I’m Allergic To Meg

| BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(In my high-school Home-Ec. class:)

Classmate: *completely serious* “If you take the nut out of nutmeg, can people who are allergic to nuts eat it?”

It’s A Garçon/Fille Thing

| USA | LGBTQ

(I live in a small town with a lot of hard-core right-wing anti-LGBT strongly Christian people. I myself am Christian, but am very liberal. I’m also trans, something I’ve spent years coming to terms with and am starting to tell people during my sophomore year of high school. As of this point, I have mostly only told a few friends. I tried to explain it to my parents and got a kind of “I’m going to pretend this doesn’t exist” reaction. However, despite having long hair, I look masculine enough to pass in environments where no one knows me, especially if an adult will address me as male. My school’s French Club offers a trip to Europe — specifically, France, Germany, and the Alps, with an optional add-on of going to Versailles — for several thousand dollars fund-raised over the course of three years. It’s an incredible opportunity that I’ve been looking forward to since middle school. We have finally had the meeting and signed up to start fundraising. I am hoping to be able to go stealth (pass as male) in France, though. My teacher is very kind and supportive and knows me because of all the volunteer work I’ve done for the club. I’ve thought about coming out to her all year, and one day when I’m staying after class, I finally decide to.)

Teacher: “So [Principal] told me I have to talk to [Administrator] about whether or not we can solicit free gift cards from businesses. Otherwise we can just buy them and get reimbursed.”

Me: “Okay, sounds good. Is [Friend] here today?”

Teacher: “She didn’t check in, so probably not. Now don’t be late to your next class!”

Me: “Okay! Also, this is a little awkward, but… Je ne suis pas une fille. Je suis un garçon.” *”I am not a girl. I am a boy.”*

Teacher: “Oh, tu es un garçon?” *”You are a boy?* “Okay!”

Me: “Thank you! Au demain!” *”See you tomorrow!”*

(It was probably the most well-received my coming out has been, and I’ll be able to spend ten straight days passing as a boy, having the time of my life in three countries!)

An Animal That Controls Detentions

| CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Students

(Our school is known be being very wacky and lenient towards our seniors. For reasons unknown, all the seniors decide to do a sort of “themed day.” For example, one year, everyone would dress like an animal, and another year, they would all wear all black. For some reason, this year is tourist and they are all walking around campus pretending to be a group of foreigners. This occurs when the entire group walks into a classroom where the teacher is widely hated by both students and staff.)

Senior: *points at teacher* “Hey, [Tour Leader], what kind of animal is that?”

(Cue 84 people going “OOOH” with much laughter from us and the students in that class. This is the story of how our school handed out almost 100 detentions in a single day.)

Infinitely Bad at Spelling

| USA | Language & Words, Math & Science

(We are about to take a test in a pre-calculus class for sophomores, so this is an advanced course for us.)

Student #1: [Teacher], can I write an infinity sign and then ‘many solutions’ if there are infinitely many solutions?”

Teacher: “I suppose…”

Student #1: “Good. Because I can’t spell ‘infinitely.'”

Which Came First, The Milk Or The Egg?

| CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(At school, I am taking an advanced cooking and catering class, and we need to write grocery orders for our teacher on what ingredients we need. We are sorting the ingredients based on what section you might find in the grocery store, and one of my group members is VERY confused. Our conversation goes a little something like this.)

Classmate: “So, mayonnaise is a dairy product, right?”

Me: “No, it’s a condiment. Besides, it’s made from eggs.”

Classmate: “But eggs are dairy!”

Me: “Eggs are not dairy.”

Classmate: “But they’re found in the dairy section!”

Me: *opens lunchbox, takes out coconut milk-based vegan yogurt* “So’s this, but that doesn’t make it dairy. I’ll even Google it for you.” *Googles “Are eggs dairy” and pulls it up to show classmate, obviously saying that eggs are NOT dairy* “You realize dairy means milk products, right?”

Classmate: “Yeah.”

Me: “Eggs are not made from milk.”

Classmate: “But they’re made from milk-producing animals, so they’re classified as dairy.” *he is talking to me in a tone as though I am really stupid*

Me: “You realize you basically just said that cows lay eggs, right?”

Classmate: *says nothing, writes “mayonnaise” in the dairy section anyway*

(We are basically yelling this conversation, but nobody else in the classroom is paying attention. We continue shouting at each other about eggs for a few more minutes, the other members of our group looking very confused. I walk over to my teacher:)

Me: “I’ve been trying to teach [Classmate] that eggs aren’t dairy, but he still thinks that mayonnaise is a dairy product. Maybe you can help him?”

Teacher: “It doesn’t even matter! Mayonnaise is a condiment!”

Me: “That’s what I said!”

Another Classmate: *yelling* “But eggs ARE dairy!”

(You know, I’d think high-schoolers in an advanced-level cooking class would know this stuff.)

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