(I play trumpet. The directors have split us up into brass, woodwinds, and percussion. In the brass section, one director is talking about decrescendos, when he accidentally mispronounces it and says “Dee-crescendo.” After he leaves, this happens between me and another trumpet player.)
Student: Did he say ‘dee-crescendo?’
Me: it’s ‘day-crescendo.’
(Me and Student in unison): “DAY-crescendo!”
Me(with Italian accent) It’s not ‘dee-crescendo,’ it’s DAY-crescendo!’
Student: I’m gonna give my sister [trombone player] so much crap with that.”
(One of the boys in my class works in the pet store business and is selling pets outside of school for low prices. I decide I wanted a pot-bellied Vietnamese pig. This occurs when the order didn’t arrive.)
Me: [Boy], why didn’t the pig arrive?
Boy: Well, the first pig died, the second one escaped after taking too many steroids and the third is on its way.
(I seriously begin to doubt him, but notice something else.)
Me: [Boy], you’re wearing beaded curtains.
Boy: Feel free to pull me at any time.
(I grew up in a lesbian household, which I only mention because it’s relevant to the story. Classmate 1 and I were playing a game at recess where other kids were being killed by something)
Me: [Classmate 2] is dead!
Teacher: [My Name], can I talk to you for a second?
Teacher: [Classmate 2] said you called him gay.
Me: What?! No, [Classmate 1] and I were playing a game. I said [Classmate 2] was DEAD.
Teacher: I didn’t think that was something you’d say!
(It’s always baffled me that he was upset enough to tell the teacher when he thought I called him ‘gay’, but apparently had no problem with me saying he was dead!)