Left That Part Out Of Mein Kampf

| ON, Canada | History, Rude & Risque, Technology

(I’m sitting in History class and the teacher is writing a Canadian history timeline of the chalkboard beside me. He starts writing briefly about WWII. Student #1 sits behind me and Student #2 beside them while Student #3 sits across the room.)

Student #1: *not very quietly* “Didn’t Hitler have a sex doll?”

(I turn around in horror at what I thought I just heard.)

Me: “Did I just hear what i thought I heard?”

Student #2: “What?!”

(The teacher has stopped writing on the board.)

Teacher: “What’s the joke?”

Student #2: “Uh… You don’t want to know.”

Teacher: “No, no, tell me.”

Student #2: “He was just asking about Hitler and their… blowup companion.”

(The teacher looks like he’s having a migraine.)

Student #1: “I just wanted to know, didn’t Hitler have a sex doll?”

Me: *struggling to breathe*

(The whole class is listening at this point.)

Teacher: “We’re just going to end that topic of conversation and move on.” *continues to write on the board*

(A solid minute later:)

Student #1: *looking it up on his phone* “Yeah, it says right here he had a sex doll!”

Student #2: “No, nooo…” *starts grabbing [Student #1]’s phone away*

Me: *dying again*

Student #1: “I just heard about it and I wanted to know if it was true!”

Student #3: “Why are we still talking about this!”


The Measure Of A Man

| New Zealand | Exams/Tests, Math & Science

(It is the end-of-year exams and I am currently sitting my maths exam.)

Question: “Jimmy wants to chop a tree in one. The tree is 6m high and is 48° from the ground. Will Jimmy be able to chop the tree?”

My Answer: “No, because Jimmy is a normal human being who doesn’t rely on measurements to chop trees.”

(Oddly enough, I got a pass.)


Sometimes School Is Just A Lot Of Noise

| USA | Bad Behavior, Movies & TV, Teachers

(We are watching a video in class when a student walks in.)

Student: “Excuse me, [Teacher #2] wants you to lower the volume.”

My Teacher: “Okay, no problem.”

(After the student leaves the teacher raises the volume and laughs. The next day, we are finishing the video when we hear loud noise coming from Teacher #2’s classroom.)

My Teacher: “Okay, then…”

(She raises our volume, which leads Teacher #2 to raise the volume of her video. The rest of the class was basically a noise war.)


Hotdogs And Air-horns And Balls, Oh My

| VA, USA | Awesome, Bizarre/Silly, Teachers

(My math class takes place in the trailers of my high school. Each trailer has two classrooms, with a door in the thin wall that they share. My math teacher happens to be pretty laid back and also close friends with the teacher next door. During my math period, the teacher next door doesn’t have a class. This leads to these events.)

Story #1:

(My math teacher has brought in two huge packs of soda for an experiment we’re about to do.)

Math Teacher: “Okay, guys, I bought, like, 100 sodas for you so please don’t waste them. Anyway, we’re going to—”

Other Teacher: *pokes head in class through door* “Actually, I was the one who bought the sodas.” *goes back into his classroom*

Math Teacher: *opens door and shouts* “OK, WELL, I BOUGHT YOU THAT HOTDOG!” *closes door*

Other Teacher: *after a few seconds of not replying, he slowly pokes his head back in* “It was a really good hotdog…”

Story #2:

(My math teacher has decided to use an air-horn sound effect to signal when we’re out of time to do our worksheet. He plays it fairly loudly.)

Math Teacher: *plays air-horn effect*

(Then, very faintly, we hear the same sound effect coming from next door.)

Class: *silently looks at Math Teacher to see what he will do*

Math Teacher: *proceeds to spam air-horn sound effect super loudly*

Other Teacher: *does the same*

(After a while of doing this, they both eventually stop.)

Classmate: “[Math Teacher], can we all go in there and spam the sound effect on our phones?”

Math Teacher: *laughs* “No, of course not.” *thinks for a few moments* “Ok, well, maybe after class.”

(And we did exactly that.)

Story #3:

(We’re in class learning when all of a sudden we hear loud bangs from, of course, next door.)

Math Teacher: “What the heck is that?” *pokes head in other class* “Ah.”

(The class just sits there, realizing that the sounds are coming from the other teacher next door bouncing a ball against the wall.)

Math Teacher: *grabs a golf ball and a putter from a shelf, along with a plastic cup, and heads next door; he then returns, smiling* “There we go. That should be better.”

(Cue the sounds of a golf ball rolling around and a lot of ” THAT’S BULL-S***” for the rest of the class.)


You’re A Vision Of Balance

| FL, USA | Health & Body

(I suffer from ocular migraines, which often leave me partially or totally blind in my right eye for the duration of the migraine. It’s a difficult sensation to describe, because sometimes I feel like I can see out of the eye but my brain doesn’t ‘register’ what I am seeing.)

Me: “Excuse me, [Teacher]? May I go to the nurse to get my migraine medicine? My head is killing me.”

Teacher: “Sure thing. Do you need someone to help you?”

Me: “No, I’m good. No vision issue this time.” *makes a grab for the hall pass*

Teacher: “You’re off by a foot, [My Name].” *holds the pass up on my left side*

Me: “Ah! Got it!” *turns around for the door and takes a few steps before whacking my hip on a lab table*

Teacher: “Oh-kaay! [Student], go with her, please. The stairs are on the right.”

Me: “Thank you…”

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