Category: Sports

That Sure Beats Tennis Elbow

| Health & Body, Sports, Teachers

(I’m in seventh grade. My best friend is actually very fit and a good athlete, but very lazy, and she’s always trying to come up with ways for us to get out of gym class so we can hang out on the bleachers. Our teacher essentially knows all her tricks and is rarely fooled. One day, we are told that we will be having a substitute gym teacher, and she comes up with a plan.)

Friend: “Okay, so he doesn’t know me, so we need to do a stuffy voice and he’ll let us off.”

Me: “A what?”

Friend: “A stuffy voice! You know. Follow me.” *walks up to new sub and begins speaking as if her nose is clogged* “Are you by stubstidute?”

Substitute: *not even looking up from his clipboard* “Nice try. It’s just tennis practice, ladies.”

(Annoyed, my friend goes to take her place with the rest of the class and I follow. The substitute comes out with a tennis racket and a ball.)

Substitute: “I know a lot of you find gym class really boring or intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be! There’s no reason to try to get out of it. There is literally nothing scary about any of it. Especially tennis.”

(To illustrate his point, he tosses the ball, then bounces up on his feet to hit it towards the wall… right before screaming like he’s been shot and crumpling to the ground. We run for another teacher, who calls an ambulance, and later during homeroom we are told his Achilles’s tendon had snapped.)

Friend: *turning towards me, white-faced* “You know, if he really WAS trying to show us how harmless and not-scary gym class is, he failed big time.”

(Don’t worry, he was okay, but he wore a boot and spent the rest of the year behind a desk teaching another homeroom class!)

Give Them Some Math And They’ll Run A Mile

| CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Sports, Teachers

(Our math teacher is a funny person, but gets serious when he wants to.)

Teacher: “So what is the answer to this problem?”

(Students raise their hands.)

Student: *known for being loud, and, quite frankly, a little annoyingly dumb* “I got [wrong answer].”

Teacher: “No, it’s not supposed to be that way. Remember, when I tell you to do something it doesn’t always mean you just do it.”

Student: “Yes, it does. You are the teacher.”

Teacher: “Well, then, let’s all go run a mile.”

(Everyone groans.)

Student: “But that’s not what I meant!”

Teacher: “Go run a lap anyway.”

(He takes us outside and starts eating candy while we run. He also manages to drain a bottle of soda while we sprint.)

Student: “You are evil.”

Teacher: “I know. It’s so awesome.”

Should Stick To Playing Sarcastiball

| FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Sports, Teachers

(I’m kind but when I get mad I tend to get very sarcastic. Besides this, I’m known to be very outspoken about my opinion. In P.E. we have two coaches, one who is known to not do much, and to not like kids. Today we are running suicide sprints (where you run back and forth to different distances.)

Coach #1: “All right, [My Name], you are next!”

(I begin running my sprints and on the last one I fall on my arm, in the process making a huge cut on my knee. After it is obvious I’m not getting up, Coach #1 slowly walks over to me, screaming and mocking me as if I can’t hear.)

Coach #1: “[MY NAME], CAN’T YOU GET UP? IT IS NO TIME TO BE LYING DOWN!”

(Already upset with his mocking tone, I reply sarcastically.)

Me: “No, [Coach #1], I’m sorry. I haven’t gotten up because I was simply sunbathing, and of course not in pain.”

(With this Coach #2 comes over to check on me, while Coach #1 rolls his eyes. Coach #2, who is more sympathetic, suggests Coach #1 take me over to the nurse. It is silent on the way over. Once we are at the nurse, it is recommended that I get an X-Ray. After calling my parents to pick me up, I go back to the bleachers that are outside by the coaches and wait. When my parents arrive, Coach #1 takes me over. On the way over he starts talking.)

Coach #1: “So, [My Name], that was quite the dramatic fall. Came out of nowhere! I wouldn’t peg you for one to act.” *looking at me as if I meant to do it just to go home*

Me: “Oh, yes, of course! I fell on purpose, cutting my knee, and possibly breaking my arm, JUST SO I CAN GO HOME AND BE LAZY! You’ve truly cracked the case! Props to you!”

(Of course being so sarcastic to someone who teaches me has its effects, but I couldn’t stop myself when he claimed I did it on purpose. The next day I come to school with a broken arm and begin getting asked questions about if it was from P.E. The next class I had with Coach #1 he made it a point to scoff at my cast. He still constantly doubts people even when they are obviously hurt.)

You’ve Been ‘Cast’ As The Fall-Guy

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Family & Kids, Sports, Staff

(I’m a full-time volunteer at an art school that runs children’s camps in the summer. Each “class” is kept pretty separate, and I’m placed with one at a time. At the end of the week the entire school goes to a local swimming pool, which has a park and outdoor wading pool. Important note: I am a minor and NOT legally able to supervise children.)

Me: “Okay, [Teacher #1], I’m taking these two kids outside. They want to go to the park, so we’ll meet you there later.”

Teacher #1: “Sure. [Teacher #2] is outside so if you’d like you can leave them with her. Just make sure to talk with her.”

(Outside:)

Teacher #2: “You’re a volunteer! These are your kids?”

Me: “Yes—”

Teacher #2: “These ones want to go the wading pool. Make sure [Kid #1] doesn’t get her cast wet.”

Me: “Uh, okay. I’m actually [Teacher #1]’s volunteer. Can I leave his students here?”

Teacher #2: “Yes, yes, I have my own volunteer. She can look after them. It’ll just be for a little bit. Don’t let them get too excited or they’ll fall in the water!”

(One hour later:)

Teacher #2: “Hey! It’s time to go!”

Me: “Sounds good!” *calling kids to come out of the pool*

Teacher #2: *conversationally* “She looks excited. You have to make sure she doesn’t get too excited or she will fall in the water.”

Me: “She looks fine.”

Teacher #2: “No, no.” *shouts* “[Kid #1]! Come out of there!”

Me: “Well, I’ll go get my bag—”

Teacher #2: “No, stay with them. Make sure [Kid #1] doesn’t get too excited.”

Me: “…”

Teacher #2: “If she gets the cast wet we’ll be in big trouble.”

Me: “Well, I think it only got a bit damp—”

Teacher #2: “The school will get in trouble. Her parents said no swimming; they said it was very important she stayed dry.” *meaning, both I and the school would be very easy to sue*

Me: *realizing she asked me to supervise so that I’d take the fall if anything happened* “…what?”

Teacher #2: “But she does what she wants, you know. She doesn’t listen. If she gets too excited she will fall in the water.”

Me: “I… have to go back to [Teacher #1]’s group.”

Teacher #2: “Yeah. You should have told them to stay out of the water more, okay? Just for next time. Otherwise she’ll get excited and fall. If her cast gets wet it would be really bad.”

No Sore Discussion Points

| AL, USA | Health & Body, Sports, Students

(I’m on the back porch of a dormitory with friends; we’ve gone outside because a few students are in the lobby quizzing each other for a midterm. I realize I’ve left my phone inside, and when I go to get it I’m limping slightly.)

Student #1: “Are you okay?”

Me: “Oh yeah, it’s nothing.”

Student #2: “Have you recently injured yourself?”

Me: “Uh, no. Just sore.”

Student #1: “Where exactly does it hurt?”

Me: *confused, pointing* “Right around here…”

Student #2: “Would you describe the pain as—” *names several options*

Me: “What?”

Student #1: “Okay, on a scale of 1 to 10, how much does it hurt?”

(Then it hits me, these are Athletic Training students.)

Me: “Seriously, guys, I’m just a little sore. Good luck on your test though.”

(Really cool people! I ended up being friends with one of them.)

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