Hogwarts Kitchen Staff

, | Tacoma, WA, USA | Food & Drink, Students, Time

(As some of the cafeteria ‘stations’ close earlier than others, my coworker is starting to pack up the extra food for the night. As she is doing this, a student approaches her.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry, we’re closed.”

Student: *points at the food she’s packing away* “Food.”

Coworker: “Um…”

Student: “There’s still food.”

Coworker: “Closed. We’re still closed.”

(The student let out an exasperated sigh and walked away. What, did they think the food just magically vanished the instant that the station closed or something?)

When You Want To Get An ‘F’

| NY, USA | Language & Words, Math & Science

(We are learning about ANOVA (analysis of variance) in math class. Our teacher is very Russian.)

Professor: “Now, for many years, always some students forget how to score ANOVA. [Student], when you do ANOVA, you will check score on which distribution table?”

Student: “Uhh… Z-table?”

Professor: “No. Definitely not. See, there is excellent way to remember that one student taught me. He did not mean to teach me, I think, but now all my students know. ANOVA is scored on the ‘F’ distribution. So remember, when you see ANOVA, say to yourself what my student told me: ‘eff this!'”

(We didn’t forget.)

This Year’s Books Include ‘Great Sexpectations.’

| PA, USA | Rude & Risque, Technology

(I work at the bookstore and that means we get to handle the textbooks, and students will come in asking for their books. We need their schedule since the books are organized by course. Our university offers an app that includes an easy mobile-friendly page with their schedule on it. All the student has to do is log in. It’s great, except that means students are often times handing us their phones so we can pull the books. No big deal, except we get the occasional call from Mom. That is not what happens this time. I have the student’s phone and am pulling the books when the phone buzzes with a sexting message: a rather graphic explanation of what the student’s girlfriend would like to have happen later. I pulled the books and gave the student back his phone.)

Me: “Your girlfriend says ‘hello.'”

Student: “Oh, s***.”

(Best day at the bookstore ever.)

A Photo-51 Finish

| Chicago, IL, USA | History, Math & Science, Teachers

(I’m in my university Human Genetics class, and the professor is giving us a brief overview of discoveries made concerning DNA and genetic engineering.)

Professor: “Okay, who can tell me who Watson and Crick were?”

Me: “The guys who discovered Rosalind Franklin’s notes.”

(Half the class started laughing and clapping including the professor. The textbook didn’t even touch on how crucial her work was, but at least we had a good-in class discussion about it!)

Time To Hit The Bar Bar

| UT, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Language & Words, Teachers

(The professor is going over a few basic notations in statistics class, and is now talking about different averages with which to measure normality.)

Professor: “The regular notation would be ‘y bar dot dot,’ but you see I’m old, and back when we used blackboards you couldn’t always tell the difference between a dot and dirt on the blackboard, so I’m using two bars. So we have ‘y bar bar dot dot.'”

(He continues writing, then turns around.)

Professor: “I quite like it this way because it shows I’m averaging over averages. If I would average that it would be ‘y bar bar bar dot dot dot.’ I could even go with five and more, having ‘y bar bar bar bar bar.'”

Me: “Now he starts sounding like a sheep.”

Friend: “That’s because he’s from New Zealand.”

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