A Superior A**-Hole

, | Noblesville, IN, USA | Pets & Animals, Religion

Theology Teacher: “Okay! So we’ve established that humans have superior intellects and free will. The real question now is, what do we do with it? Any ideas, [Student]?”

Student: *clearly very lost* “Um, rub it in the other animals’ faces?”

Theology Teacher: “Well, it’s not suggested, but I suppose you could. ‘Ha Ha, I was made in the image and likeness of God and you weren’t! TAKE THAT, FIDO!’”

Too Soon?

| Denver, CO, USA | Religion

(Our faculty meets for prayer before the students arrive each morning.)

Teacher #1: “It’s so wonderful, following the Lord’s will! I was just reading about John the Baptist being beheaded … I can just see his smiling face!”

Teacher #2: *catching the image of a gory, severed head grinning on a platter, starts to giggle*

Teacher #3: *snort! chortle!*

Teacher #2: *full blown, unstoppable laughter*

Administrator: *valiantly stifling her own laughter* “I think we’d better end now.”

Any Day Is Lightened By Puns

| Elnora, IN, USA | Punny, Teachers

(One of the classroom lights does not come on.)

Teacher: “Everyone raise your hands!”

(All the students do so.)

Teacher: “That’s odd. I thought ‘Many hands make light work.’”

Graded ‘E’ For Effort

| Toledo, OH, USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words, Pets & Animals

(I have been volunteering for Vacation Bible School, which has a sea theme, at my church. I am working crafts on this particular day, explaining how to assemble a Styrofoam fish that appears to be in a fishing hook. Later, after the craft is over and we’re cleaning up, my friend tells me about this gem.)

Kindergartener: “Can you help me?”

Friend: “Sure, what do you need help with?”

Kindergartener: “I named my fish Fishy. Can you write Fishy on him for me?”

Friend: “Sure.” *writes Fishy on the child’s craft* “Here you go!”

(The child takes the fish and looks at my friend’s writing for a moment and then looks back up at her in confusion.)

Kindergartener: “You missed something.”

(The child took the pen from my friend and wrote a sloppy E over the Y in Fishy, so that it looked like this: Fish E. My friend had to excuse herself because she was laughing so hard.)

Question… Everything!

| FL, USA | Awesome, Politics, Religion, Students

(At vacation bible school, the kids are asked to write questions they have for God on posters. These are some of the things they wrote in its poorly-written glory. Keep in mind that these are elementary school kids:)

Student #1: “Why did George Lukas sell Star Wars?”

Student #2: “Why can’t the Heat beat the Spurs?”

Student #3: “Are u a brony or like my little pony?”

Student #4: “Who invented timetravel?”

Student #5: “Why is sean an idiot?”

Student #6: “Do creepers really just want a hug?”

Student #7: “How babys are born?”

Student #8: “Why is there abortion?”

Student #9: “Why is my friend mean to me?”

Student #10: “Why did my stepdad hurt me?”

Student #11: “Why can not penguins fly?”

Student #12: “Why did my pet parrot fly away?”

Student #13: “Why do people have to put #?”

Student #14: “I don’t understand why Jesus washed his disciples feet?” *which was the entire lesson for the day*

Student #15: “Why does my dog run away?”

Student #16: “Why do I want to fight so much?”

Student #17: “Why is the theme song in my head?” *the theme song plays continuously throughout the week, driving many people crazy*

Student #18: “Why is Pokemon so 20% cooler then your mom?”

(And my personal favorite:)

Student #19: “Why is there Bill Clinton?”