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Going To New Lengths To Prove Her Point

| Lancaster, PA, USA | Awesome, Math & Science, Teachers

(This happens in first grade math class.)

Teacher: *holds up a ruler* “Do you know what this is?”

Student #1: *raises hand* “A ruler!”

Teacher: “Good! Who knows what it’s for?”

Student #2: *raises hand* “Measuring things.”

Teacher: “Measuring things? Okay.” *holds ruler out in front of her and looks at it* “I weigh ten pounds!”

Class: *confused looks on our faces*

Teacher: “What? That’s measuring!”

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Seems Like You’re Boredest In English, Too

| IL, USA | Language & Words, Math & Science

(I am in first grade, trying to express a concern to my teacher through a letter.)

Me: *writing* “Dear Mrs. [Name]. I think the whole entire class is all bored in math. But I am the boredest.”

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The Election Appealed To Third Graders

| Jamaica, NY, USA | Family & Kids, Politics

(I teach a class of third-grade autistic students. This morning, apropos of nothing, they came out with this.)

Student #1: “My mom is voting for Mary Clinton, because Trump is craaaazy!”

Student #2: “Well, I’m voting for Donald Trump 2016!”

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The Apple Falls Very Far From The Tree

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Language & Words, Parents

(I teach third grade. I am meeting with the mother of a boy in my class who has proved to be very intelligent and I’m hoping she would agree to have him put in a program for advanced students.)

Me: “These are a few of your son’s last tests. As you can see, he got perfect scores on almost all of them. I believe your son is a very special young man and—”

Mother: “HOW DARE YOU CALL [Son] SPECIAL?! HE IS A VERY SMART AND TALENTED BOY WHO IS ANYTHING BUT SPECIAL!”

Me: “Uh… that’s what I want to talk about. Our school has a very good program for above average students and he qualifies. He will be around kids his own age and he won’t have to leave the class often. There will be more homework but I think he is more than capable of completing it.”

Mother: *with a complete change in attitude* “Oh, that sounds like a great idea. [Son] is always complaining about how boring it is to learn things you already know. I’ll sign him up.”

(The woman left the classroom looking very happy. That is the only time so far that I have ever been yelled at for complimenting a student.)

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Trying Not To ‘Baby’ Them

| Canada | Family & Kids

(I teach in an area with a high population of relatively conservative families. As such, large numbers of students don’t know where babies come from, but some do. I’m reading the story of the Nativity story to them, which shows Mary having a round belly, followed by a picture of her holding baby Jesus.)

Student #1: “She’s fat!”

(I should note that some of students are told by their parents that women get fat, and then they go to the doctor, who gives them a baby.)

Student #2: “No, she’s pregnant!”

Student #3: “How could she have a baby without a doctor there?”

Me: “Sometimes, if the mom and the baby are both healthy, you can manage without a doctor.”

Student #4: “But how does it get out?”

Student #5: “They cut a hole!” *mimes slashing his own belly with a knife*

Student #6: “No, it comes out of the back hole!”

(At this point, I was just frantically trying to come up with something that would steer the conversation in another direction, which is hard to do when you’re also trying to avoid laughing hysterically.)

Me: “I’m not going to talk about it because your parents have told you all different things. Hey, look at the shepherds!”

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