Thankful That The Kindergartners Don’t Cook

| Louisville, KY, USA | Family & Kids, Holidays

(Every year, my grade school asks the kindergarteners for recipes for turkey. They print the best ones in the parent newsletter for Thanksgiving weekend:)

Kindergartener #1: “Go out into the woods and find a turkey. Bring it home, add salt and pepper, and cook for ten minutes at ten degrees.”

Kindergartener #2: “Stuff a turkey with ketchup. Put it in the oven at 300 degrees for two minutes.”

Kindergartener #3: “Buy a turkey. Put bread in it. Cook at 4000 degrees for three hours.”

Google ‘Greenland Shark’ And Be Amazed

| St. Pete, FL, USA | Math & Science, Pets & Animals

(This is with my kindergarten class in the morning, right after we’ve finished singing a song about the flag.)

Student #1: “Miss [Music Teacher]? Do sharks die?”

Student #2: “They don’t!”

Student #1: “Yes, they do!”

Me: “We’ll save that for science time.”

Student #2: “You’re a liar! Sharks don’t die!”

Always Thinking Inside The Box

| Queens, NY, USA | Language & Words

(I am walking upstairs with some autistic third graders. They are holding a basket between them which holds our lunch supplies.)

Student: “This is like a funeral box!”

Me: “A what?”

Student: “You know when people die?”

Me: “A coffin?!”

It Cures Everything

| USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Staff

(I go to the nurse’s office.)

Me: “I have a headache.”

Nurse: *gives me a band aid*

Drunk On Love!

| Finland | Family & Kids, Language & Words, LGBTQ

(I assist a teacher with first and second graders. Two boys, both seven years old, start arguing over something, which ends with this conversation:)

Boy #1: “Well, that’s because you’re gay!”

Me: “Hey! Do you even know what that word means?”

Boy #1: “Yeah, it’s when you’re really drunk!”

(I end up giving an age-appropriate explanation of the word while wondering if I was doing something I really shouldn’t.)

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