Category: Technology

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Left That Part Out Of Mein Kampf

| ON, Canada | History, Rude & Risque, Technology

(I’m sitting in History class and the teacher is writing a Canadian history timeline of the chalkboard beside me. He starts writing briefly about WWII. Student #1 sits behind me and Student #2 beside them while Student #3 sits across the room.)

Student #1: *not very quietly* “Didn’t Hitler have a sex doll?”

(I turn around in horror at what I thought I just heard.)

Me: “Did I just hear what i thought I heard?”

Student #2: “What?!”

(The teacher has stopped writing on the board.)

Teacher: “What’s the joke?”

Student #2: “Uh… You don’t want to know.”

Teacher: “No, no, tell me.”

Student #2: “He was just asking about Hitler and their… blowup companion.”

(The teacher looks like he’s having a migraine.)

Student #1: “I just wanted to know, didn’t Hitler have a sex doll?”

Me: *struggling to breathe*

(The whole class is listening at this point.)

Teacher: “We’re just going to end that topic of conversation and move on.” *continues to write on the board*

(A solid minute later:)

Student #1: *looking it up on his phone* “Yeah, it says right here he had a sex doll!”

Student #2: “No, nooo…” *starts grabbing [Student #1]’s phone away*

Me: *dying again*

Student #1: “I just heard about it and I wanted to know if it was true!”

Student #3: “Why are we still talking about this!”

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Photoflop

| New Zealand | Teachers, Technology

(I am allowed to use a computer to complete my art project through Photoshop. I have barely logged on when another teacher appears.)

Teacher: “What are you doing?”

Me: “Logging on.”

Teacher: “Well, it doesn’t look like it. Do you want a detention?”

Me: “No, I don’t want a detention; I want the program to load so I can use it.”

Teacher: “You weren’t even loading the program.”

(Then, without my prompt, the program opens and asks which file I want to load.)

Me: “The program was loading in the background, like most do on the school computers.”

Teacher: “I don’t like your smart attitude; you clearly opened it without me looking.”

Me: *inward sigh*

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Hoping To File This Problem Away

| London, England, UK | Lazy/Unhelpful, Staff, Technology

(In the UK, students aged 16-18 have a choice between a number of forms of higher education, but they have to stay in full-time education until the end of the academic year in which they turn 18. I chose to move schools and attend sixth form, which is equivalent of years 12 and 13 or grades 11 and 12 in the USA. In this, I’m in the ICT suite doing some homework with a new friend a few days into the first term.)

Friend: “What the—? There’s someone else’s work on my login!”

Me: “Really? How do you know?”

Friend: “It’s got my name on it, [Initial][Surname], but it says year seven and it’s clearly a year seven kid’s work. How did it get on there?”

Me: “We still have 45 minutes until next class. Why don’t we go to the technician and ask?”

(When we get to the technician’s office my friend explains the problem, and he logs into her account to see for himself. After a minute or two of clicking between her account and what look like class lists, he comes out with this gem.)

Technician: “Oh, it looks like one of the new year-sevens has the same first initial and surname as you, so the system thought you were the same person and they got access to your account…” *he stops talking and doesn’t look like he’s going to say any more*

Friend: “So what are you going to do about it? I haven’t got anything important on there now but I don’t feel comfortable with a strange kid having access to my A-level work in the future.”

Technician: “Can’t you just make separate folders for your stuff and share the account? It’s kind of hard to make two accounts when people have the same name.”

Friend: “What the h***? No! I don’t want a random 11-year old able to access my A-level work. What if he decides to mess about with it? It could ruin my grade! Make a new account for him!”

Technician: “Jeez, all right, girly. Calm down. I’ll do it before lunch.”

(Two days passed, and my friend could still see evidence of the year seven using her account to save his work, so we hunted him down and explained the situation. Being confronted by two sixteen-year-olds must have been a bit weird for him but he agreed to keep his school work in a folder on the account files and not mess with her work. After nearly three weeks of multiple visits to the technician’s office and not finding him there, we finally managed to track him down one morning and forced him to create a new account for the kid right in front of us. Our form tutor (a teacher who takes attendance at the start of each day, like homeroom in the USA) was annoyed we were late that morning until we explained the situation. He promised to talk to the head of ICT about it for us, and from then on whenever the technician saw us he scurried away like a frightened mouse!)

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Olden Days

| Grand Rapids, MI, USA | Language & Words, Technology

(Back in 1978 I had a job as a lab assistant in a college computer lab. The job called for us to wear silly yellow vests with “LAB ASST” stitched on the lapel which almost always had the T covered with a bit of yellow tape. One of the most common problems with college students entering information into a computer just doesn’t exist anymore and went like this:)

Student: “Hey! This thing is rejecting what I type in sometimes.”

Lab Assistant: “What are you entering?”

Student: “I am trying to type ten and it keeps stopping.”

Lab Assistant: “You are typing in little el and big oh, not one and zero.”

Student: “But they are the same!”

Lab Assistant: “They are as different as P, D, and Q.”

Student: “But they look the same.”

Lab Assistant: “It doesn’t matter. You still have to use one and zero. That is, if you want to complete your assignment.”

(And for those of you reading this who are under 40, I’ll point out that conventional typewriters from the old days often lacked one and zero and students were often taught to use little el and big oh for the numbers.)

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IT = Insolent Technology

| England, UK | Exams/Tests, Technology

(I am 13, and a generally good student, with top of my class results and all A* GCSE predicted grades, but I have a strong disliking for IT. My entire class hates our teacher, who we once annoyed so much she refused to teach us. We have an end of year test – which I didn’t revise for – and I decide to have some fun with my answers.)

Question: “What is CPU?”

My Answer: “The ship name for R2D2 and C3P0.”

Question: “What does the RAM do?”

My Answer: “It baas like a sheep.”

Question: “How does a computing system work?”

My Answer: “Magic.”

(For some reason, this teacher loves me, despite me hating her and my brother insulting her, which got him two isolations!)

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