An Alarmingly Lame Excuse

| OH, USA | Excuses, Technology, Time

(My professor is in the middle of giving a lecture for our 9:00 am class. It is about 9:45 and a student walks in the room.)

Professor: “[Student], I see you finally decided to show up. Would you mind explaining to me why you are 45 minutes late?”

Student: “Apple needs to make the iPhone alarms harder to turn off.”


It’s A Boy/Girl Thing

| USA | Awesome, LGBTQ, Popular

(I was volunteering for a camp for little kids. I am genderfluid, but around this time, I am still trying to figure out my gender and am presenting as male. I am having a lot of fun messing with the kids.)

Kid #1: “Are you a boy or a girl?”

Kid #2: “I think she’s a boy.”

Me: “SHE’S a BOY?”

Kid #1: “But your socks are pink!”

Me: “The color of my socks have nothing to do with whether I’m a boy or a girl.”

Kid #3: “No, he’s a boy. His name is [My Gender-Neutral Name]. That’s a boy’s name.”

Me: “That can be a name for a boy or a girl.”

Kid #4: “I have a friend with that name and she’s a girl.”

Kid #1: “So you’re a girl!”

Me: “I never said that.”

(Later, the two kids who are still debating my gender bring it up again.)

Kid #1: “Why won’t you tell us whether you’re a girl or a boy?”

Kid #2: “Yeah, tell us!”

Kid #1: “Wait, are you one of those people who’s born a boy and feels like a girl? Or born a girl and feels like a boy?”

Me: *stunned* “Yeah, that’s me.”

Kid #1: “Are you going to get surgery so you can be who you are inside?”

Me: “Yeah, I… don’t really think I’m ready for that.

Kid #1: “Okay!”

(They stopped asking whether I was a boy or a girl and I passed as a guy for the rest of my time at that camp. Kids know a lot more than people give them credit for, although I’m definitely not planning on getting surgery!)


Graduate To A High-er Class

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Students

(My classmates and I walk into our tutorial room and see that there is still writing on the chalkboard from the lesson before. It says, “Class outside! (315) Bring the goods.” This leads to the following joking conversation.)

Me: “Wow, class outside sounds fun.”

Classmate #1: “What do you think ‘Bring the goods’ means? The period at the end makes it seem so sinister.”

Classmate #2: “Ooh, I wonder if they were bringing drugs?”

Classmate #3: “I bet that will be us when we get to the upper level courses. We’ll need to relax after all that stress.”

Me: “See, I read that and I thought ‘cookies.'”

Classmate #3: “We’re in university!”

Me: “Fine, brownies, then.”

Classmate #3: “You know they’ll be pot brownies, right?”

Me: “Of course.”

Classmate #2: “What about 315?”

Classmate #1: “That’s the class number.”

Classmate #3: “Or maybe that’s what they owe for the drugs.”


Hold Fast To Your Broadcast

| AB, Canada | Awesome, Popular, Teachers

(I’m studying broadcasting in school. I really like my journalism professor, but for some reason, most of my class decides to give her a hard time. One day, after some pointless questions about proper procedures, she says this.)

Professor: “Look, I’m teaching you the way it needs to be done to pass my class. Once you’re out in the real world, you can do it however the f*** you want, okay?”


A Surprise Supplies Plan

| Burnaby, BC, Canada | Bad Behavior, Popular

(We’re doing a teamwork exercise where you are told you’ve been in a plane crash and you and your team (groups of two, in this case) are the only survivors. You’re given a list of items you were able to recover from the plane and you have to agree on a plan of action: stay where you are, look for help, or some option in between. The items include some useful things (food and water) and some less useful things, but you only have enough to survive about a certain number of days. One of the items is a loaded gun. My partner and I look at the list of what we have, look around the classroom, and without discussing it all, announce:)

Partner: “We’re taking the gun and ambushing the other teams. We take their supplies and wait for rescue.”

(Our instructor laughed but made us come up with an actual survival plan.)