Category: Food & Drink

A Bad Egg

| Simsbury, CT, USA | Field Trip, Food & Drink, Geography

(The eighth-grade French class is on a trip to Quebec City. We have just crossed back into the USA on our way back to our school. Some of the kids have been caught with Kinder Eggs. What the border guards make our teacher do is walk, in the snow and currently snowing, over to the Canadian border, and throw out the eggs. When she gets to the border, the Canadian there says this:)

Border Guard: “They can trust in god, but they can’t trust an egg.”

“DoNut” Test Me

| AK, USA | Exams/Tests, Food & Drink, Homework

(In eighth grade, I had a science teacher I didn’t like. Gradually, over the first few months, she became one of my favorite teachers. There are quite a few students in the class who were not the brightest. Apparently, a deal was made between her and Student #1.)

Student #1: “Hey, [Teacher]! If I turn this in, then I’ll have a ‘B,’ and I’ll win!”

Teacher: “Yeah? But, remember: I’m the one pushing the button.”

Student #1: “That’s blackmail!”

Teacher: “No, it’s teacher privileges.”

(Everyone in the class, including me, tune into the conversation.)

Student #2: “Oooh, kill ’em!”

Teacher: “So, [Student #1] and I made a deal. If he gets a ‘B’ in my class, I’ll buy donuts for all of you.”

Student #2: “[Student #1]! We’re counting on you!”

Teacher: “Hey, let’s throw [Student #2] into the mix. If he gets a ‘C,’ everyone gets two donuts.”

(No more than five minutes later does this happen:)

Teacher: “Today, we’re studying for our test tomorrow.”

Student #2: *loudly* “Wait, we have a test?”

Student #1: *loudly, immediately after* “Wait, we had homework? What?”

Teacher: *looking directly at me, she laughs, and says* “Donuts…”

(We’re not quite sure we’re going to get donuts at all!)

It Had To Be Asked:

| Lancaster, PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Religion, Students

(In history class, we’re learning about the Quakers. One student decides to ask this very important question.)

Student: “Did they, like, invent oatmeal?”

Hotdogs Are All

| USA | Children, Food & Drink

(I’m mentoring a little kid at our town’s elementary school. On the first day we meet our kids, we are supposed to ask a few questions about what they like. The kid I’m mentoring is around five years old.)

Me: “So what kinds of things do you like?”

Kid: “I like hotdogs…”

Me: “Anything else?”

Kid: “Nope, just hotdogs.”

Going To Need A Stronger Drink, Part 2

| Plano, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Teachers

(I am a substitute teacher, and recently filled in as a fourth-grade teacher. One ten-year-old student is having trouble sitting still.)

Me: “Sit down, [Student].”

Student: “But I had two cups of coffee this morning!”

Teacher: “WHY did you have two cups of coffee?”

Student: “Because if I don’t, then I go…” *pantomimes falling over asleep*

Teacher: “Well, I only had one cup of coffee, and it’s wearing off. Sit down.”

Going To Need A Stronger Drink

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