Eight Centimeters Of Cheating

| Brooklyn Park, MN, USA | Cheaters, Exams/Tests

(In my biology class, we have a lab exam with a section that requires us to get up and walk around to different stations in the lab. Our professor warns us against taking the opportunity to cheat, saying he’ll know and grade us a zero. On the following lecture, after he has handed back the exams:)

Professor: *while giving the correct answer to a question about the depth of field shown on a microscope* “On this question, two different people said it was eight centimeters.”

(He holds up his hands eight centimeters apart showing the distance is at least twice the width of the entire microscope.)

Professor: “There is no way more than one person could get it this wrong on their own.”

Going To Come Out Smelling Of Roses

| NY, USA | Awesome, Students

(I have PTSD, and one of my major triggers is the smell of certain perfumed body sprays. I write this in all of my class syllabuses, and make sure to tell all my students on the first day. Usually, it is not an issue at school. One semester, I am teaching an advanced class, and many of the students have taken me before, so I know them and they know me and my quirks. It’s the first day of class, and I start going over the syllabus. Suddenly, one of my returning students starts flapping her notebook in the air.)

Me: “What are you doing?”

Student #1: *gestures to girl sitting beside her* “She just sprayed some body spray! I’m trying to wave it out before it gets to you!”

(Several other students near her, all ones I’ve had before, start waving their papers and notebooks, too. The poor girl in question has never taken one of my classes, and looks terribly confused.)

Girl: “Um… am I in trouble?”

Me: “No, don’t worry. I’ll explain. Thank you, guys.”

(I went on with the syllabus, but I was really touched that those students didn’t hesitate about trying to keep me safe.)

Time To Assay The Essay Situation, Part 6

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Cheaters, Homework

(It is the night before an assignment is due. I scored a 70% on the last assignment and in order to stay in my major you need a C+ in all outside major courses. Obviously a 70% isn’t below a C+ but I want to do better. As I’m working on some other work in the library I get a text from a classmate in my class where there is an essay due the next day.)

Classmate: “Hey what topic did you pick for the assignment?”

Me: “Uh, it’s due tomorrow. Don’t you have a topic?!”

Classmate: “I like to pull all nighters.”

(My sister works well under pressure so this doesn’t seem unusual to me. Unhealthy but not unusual. I am trying to make friends in the class so I just sent back “oh, cool.”)

Classmate: “So… topic?”

Me: “I picked [Topic].”

Classmate: “Is it hard?”

Me: “Well, we discussed in the tutorial so I had a jumping point.”

Classmate: “I missed the last tutorials. I slept in.”

(This isn’t uncommon as our class as at 10:30 am.)

Classmate: “What format is it in?”

Me: “MLA. The TA talked about it in tutorial.”

Classmate: “I missed the last few tutorials. Like three of them or something. I lost track. I just don’t want a hard topic.”

Me: *starting to get frustrated since she chose not to go to tutorials* “Well, unfortunately, I can’t pick the topic for you.”

Classmate: “I know, I know. I guess I’ll just do the same one you picked.”

Me: “Okay.”

Classmate: “Did you finish your essay?”

Me: “Yes, my Mom’s just proof-reading it.”

Classmate: “Ugh, I don’t wanna do this anymore.”

Me: “Ya, I feel you.”

Classmate: “Can you send me your essay for referencing purposes?”

(Uh huh, “referencing purposes.” We’re choosing the same article, you’re pulling an all nighter, and you happen to want my FINISHED paper for referencing purposes the night before. Needless to say I didn’t give it to her and she couldn’t finish her essay in time and got docked 2%.)

Time To Assay The Essay Situation, Part 5
Time To Assay The Essay Situation, Part 4
Time To Assay The Essay Situation, Part 3

Graded Ace-Plus

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | LGBTQ

(I’m taking a Gender Studies class at university. Our major project is to write a thesis introduction on an issue to do with gender, sexuality, or a similar topic. I’m looking at asexual discrimination, as I’m ace (asexual). During the semester, we also have to deliver an oral presentation on our idea, while our classmates provide feedback and ideas. Most of the people there provide helpful tips and criticisms; Student, however, just likes to ask stupid and insensitive questions.)

Me: *finishing presentation* “So that is my plan for my thesis introduction on asexual discrimination. Does anyone have questions or comments?”

Student: “Yeah, if you’re asexual, do you masturbate?”

Me: “I’ll answer your question if you answer mine: how often do you have sex with your partner?”

Student: “Hey! That’s private! What makes you think that you can just ask something like that?”

Me: “That’s pretty much what you were asking me.”

(The teacher gave me bonus points, as one of the forms of discrimination I talked about was others asking aces inappropriate questions, and Student proved my point.)


| USA | Teachers, Technology

(The professor is talking about computers.)

Professor: “I’m not a technology native like you all are. I’m a technology immigrant.”

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