What A Fuzz-Kill

| Nanaimo, BC, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Language & Words, Parents, Popular

(A principal at my kids’ school has an incentive program for good behavior, especially on the playground or any other out of class time. They wear cards which note the positive behaviour and have a fuzzy sticker on them. These “Warm Fuzzies” are announced weekly and kids can pick them up from a bulletin board outside the school office. This happens on the last day of school, where there is a desire on everyone’s part to get out of there. Numerous parents hear the announcement.)

Principal: *sounding frazzled* “Remember to take all your belongings from the classrooms. Lost and found items are laid out in the hallways so remember to check if anything belongs to you. And check the board for your Warm Fuzzies – we have Warm Fuzzies up the ying yang down here.”

Parents Listening: “Did she just say that? Was that real?”

A Bad Teacher Can’t Change Its Spots

| USA | Bad Behavior, Pets & Animals, Popular, Teachers

(I am a HUGE animal nerd in elementary school. One day my fourth-grade teacher is telling us about the savannah, and she mentions cheetahs.)

Classmate: “[Teacher], I saw in a book that some cheetahs have stripes! Why do some have stripes?”

Teacher: “Well… sometimes an African cheetah and an African tiger can mate and make striped cheetahs.”

Me: “There are no tigers in Africa! King cheetahs are the ones with thick spots that link together to look like stripes!”

Teacher: “[My Name], you didn’t raise your hand.”

Me: “Sorry! But—”

Teacher: “Don’t argue with me, [My Name]! I’m the teacher. If I say it was an African tiger and an African cheetah mixed, then that’s what it was!”

(I hated her.)


Intelligence In Absentia

| PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Students

(I’m a library aide in an elementary school. Kindergarten had just settled down in the library and the librarian is going over who is and is not in class that day.)

Librarian: “Where is [Student #1]? Is she absent?”

Student #2: “No! She’s not here!”

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