Category: Teachers


Something About The Situation Is Off

| USA | Extra Stupid, Teachers, Technology

(I am fixing a computer a teacher is having problems with and because of this she cannot pull up a slideshow for her class.)

Me: “All right, ma’am, what seems to be the problem?”

Teacher: “This computer won’t work, and I need it to teach!”

Me: “I’ll see what I can do.”

Teacher: “Good luck. No one else can fix it. I think it has something to do with the Internet.”

(I look at the computer and the monitor is off. After I turn it on and the screen is still black, the Teacher has a smug look on her face.)

Teacher: “See? I told you!”

Me: “Let me look at the actual computer.”

(I look at the tower, and surprise surprise, it is off. I turn it on, and the computer successfully starts up and connects to the internet.)

Teacher: “Oh. I could have done that.”

Me: “I’m sure you could have.”


The Sky Is The Limit Of What Mother Will Tolerate

| Allentown, PA, USA | Math & Science, Parents, Teachers

(This conversation happens in my seventh-grade science class.)

Teacher: “The sky has no limit, therefore it is impossible to see the end of it.”

Classmate: “That’s not true! I’ve seen the end of the sky!”

Teacher: “No you haven’t, because it’s physically impossible.”

Classmate: “Yes, I have!”

Teacher: “Oh, really? So if I called your mom right now and told her that you saw the end of the sky, what do you think she would say?”

Classmate: “Probably something along the lines of, ‘Why the h*** are you calling me at work for that?’”


The Shakers Of The Education World

| Wellington, New Zealand | Bad Behavior, Language & Words, Teachers

(Two earthquakes have struck central New Zealand, and have twice resulted in the closure of the university so it can be checked. The first was on a Sunday, but the second was on a Friday, resulting in varying forms of this being said by lecturers the following Monday.)

Lecturer: “Now, if there is an earthquake, remain calm and get under the tables until the shaking has stopped. Once it has, calmly get the f*** out of the building, because I really don’t want to be in here!”

Blind To Your Blindness

| Retford, England, UK | Health & Body, Ignoring/Inattentive, Teachers

(No one likes the chemistry teacher because of her ignorance. We are currently doing an experiment where two chemicals are mixed together to make different colors. We are expected to remember what chemicals are mixed to get each colour.)

Student: “Miss, I’m colorblind.”

Teacher: “Well, just remember what it looks like, then.”

Student: “But they all look the same.”

Teacher: “Just remember, then!”


Avoiding Drama

| MO, USA | Bad Behavior, Teachers

(The drama teacher is a lot more laid-back and far more sarcastic than the average teacher. His classroom is on one end of the school buildings, well away from all the rest, right next to the parking lot, and he knows a good percentage of those of us with cars are sneaking out for lunch if we can avoid the parking lot patrol.)

Drama Teacher: *lunch bell ringing* “Hey, who’s going out for lunch today?” *pointing at raised hands* “Where are you going? You? You?” *waves cash at chosen student* “Okay, I want a [Sandwich], fries, and a chocolate shake, and if you get caught I don’t know you. Get out, all of you.”

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