Of Saur-ing Aspirations And Job Rex-pectations

| Minnesota, USA | Books & Reading, Students, Teachers

(A student is reading a book about a girl trying to decide what she wants to be when she grows up. We finish and begin talking about the story.)

Me: “Which of these jobs would you like to have when you grow up?”

Student: “Dinosaur.”

Me: “Um, which of the jobs in the book would you want to have?”

Student: “DINOSAUR!”

Me: “Um…?”

(After some guidance, he later changed his answer to ‘astronaut’.)

The Science Of Self-Incrimination

| Pennsylvania, USA | Students, Teachers, Technology

(I’m sitting in science class. The teacher mentions that he read something in the news about parents getting their pants in a bunch. It’s over their kids accessing porn sites by ‘accidentally’ stumbling upon it by looking up an innocent word like ‘lollypop.’)

Teacher: “I don’t know what the big fuss is about. My wife and I actually tried all last night to find something and all that came up were paid sites. I mean, unless these parents are giving their kids their credit cards, there’s no way the kids could have had access to this stuff.”

Me: *chuckles* “You’ve been searching under the wrong key words.”

(The entire class, including my teacher, turns and stares at me bug-eyed.)

Me: *head desk*

This Mini-Monarch Doesn’t Need Tudor-ing In History

| Texas, USA | Games, Hall of Fame, Students, Teachers, Top

(I am a second grade teacher. One of my students, an exceptionally bright young boy, runs up to me at recess with a huge grin.)

Me: “Hey, [student]! What are you playing?”

Student: “Henry VIII!”

Me: “Oh? How do you play Henry VIII?”

Student: *hugs me* “I love you!”

Me: “Oh, sweetie. I love you, t—”

Student: *interrupts* “Just kidding! Off with your head!”

(Best. Game. Ever.)

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Practice What You Teach

| Florida, USA | Students, Teachers

Professor: “It is extremely important that you cite your work! I will not tolerate plagiarism!”

Student: “How do you want the papers to be cited? MLA? APA?”

Professor: “As long as you don’t take peoples’ work without crediting it, I am fine with whatever style. I am a stickler for plagiarism!”

(After going over the syllabus, she starts the first part of lecture.)

Professor: “Oh by the way, I copied and pasted some information on the internet to make this PowerPoint.”

Student: “Can you give us the site to study off of later?”

Professor: “Oh, I don’t remember what it was; just some random website that I copied!”

(Needless to say, she got even more ridiculous as the semester went on.)

Answering To A High School-er Power

| Wichita, Kansas, USA | Excuses, Language & Words, Students, Teachers

(It’s my first year teaching high school. One of my students is incapable of turning in assignments or accepting anything I say without audible commentary.)

Me: “Your assignment was due last week. It’s a zero.”

Student: “But Mr. [my name], I had two soccer games so I couldn’t do it!”

Me: “I’m not going to argue with you. Games are not an excuse. It was on the homework page. It’s time for class, and you’re interrupting. Sit down and be quiet; the discussion is over.”

(I turn back to the board.)

Student: *stage whispers* “God!”

Me: “‘Mr. [my name] will be quite sufficient, [student’s name].”