Giving Birth To Pure Irony

| Finland | Health & Body, Technology

(In our singing class, we are singing a traditional Finnish song about a young woman who accidentally becomes pregnant. Our teacher is trying to play a recording of the song from a streaming music service, but the service shows an advertisement before plays the song.)

Teacher: “Oh, I have to watch an ad… for Clearblue ovulation predictor.”

Class: *cracks up laughing*

This Bee Is Banananas!

| IL, USA | Language & Words

(My son was one of the fourth-grade representatives for the All-School Spelling Bee. I attended the Bee, which had student classroom winners from first-eighth grade on the stage. This gem happens in the first round:)

Announcer: “[Eighth-grade student], your word is…’banana’.”

Eighth-Grade Student: “Banana. B-A-N…” *pause* “…N-A-N-A. Banana.”

(Immediately, the school audience gasped… and several people shook their heads in surprise. Meanwhile, the speller turned several shades of red as he realized what he had just done. He was the first contestant to sit down. The ultimate kicker: A SECOND-GRADER won the School Bee — with the word “oddity”!)

Tabling This Inspection

| USA | Extra Stupid, Students

(We have an annual week of school inspection. We are in math class when one inspector is watching. I have a really blunt teacher who absolutely hates this one student who talks back at anything, always trying to prove her wrong. The teacher is unnaturally nice and has us gather our desks in groups of three [with a hole in the middle of where the desks can’t meet] and play games in the groups.)

Me: *playing a dice game with my two friends at the table*

(Suddenly, there is a loud BANG! We all look back and see the student the teacher doesn’t like sprawled on the floor with the desk overturned.)

Teacher: *in a quiet and caring voice* “What happened? Are you all right?”

Student: “Uh, yes. The dice fell through the table and I tried to climb over the desk to get it back.”

Inspector: *smiles, shakes head, and writes something down on her clipboard*

Teacher: “—you climbed over your desk.”

Student: “How else was I going to get it?”

Teacher: “Just go to the nurse.” *pats him awkwardly*

(When the inspector was gone the next day, she sure had a go at him.)

This Lesson Is Getting Heated

| UK | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Students

(We are conducting an experiment where we need to heat a test tube containing a substance to see how it reacts. Most of us are doing fine, but one girl keeps having issues. There have been several smashes of tubes from her station when the teacher intervenes.)

Teacher: “[Girl], what are doing?”

Girl: “Sir, the test tube keeps breaking.”

Teacher: “You’ve been putting them under the tap after heating them.”

Girl: “I know.”

Teacher: “Why?”

Girl: “Because they’re getting hot.”

Teacher: “But… that’s why they’re smashing: rapid expansion from the heat and shrinking from the cold. And, [Girl], this isn’t even part of today’s practical.”

Me: “But, sir, they’re getting hot!”

Teacher: “They’re supposed to.” *pinching his nose* “Please, just follow the exercise book.”

(She tried, but she couldn’t get beyond the fact that heating up glass made it hot. By the end of the year, she had broken so much equipment they had to increase the budget. Our teacher stuck with her, though, and she managed to pass with a B.)

That Was A Sickly Sweet Thing To Do

| UK | Bizarre/Silly, Love/Romance, Movies & TV

(My boyfriend and I sit together in our Religions Studies class at school. We’re talking about a vampire movie we saw the night before, and my boyfriend produces a bottle of strawberry-flavoured syrup we were using on the ice cream we were eating.)

Me: “Kind of beautiful, having something that looks like blood while watching Underworld.”

Boyfriend: *with a glint in his eye* “Would you like a taste, my sweet?”

(He then dribbles some on his wrist. The syrup is far too transparent to be considered anywhere near real blood, but because I’m weird I decide to play along.)

Me: “Of course, my darling. Mmmmm, fresh man’s blood.”

(As I start making out with his wrist, the girl in front of us turns around, obviously wondering what we we’re talking about. She doesn’t look too impressed so I lift my mouth. I can’t tell from her expression that she’s clocked the “blood.” She locks eyes with me. I feel the syrup on my teeth when I smile.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Boyfriend: *playing along and extending his wrist to her* “Would you like a taste?”

(I’ve never seen someone go white so fast. She didn’t even have time to scream before blacking out. We both got in trouble for our macabre performance, but to be honest, it serves her right for eavesdropping on our conversation.)

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