These Teachers Are A Class Act

| Nottingham, UK | Awesome, Bad Behavior, Staff, Students, Teachers, Top

(In my school, there are two Politics teachers. Teacher #1 is the Head Teacher; Teacher #2 is the Head of Politics. We’re in the last lesson we’ll have with him for two weeks because he has to go away on business. We’re studying “spin” and how the media can warp the news.)

Teacher #1: “Now, can anyone think of any examples of—”

(The door slams open to reveal Teacher #2, who literally looks as if he’s about to kill somebody.)

Teacher #2: [Teacher #1]! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?”

(Teacher #1 is visibly frightened.)

Teacher #2: “YOU MEAN TO LEAVE THIS CLASS FOR THE NEXT FIVE LESSONS?”

Teacher #1: “I don’t have any other choice—”

(Teacher #2 strides over to the desk and grabs Teacher #1 by the collar.)

Teacher #2: “THIS ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH! THESE STUDENTS HAVE AN EXAM IN JUST A MONTH AND A HALF! YOU ARE LETTING THEM DOWN! YOU CANNOT JUST LEAVE THEM!”

(Teacher #1 is now literally shaking in terror.)

Teacher #2: “YOU ARE GOING TO TEACH THESE STUDENTS, OR THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES, [Teacher #1]! IT’S NOT GOOD ENOUGH, AND THEY DESERVE BETTER!”

(Teacher #2 storms out the room, muttering loudly about how it’s “not good enough”. The class is sitting there in silence. After a moment, Teacher #1 turns back to the class calmly.)

Teacher #1: “Now, everyone open your notebooks and—”

Me: “Sir?! Are you okay? What was that?”

Teacher #1: “Please don’t interrupt me. I want you to all write short newspaper articles on what just happened, but putting different spins on it.”

Student #1: “…What?”

(It was an act. Turns out that they do this every year as a learning aid. I love those teachers.)

It’s The Age Of Delirious

| St. Augustine, FL, USA | Staff, Students, Teachers

(I am discussing a child’s recent behavior with his mother.)

Me: “I’m a bit concerned that he refuses to talk to me when he thinks he is in trouble.”

Mother: “Yes, well, you know why he’s like that.”

(I give her an expectant stare.)

Mother: “He’s a Sagittarius.”

(It took me a moment to realize she was completely serious.)

EleMental Issues

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Students, Teachers

(At the moment we are learning about atoms.)

Teacher: “So everything is made up of atoms.”

(A student raises her hand.)

Teacher: “Yes?”

Student: “We can’t see atoms, right?”

Teacher: “…Correct.”

Student: “So how do we know they’re real?”

(The class goes silent.)

Teacher: “Well, there’s scientists who study them and—”

Student: “Maybe the scientists are pranking us.”

Me: “Scientists… managed to prank the entire world?”

Student: “I don’t believe atoms exist. I think they’re fake!”

May Want To Reword Those Rewards

| Canada | Food & Drink, Religion, Rude & Risque, Students, Teachers, Top

(I’m in World History class. The teacher finishes talking about the Catholic church in the middle ages and how central the church was to the whole community.)

Student: “Man, people are so gullible. I should start my own church.”

Teacher: “Starting a church isn’t as easy as you might think. You’d have to work hard to bring people into your church, something to entice them, like Spiritual Enlightenment or eternal life in heaven.”

Student: “What about strippers and cake?”

Over-ewe-sed Ram-blings

| Australia | Language & Words, Pets & Animals, Students, Teachers

(In my Ancient History class we are looking at a reconstruction of a Roman temple and discussing the Latin written on it.)

Teacher: “Have you noticed they don’t use ‘u’s? They use ‘v’s instead. So whenever you see Latin there won’t be any ‘u’s…probably because they weren’t shepherds.”

(The class laughs and, while one student manages to spot something on the image.)

Student: “Look! In Pont…Pontefix Maximus. They used a ‘u’ there.”

Teacher: “Oh, so they did. There’s always an exception to any rule; I guess that one’s just the black sheep.”

(The class laughs again and when we finally calmed down he had one more thing to say.)

Teacher: “Alright, we can stop talking about that now. I’m feeling pretty sheepish about all the jokes. They were just so ‘baaa’d.”