

I was at a veteran’s program at a school one fall wearing a small set of US Marine Corps sergeant stripes on my shirt pocket. I got these stripes maintaining helicopters during the Vietnam War. The school did an excellent job, by the way, for being so small.

Anyway, this kid, who looked like he was in the first grade, came up.

Kid: “Are you a vet-er-un?”

Me: “Yes, I am, young man.”

He thought for a moment.

Kid: “Were you in World War One?”

D***, I know I don’t look 120. Better come up with something quick.

Me: “I sure was. As a matter of fact, I started it.”

His eyes got as big as golf balls.

Kid: “Wow! You started it?!”

Me: “Yep, me and my cousin. His name is Jim.”

He took off. I could hear him as he ran around a corner in the hallway.

Kid: “Mama, mama! There’s a man here that started World War One!”

Summer Program, Had Me A Blast, Summer Program, Happened So Fast…

, , , , , , , , , | Learning | April 16, 2024

I’m the author of this story. Here’s the worst field trip experience, which gave me a permanent medical condition.

The summer before the previous story, my school district was experimenting with running its own summer program for elementary students. They’d have regular teachers also on summer break hired to run it, and it would use one of the existing schools. All children in grades one to four (ages six to eleven) who went to schools in the district would be welcome to enroll. Lunch would be provided, there would be field trips every Friday, the hours would be similar to regular school, and there would only be a nominal fee upfront. For working parents, it was a godsend.

When we got to it, it was okay. The teachers who had taken the position were the ones who worked at the school that was hosting it, which was the wealthiest of the six elementary schools in the district. Even we oblivious kids noticed that they were a little snobby to those of us from the “less desirable” schools. Groups were based on what grade we’d be in come fall, and each teacher had about thirty-five kids to watch over.

I don’t remember most of the time there, just a tie-dye project the whole “school” did (they stole my cousin’s to give to a student who went to that school during the year who was absent the day we dyed them), a pretty cool demonstration/talk from a guy with a “pet” bald eagle who did wildlife rehabilitation, and the field trip in this story.

One Friday in the middle of the summer, we were going to a semi-local resort that had a spring-fed pool with nearby streams where you could catch crawdads with your bare hands. I loved swimming at that time and was ecstatic that I could just stay in the pool the whole time. My memories of the day are hazy, with only a few clear moments. During the few times I was out of the pool, I visited the singular drinking fountain on the property to view a hummingbird guarding its nest but didn’t take many drinks. By the time we had to leave, I must have been exhausted and a little sunburnt, but I was satisfied. I don’t think I was on the bus I came in on, but my cousin helped me onto his bus, and those teachers must have decided to just let me be since his bus was split between our age groups anyway and notified my bus so the whole caravan of three or four buses could head off.

It was an hour ride home, and fifteen minutes in, I started vomiting uncontrollably. Thankfully, I had just collapsed onto the first seat, and the driver had a real garbage bin onboard. The air conditioning was either broken or non-existent, there were no extra bottles of water, and I wouldn’t have been able to keep it down at that point anyway. I was only seven and didn’t know what was happening, I was scared I would die, and I started crying into the trash bin.

My six-year-old cousin did his best to comfort me by giving me what was left of his water bottle, rubbing my back, and asking the teachers for help. They didn’t do anything except comfort the other six-year-olds who started crying because my condition scared them, and then eventually have everyone move back so there was an empty buffer seat between me and my cousin and everyone else.

Once we got back to the pick-up site, I was puking less but still sort of crying. There, we met with my older brother coming off his bus, and we waited for our dad to pick us up, which I’m told was thankfully faster than usual. I’m pretty sure I remember my brother and cousin getting me to sit in the shade of a tree on my towel and one of them staying with me while the other got my dad to help me into the car when he arrived. My last clear memory of this day is crying while apologizing as I started puking again in my dad’s back seat.

Apparently, I was still semi-lucid so my dad just immediately took me home. There, he set me up on his bed with the ceiling fan on high and our air conditioning turned up, kept alternating cold wet cloths on my forehead, and tried to get me to keep down drinks. I hadn’t gotten better by the time my mom got home, about an hour after we did, so they made the decision to get me to the hospital. There, apparently, I had an IV to help rehydrate me and get my core temperature down, and I was released later that night because I had been alert and conscious the whole time.

My parents spent the next week taking turns taking us kids to their workplaces (they both had offices, thankfully). Then, they decided to have my grandma watch us with our cousin before they could get us into the daycare they used during the school year for the last few weeks of summer.

From my point of view, I passed out in my dad’s back seat and then woke up from a nap in my grandma’s bed. I was a little confused but knew I was in a safe place. More importantly, I knew my aunt and uncle who lived with my grandma had treats in the freezer, so I went out to the living room to ask if I could have a Fudgesicle. I forgot about the confusion by the time my parents got us, and it didn’t come up again until I was almost an adult.

At no point during or after were my parents ever contacted by anyone at the summer program. The school even tried to get them to reconsider when my parents called to unenroll me and my brother.

I had a heat stroke on that field trip, and ever since, I have had to be very careful about my body temperature and can’t take much direct sunlight. On bad days, just washing my hair with hot water can make me overheat and leave me exhausted for hours. It also took a few years for my long-term memory to recover and develop properly, but I think it’s more or less normal now after puberty.

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Take Me At My Word; I’m Pretty Good With Those

, , , , , , , | Learning | April 15, 2024

This takes place during my final year of college, when we’re doing our big project worth 50% of our grade. The professors have created the groups, and I’m the only native English speaker in my group. The professors have decided that this will give the International Students a hand in writing. This makes sense to me since I previously completed an English diploma before going back to school. About midway through, one professor comes up to me.

Professor: “It seems like you do most of the editing in the drafts.”

Me: “Well, yes. That’s what you wanted me to do.”

Professor: “I know you come from a writing background, but maybe give them a chance. They can work on their English!”

Me: “I totally support them to do that, but this is also my grade. You ding us for grammar and spelling. Trust me, I really don’t mind doing it.”

Professor: “I won’t do any ‘dings’ this time around. Just give them a chance!”

Me: “If you insist.”

As anyone learning a second language knows, speaking, reading, and writing are different skills. I have all the respect in the world for anyone learning a second language, and college has a steep learning curve. My project partners can speak English, but their writing uses a different grammar structure. Think, “Paul and I, to the store, we did walk.” I’m pretty sure they wrote it in their native languages and then used Google Translate.

This time, I don’t edit anything but make suggestions on how to improve it. It’s submitted at the start of class, but the professor comes up the me before the end of the class after our break.

Professor: “So… how fast can you edit?”

Me: “Probably an hour, more if I need to get more information from them.”

Professor: “Please do. I just… I can’t read this! It’s so confusing! I’ll give you until midnight to resubmit it

I got it done, and they didn’t question my editing again.