Category: Technology

BUILD THAT FIREWALL!

| USA | Teachers, Technology

(The professor is talking about computers.)

Professor: “I’m not a technology native like you all are. I’m a technology immigrant.”

Giving Birth To Pure Irony

| Finland | Health & Body, Technology

(In our singing class, we are singing a traditional Finnish song about a young woman who accidentally becomes pregnant. Our teacher is trying to play a recording of the song from a streaming music service, but the service shows an advertisement before plays the song.)

Teacher: “Oh, I have to watch an ad… for Clearblue ovulation predictor.”

Class: *cracks up laughing*

Uh… Uhm… Title

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Language & Words, Lazy/Unhelpful, Students, Technology

(This story takes place in the class “Programming I”, where we are learning how to code in the programming language known as C#. I am typing away at my work, when I hear a faint “uhm” come from a fellow student seated beside me. I turn over, and see them looking my way, pointing at their screen. For clarification, this person is very clear and fluent in English… when not focused on work.)

Student #1: “Could you… uh… check… code…?”

Me: “Sure. What’s wrong?”

(Leaning over, I start to analyze their code. I don’t see anything wrong, and no errors pop up when they run the program.)

Me: “What is the problem?”

Student #1: *waving their hand around aimlessly in front the screen* “Code. The uh… you… the… euh… ehh.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Student #1: *pointing at the now running program* “Just… eugh… ehhelp…”

(Confused, I test the program a few times, eventually realizing that the two possible results are mixed up. Note, this can be VERY EASILY SOLVED by changing a single character.)

Me: “Oh, the results are switched around! You just have to switch them out for one another, or change the ‘greater than’ symbol with the ‘lesser than’ symbol!”

Student #1: *continuing to wave hands about and point at the screen in arbitrary place* “Huuuh? But… no… the… hu… eeh… euhh… mmmmh…”

Me: “Everything else is fine. I can’t help you if I don’t know what the problem is!”

(After trying to reword what I mean several times, they eventually go silent and flat out ignore me. After getting back to my work, they call over Student #2, and speak in the same slurred way.)

Student #2: “What’s the problem?”

Student #1: “Could you…” *points at screen* “…the…”

(Student #2 then goes through every single line Student #1 made, mumbling to himself about what each piece of code does. Student #1 sits back and blankly stares as Student #2 works it out.)

Student #2: “You just need to switch the two around.” *turns around and walks away*

Student #1: “Okay, good. Thank you! That helps.”

(Screaming internally, I continued to work on my own programs. For the rest of class, Student #1 just stared at the screen, didn’t actually change anything, and eventually procrastinated on their phone.)

It’s As Cold As Ice

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Musical Mayhem, Technology

(My friend is a huge fan of CSI: Miami, with his ringtone set to the opening theme. One day, my friend’s phone goes off in the middle of a lecture. Our professor, although a great lecturer, has a strict no tolerance policy on phones during the lecture, especially when they ring or an alert tone plays.)

Friend’s Phone: *ringtone starts to play*

Professor: “YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!”

(He then proceeds to mime playing a guitar to the rest of the theme. Once he’s finished, he takes a bow, to our sudden surprise and applause, before looking at the student.)

Professor: “But seriously, [Friend], I’m going to need that phone…”

Classmate: “But sir, that’s cold!”

Professor: “Yes, it is Alex…”

(Cue laughter from the entire class.)

Phoning In The Excuses

| TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Technology

(Our school district has a strict policy about cell phones being used by students. They must be turned off and kept out of sight during the school day. If they are seen out, the teachers are directed to pick them up and turn them in to the office. The office then tallies how many times the particular student has violated the policy, to assess what penalty (fine, in-school suspension, etc.) is due. This school policy is detailed on flyers posted on the inside of nearly every classroom door. I am a teacher who has been displaced to another classroom because mine is needed for state testing. This seems to imply to my students that the class and school rules are suspended.)

Me: *seeing a girl using a cell phone to text, holding out my hand* “Phone.”

Girl: *after handing me her phone* “I get it back at the end of the period, right?”

Me: “No, it goes to the front office. They’ll sort out how you get it back.”

Girl: “But it’s my first time.”

Me: “It’s not my job to count, especially since I have 150 students. That’s the office’s job.”

Girl: *striding over to the bright green flyer on the door* “But it says right here that first time is a warning!”

Me: *going over and reading pertinent part of flyer loud enough for the whole class to hear* “First Offense: School employee picks up student cellphone and turns in to administration. Administration will return cellphone at the end of the instructional day (4:15 pm). Parent and student must sign for phone in the office.”

Girl: *dejectedly returns to seat*

(As part of the procedure, I enter the incident into a discipline database. When I pull up her record to add this incident, I see that it’s actually her fourth offense this school year (prior ones in other classes), which includes a $15 fine and two days in-school suspension.))

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