Category: Religion

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Jesus! I Won’t Ask, Then!

| ON, Canada | Popular, Religion, Students

(I teach acting classes for eight-twelve year olds. It is a tradition for my class to perform Jesus Christ Superstar in a local theater around Easter. I have just told my class this. I also have a few errands to run.)

Me: “Easter is coming in a few months and we usually perform Jesus Christ Superstar at [Theater]. Anyone who doesn’t want to take part in it for religious reasons must say so beforehand. Oh, that reminds me, [Boy with long hair], can you…”

Boy: “I DON’T WANT TO BE JESUS AND IF YOU MAKE ME, I’LL SHAVE MY HEAD!”

Me: “I was going to ask you to put these flyers up. Auditions will be next Friday.”

Boy: “Oh, Okay. I’ll put them up.”

(He did participate in the production but as an extra. I told him that he didn’t have to be in the play if he didn’t want to, but he insisted on it.)

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Pew Pew Poltergeist

| Lancaster, PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Religion

(I went to a Catholic elementary school. In religion class one day, we’re learning about house blessing. This is a ritual some families do wherein a priest blesses their new home with holy water.)

Student: “So, how exactly does the priest do it? Does he like put the holy water in a squirt gun and spray the house?”

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Aryan Totally Had Your Back

| CT, USA | History, Popular, Religion

(When I was young I went to Hebrew School every Tuesday and Sunday – it was a bit like Sunday school but for Jews. However, I am only Jewish on my mother’s side of the family, and therefore don’t look particularly ethnically Jewish. During this lesson, we are discussing the Holocaust.)

Teacher: “So the Nazis believed in a superior race called ‘Aryans’ – the ideal Aryan would have straight, blonde hair, blue eyes, and fair skin…”

(My class full of dark, curly-haired students all slowly turn to stare at me – the perfect example of what my teacher just described.)

Me: “Um… I would have totally smuggled you guys out.”

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You Really Hope They Got The Flashcards Mixed Up

| FL, USA | History, Religion

(We are playing a review game right before a test.)

Teacher: “What is an example of a universalizing religion?”

Student: “Hitler!”

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This Teacher Rocks

| VA, USA | History, Musical Mayhem, Popular, Religion

(I am in my Honors World History class. We are talking about the church in the Middle Ages. My teacher uses an app for our warmups and likes to project the answers onto the board. Note that there is quiet medieval music playing at the time.)

Warm Up Question: “What did medieval Christians think would happen to them if they disobeyed the church?”

(I type the answer, Hell, and wait for my teacher to go over the responses.)

Teacher: “All right, let’s go over the answers.”

(He presses a button on his laptop. The quiet medieval music suddenly changes to ACDC’s ‘Highway to Hell.’)

Me: “Did he just…”

Classmate: “Apparently…”