Category: Sports

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You’ve Been ‘Cast’ As The Fall-Guy

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Family & Kids, Sports, Staff

(I’m a full-time volunteer at an art school that runs children’s camps in the summer. Each “class” is kept pretty separate, and I’m placed with one at a time. At the end of the week the entire school goes to a local swimming pool, which has a park and outdoor wading pool. Important note: I am a minor and NOT legally able to supervise children.)

Me: “Okay, [Teacher #1], I’m taking these two kids outside. They want to go to the park, so we’ll meet you there later.”

Teacher #1: “Sure. [Teacher #2] is outside so if you’d like you can leave them with her. Just make sure to talk with her.”

(Outside:)

Teacher #2: “You’re a volunteer! These are your kids?”

Me: “Yes—”

Teacher #2: “These ones want to go the wading pool. Make sure [Kid #1] doesn’t get her cast wet.”

Me: “Uh, okay. I’m actually [Teacher #1]’s volunteer. Can I leave his students here?”

Teacher #2: “Yes, yes, I have my own volunteer. She can look after them. It’ll just be for a little bit. Don’t let them get too excited or they’ll fall in the water!”

(One hour later:)

Teacher #2: “Hey! It’s time to go!”

Me: “Sounds good!” *calling kids to come out of the pool*

Teacher #2: *conversationally* “She looks excited. You have to make sure she doesn’t get too excited or she will fall in the water.”

Me: “She looks fine.”

Teacher #2: “No, no.” *shouts* “[Kid #1]! Come out of there!”

Me: “Well, I’ll go get my bag—”

Teacher #2: “No, stay with them. Make sure [Kid #1] doesn’t get too excited.”

Me: “…”

Teacher #2: “If she gets the cast wet we’ll be in big trouble.”

Me: “Well, I think it only got a bit damp—”

Teacher #2: “The school will get in trouble. Her parents said no swimming; they said it was very important she stayed dry.” *meaning, both I and the school would be very easy to sue*

Me: *realizing she asked me to supervise so that I’d take the fall if anything happened* “…what?”

Teacher #2: “But she does what she wants, you know. She doesn’t listen. If she gets too excited she will fall in the water.”

Me: “I… have to go back to [Teacher #1]’s group.”

Teacher #2: “Yeah. You should have told them to stay out of the water more, okay? Just for next time. Otherwise she’ll get excited and fall. If her cast gets wet it would be really bad.”

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No Sore Discussion Points

| AL, USA | Health & Body, Sports, Students

(I’m on the back porch of a dormitory with friends; we’ve gone outside because a few students are in the lobby quizzing each other for a midterm. I realize I’ve left my phone inside, and when I go to get it I’m limping slightly.)

Student #1: “Are you okay?”

Me: “Oh yeah, it’s nothing.”

Student #2: “Have you recently injured yourself?”

Me: “Uh, no. Just sore.”

Student #1: “Where exactly does it hurt?”

Me: *confused, pointing* “Right around here…”

Student #2: “Would you describe the pain as—” *names several options*

Me: “What?”

Student #1: “Okay, on a scale of 1 to 10, how much does it hurt?”

(Then it hits me, these are Athletic Training students.)

Me: “Seriously, guys, I’m just a little sore. Good luck on your test though.”

(Really cool people! I ended up being friends with one of them.)

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That Behavior Is Point-less

| OH, USA | Bad Behavior, Sports, Students

(My seventh-grade gym class is playing whiffle ball, a form of baseball. I am standing in line, waiting to bat, when a classmate known for being disruptive is tagged by the other team, but continues to run and cross home plate.)

Teacher: “[Student], you’re out!”

Student: “No, I’m not. I made it across home plate!”

Teacher: “But the other team tagged you.”

Student: “I don’t give a f*** about your stupid rules! I made it across home plate, and I got a point!”

(He then proceeds to pick up the rubber mat being used as home plate, and chucks it across the gym. My entire gym class is trying not to laugh.)

Student: “Now do I get a point?”

(Needless to say, the student got a detention, and I still have not stopped laughing.)

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Stick It To The Competition

| KY, USA | Health & Body, Sports

(I am on the academic team with many of my friends. Friend #1 is diabetic and wears an insulin pump that she has to change occasionally. By now, we’re all kind of used to it, even helping her prep in case her blood sugar is too low.)

Me: “Just tell me when you’re ready, and I’ll hand it to you.”

Friend #1: “Thanks. Here, I’ve got it.”

(Just as she’s inserting the new piece into her hip, our Dean of Students, a retired military colonel, walks past. He watches her inject it into herself and turns a little white.)

Dean: “What in the world are you doing?”

Friend #2: “Oh, [Friend #1] is just changing her insulin pump.”

Dean: “Well… maybe she could change it during your tournaments and matches, psych out the competition, because being able to stick yourself that calmly is kind of awesome.”

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Can’t Skip This Class

| Jackson, MI, USA | Physical, Sports

(I am not, and have never been, all that athletic. I’ve never gotten into sports or physical activity, but I am still relatively fit. For some reason, some people have problems with this. One day in first grade, my gym teacher calls my mother to her office.)

Mom: “What did you want to talk to me about?”

Teacher: “I’ve called you here today to discuss [My Name]’s failure to learn a basic skill.”

Mom: “Yes?”

Teacher: “She can’t skip.”

Mom: “What?”

Teacher: “She can’t skip. She needs to skip. She needs to learn how to skip. She has been unable to learn to skip.”

Mom: “Well, I’ve noticed that learning is an event and not a process for her. Maybe it’ll take a bit longer for her to learn.”

Teacher: “Good. Because if she doesn’t learn to skip, we’ll have to hold her back a grade.”

Mom: “Are you serious?”

(My mom took me home and taught me to skip in almost five minutes.)

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