My elementary school PE teacher was a very good one, he did all of the activities and would make small talk with us. One day, shortly before graduation he said:
“This is the most important piece of life advice I can give you: you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.”
(I’m a preschool teacher for kids 4-5 years old. I’m coloring with a couple of the students at the end of the day, one of them sitting on my lap.)
Me: Hmm, I need to color the water. [Student #1], can you go get me a blue?
Student #1: *sounding confused* What?
Me: I need a blue. Can you go find one for me?
Student #1: Yeah! *runs over to the craft supplies, then returns a minute later, setting her find on the table* Here you go!
(I look at what she’s brought back – a bottle of glue. I stare at it confused for a moment, then can’t help but start laughing; the student on my lap is giggling, too.)
Student #2: She thought you said glue!!
Me: *laughing* No, blue, BLUE! I need a blue crayon, sweetie!
Student #1: OH!
(She got it right the next time.)
I am in the second period high school band class this semester. It is NOT marching band, just concert band. At the start of class, the teacher usually chats with us, but today he is in his office. Everyone starts playing.
Teacher, walking into the room, “Apple!”
The class falls silent.
(At the start of senior year at junior high, our class goes on a week-long “field trip” to Poland to learn about WW2 and the Holocaust. We’ve had second language lessons for two years at this point, and those of us taking German are encouraged to test our knowledge as we’re traveling from Norway, through Denmark and Germany. We’ve also been handled “travel guides” with our itinerary and some simple words and phrases in both German and Polish for everyone to try out. We’re given a few hours to roam around Berlin without parental guidance, as long as we stay in pairs or groups. I’ve been walking around with two friends of mine for a while, and we decide to sit down at a small café to have something to drink. Before we sit down, Friend #1 asks the waiter if he speaks English.)
Me: “What do you guys want?”
Friend #2: “I’ll take a [soda #1], I think.”
Friend #1: “And I want a [soda #2]”
(The waiter comes up to our table, and I quickly order our drinks, in German. The waiter leaves to get our drinks.)
Friend #1: “Why did you do that? Now he thinks we speak German!”
Me: “First of all, it was just a simple drink order. Secondly; if you asked if he spoke English, he’s not gonna think YOU speak German, and besides, it’s very obvious we’re tourists.”
(What I wanted to say to her was “YOU SIT RIGHT NEXT TO ME IN GERMAN CLASS!”)
My sister is a very athletic and physically active kid so she likes to pass things to people by throwing. She is also the class monitor.
Teacher: Give me the blackboard eraser.
Sister: Sir! Catch!
[A split second later realising she just threw a very dusty blackboard eraser at the teacher] Sorry, sir!!!
Fortunately he caught it.