Category: Rude & Risque

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A Shakespearean Freudian Slip

| IL, USA | Books & Reading, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(We are in ninth grade English, reading Romeo and Juliet. Each character is assigned to a student. This teacher also runs the theater program, so he has a prop closet in his classroom.)

Boy #1: “Draw thy tool! Here comes of the house of Montagues.”

Boy #2: “My naked weapon is out. Quarrel! I will back thee.”

(There are assorted snorts and giggles, and the teacher explains that this simply means he has drawn his sword. We manage to calm down and move on, until some time later…)

Teacher: “Time for a demonstration! Let me go get out my sword!” *disappears into the prop closet*

(We laughed uncontrollably for a good couple of minutes.)

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That Learning Method Is Certainly Divisive

| NY, USA | Language & Words, Math & Science, Rude & Risque

(We are learning how to find out if a number Is divisible by another number. For instance, if a number is even, it is divisible by two. In this particular instance, we are learning the trick for 3’s. If a number’s digits add up to a number divisible by 3, then it too is divisible by three. For instance, 225. 2+2+5=9 and 9/3=3. Therefore, the following happens.)

Teacher: “To remember the trick for threes, just remember: threesome! Threesome! Threesome!”

(Of course, nobody understood the implication at the time, but I still wonder if she was doing it intentionally or just out of naïveté.)

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Everything Eventually Becomes Porn

| USA | Games, Rude & Risque, Students

(During English, we are playing a game called ‘Telephone’ where you whisper a message into someone’s ear and they pass it on until we reach the last person. The message tends to be different from the original by the time the last person hears it. We had one rule, and that was the message had to be appropriate. We’ve just reached the last person. Note: The original message was ‘The Cardboard King lives in a clock made of peanut butter’.)

Teacher: “All right, [Student #2], what’d you hear?”

Student #2: “I don’t think I should say it.”

Me: “Say it!”

(Cue a bunch of students encouraging the teacher to cover her ears.)

Student #2: “Hardcore gay porn.” *unintelligible muttering*

(We didn’t play another game.)

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Well… It IS France

| Northern Ireland, UK | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(I am a French language assistant in Northern Ireland, teaching a group of three girls, in a conservative grammar school.)

Me: “Qu’est ce que vous avez fait pendant les vacances?” *What did you do during your holidays?*

Girl #1: *quite confidently* “Je suis très fatiguée parce que j’ai beaucoup couché”.

(I was so surprised that I started to laugh uncontrollably for a few minutes.)

Me: “You just said: I’m very tired because I slept around a lot.”

(Girls #2 and #3 started laughing, too, while Girl #1 turned red. By the way, she was trying to say that she was really tired so she slept a lot.)

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Let’s Hope The Film Has A Good Climax

| Germany | Holidays, Rude & Risque

(We played Secret Santa. The only two male students in our class got condoms and popcorn.)

Teacher: “You could make a film evening!”

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