Category: Language & Words

When You Want To Get An ‘F’

| NY, USA | Language & Words, Math & Science

(We are learning about ANOVA (analysis of variance) in math class. Our teacher is very Russian.)

Professor: “Now, for many years, always some students forget how to score ANOVA. [Student], when you do ANOVA, you will check score on which distribution table?”

Student: “Uhh… Z-table?”

Professor: “No. Definitely not. See, there is excellent way to remember that one student taught me. He did not mean to teach me, I think, but now all my students know. ANOVA is scored on the ‘F’ distribution. So remember, when you see ANOVA, say to yourself what my student told me: ‘eff this!'”

(We didn’t forget.)

Can’t Take It “Back”

| Washington, DC, USA | Bad Behavior, Language & Words, Teachers

(I’m a teacher. Last year my classroom was a staff development/teacher workroom. It is the second week of school and most of the staff have realized that meetings are now held elsewhere. Today there is a substitute in the building who had been a long-term sub at the school for the past two years. He wasn’t hired as a full-time teacher because he didn’t have his license and the majority of staff can’t stand him. There’s a meeting scheduled in the media center.)

Sub: *throws open the door to my classroom* “I’m back, b****es!”

(He quickly closed the door and hurried off, but the damage was done. I emailed my admin, but my school is known as a “rough” school and it’s hard to get substitutes, so they refused to take disciplinary action against him. My students’ new favorite phrase is “I’m back, b****es!” Thanks, dude.)

You Only Have ‘Each Other’ To Blame

| Townsend, MA, USA | Language & Words, Musical Mayhem, Rude & Risque

(In music class, the song we are working on has a line that only the tenors sing to completion, with everyone else cutting off just before the words “each other.” However simply out of habit the entire class sings the whole line. We have gone over this a few times already and keep getting it wrong.)

Teacher: “Look, I know you all want to do ‘each other’…”

(We immediately all started laughing. Looking back on it, he probably did it on purpose.)

Always Thinking Inside The Box

| Queens, NY, USA | Language & Words

(I am walking upstairs with some autistic third graders. They are holding a basket between them which holds our lunch supplies.)

Student: “This is like a funeral box!”

Me: “A what?”

Student: “You know when people die?”

Me: “A coffin?!”

The Great Escape: The Ballet

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Language & Words, Teachers

(The teacher is rather strict about not joking around in class even though we’re all adults. “Echappé” is where you jump from feet together to land with feet apart.)

Teacher: “And what does echappé mean?”

Me: “To escape.”

Teacher: “And what are we escaping from?”

Me: “You.”

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