Emailed Failed

| OH, USA | Bad Behavior, Homework, Teachers, Time

(My teacher asked us to email him an assignment a few days prior to this. I am checking my grades and I see that the grade for the assignment is missing.)

Me: “Mr. [Teacher], I noticed my grade for our assignment from a few days ago is missing, but I clearly remember sending it into you.”

Teacher: “Well, I didn’t get it.”

Me: “I promise I sent it.”

(I look through my sent mail and find the email.)

Me: “See, it’s right here.”

Teacher: “Well, I never got it.”

Me: “That’s weird because—“ *I notice something incorrect in his email address* “Oh, it looks like I forgot the “o” in “dot com”. Sorry about that.”

Teacher: “It’s fine; just send it to me tonight.”

Me: “Thank you!”

(I send the email to the correct email address. My teacher updates my grades again, and I get a 75% on the assignment.)

Me: “Mr. [Teacher], I was wondering what I did wrong on the assignment where I messed up the email?”

Teacher: “Nothing. Yours was probably the best I read.”

Me: “Then why did I get a 75?”

Teacher: “Because you turned it in late.”

Me: “But I turned it in on time; I just made a little mistake in the email address. I thought you said it was okay.”

Teacher: “No, I said you could email me the assignment; I never said it was okay.”

Me: “That seems a little unfair.”

Teacher: “It’s not my fault you sent it to the wrong email address!”

(He got fired the next year.)


Taking The Necessary Steps

| Australia | Exams/Tests, Popular

(My homeroom teacher has left the classroom unlocked, and I am the first to arrive. Seizing the opportunity, I grab a whiteboard marker and scrawl the first thing that comes to my head.)

Friend #1: *arriving in classroom, reads what I have written* “Today’s Schedule: Step one – Crying.”

(We look at each other, and crack up. A second friend arrives in the classroom, and reads out the “schedule,” plus a few additions made by Friend #1.)

Friend #2: “Step two – Reevaluate your life choices. Step three –  More crying.”

(Friend #1 and I are giggling, and Friend #2 comes up to make her mark. Soon enough, one more friend arrives before the rest of the class starts trickling in. My friends and I continue to add to the list until there are nine items in total. Most of the class is stifling laughter. When I spot the teacher and we scramble into our seats.)

Teacher: *eyes us suspiciously* “What? What have you done this time?”

Teacher: *notices the board, and reads out list* “Today’s Schedule:

Step one – Cry

Step two – Reevaluate your life choices

Step three – More crying :) *yes she said “colon right-parenthesis”

Step four – Succumb to the darkness within

Step five – Catch up on sleep in Mrs. [Teacher]’s class

Step six – Realize our puny existences are futile

Step seven – Cry some more

Step eight – Die :)

Step nine – Cry from the grave”

(At this point, the class cannot contain their laughter.)

Teacher: “Yeah, that sounds about right.”


An Enemy Of Your Gut

| Towson, MD, USA | Language & Words

(It’s freshman Latin. As we learn new vocabulary words, our teacher, a priest, likes to give examples of English words that come from Latin roots. A few include “agriculture” from “agricola,” meaning farmer; “nautical” from “nauta,” meaning sailor; and “patriotic” from “patria,” meaning country. Today, the teacher is talking about “hostis,” meaning enemy, from which come words like “hostile.” A student asks:)

Student: “Father, do Twinkies come from ‘hostis’?”

(The teacher joined us in considerable laughter.)

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