Category: Religion

Jew You See What I See?

| Waterford, MI, USA | Holidays, Religion, Students

(I go to a strict Catholic school. We’re celebrating the countdown to Christmas break and each day a different student gets to draw on the board. Today is my day so I draw a star on a Christmas tree.)

Student #1: “TEACHER! [My Name] hates Christmas!”

Me: “Um, what?”

Student #1: “Stars like that are Jewish! You hate Christmas! You can’t have a Jewish star on a Christmas tree!”

Teacher: “That’s not a star of David. Even if it was, Jesus was Jewish, too.”

Student #2: “No! Jesus is Christian!”

(The teacher tried to explain how Jesus was actually Jewish, but no one listened to her. A few parents even complained about her “spreading lies.” I didn’t draw Christmas stars on trees anymore until I left that school. )

Lack Of Historical Knowledge Leaves You Quaking

| NC, USA | Bizarre/Silly, History, Religion, Students

(In my high school US History class, we are going over who founded various colonies.)

Teacher: “Pennsylvania was founded by William Penn and his fellow Quakers. It was the primary religion there for many years.”

Classmate: “But now Quakers are extinct.”

(Assuming she’s joking, I reply.)

Me: “Somehow I missed the memo.”

(She stares at me in surprise.)

Classmate: “You’re Quaker?”

(And that marked the first time I ever had to explain my religion.)

Penta-Gone-With-The-Devil

| DuPage County, IL, USA | Math & Science, Religion

(I’m in geometry class, and we are reviewing the names of different polygons with partners.)

Partner: *pointing at shapes on the worksheet* “Rectangle… triangle… pentagram.”

Me: “Uh… I think you mean a pentaGON, because… well, I’m pretty sure a pentagram means something else.”

System 666 Error

| Escondido, CA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Religion, Technology

(My school’s robotics team is getting ready to attend a demo at one of our sponsors, BAE Systems. We are testing out our robots before we pack them up. One of our mentors enables the robot and picks up the joystick. I do not usually drive the robots, especially this robot, which has a different wheel base.)

Mentor: “Woah, there’s a serious delay! That’s not good…”

Me: “Here, can I try?”

(The second she hands me the joystick, the robot starts to twitch, even though I’m not actually touching the stick.)

Me: “Uh…”

Teammate: “What are you doing?”

Me: “I’m not touching it!”

(The robot then speeds across the room into an obstacle we had built and stops dead. Everyone goes completely silent and looks at me.)

Me: “Does anybody know a priest?”

Daria Goes To Church

| Brookhaven, MS, USA | Religion, Students

(My friends and I have just recently made it into the ninth grade. One of my friends is the “school emo,” complete with dyed red hair, black clothes, and atheism. I have no idea why, but I speak in a pretty monotone voice and generally have a blank face. Now, while I myself am Christian, I do not tolerate other people’s bull-s*** when it comes to other people’s beliefs. This takes place at lunch when one of the more religious girls in our grade comes up to us and sits across from my friend..)

Girl: *after babbling on about Jesus and why my friend should believe in god, she stops for a moment and hands her a small pamphlet* “So please just come to my church for one night.”

Friend: “No, I’ve been dragged to church my whole life and I hated it.”

Me: *I have no idea why I did this, but seeing as how light she is I decided to. I stand from my chair and take the back of hers, turning her around to the table next to us where she was sitting* “She’s not going to church.”

(Mind you, I did all of this with absolutely no emotion on my face, or in my voice. We still joke about this to this day.)