Category: Rude & Risque

Hung Up On Definitions

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(We are analysing cartoons in a history class.)

Teacher: “How would you describe the soldier in this cartoon?”

Friend: *not quite loud enough for the teacher to hear* “Well-hung.”

Me: *chuckles, thinking they are joking as it a serious cartoon of a WW I soldier*

Friend: “What?”

Me: *stunned* “What do you think well-hung means?”

Friend: “Doesn’t it just mean physically fit?”

Me: “Uh…”

Must Have Been A Special Presentation

| CA, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Teachers

(We have to do practice presentations for our final project. We have the option of practicing in front of our English teacher.)

Teacher: “These are the people I have down for who have practiced in front of me, but I want to be sure. When I call your name, say if you did or didn’t.” *goes through the list until he gets to me* “[My Name], did you do me?”

Me: *looks at him blankly because of the way the question was phrased*

Everyone Else: *bursts into laughter*

Teacher: *slightly panicked* Sorry! I didn’t mean it like that! You guys are such children.” *laughs*

Got A Good Hand(le) On The Subject

| MN, USA | MN, USA | Rude & Risque, Students

(We are in a heavily abstinence-based sex ed class.)

Teacher: “Who can give me a benefit of abstinence?”

Student: “You have more time for yourself…”

Teacher: “Good, any-”

Student: “LIKE MASTURBATING!”

Watch Your Bad Languages

| Birmingham, England, UK | Language & Words, Popular, Rude & Risque

(I take German as one of my GCSE options and the teacher helps consolidate our knowledge by playing games. We’re playing Call My Bluff, where if your hand is up when the correct answer is given, you get a point. If you give the wrong answer, you lose all your points.)

Me: *after losing all my points* “Aw, s***!”

Friend: “[My Name]! Language!”

Me: “Oh, sorry…  Aw, schieße!”

(I didn’t get in trouble.)

This Test Has Good Vibrations

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Exams/Tests, Popular, Rude & Risque, Students, Technology

(I was sitting in my math class taking a test. Before we have tests we always turn our phones off and put them in our backpacks. On this particular day, I placed my phone inside the desk next to mine out of convenience. I also forgot to turn it off.)

Teacher: “Are everyone’s phones off and put away?”

Me: *I nod “yes”*

Teacher: “Okay, you can start the test.”

(About halfway through the test, my phone starts to vibrate inside the desk loud enough for everyone to hear.)

Teacher: “[My Name], is that a phone?”

Me: *trying to come up with an excuse* “No… it’s my vibrator.”

Teacher: “It sounds like a cell phone vibrating on metal.”

Me: “I know… It’s a very old model… It belonged to my great-grandmother.”

Teacher: “So you inherited an antique vibrator, brought it to school, and decided to use it during your math test?”

Me: “…Yes.”

Teacher: “Can I see it?”

Me: “I’ll turn my phone off.”

(The entire class was laughing the whole time. I learned later that my teacher had told that story to all her other classes that day.)

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