Category: Staff

Deputy Heading For Trouble

| UK | Bad Behavior, Staff

(I am currently in sixth form and heading to a teacher’s classroom to pick up a project I’m working on. As I enter the building I cross paths with a teacher who taught me for five years straight, but recently was promoted to deputy headmistress. This teacher also interviewed me for my admittance into sixth form. During my time under her we didn’t really get on. She didn’t like anyone else having opinions other than hers and kicked me out frequently for either disagreeing or asking for clarity, so I already have little respect for her. In my school, sixth formers are the only students allowed to be out of uniform.)

Headmistress: “Where are you going?”

Me: “To Miss [Teacher]’s room.”

Headmistress: “Don’t you think you should be in class?”

Me: “No. I don’t have a lesson until this afternoon.”

Headmistress: “Do you realise you have just admitting to truancy to a deputy head?”

Me: “Sixth formers have study periods.”

Headmistress: “You’re a sixth former?”

Me: “You let me in…”

Headmistress: *squinting her eyes* “Where’s your timetable?”

(I take it out.)

Headmistress: “Where is your PRINTED timetable? The one you got at the beginning of the year.”

Me: “Sixth former. We don’t get them printed.”

Headmistress: “You’re far too young to be in sixth form. You barely look GCSE age.”

Me: “So I’m a fourteen year old with facial hair and out of uniform, and I have a timetable for lessons that you can’t even get a GCSE in?”

Headmistress: “Attitude!”

(She drags me by the arm to every group tutor in the GCSE years (10/11), and all verify that I am not in their group, their year, and am indeed a sixth former. She refuses to accept this and tries to take me to the reception. I sprain my ankle when she opens a door but lets it swing back at me making me lose my balance. I’m past done by this point. I rip myself out of her grip and head to my sixth form centre.)

Headmistress: “GET BACK HERE!”

Me: “Complain all you want, but I am DONE with you.”

Headmistress: *chasing after me as I limp* “I’ll have you excluded for this!”


(We make it to the sixth form centre but she bars me entry, along with everyone else trying to enter or leave. Our head comes out of her office.)

Head: “[Headmistress], what on earth are you doing?”

Headmistress: “Having this BOY expelled.”

Head: “Expelled? What for?”

Headmistress: “Truancy, attitude, assault.”

Me: “Assault! If anyone has been assaulted it’s me. My ankle’s already swelling.”

(The headmistress starts this crazed rant which includes me assaulting her because she broke a nail when I broke free, screaming and swearing at her, and lastly, skipping my English lesson.)

Head: “But, [My Name] doesn’t do English at A-Level.”

Me: “I don’t.”

(We end up going down to reception to have them verify my age. The headmistress acknowledged that I was in fact a SIXTH FORMER. I have my driving license on me, which helps, which I also wish I had shown earlier. The headmistress then waltzes away as if nothing is wrong, while I sit with an ice pack on my foot. My head speaks to me.)

Head: *shaking her head* “How ever did she last this long…”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Head: “Hazard a guess as to why she was promoted.”

(I shake my head.)

Head: “Because so many students complained about her that the only position she could fill was one where interaction with students was at a minimum, and that so happened to be the deputy head.”

(It was good to know I wasn’t the only one who hated her. She’s still there.)

Fixing The Back End

| VA, USA | Language & Words, Staff, Technology

(I’m a computer technician for a public school district. I’m in an elementary school computer lab with five other technicians, no students or teachers present.)

Lead Technician: “And another thing: They got new computers at [Different Elementary School], and [Technician not present] set up the new computers without the new monitors, so we had 20 monitors with no use for them. We’re not gonna do that anymore. We’re not gonna half-a** things anymore. It’s either all-a** or no-a**.”

Technician #2: *starts clapping* “Yeah, 100% a**!”

Me: “Yeah, what [Technician #2] said!

Wish You’d Caught This On Tape

| USA | Bizarre/Silly, Staff

(My teacher wants a couple students to hang some fliers around school, so we go to the library and ask to borrow the tape. The librarians don’t want to give us the tape in its big plastic dispenser because apparently it’s too valuable, so they attempt to take the tape out first…)

Librarians: “Almost got it!”

(We waited at the desk for ten minutes before they gave up.)

It Cures Everything

| USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Staff

(I go to the nurse’s office.)

Me: “I have a headache.”

Nurse: *gives me a band aid*

Meno-Pause Until Recess

| London, England, UK | Awesome, Food & Drink, Staff

(Around year 10/9th grade, I develop a lot of confidence quite dramatically and stop being embarrassed about a lot of things. It sometimes leads to clashes with people who think I should be more embarrassed or apologetic for things I can’t change, such as not understanding a question or, in this case, uncontrollable biological functions.)

Me: *realises during class I’ve just started my period, days early, and therefore have not taken necessary precautions* “Miss, could I go to the toilet, please?”

Teacher: “No, you can wait. There is only 20 minutes left until break.”

Me: “No, seriously, miss, I really need to go to the toilet. I’ll be less than five minutes, I promise.”

Teacher: *sighs and looks at me down her nose* “[My Name], are you a small child who can’t hold their bladder for 20 minutes?”

Me: *getting slightly desperate at this point because, hey, bleeding through your clothing is uncomfortable and kind of gross* “No, miss, I’m a 15 year old with a uterus who needs to go put a pad in because I just started my period!”

Teacher: *looks disgusted* “Go to the pastoral office, NOW!”

Me: *shrugs, goes to the bathroom then to the pastoral office*

(I explain what happened and the pastoral officer is baffled as to why I’ve been sent there. 15 minutes later my teacher arrives looking smug.)

Teacher: “I take it you’ve received your detention, then?”

Me: “No? I’m not entirely sure why I was sent here and nor is [Pastoral Officer].”

Teacher: *looks shocked and goes into the pastoral officer’s office, closing the door behind her*

(Luckily for me the office walls are made of plywood so I get a front-row seat as my teacher is torn to shreds for trying to have me punished for mentioning the word “period”, which she deemed inappropriate for a classroom. She comes out and barely looks at me as she passes.)

Pastoral Officer: *passes me a chocolate bar surreptitiously* “I know we’re supposed to support that healthy eating crap so don’t let [Head Teacher] know I gave you this. You can go to your next class now. You’ll be a few minutes late but tell your next teacher you were with me, and get a hot water bottle from the nurse if you need to, okay?”

Me: “Yes, miss!”

(In an all-girls school of over 1000 students, it baffles me as to how mentioning a period could be seen by anyone as a punishable offence. It makes me wonder what that teacher does every month, close her eyes and pretend it’s not happening?)

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