Category: Holidays

Thankful That The Kindergartners Don’t Cook

| Louisville, KY, USA | Family & Kids, Holidays

(Every year, my grade school asks the kindergarteners for recipes for turkey. They print the best ones in the parent newsletter for Thanksgiving weekend:)

Kindergartener #1: “Go out into the woods and find a turkey. Bring it home, add salt and pepper, and cook for ten minutes at ten degrees.”

Kindergartener #2: “Stuff a turkey with ketchup. Put it in the oven at 300 degrees for two minutes.”

Kindergartener #3: “Buy a turkey. Put bread in it. Cook at 4000 degrees for three hours.”

I’m Dreaming Of A Black Kwanzaa

| TN, USA | Holidays, Students

(I am a senior in high school. Because of a scheduling conflict, I have to take a semester-long “Business and Computer Skills” class. It’s not a very hard class, and the teacher is not particularly qualified. It’s shortly before winter break, and since we don’t have anything left to do in the course, the teacher has given us HIGH SCHOOL SENIORS the assignment of making holiday cards on the computer. I’ve decided to mess around with the assignment. It should be noted that this teacher is black, and I am not.)

Teacher: “[My Name], what are you making?”

Me: “A Kwanzaa card.”

Teacher: “A Kwanzaa card? For who?”

Me: “[One of the guidance counselors, who is white].”

Teacher: “Does she even celebrate Kwanzaa?”

Me: “Almost certainly not.”

Teacher: “Don’t send it to her.”

(I turn to the student sitting next to me, who is also black.)

Me: “[Student], do you want a Kwanzaa card?”

Student: “Okay.”

(The teacher didn’t even ask him if he celebrated Kwanzaa. I passed the assignment.)

That’s The Way The Christmas Cookie Crumbles

| Australia | Food & Drink, Holidays, Staff

(I work IT for two schools. At this one, I work out of the staffroom as the school is small and I’m only there once a week. It’s the end of year and Christmas; as such there are lots of goodies being prepared for morning tea that I can’t touch yet.)

Coworker: “Oh, this cake looks good. It must be hard not being able to eat it for an hour.”

Me: *looking up from my laptop and using my best sad voice* “I didn’t even realise that was there until now…”

Coworker: “Oh. Well, I’ll just block your view with these biscuits.”

Me: *more sadly* “I didn’t even realise THOSE were there!”

Christmas Is Navidead

| WA, USA | Holidays, Language & Words

(We are in Spanish class on the last day before break. The teacher has written two things you can say that mean “happy holidays.” At this point everyone is aware of the ‘scandal’ of Starbucks cups lacking Christmas imagery.)

Student #1: “We need more ways to say happy holidays.”

Student #2: *writing it on the board* “Feliz Navidad!”

Me: “That means Merry Christmas, not happy holidays.”

Student #2: “Oh, oops.”

(Next to “Feliz Navidad,” he wrote “This message brought to you by Starbucks!”)

Don’t Sweat Tomorrow

| PA, USA | Holidays, Teachers

(The week before Christmas day, and the day before ugly sweater day. Our science teacher is wearing a sweater like he does most days, and this one student blurts out…)

Student: “Mr. [Teacher], you know ugly sweater day is tomorrow right?”

Teacher: “Yeah, tomorrow I’ll wear one with a picture of your face on it.”

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