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Piano No No

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Health & Body, Musical Mayhem

(We have a musical theater program at my school so there are pianos in some of the classrooms. My class is starting so we are all moving items left behind out of the space. I’m moving the piano which I usually do because it moves on wheels. It tilts and falls on me.)

Classmate: *screaming bloody murder* “It fell on her! Oh, my god, the piano fell on her!”

(Apparently, one of the wheels was broken, but the previous class failed to notify anyone.)

Me: *dazed and numb* “Can someone help me? I think I’m stuck.”

Teacher: “Don’t move!”

Classmate: *lifting from the opposite end causing more damage* “I got it.”

Me: “No! Stop! Please stop!”

(A couple other classmates come and lift it from my side — common sense! My teacher and one of those classmates help me up the stairs to get bandaged up at the office. She even blew on my boo-boos before putting on the bandages.)

Teacher: “Why don’t we go back downstairs to get your stuff? I’ll get some ice for you.” *after getting back* “All right, I’ll see you tomorrow. Can you help her back to the bungalow? Rest up!”

Me: “What?! No! Please! I’ve worked really hard. Please let me stay.”

Teacher: *flabbergasted* “Um, er, oh, ok. Sure!”

(She even let me perform my monologue, albeit sitting down with a chair under my injured leg. I’ll never forget the sweet, motherly kindness and understanding of my teacher that day, the stupidity of that girl further injuring me, and my other classmate carrying me ALL the way from class to my front door, princess style!)

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Unwanted Nick Pic?

| WI, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(We are in creative writing class, and for a writing exercise are coming up with morally/ethically objectionable actions to write about. The professor is asking for suggestions.)

Student #1: “How about sending an unwanted dick pic?”

(The whole class bursts out laughing, but the professor just looks confused.)

Professor: “A what?”

Student #1: *over the sound of laughter* “Sending an unwanted d**k pic.”

(The professor still looks confused, but then slowly starts writing “sending an unwanted…” on the board, before looking up again.)

Professor: “What is this?”

Me: “You know, when a guy sends you a picture of his d**k—”

Professor: *with a look of revelation* “Oh, a D**K PIC!”

(The entire class bursts out laughing again.)

Professor: “I kept hearing ‘mick nick’ or something, and thought it was some new slang or something…”

Student #2: “Just so you know, I’m posting on Facebook right now that you just shouted ‘dick pic’ in the middle of class.”

Professor: *hiding her face in her hands* “This is how you don’t get tenure…”

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This Problem Will Be A Problem

| SC, USA | Math & Science, Teachers

(I am in eighth grade and second semester my class takes geometry for our math course. It is the second day of the class. The teacher is hesitantly doing problems on the board when a student asks her to explain a couple of the equations.)

Teacher: “Well, it’s because… This problem is different from this one because… Wait a few minutes!”

(She runs out the door for the fifth time that lesson. She returns ten minutes later.)

Teacher: “Okay, this is what’s going on with this problem…”

(This happened another three times. We were all curious as to why she kept leaving. A few days later, we learned from the other eighth grade class taking algebra in the high school building that she constantly interrupted THEIR class to ask the high school math teacher teaching the class to explain geometry problems to her! It was no wonder that several students out of our primarily ‘A’ honor roll and AP-level class struggled to maintain even a passing grade in a class that should have been one of the easiest math classes out there!)

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Epi-nis

| Norway | Health & Body, Rude & Risque

(We are being visited by a nurse who explains how epi-pens work in case one of the students suddenly reacts from a serious allergy. The students have had some false ones to practice using it on themselves and each other. The following happens as the nurse is answering another student’s question. The students are about 14 years old.)

Nurse: *answers a question and nods to a student that she has seen his hand and will answer him when she is done with the first question*

Student: *has a whispered conversation with a teacher*

Nurse: “Now, you there. What was your question?”

Student: “Oh, that’s okay. [Teacher] told me the answer.”

Nurse: “And what did you find out?”

Student: *holds up thumb and index finger to show a small length* “It’s this big.”

Teacher: “Actually, it’s about THIS big.” *holds up fingers to show a smaller length*

(This sparks a bigger laughter while the student is apparently was oblivious to the accidental innuendo.)

Nurse: *grinning* “Good, but could you repeat the question in case anyone else is wondering the same?”

Student: “Oh, uhm…” *confused due to all the laughter*

Teacher: “He was wondering how long the needle in the epi-pen was.”

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Walt Dumas

| USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid

(One of my biggest memories of my freshman year was when we were playing Kahoot! It’s a fast-paced review game that you can play with any device.)

Question: “What book did Niccolo Machiavelli write?”

(I chose the incorrect answer: The Three Musketeers.)

History Teacher: “This is a question for fun. Who actually wrote The Three Musketeers?”

Boy: “Walt Disney?”