icon_datecalendardaystimeclock

Don’t Commit The Crime If You Can’t Tell Time

| USA | Bizarre/Silly, Time

(I am in kindergarten, and am involved in a minor incident. The teacher takes me into the hall to question me.)

Teacher: “When did this happen?”

Me: “I don’t know, either yesterday or tomorrow.”

(My parents never let me live that down.)

icon_badbehavior

Raising Hands And Raising Standards

, | Victoria, BC, Canada | Bad Behavior, Popular

(I am a substitute for the librarian in the school. The last class of the day to come into the library is a very loud grade five class. They have clearly already mentally checked out for the day, but I have to read a chapter of a novel to them before they can take out books and go home. One boy in particular has been very disruptive and is calling out rudely without putting his hand up.)

Me: *reading the novel aloud*

Disruptive Boy: “I NEED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. LET ME GO TO THE BATHROOM.”

Me: *reading aloud, ignoring his behaviour*

Disruptive Boy: “WHY WON’T YOU LET ME GO TO THE BATHROOM? I HAVE TO USE THE BATHROOM.”

Girl: *raises her hand and waits for me to acknowledge her* “Excuse me, miss, may I please use the bathroom?”

Me: “Why, of course! Thank you so much for putting your hand up. Off you go.”

Disruptive Boy: “WHAT? THAT’S NO FAIR. WHY WON’T YOU LET ME GO TO THE BATHROOM? THAT’S SO STUPID. THIS CLASS IS STUPID.”

(At this point the rest of the class understands what I’m doing, and the disruptive boy’s friend grins as he puts his hand up.)

Me: “Yes, [Boy #2]? Thank you for putting your hand up. What would you like to say?”

Boy #2: *extremely sweetly* “Miss, may I please use the bathroom?”

Me: “Why, what a polite young man you are! Of course you may. Off you go now.”

Disruptive Boy: *sighs, gives up, and puts his hand up at last*

Me: “Yes, what would you like?”

Disruptive Boy: “MAY I PLEASE GO TO THE STUPID BATHROOM.”

Me: *exaggeratedly looking around the library* “Oh, dear, I’m terribly sorry, but it appears we already have a boy using the bathroom. You’ll have to wait until he comes back.”

(The class erupts into laughter as his jaw drops after realizing what I’ve done. He became much quieter after that and never actually ended up needing the bathroom after all!)

icon_languagewords

What A Fuzz-Kill

| Nanaimo, BC, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Language & Words, Parents, Popular

(A principal at my kids’ school has an incentive program for good behavior, especially on the playground or any other out of class time. They wear cards which note the positive behaviour and have a fuzzy sticker on them. These “Warm Fuzzies” are announced weekly and kids can pick them up from a bulletin board outside the school office. This happens on the last day of school, where there is a desire on everyone’s part to get out of there. Numerous parents hear the announcement.)

Principal: *sounding frazzled* “Remember to take all your belongings from the classrooms. Lost and found items are laid out in the hallways so remember to check if anything belongs to you. And check the board for your Warm Fuzzies – we have Warm Fuzzies up the ying yang down here.”

Parents Listening: “Did she just say that? Was that real?”

Page 1/6612345...Last