Category: Religion

That’s Some Grade ‘A’ Praying

| Indianapolis, IN, USA | Exams/Tests, Religion

(Our Catholic high school requires students to attend daily mass at least once a week during study hall. Our class was supposed to attend mass today, but our teacher has given us the option to go later in the week instead so we can study for the unusually high number of tests we have today. Only Student and I choose to get mass over with today rather than wait. We have the following conversation on our way to the chapel.)

Student: “I guess we’re the lucky ones who don’t have many tests today, huh?”

Me: “Actually, I have as many tests as the rest of them. I just recognize that no amount of studying can save me now. My best chance is to pray.”

Student: “But aren’t you an atheist?”

Me: “I’m more agnostic than anything else, but I’m also desperate. If it means a better chance at a passing grade, I’ll be the most devoted Catholic you’ve ever seen. But probably just ’till last period.”

Student: “I don’t think that’s how it works, but good luck with that.”

Have It With Your Scotch Eggs

| USA | Religion

(I go to a religious university affiliated with a religion that unequivocally does not drink. This takes place during an eight am music history course. We have just finished listening to a passage of Mahler.)

Professor: *shuddering* “It’s much too early for Mahler. Mahler at this time of the morning is like drinking scotch before breakfast.”

(The class is silent.)

Professor: “Not that I drink scotch before breakfast.” *pause* “Or any other time of the day, for that matter.”

Songs Of Praise

| PA, USA | Musical Mayhem, Popular, Religion

(We are at an orchestra festival. It’s almost time for dinner. Note that we sit in the back row, so no one really notices our antics except the trombones and bassoons. Horn #1 is pretty tall.)

Horn #1: *checks watch, then stretches his arms over his head and whispers to us* “Praise God, it’s five minutes until dinner.”

Conductor: “Are you stretching, or do you need something?”

Horn #1: “Um… I was praising God. For the… for the wonderful festival and the music…” *throws arms over head again* “Praise God?”

Horn #2: *raises arms* “Praise God!”

Conductor: “Okay, then.” *proceeds with rehearsal*

(This became a running joke. Every time he turned around, we raised our arms and whispered “Praise God.” Eventually, the tubas, trombones, and bassoons joined in!)

Put Into Historical Context

| USA | History, Popular, Religion, Students, Teachers

(I am in a scheduling counselor meeting. There is one kid whose parents are quite wealthy and feel that he has the right to joke and mess around. It should be noted that he is white.)

Counselor: “Within the ‘Cultural Exploration’ category, we have several electives that you can take, such as ‘Study of Islam’ and ‘Black Studies’—”

Boy: *loudly, interrupting the counsellor* “What about ‘White Studies’?”

Counselor: *without missing a beat* “That’s called history.”

These Classes Are Hellish

| USA | Popular, Religion

(At my college, there is a general education course that all freshman are required to take. While the course is not hard, everyone agrees that it is VERY boring and useless in the information that we cover. We are discussing things that we know and what we don’t know.)

Student #1: “I don’t know much about the afterlife but I do know that if I went there I wouldn’t have to take this class.”

Professor: “Yes, you would. In the afterlife I know about, they still require you to take this class. You know what afterlife I’m talking about?”

Student #2: “Hell!”