Category: Religion

You Put The ‘Lie’ Into Unbelievable

| USA | Religion

(A student has made a very dumb comment in our religion class that indicates he did not do his reading. The professor calls him out on it, and he insists that he did do his reading.)

Professor: “That is the biggest lie since Satan told Cain that nobody would know that he killed Abel. Everyone knows Cain. You have gone down in history.”

Jew You See What I See?

| Waterford, MI, USA | Holidays, Religion, Students

(I go to a strict Catholic school. We’re celebrating the countdown to Christmas break and each day a different student gets to draw on the board. Today is my day so I draw a star on a Christmas tree.)

Student #1: “TEACHER! [My Name] hates Christmas!”

Me: “Um, what?”

Student #1: “Stars like that are Jewish! You hate Christmas! You can’t have a Jewish star on a Christmas tree!”

Teacher: “That’s not a star of David. Even if it was, Jesus was Jewish, too.”

Student #2: “No! Jesus is Christian!”

(The teacher tried to explain how Jesus was actually Jewish, but no one listened to her. A few parents even complained about her “spreading lies.” I didn’t draw Christmas stars on trees anymore until I left that school. )

Lack Of Historical Knowledge Leaves You Quaking

| NC, USA | Bizarre/Silly, History, Religion, Students

(In my high school US History class, we are going over who founded various colonies.)

Teacher: “Pennsylvania was founded by William Penn and his fellow Quakers. It was the primary religion there for many years.”

Classmate: “But now Quakers are extinct.”

(Assuming she’s joking, I reply.)

Me: “Somehow I missed the memo.”

(She stares at me in surprise.)

Classmate: “You’re Quaker?”

(And that marked the first time I ever had to explain my religion.)


| DuPage County, IL, USA | Math & Science, Religion

(I’m in geometry class, and we are reviewing the names of different polygons with partners.)

Partner: *pointing at shapes on the worksheet* “Rectangle… triangle… pentagram.”

Me: “Uh… I think you mean a pentaGON, because… well, I’m pretty sure a pentagram means something else.”

System 666 Error

| Escondido, CA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Religion, Technology

(My school’s robotics team is getting ready to attend a demo at one of our sponsors, BAE Systems. We are testing out our robots before we pack them up. One of our mentors enables the robot and picks up the joystick. I do not usually drive the robots, especially this robot, which has a different wheel base.)

Mentor: “Woah, there’s a serious delay! That’s not good…”

Me: “Here, can I try?”

(The second she hands me the joystick, the robot starts to twitch, even though I’m not actually touching the stick.)

Me: “Uh…”

Teammate: “What are you doing?”

Me: “I’m not touching it!”

(The robot then speeds across the room into an obstacle we had built and stops dead. Everyone goes completely silent and looks at me.)

Me: “Does anybody know a priest?”