And They Don’t Like Your Shirt Either

| Victoria, BC, USA | Health & Body, Non-Dialogue

One day we’re visited by an educator from the Vancouver Island Health Authority, who’s there to tell us about mental health issues and how to recognize them.

During her presentation, I stretch by pulling my arms over my head, and she does a minor double take before carrying on about how schizophrenia manifests in teenagers and what to do about it if we start noticing signs or symptoms.

It’s only once I leave the classroom that I remember I’m wearing a t-shirt that says, “I hear voices and they don’t like you.”


Lord Of The Flies, 90210

| IN, USA | Extra Stupid, Students

(We are about to start reading a book about survival, so our teacher has us do an assignment about surviving on a desert island. The backstory is that each group is marooned on an island without any supplies. This is my group.)

Student #1: “Okay, so we get a yacht…”

Me: “How are you gonna build a yacht?”

Student #1: “We buy one.”

Me: “You do realize we are marooned on an island, right? No supplies.”

Student #2: “You just don’t get it.”

(I moved to a group by myself because they kept making insane choices: solar panels, wind turbines, etc. After we were all done, each group presented their island. We then had to vote on which island would survive the best. Guess which one everyone voted for?)


That Joke Will Be Winging Around For A While

| NJ, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(This takes place a few years ago when I’m a junior in high school. Due to not getting along with the previous year’s history teacher and not liking her teaching style, I am in the CP class. We are learning about how Americans used railroads to hunt buffalo for sport, almost to the point of extinction. The teacher has just finished explaining this when this happens.)

Girl #1: “But if buffalo are almost extinct, where do buffalo wings come from?”

(Safe to say, the whole class either laughs or groans.)

Girl #2: “[Girl #1]! Buffalo don’t have wings.”

Teacher: “Buffalo wings are chicken wings tossed in buffalo sauce.”


Won’t Take No Answer For An Answer

| USA | Crazy Requests, Teachers

(My Spanish teacher is generally disagreeable, but this interaction takes the cake. During class, she is asking random people a certain question in Spanish and they have to answer. I was absent the previous day, so I’m frantically trying to catch up on my homework so I can have a general idea of what’s going on.)

Teacher: “Señorita [My Name]!”

Me: *looks up* “Huh?”

Teacher: “Since you weren’t paying attention, this one is for you.” *proceeds to ask me a question in Spanish I don’t understand*

Me: *stumbling over my words* “Uh… I-I wasn’t here yesterday, Señora.”

Teacher: “That’s no excuse. Answer the question.”

Me: “I don’t know what the answer is!”

Teacher: *in a sickeningly sweet, patronizing voice* “Well, if you’re refusing to answer, I’ll have no choice but to dock your participation points for the day.”

Me: “I’m not refusing to answer; I just don’t know that answer!”

Teacher: “Then your participation points are gone for today.”

Me: “You know what? Fine!”

(The deduction didn’t affect the A I had in her class, but I was still mad!)


Disney’s Red Light District

| USA | Rude & Risque

(Before class starts, a group of my friends and I are exchanging lewd jokes. I am the only female, while the rest are male.)

Friend #1: *to me* “I’ll give you a nickel if you tickle my dickle.”

Friend #2: “I’ll give you a dime if you give me a good time.”

Me: *I smirk, and say to [Friend #1]* “I’ll give you a dollar if you can make me holler.”

Friend #1: *with a twinkle in his eye* “All right, first I’ll take you to Valleyfair, then Disneyland…”

(We all laughed.)

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