The Weekend Is No Longer Your Safety (Fish)Net

| WI, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Teachers

(I work at a retail store aimed at teens, with a bit of an alternative, somewhat goth style. My coworker was checking out an older white-haired gentleman when a young girl walks in.)

Gentleman: *turning around* “Oh, [Girl]! It’s nice to see you!”

Girl: *obviously shocked* “Oh, um, hi, um, Mr. [Gentleman]. How are you?”

Gentleman: *cheerful* “I’m fine. I’m fine. Just out running some errands.”

(The man gestures to his purchases, and the girl’s eyes go even wider.)

Gentleman: “So I’ll see you Monday?”

Girl: “Uh- yeah, s-see you.”

(The gentleman leaves the store, and the girl all but collapses at my counter.)

Me: “Are you all right, miss?”

Girl: “Yeah, I’m fine. But never have I ever thought I’d see my English teacher in here buying fishnets!”

Not To Subtract From The Situation

| TX, USA | At The Checkout, Math & Science, Teachers

(I am waiting in line at the check out. The customer ahead of me has just bagged their groceries.)

Cashier: “Your total is $66.14, sir.”

Customer: “I want to pay with this $100 bill, but instead of giving me change, can you put the rest on a gift card?”

Cashier: “Sure, I can do that.”

(The cashier stares at the register for a moment.)

Cashier: “Um… do you know how much that’s going to be on the gift card? I can’t find out how much your change is until you pay, and I still have to add your gift card.”

Customer: “I don’t know; just whatever is left out of $100.”

Cashier: “Let me see if there’s a calculator around…”

Me: “It’s $33.86.”

(The cashier and customer look at me uncertainly.)

Cashier: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, just put it in; you’ll see.”

Cashier: “…okay.”

(The cashier puts it in hesitantly.)

Cashier: “…hey, you were right! How’d you do that?”

Me: “I’m a teacher. I subtract from 100 every time I grade papers.”

Customer: “But you did that in your head without a calculator or anything.”

Me: “Yeah, I actually teach math, so I have to be able to do math.”

Cashier: “Wow you must have to be really smart to teach math like that!”

Me: “Um…”

Just Burst Their Kentucky Fried Bubble

| NC, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Students

(I’m English. I’ve lived in the US for several years, but I still have a very strong English accent. A pair of customers I’ve never met approach me out of nowhere.)

Customer #1: “It’s so good to see you here! Your coworker tells me you’re a fellow Kentucky alum!”

Customer #2: “Gosh, how have you been? When did you graduate? What brings you to North Carolina?”

Me: “Er… No… What… Huh?”

(This is baffling, because I go to a North Carolina college. I’ve never even been to Kentucky, and my coworker has no reason to think otherwise. Then I look down and see that both customers are wearing University of Kentucky t-shirts with a prominent ‘UK’ logo.)

Me: *laughing* “Oh, I see what happened. No, I’m from the other ‘UK.'”

(Both customers look blank.)

Customer #1: “What other UK?”

Filling Up On Logic

, | Alberta, Canada | Job Seekers, Math & Science, Students

(I work part-time as a clerk in a small store while I was in university where I can study when it’s not busy. I’m reading a logic textbook one afternoon when a customer comes up to the till.)

Customer: “Logic! that looks interesting!”

Me: “Yes, I enjoy it but it isn’t enough to make a career out of, unfortunately.”

Customer: “That’s not true! My brother has a PhD in phenomenology and he was the best fit of all of our siblings to take over my father’s gas station!”

Taking The Big Out Of Bigotry

| Orange, NJ, USA | Bigotry, Religion, Top

(I am female. My girlfriend picks up my teen niece from school and they meet me at my job everyday. On this day, my niece’s school has a “Pride Day”, so my niece is dressed in purple and has a rainbow-colored band around her upper arm. A customer has noticed.)

Customer: “Excuse me, young lady. Are you gay?”

My Niece: “No, ma’am. Why do you ask?”

Customer: “Because your band says ‘gay’ on it.”

My Niece: “Oh! It actually says ‘I support gays’. Today was Pride Day at my school. That’s also why my band is rainbow and I’m wearing so much purple.”

Customer: *very loudly* “You will go to Hell for telling people to sin! You are encouraging people to disobey God!”

My Niece: “To be honest, ma’am, I am an atheist. But my school’s principal is Christian and he announced the Pride Day.”

Customer: “You will burn in Hell! How does your family feel about you disobeying God’s word?”

My Niece: “Actually, my parents are okay with me being an atheist. Also, you see that lady over there who helped you?” *points to me* “She’s my aunt, and that woman there—” *points to my girlfriend* “—is her girlfriend, and they’ve been together for 14 years. They’re also Christians.”

Customer: “Heathens! Filthy, devil-worshipping heathens is what you all are! You will have to face God one day!”

(My niece has been smiling throughout this whole exchange, as if she’s completely unbothered by the customer’s comments.)

My Niece: “Ma’am, correct me if I’m wrong, but don’t Christians believe that God loves all His children? And isn’t Christianity about ‘loving thy neighbor’? If that’s true, why are you such a closed-minded, air-headed bigot who tries to use religion as a weapon? I think you are just using being Christian as a mask for your hatred. Unless what I’ve just said is false, I don’t think you know what it means to be Christian.”

(The customer was rendered speechless and stormed out the door, almost leaving her bags behind until my niece kindly reminded her.)

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