This Test Has Your Name On It

| Amsterdam | Hall of Fame, Students, Teachers, Top

(I’m taking a final exam with a professor who is known for little ‘experiments.’ I’m also not very good at his subject. Our tests are face down on our desks ready for us to begin.)

Professor: “Anyone who gets up now, walks out the door, and doesn’t take the test will get a 6.”

(A 6 is a passing grade, but barely. Most of the students get up and walk out. I remain seated.)

Professor: “[My name], you are having a hard time with this subject; don’t you want the 6?”

Me: “I would like my grades to be my own work, so I’ll stay.”

Professor: “Okay then. *addressing the few of us who stayed* “Please turn over the test.”

(We turn over the test and it only has one question: ‘Name.’)

Animal, Vegetable, Miracle (You’re In College)

| Argentina | Math & Science, Staff, Students

(I am an assistant student helping during the first years’ biology class. The class has been instructed to take a mouth cell sample to look at under the microscope. A student signals me to come over.)

Me: “Do you need help with something?”

Student #1: “Yes, can you please show us again how to take the sample correctly?”

(I explain the procedure, mimicking the way to scrap the inside of their cheeks with a cotton swab and then place the cells in the microscope slide.)

Student #2: “So are these cells animal or plant?”

Fallopian Noobs

| St. Paul, MN, USA | Health & Body, Students, Teachers

(I’m a sophomore in high school and a boy starts coughing and gagging on some crackers in class.)

Student: “Oh my God, Mrs [teacher], help! [Boy] has something stuck in his fallopian tubes!”

Teacher: “He can cough so he’s fine — wait, what did you just say?”

Student: “[Boy] has something stuck in his fallopian tubes!”

(Everyone in the room stares at the student and then laughs.)

Student: “What’s so funny?! He’s choking!”

Teacher: “[Student], he’s fine and he can’t have anything in his fallopian tubes.”

Student: “What do you mean? Aren’t your fallopian tubes up here?” *motions at her throat*


, | Storrs, CT, USA |

(We are going to have a quiz in journalism class about AP Style and one of the questions is whether Wikipedia is or is not an acceptable source for articles. We have been given the questions, but not the answers, in advance. This happens before class starts.)

Me: “Happy birthday, [professor].”

Professor: “It’s not my birthday, but thanks.”

Me: “Well, your Wikipedia article says it’s your birthday.”

Professor: “Well, that’s why Wikipedia is not a reliable source for your articles.”

Other Student: “Thanks for giving us one of the quiz answers, [professor]!”

Professor: “Oops. Oh well. Now you all should get at least one point…”

Straight Up Now Tell Me If I’m (Beyond) The Edge Of Glory

| Storrs, CT, USA | Musical Mayhem, Students, Teachers

Professor: “This graphic will really blow your mind.”

Class: “Yeah, sure.”

Professor: “Yeah, it’s more mind-blowing than The Gaga Lady.”

Student: “I think you mean Lady Gaga.”

Professor: “Well, I was going to say Paula Abdul, but none of you are old enough to get that reference.”