Category: Religion

These Classes Are Hellish

| USA | Popular, Religion

(At my college, there is a general education course that all freshman are required to take. While the course is not hard, everyone agrees that it is VERY boring and useless in the information that we cover. We are discussing things that we know and what we don’t know.)

Student #1: “I don’t know much about the afterlife but I do know that if I went there I wouldn’t have to take this class.”

Professor: “Yes, you would. In the afterlife I know about, they still require you to take this class. You know what afterlife I’m talking about?”

Student #2: “Hell!”

Can’t See The Woodwork For The Trees

| USA | Religion

(I am attending a course that is talking about vocational rehabilitation, and getting jobs for people with disabilities. A list of transferable skills that carpenters have is on the screen.)

Teacher: “Now, you see, people who are carpenters have many transferable skills that work in many different fields—“

Student: *interrupting* “OH! So, like Jesus.”

The Teacher Is A Dinosaur

| Israel | History, Popular, Religion, Teachers

(I am in fourth grade, and studying at a (Jewish) religious school. I am also extremely obsessed with dinosaurs. The teacher has instituted a policy according to which on our birthdays, each student will present a topic of their choosing. I, naturally, choose dinosaurs. According to traditional Jewish belief, the world was created approximately 5700 years ago.)

Me: “Dinosaurs lived between 230 and 65 million years ago, in a time known as the—”

Teacher: “Look at that! They think the world actually existed more than five thousand years ago!”

(I was thoroughly embarrassed on many levels. I am so glad I transferred to a different school at the end of that very year.)

Your Belief Lacks Focus

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Art/Design, Movies & TV, Popular, Religion, Teachers

(This occurs while my eighth-grade class is visiting the Our Lady of Angels Cathedral in Los Angeles, California. In the sanctuary, there is a tapestry where if you look in the correct spot and un-focus your eyes, you (supposedly) are able to see the face of Jesus. Many of us, however, can not. It is also worth noting that I attend a Catholic middle school, and although my teacher and many of my classmates are Catholic, I am not.)

Me: *to Teacher* “Can you see it?”

Teacher: “If you kind of look towards the top in that dark spot, I think that’s the bridge of his nose.”

Me: “I probably can’t see it because I don’t… believe!”

Teacher: “It’s not the Polar Express.”

Jesus! I Won’t Ask, Then!

| ON, Canada | Popular, Religion, Students

(I teach acting classes for eight-twelve year olds. It is a tradition for my class to perform Jesus Christ Superstar in a local theater around Easter. I have just told my class this. I also have a few errands to run.)

Me: “Easter is coming in a few months and we usually perform Jesus Christ Superstar at [Theater]. Anyone who doesn’t want to take part in it for religious reasons must say so beforehand. Oh, that reminds me, [Boy with long hair], can you…”

Boy: “I DON’T WANT TO BE JESUS AND IF YOU MAKE ME, I’LL SHAVE MY HEAD!”

Me: “I was going to ask you to put these flyers up. Auditions will be next Friday.”

Boy: “Oh, Okay. I’ll put them up.”

(He did participate in the production but as an extra. I told him that he didn’t have to be in the play if he didn’t want to, but he insisted on it.)