Category: Rude & Risque


Left That Part Out Of Mein Kampf

| ON, Canada | History, Rude & Risque, Technology

(I’m sitting in History class and the teacher is writing a Canadian history timeline of the chalkboard beside me. He starts writing briefly about WWII. Student #1 sits behind me and Student #2 beside them while Student #3 sits across the room.)

Student #1: *not very quietly* “Didn’t Hitler have a sex doll?”

(I turn around in horror at what I thought I just heard.)

Me: “Did I just hear what i thought I heard?”

Student #2: “What?!”

(The teacher has stopped writing on the board.)

Teacher: “What’s the joke?”

Student #2: “Uh… You don’t want to know.”

Teacher: “No, no, tell me.”

Student #2: “He was just asking about Hitler and their… blowup companion.”

(The teacher looks like he’s having a migraine.)

Student #1: “I just wanted to know, didn’t Hitler have a sex doll?”

Me: *struggling to breathe*

(The whole class is listening at this point.)

Teacher: “We’re just going to end that topic of conversation and move on.” *continues to write on the board*

(A solid minute later:)

Student #1: *looking it up on his phone* “Yeah, it says right here he had a sex doll!”

Student #2: “No, nooo…” *starts grabbing [Student #1]’s phone away*

Me: *dying again*

Student #1: “I just heard about it and I wanted to know if it was true!”

Student #3: “Why are we still talking about this!”


He’s Not Ready To Learn Victoria’s Secret

| NSW, Australia | Field Trip, Rude & Risque

(I am a trainee teacher on an excursion with the high school I’m currently placed at. We are on an excursion to see a musical, in a theatre that happens to be located within a shopping complex. Many of shops’ staff are walking around advertising their products. A lingerie model walks past, obviously advertising for a particular store. Her outfit includes a g-string, and her buttocks are therefore exposed.)

Male Year-Eight Student: *in a very loud, shocked voice* “SHE’S GOT HER BUM OUT!”

Teacher: *scolds student for behaviour*

(Meanwhile, I and the other teachers had to refrain from laughing and put on serious expressions.)


Well, Both Places Don’t Get A Lot Of Sunlight

| Leeds, England, UK | Bizarre/Silly, Rude & Risque

(I’m a teaching assistant working with 9- to 10-year-olds. The kids are working on stories meant to develop their use of adjectives and causal conjunctions (“because of,” “as a result of,” etc.), which involve writing about how fictional creatures went extinct. One of the girls asks me to check her work, so I pick up her workbook and start reading aloud from it.)

Me: “It is a well-known fact that vampires used to live on Uranus.”

(As this is an unusual opening statement even by the standards of their writing, I give her an appraising look. She looks me in the eye, face perfectly straight, and says…)

Student: “I’m not talking about the planet.”

(I immediately started corpsing and had to leave the room in order to laugh out loud. The delivery was absolutely killer.)


Gives New Meaning To The Test Being ‘Hard’

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Exams/Tests, Rude & Risque, Students

(In my English class, marks for our midterms are posted on the wall of the classroom but to keep them confidential our teacher has let us pick nicknames to use on the list. You are not supposed to let anyone know what your nickname is and it’s only supposed to be used for the grade list. One day, not even close to midterms, my teacher is handing back tests.)

Teacher: “I don’t know who this test belongs to. Whoever did this test wrote Megapenis in the name space.”

(Class laughs.)

Student: “Oh, that’s mine. You told us to give you fake names for the test.”

Teacher: “You were supposed to make up a name to be used on the list of midterm grades which I will post on the wall next month. It’s supposed to be confidential. Stay here after class and tell me a different nickname.”

(The bell rang and he was the first one out the door. Later, when the midterm grades were posted I noticed he never changed his nickname. Surprisingly, “Megapenis” got the highest mark in the class.)


Those Pecs Defy Gravity

| Omaha, NE, USA | Books & Reading, Math & Science, Rude & Risque, Students

(I am in physics class, doing a worksheet about g, the rate at which all things fall to Earth. My teacher comes up behind me and picks up the book I’ve been reading: a romance novel whose cover is just a well-muscled chest. No head, no legs. Just the chest.)

Teacher: “[My Name], I have to ask: is this book G-rated?”

(I wordlessly take it, flip it over, and drop it onto my desk so it lands with the back cover facing up.)

Me: “Yes. ‘g’ rates this book a success.”

Teacher: *sighs* “Just cover up the naked guy, okay?”

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