Category: Health & Body


We’re Going To Need A Bigger Attitude Adjustment

| USA | Field Trip, Health & Body

(I sign up for a kayak trip with a camp this year. The participants are all teenagers. The leaders are a guy in his 20s and a woman in her 50s. The guy looks super fit, the woman, not so much. We do some team building activities the first day and a couple of the teens are kind of jerks. The second day, we have to carry our kayaks down to the lake. There are nine of us total so we have to carry nine boats. It takes two people to carry a kayak — at least I thought it did. The woman leader pairs us up and we carry the first four boats to a good stopping point and then go back for four more. Then she assigns the last boat to two kids who’d caused some trouble during the team building exercises. She follows the last boat to the midway point where the rest of us are waiting. We are already tired but the boats have to be moved the rest of the way. The two who had to carry the extra boat, Teen #1 and Teen #2, are grumbling.)

Woman: “Okay, let’s move these the rest of the way.”

Teen #1: “Easy for you to say.”

(The woman picks up one of the kayaks by herself and puts it right behind another one. She then tells one girl to grab the front of one and another girl to grab the back of the other. She picks up the back of one and the front of the other and walks the rest of the way carrying both boats without stopping unless one of the girls assisting her had to. At the lake, she picks up one of the boats alone and sets it at the water’s edge.)

Woman: “Okay. Now you see that I CAN move a kayak. The difference is I don’t HAVE to move a kayak. When I ask you to do something, there is a reason behind the request. This trip will only work if we work together and respect each other.”

Teen #2: “Point taken.”

Blind To Your Blindness

| Retford, England, UK | Health & Body, Ignoring/Inattentive, Teachers

(No one likes the chemistry teacher because of her ignorance. We are currently doing an experiment where two chemicals are mixed together to make different colors. We are expected to remember what chemicals are mixed to get each colour.)

Student: “Miss, I’m colorblind.”

Teacher: “Well, just remember what it looks like, then.”

Student: “But they all look the same.”

Teacher: “Just remember, then!”


A Note-Worthy Incident

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Staff

Substitute Teacher: “Good morning, class! I’m Miss [Substitute Teacher], and this is my first day teaching a class!”

(Cue seven-year-old kids acting up for a couple hours. My friend finds a washer under his desk and puts it on his finger, and finds that he can’t take it off. He approaches the teacher, who also can’t take it off.)

Substitute Teacher: “You’ll need to go to the school nurse. Here’s a note.”

Note: “[Friend]’s finger needs to be amputated.”

(My friend reads the note. He doesn’t know what “amputated” means, but knows it can’t be good. He goes to the school nurse.)

Nurse: *reads note* “Oh, boy! We’re going to have to cut your finger off! First we’ll have to break it one way, then the other…”

(While my friend is practically fainting at the thought of going home missing a finger, the nurse has already soaped the washer off.)

Nurse: “Okay, who wrote this stupid note?”

Friend: “Miss [Substitute Teacher].”

Nurse: “That new lady that came in today? Go to the cafeteria and bring back a packet of taco sauce.”

(My friend does so. The nurse tapes his finger down, puts some gauze and taco sauce on the end, and sends him back to class with a note of her own:)

Note: “The deed has been done!”

(My friend goes back to class and shows the teacher the note and his hand. She turns pale, and takes off down the hall screaming.)

Friend: *chases after her, showing his (uninjured) finger* “It’s really okay, Miss [Substitute Teacher]! See?”

(The substitute kept going, and was never seen at that school again. I don’t know who took over the class for the rest of the day.)


Math So Hard It Can Break You

| NY, USA | Health & Body, Math & Science

(I rather impressively snapped my arm in half in gym class, so badly that it looked like I had an extra elbow. It looked incredibly scary and ended up being the talk of the school, but it was a clean break and the hospital was able to fix it perfectly. I was in a cast for the next few months, during which this happens:)

Math Teacher: “Every year I talk about a stick for this question, but given recent events… If you broke [My Name]’s arm into three randomly-sized pieces, what is the probability that they can form a triangle?”


Conversation Stopper

| Antwerp, Belgium | Health & Body, Students

(The school I teach at is exclusively for autistic children. They’re divided in three grades and spend three years in each grade (on average). One of my students is highly intelligent but has severe problems interacting with others and has anger management issues. This day, just before a one week break, we’re having a games day, to avoid starting on a new subject just to interrupt with a week of vacation. He’s doing various 3D puzzles and brain training games, going through them faster than the whole class can do solo. We also have a teacher-in-training,  who is observing and helping me teach. She decides to try having a conversation with him.)

Teacher: “Hey, [Student], you’re pretty fast at those.”

Student: *after a couple of uneasy seconds* “They don’t talk, so they’re easy. You talk; you’re hard.”

(You could almost see her good intentions drain away as she wished him good luck.)

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