Category: Rude & Risque

Just Your Lucking Luck

| NC, USA | Language & Words, Parents, Rude & Risque

(I always had the reputation of being very innocent and naive; this unfortunately means that my classmates often get a kick out of manipulating me. This particular story takes place in sixth grade. I’ve finished my work and am idly looking at the bulletin board behind me where I see something that confuses me.)

Me: “What’s ‘Luck you’ mean?”

Classmate: “Try putting a “F” at the beginning?”

Me: “F*** you?””

(The teacher hears me and storms over.)

Teacher: “[My Name], what did you just say?”

Me: “F*** you.”

(I then get dragged to the principal’s office and suspended for a week. My mom is not happy about this and goes to the school.)

Mom: “[My Name] didn’t mean any harm. She didn’t know what she was saying.”

Principal: “There’s no way a 12-year-old couldn’t know what that word means.”

Mom: *indignant* “Excuse me; my 12-year-old doesn’t know that word and I worked very hard to ensure that.”

(They eventually changed the punishment to a shorter suspension and an essay but refused to remove it completely. To add insult to injury, I later found out my classmate did it on purpose, instead of not realizing what she was getting me into like I had always believed, and got away with it because she was a local golden girl.)

Sliding Out Of That Topic

| Chicago, IL, USA | Math & Science, Rude & Risque

(I work for the Biology prep staff at my university, making sure that classes and labs have all the equipment they need, etc. One day my manager and I are prepping for next week when a boy comes in from the Anatomy and Physiology dissection next door. He seems a little dazed.)

Boy: “Do you have any plastic baggies?”

Manager: “Yeah, right here. What’s it for?”

Boy: “Dirty… something. Dirty… pictures? Of dead bodies. Dirty body pictures…” *he seems to realize what he’s saying* “Oh, god. Slides! I meant it’s for contaminated slides of tissue samples we took from the cadaver! Not dirty pictures!”

(My manager and I were laughing too hard to reassure him. The professor later told he came back to class with the plastic bag and a blush like a ripe tomato.)

Touching My Body Of Music

| Perth, WA, Australia | Rude & Risque, Students, Teachers

(This story comes from the beginning of this century. Our lecturer told us the following story to keep us from trying to hide radios, mp3 players, etc. under our desks and listening to them through ear-buds:)

Lecturer: “[Student], I can see you bopping your head to the music! Turn it off.”

Student: “I swear I’m not listening to music.”

Lecturer: “You have one hand under your desk and a big smile. If you’re not playing with a music player, what are you playing with?”

Taking That Tone With Me

| USA | Rude & Risque, Students

(My mother completed her student teaching in a middle school. The kids loved her because she was a smart-a** just like they were.)

Mom: *turns her back to the class to write on the blackboard*

Student: *lets out a MASSIVE fart*

Mom: *without even turning around* “Nice tone, but the duration needs a little work.”

(That student still keeps in contact with her today, more than a quarter century later!)

That Was Swimmingly Obvious

| The Netherlands | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Sports

(I am a volunteer at the swimming club, where I teach the kids who already have their basic diplomas more advanced things, like butterfly stroke or handling a water polo ball. This is the first time we’ll be using water polo balls, so I always cover the safety rules, just in case. The ages vary between 6 and 12. The kids know I tend to be either silly or sarcastic and they are used to my expressions. I always tell them to think for themselves.)

Me: “When we go into the water, we will not be holding the ball.”

Kid #1: “Can we dive in?”

Me: “Do you want me to take your teeth out for you, or will you let the ball do that?” *kids laugh* “Nah, for obvious reasons, we do not dive in with balls!”

Kid #2: *with a wicked grin* “So, how do boys do that?”

Me: “…You win that one.”

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