Category: Health & Body

Giving Birth To Pure Irony

| Finland | Health & Body, Technology

(In our singing class, we are singing a traditional Finnish song about a young woman who accidentally becomes pregnant. Our teacher is trying to play a recording of the song from a streaming music service, but the service shows an advertisement before plays the song.)

Teacher: “Oh, I have to watch an ad… for Clearblue ovulation predictor.”

Class: *cracks up laughing*

Medicare Now Covers Scarecrows

| LA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Health & Body

(My American Government professor is a really funny guy, and he uses modern examples to explain certain topics. Currently, he is describing Medicare as a good point of having a federal government. He has gotten somewhat off-topic about it, and is discussing what might one do if a bone breaks while working on a farm.)

Professor: “Now, say that the arm breaks like this. What would happen? What would you do?”

(He moves his arm as to where he forms an L-shape with his hand pointing downwards. Various students answer his questions. He then decides on one more question.)

Professor: *still holding his arm in the same position* “Now what kind of job would you expect to do if your arm was like this?”

Me: “Scarecrow!”

(The professor and a few students started laughing.)

Didn’t Have That Lesson, Period

| OR, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Students

(I am taking drama as an elective in eighth grade. The (male) teacher is known for being a bit unusual. Note that there is a restroom close to the stage so we are allowed to leave without a hall pass.)

Teacher: “Where is [Student #1]?”

Student #2: “She’s in the bathroom.”

Teacher: “What’s taking her so long?”

Student #2: “She’s having girl problems.”

Teacher: “What’s that supposed to mean?”

(To this day I don’t know if he simply didn’t care or if he somehow got to be an adult without knowing what “girl problems” means!)

Missed That Period

| Scotland, UK | Excuses, Health & Body

(First thing in the morning on a Tuesday, I have a two-hour lecture with a professor that everyone hates; if you arrive even seconds after him, he marks you late. I’m never usually late, but today I was unfortunate to be a whole hour behind — with very good reason.)

Me: *tries to come in as unobtrusively as possible from the back of the hall*

Professor: “Nice of you to join us, [My Name]. Let’s hear the excuse.”

Me: “You really don’t want to know.”

Professor: “No, I do.”

Me: “Seriously, don’t ask.”

Professor: “You’re an hour late. You can tell me why you’re late or I can mark you absent.”

(Three absences is an automatic fail and I’m utterly terrified of doing so. I was also extremely tired after being up most of the night finishing a paper so my filter was gone.)

Me: “Fine! I woke up this morning drenched in blood!”

Professor: *realises he has made a terrible mistake*

Me: “So rather than being able to just get up and go, I had to strip my bed and put my sheet, mattress protector, and duvet cover — because it got in there too — in a bucket of salt water with my pyjamas. Then I had to scrub the mattress with bathroom cleaner, because that has bleach in it, to get the stain off there. THEN I had to shower to get the blood off me! So by the time I was done I missed my regular bus and now I’m late! Happy?!”

(The room is silent. Most of the boys (and my professor) are looking at me in horror. Conversely, most of the girls are looking at me like I’m some sort of Messiah.)

Professor: “Okay… You.. Uh… You sit down and… feel better…”

(He’s never hassled another student like that again — especially the girls.)

Well, That Explains Everything…

| Omaha, NE, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

(I am a teacher, chatting with a sixth grade student.)

Student: *voice cracks* “Hey, miss. Ug, voice crack.

Teacher: “Yep, that happens when you get older.”

Student: “How many times did your voice crack?”

Teacher: *laughing* “Girls grow up differently. Their voices don’t crack, but other things changes.”

Student: “What changes?”

Teacher: “Just different. Their body changes.”

Student: “Is it texting? Do girls change by texting?”

Teacher: *laughing* “Yep, puberty causes girls to text.”

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