Category: Language & Words


The Shakers Of The Education World

| Wellington, New Zealand | Bad Behavior, Language & Words, Teachers

(Two earthquakes have struck central New Zealand, and have twice resulted in the closure of the university so it can be checked. The first was on a Sunday, but the second was on a Friday, resulting in varying forms of this being said by lecturers the following Monday.)

Lecturer: “Now, if there is an earthquake, remain calm and get under the tables until the shaking has stopped. Once it has, calmly get the f*** out of the building, because I really don’t want to be in here!”


“Thank You” For The Grade

| Dallas, TX, USA | Language & Words

(Spanish class.)

Teacher: “All right, everyone, here are your assignments from last week.”

(She passes them out: an assignment where we had to write a letter to a friend in Spanish. I see that, very unusually for me, I got a ‘B’.)

Me: “Profesora, you marked off because I didn’t start with ‘Dear So-and-So,’ but the instructions say to begin with a thank you.”

Teacher: “I know, but you should always begin a letter by saying ‘Dear person.’”

Me: “But the instructions say to begin with a thank you.”

Teacher: “Yes, but you should always begin a letter with a salutation.”

Me: “Yes, I know to start a letter by saying ‘Dear person,’ and the only reason I didn’t do it that way is because of the instructions.”

(One other student, who had done the same thing, and I ended up staying after class to try to argue the point. The teacher kept saying, “We’ll just have to agree to disagree!” and I kept saying, “Fine, we disagree, but can I have the points? Since I made the mistake because I was following the directions?” She wouldn’t budge.)


Should Have Written An Esé

| Bay Area, CA, USA | Language & Words

(We’re taking the final for our Spanish 3 class. The last part is a 500-word essay. There’s about 15 minutes left in the exam period.)

Student: *completely serious* “Excuse me, are we supposed to be writing this essay in Spanish?”

(Class laughs thinking he’s joking but he’s not.)

Teacher: “Uh, yeah. This is a Spanish class.”

Student: “F***!” *immediately begins to erase*

(Somehow he ended up at an Ivy when we graduated.)


A Shakespearean Freudian Slip

| IL, USA | Books & Reading, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(We are in ninth grade English, reading Romeo and Juliet. Each character is assigned to a student. This teacher also runs the theater program, so he has a prop closet in his classroom.)

Boy #1: “Draw thy tool! Here comes of the house of Montagues.”

Boy #2: “My naked weapon is out. Quarrel! I will back thee.”

(There are assorted snorts and giggles, and the teacher explains that this simply means he has drawn his sword. We manage to calm down and move on, until some time later…)

Teacher: “Time for a demonstration! Let me go get out my sword!” *disappears into the prop closet*

(We laughed uncontrollably for a good couple of minutes.)


You Can’t Do A Numero Uno

| IL, USA | Language & Words

(In Spanish class…)

Student #1: *leaps out of his chair* “Hey, [Teacher], can I go to the whiz palace?”

*everyone suppresses laughter, waiting for the teacher’s response*

Teacher: “¿EN ESPAÑOL?”

Student: “¿Puedo ir al whiz palace?”

Teacher: “No. Sientete.” *sit down*

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