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Flapping Around For The Answer

| SK, Canada | History, Language & Words

(Everyone in my grade six class is doing a report about a different First Nations group.)

Classmate: “…and they wore…” *thinks for a moment* “…y’know, buttflaps!”

Teacher: “[Classmate]!”

(He’d forgotten the word ‘loincloth’. He wasn’t wrong!)

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A Note-Worthy Incident

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Staff

Substitute Teacher: “Good morning, class! I’m Miss [Substitute Teacher], and this is my first day teaching a class!”

(Cue seven-year-old kids acting up for a couple hours. My friend finds a washer under his desk and puts it on his finger, and finds that he can’t take it off. He approaches the teacher, who also can’t take it off.)

Substitute Teacher: “You’ll need to go to the school nurse. Here’s a note.”

Note: “[Friend]’s finger needs to be amputated.”

(My friend reads the note. He doesn’t know what “amputated” means, but knows it can’t be good. He goes to the school nurse.)

Nurse: *reads note* “Oh, boy! We’re going to have to cut your finger off! First we’ll have to break it one way, then the other…”

(While my friend is practically fainting at the thought of going home missing a finger, the nurse has already soaped the washer off.)

Nurse: “Okay, who wrote this stupid note?”

Friend: “Miss [Substitute Teacher].”

Nurse: “That new lady that came in today? Go to the cafeteria and bring back a packet of taco sauce.”

(My friend does so. The nurse tapes his finger down, puts some gauze and taco sauce on the end, and sends him back to class with a note of her own:)

Note: “The deed has been done!”

(My friend goes back to class and shows the teacher the note and his hand. She turns pale, and takes off down the hall screaming.)

Friend: *chases after her, showing his (uninjured) finger* “It’s really okay, Miss [Substitute Teacher]! See?”

(The substitute kept going, and was never seen at that school again. I don’t know who took over the class for the rest of the day.)

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Erasing Your Self-Confidence

| Paramus, NJ, USA | Games, Teachers

(When I was in elementary school, we had old-style blackboards that still used chalk. Each one had a metal strip along the bottom to hold the eraser; the strip spanned the entire length of the blackboard and was about two inches wide. We used to play a game where you balanced the eraser on the edge at one end of the blackboard, and you had X chances to push the eraser along the strip. If by the end of those chances, the eraser was balanced on the edge at the other end of the strip, you gained a point. If it fell off the side or went over the edge, you lost a point. One day, our teacher is lecturing while walking back and forth across the front of the room, idly pushing the eraser along the strip. At one point it falls off the side.)

Student: “Negative one!”

Teacher: *looks at him, bewildered* “Is that your IQ or the number of friends you have?”

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The Thought Was Priceless

| Victoria, BC, Canada | Awesome, Students

(I am a student teacher finishing up the last day of my practicum in a grade 4/5 class. I’ve had a wonderful time, and the kids have been great. We have a goodbye party with cake and everything. To my surprise, one of the students gets a nod from my mentor teacher and approaches me at the front of the class.)

Student: “Miss [My Name], I got you a goodbye present!” *hands me a little box*

(I open the box to find a necklace! It’s quite obvious that it’s not anything expensive, but I couldn’t care less. Touched by the gesture, I immediately put it on.)

Student: “My mom helped me pick it out!”

Me: *almost in tears* “Thank you so much, [Student]. I love it!”

Student: *proudly bragging* “And you know the best part? It was REALLY cheap!”

(I found out later that he was apparently very concerned that I would think he spent thousands of dollars on the necklace, and be uncomfortable accepting it. It’s been several years but I still have that necklace, and it brings a smile to my face whenever I take it out!)

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Goofing Off Has Hit The Ceiling

| CO, USA | Backhanded Compliments

(It’s April Fool’s Day. I’m in first grade. The teacher is leading a short activity where the first to find five “goofs”, i.e. minor changes, around the classroom gets a prize. I’m not particularly paying attention, so I miss this next part.)

Teacher: “And don’t bother looking at the ceiling; there are no goofs there.”

(The others quickly find four of the goofs, but can’t find the last one. I, having missed the last part of the introduction, end up finding it quickly.)

Me: “[Teacher], I’m finished.”

Teacher: “Okay, [My Name], would you mind pointing out all the goofs?”

(I point them all out, including the one on the ceiling.)

Classmate: “Hey, that doesn’t count! [Teacher] said there’s no goofs on the ceiling!”

Teacher: “April Fool’s!”

Me: *under my breath* “Yay, short attention span!”

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