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His Hands Are Just As Dirty

| Lincolnshire, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Teachers

(We have a teacher in the history department who is just plain horrible for no reason. It rained the previous night, so the ground floor has a lot of wet footprints.)

Teacher: “Hey! What are you lot doing, bringing in all this mud?!”

Friend #1: “Everyone is bringing it in on the ground floor. There’s no carpet; it’s impossible to avoid.”

Teacher: “Well, you shouldn’t be treading it upstairs! It’s a real slur on the cleaners; they shouldn’t have to clean up your footprints every day! Show some respect!”

(He walks off, leaving behind the EXACT same footprints.)

Me: “Sir? Look at your shoes.”

(He looks down and has a sudden realization before stuttering out a defense.)

Teacher: “Well, you lot show no respect! I at least have respect for the cleaners! And my car is on the other side of the field so it’s unavoidable!”

Friend #2: “So, you can mess up the building but we can’t because we don’t feel bad about it?”

Teacher: “YES!” *under his breath* “Honestly, kids today…”

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Bringing Law And Order To The Class

| Sacramento, CA, USA | History, Homework, Movies & TV

(One of our projects for AP US History is to research a US president/interest group and participate in a class debate, and I am assigned President Van Buren. Our teacher tells us we get extra credit if we make an artistic sign to hang around our neck that shows our president/interest group. Since I know the teacher is also a fan of Law and Order, I decide to put the character named Lt. Van Buren on my sign, not the president. After I give my part of the debate, I go sit down when my teacher is finally able to see my sign up close for the first time.)

Teacher: “Is that…” *struggling not to laugh* “…is that Lt. Van Buren from Law and Order?”

Me: “Sure is!”

Teacher: “I love it!”

(None of my friends in the class ever asked why I had a picture of a middle-aged African-American woman on my sign and not a portrait of a white president.)

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Not The Top Ice-Pick Of The Bunch

| TX, USA | Bizarre/Silly, History, Students

(My AP World History teacher is known for his sarcastic sense of humor and telling us stories related to what we’re learning. On this day, the lesson is on how Russia became the USSR, which is something the people not taking the AP level of the course also learn. My teacher tells us what happened when he told the only class he taught that was not AP one of the stories related to the unit.)

Teacher: “Trotsky was exiled from Russia once Stalin came to power, so he was just trotting around Mexico mumbling ‘I was the smartest man in the world… and now I live in Mexico.’ He was soon assassinated with an ice pick.”

Student: “Really? Cool! Then the ice pick could melt and there would be no evidence on who killed him!”

Teacher: “…”

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