(This is an email from a nutty professor to all of his students on the first snowy day of the year.)
Professor: “[Professor] has issued an emergency snow walk, with boots, for departure [from location] at 1 pm today, Saturday. Like everything [professor] issues, not obligatory, just idealistic.
P.S. Walk may be taken at another time and place, alone or in groups. Must occur outside.”
(I go to a small college that only has freshman and sophomores, so everyone on campus is 18 to 20 years old. We’ve also got a dry campus policy. My chemistry professor is trying to explain something about phase diagrams.)
Professor: “So, you know when you go to the supermarket, and in the frozen foods department they’ve got the little frozen things of apple juice, and orange juice, and Bacardi, but you guys don’t buy the Bacardi—”
Student: “Yeah, because it’s a dry campus!”
Professor: “…and also you’re all underage. Did we forget about that one?”
April 2013 Top Story Roundup: Here are Not Always Learning’s top-rated stories for the month of April!
- The Power Of A Kenya-Do Attitude (2,547 thumbs up)
- This Mini-Monarch Doesn’t Need Tudor-ing In History (2,375 thumbs up)
- Math Exercise, Dividers Of Theoden (2,336 thumbs up)
- This Test Has Your Name On It (2,250 thumbs up)
- The Mother Of All Answers (1,432 thumbs up)
PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!
PS #2: Read more roundups here!
(I am an assistant English teacher at a Japanese middle school. The Japanese teacher and I are teaching a lesson on plurals and spelling changes, such as “change ‘y’ to ‘i’ and add ‘es.'”)
Teacher: “If there’s one city, it’s ‘city.’ So how would you say ‘two cities’ in English?”
Student: *yells from back of room* “TITTIES!”
(I am a high school science teacher giving a lesson on evolution.)
Me: “So, the only bodily fluids that can transmit HIV include blood, semen, vaginal fluids, and breast milk.”
Female Student: *grabs her breast* “Hey, how does that work anyway? How does milk get in these?”
Me: “You’re kidding, right?”
Female Student: “No.”
Me: “You make it.”
Female Student: “What?! We make milk?!”
Me: “Yeah. We’re mammals.”
Male Student: *bewildered* “Wow. Just… wow.”