Category: Family & Kids

Will Have To Make It Up Later

| AR, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Family & Kids

(On Fridays, our band director usually allows free days for the music class. Today, however, he has invited a class of second graders over for the next twenty minutes or so. Let it be noted that I am female, and don’t usually wear makeup. Today, though, I chose to wear my ‘dark look.’ It’s just black makeup and my hair all to one side, since my resting facial expression allows me to pull this off. Of course, with second graders, they are awfully nosy. There is no exception with this particular girl.)

Second-Grade Girl: “Why are you wearing makeup?”

Me: “Why aren’t you?”

(There is a brief silence from the other girls in my class, until one with a better-than-thou attitude tries to butt in.)

Girl #1: “Oh, my God, [My Name], I can’t believe you said that to a little kid!”

(The band director pulled me aside and talked to me about it, but the expression on everybody’s face when I said that made it all worth it!)

All Manner Of Bad People Out There

| Wales, UK | Family & Kids

(I am a leader of a Brownie (like British Girl Scouts) group. As part of a challenge day, they are learning about personal safety, including stranger danger.)

Leader: “So, if a man comes up to you and tells you all about his puppies, and how cute they are but they’re too young to leave the house, and he asks you if you want to go back to his house to see them, what do you say?”

Brownies: *feebly* “No.”

Leader: “Come on, what are you going to say?”

A Couple of Brownies: “No, thank you!”

(I was quite proud of my girls’ manners!)

The Union Has Its Ups And Downs

| DE, USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words

(We play puzzle a trivia games between lessons at our tutoring center. One of the older students is reading clues from a card.)

Eleven-Year-Old: “A protest against employers is called a ____ ?”

Nine-Year-Old: “I don’t know.”

Teacher: “Yeah, you do. When the workers stop coming to work because they don’t like what the boss is doing they go on a what?”

Five-Year-Old: “A roller coaster!”

Nine-Year-Old: “No, a strike!”

Me: *cracks up imagining disgruntled workers going to an amusement park*

Change Your Opinion In A Flash

| Indian Orchard, MA, USA | Family & Kids, Geeks Rule

(A little kid comes up and he’s wearing one of those plush animal hats that are so popular.)

Me: “Hey, I like your hat.”

Kid: “It’s a cheetah!”

Me: “That’s way cool. That’s the fastest animal on Earth. It’s faster than any person or animal. Even a horse can’t run faster.”

Kid: “Except The Flash.”

Me: “Oh, yes, The Flash.”

You’ve Been ‘Cast’ As The Fall-Guy

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Family & Kids, Sports, Staff

(I’m a full-time volunteer at an art school that runs children’s camps in the summer. Each “class” is kept pretty separate, and I’m placed with one at a time. At the end of the week the entire school goes to a local swimming pool, which has a park and outdoor wading pool. Important note: I am a minor and NOT legally able to supervise children.)

Me: “Okay, [Teacher #1], I’m taking these two kids outside. They want to go to the park, so we’ll meet you there later.”

Teacher #1: “Sure. [Teacher #2] is outside so if you’d like you can leave them with her. Just make sure to talk with her.”

(Outside:)

Teacher #2: “You’re a volunteer! These are your kids?”

Me: “Yes—”

Teacher #2: “These ones want to go the wading pool. Make sure [Kid #1] doesn’t get her cast wet.”

Me: “Uh, okay. I’m actually [Teacher #1]’s volunteer. Can I leave his students here?”

Teacher #2: “Yes, yes, I have my own volunteer. She can look after them. It’ll just be for a little bit. Don’t let them get too excited or they’ll fall in the water!”

(One hour later:)

Teacher #2: “Hey! It’s time to go!”

Me: “Sounds good!” *calling kids to come out of the pool*

Teacher #2: *conversationally* “She looks excited. You have to make sure she doesn’t get too excited or she will fall in the water.”

Me: “She looks fine.”

Teacher #2: “No, no.” *shouts* “[Kid #1]! Come out of there!”

Me: “Well, I’ll go get my bag—”

Teacher #2: “No, stay with them. Make sure [Kid #1] doesn’t get too excited.”

Me: “…”

Teacher #2: “If she gets the cast wet we’ll be in big trouble.”

Me: “Well, I think it only got a bit damp—”

Teacher #2: “The school will get in trouble. Her parents said no swimming; they said it was very important she stayed dry.” *meaning, both I and the school would be very easy to sue*

Me: *realizing she asked me to supervise so that I’d take the fall if anything happened* “…what?”

Teacher #2: “But she does what she wants, you know. She doesn’t listen. If she gets too excited she will fall in the water.”

Me: “I… have to go back to [Teacher #1]’s group.”

Teacher #2: “Yeah. You should have told them to stay out of the water more, okay? Just for next time. Otherwise she’ll get excited and fall. If her cast gets wet it would be really bad.”