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Not Saved By The Bell

, | USA | Bad Behavior, Students, Time

(At my college library at closing time, we signal by pressing a bell at 15 minutes, 10 minutes, and then 5 minutes to close. There are always two people on closing shift: one person stays at the checkout counter to help people check out books and the other person walks around the floors, politely reminding everyone that it’s time to leave. One night, after I have rung the 15 minute and 10 minute warning bells, a girl storms up to the checkout counter.)

Girl: “Someone up there keeps ringing a bell. You need to make them stop. It’s very loud and I’m trying to study!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I did. That’s our closing warning bell. We’re closing for the night in 10 minutes. Please pack up your books to leave.”

Girl: “Humph! Well, you shouldn’t make it so loud. I have a test to study for!”

(Guess who made me and my shift-mate 10 minutes late to close that night while she packed up her books?)

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At Least They Got Out Of Their Shell

| GA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Pets & Animals, Students

(I go to an animal studies university. The teacher is talking to us about a visitor coming in later that week.)

Teacher: “A friend of mine will be coming in on Tuesday to teach us about turtle extraction devices.”

Student: “Um… Um…”

Teacher: “Yes, [Student]?”

Student: “Yeah, so how do turtles die?”

Teacher: “Well, they can suffocate on shrimp fishing nets, or get caught in them.”

Student: “But… but… But what about the shells.”

Teacher: “They can still die.”

Student: *now obviously worked up* “BUT THE SHELLS! THE SHELLS!”

(I kid you not, this kid runs out of the class, screaming.)

Student: “THE SHELLS!”

Class: *blank stares*

Teacher: “This is why we can’t have nice things.” *shakes head slowly*

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The Shakers Of The Education World

| Wellington, New Zealand | Bad Behavior, Language & Words, Teachers

(Two earthquakes have struck central New Zealand, and have twice resulted in the closure of the university so it can be checked. The first was on a Sunday, but the second was on a Friday, resulting in varying forms of this being said by lecturers the following Monday.)

Lecturer: “Now, if there is an earthquake, remain calm and get under the tables until the shaking has stopped. Once it has, calmly get the f*** out of the building, because I really don’t want to be in here!”

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With Great Power Comes Great Malware

| Perth, WA, Australia | Technology

(My lecturer has come to the topic of loops in programming. For those who do not know, loops are blocks of code that run over and over again until a certain condition is met. The lecturer, as a teaching point, takes an example of a loop that will run forever and runs the code.)

Lecturer: “If you ever find yourself in this situation, simply hit Ctrl+C.”

(The code stops.)

Lecturer: “In the next lesson, I’ll teach you how to disable Ctrl+C.”

Me: “And then the program will run until reality redefines itself such that ten is less than zero!”

Another Student: “So is this how malware works?”

Lecturer: “Well, yes. Another student once ran an infinite loop like this, creating new files repeatedly. With great power…”

(And that is the story of how I learned how to code a worm.)

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A Better Grade Of Answer

| USA | Lazy/Unhelpful, Teachers

(Whenever a student asks a question, the professor will respond with, “I don’t know” or “I don’t care” or “It doesn’t matter” or “That’s not important.” When the first test of the semester rolls around I answer every question on the test with “I don’t know” or “It doesn’t matter” or some other variation. My graded test comes back with an ‘F.’ I go to talk to the professor after class.)

Me: “Why did I get an ‘F’ on this test?”

Professor: “Because you didn’t answer any of the questions right.”

Me: “But whenever we ask questions in class those are the same kinds of answers you always give us.”

(The professor thought about it and agreed I had a point. He compromised by giving me a ‘C’ on the test and from then on, whenever students asked a question in class, the professor would give a real answer.)

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