Category: Family & Kids

This Story Is Going South

| IA, USA | Family & Kids, Homework

(My sister has a habit of calling me at random times and asking various questions. I chose this category because it entails a school assignment.)

Sister: “[Niece] is writing a report on genealogy. She needs to write about our family’s ‘Ellis Island’ story.”

Me: “Our family came from Canada.”

The Mother Of All Teachers

| USA | Bizarre/Silly, Family & Kids, Teachers

(My hometown school district has three schools: elementary, middle, and high school. I recently completed my Secondary Education Teaching license, and am substitute-teaching in the middle school and high school until I can find a full-time teaching job. My mother has been the principal at the elementary school for approximately 15 years. My sister recently completed her Elementary Education Teaching License, and is subbing in the elementary school, and occasionally in the middle school. My first subbing assignment at the middle school is a week-long assignment to sub for a fifth grade teacher, Teacher #1 – Monday through Friday. However, on Monday, the middle school principal reassigns me to sub for the male Phys. Ed. teacher, since I am the only male sub available that day who can supervise the boy’s locker room. I am still assigned to sub for Teacher #1 Tuesday through Friday, but because I am in the locker room on Monday, my sister is assigned to sub for Teacher #1. I get to Teacher #1’s class on Tuesday:)

Me: “Hello, everybody! My Name is Mr. [My Last Name], and I’ll be subbing for [Teacher #1] for the rest of the week.”

Student #1: “Mr. [My Last Name]? Are you married to Ms. [My Last Name], who subbed for us yesterday?”

Me: “No, that is my sister.”

Student #2: “Obviously he can’t be married to Ms. [My Last Name]. ‘Ms.’ means that she isn’t married.”

Student #3: *gasps in surprise* “Wait –- does that mean you’re married to Mrs. [My Last Name], our elementary school principal last year?”

Me: *laughing* “No, actually, Mrs. [My Last Name] is my mother.”

(The ENTIRE class stared at me in shock, trying to figure out what they were witnessing in their classroom. I basically spent the next ten minutes telling the kids about my family tree, before we finally got on with the lesson plans!)

Extra Credit For Using Common Sense

| USA | Family & Kids, Students

(I’m taking a science lab. Student #1 is what is referred to as a non-traditional student at the college. She’s middle-aged and has a small child. Student #2 is a rather obnoxious know it all (who really doesn’t know it all). Our lab is at three to five pm, but one night at around nine pm there is a guest presentation offered for the entire college. If we go, our professor gives us extra credit. I go and see Student #1, who has her daughter in tow. The little girl sits still the entire time and happily colors. She’s not a distraction at all. The next day is our lab and when I get to the room, Student #2 is already there.)

Student #2: “I saw you at the lecture.”

Me: “Oh, yeah, I liked it a lot.”

Student #2: “Did you see [Student #1]? Can you believe she brought a kid?”

Me: *taken aback* “…yes?”

(A reasonable person would have realized her daughter’s caregiver during our lab time wasn’t available during the lecture.)

An Inappropriate Definition

| ID, USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words

(I work at a preschool/daycare. A particular six-year-old boy has slightly more trouble understanding boundaries than other six-year-olds, and is constantly grabbing things that do not belong to him and touching people who don’t want to be touched. On this day, he’s been trying to reach into my pockets to grab my car keys and phone.)

Me: “Will you please stop grabbing things out of my pockets?”

Boy: “Why?”

Me: “Because I don’t want you touching my things without permission. It’s inappropriate.”

Boy: *shocked* “Inappropriate?! THAT MEANS SEXY!”

(I had to try hard not to laugh before explaining to him that the word “inappropriate” has more than one meaning.)

Everyone Wears The Pants In Your Household

| NJ, USA | Art/Design, Family & Kids

(Our teacher has us draw our families. I live with parents, grandparents, and aunt and uncle’s family, in the same house. Our hairstyles are modern but kept the ancient tradition of both male and female hair being long and adult males growing beard. I’m female. What I draw reflects that and I give everyone pants, too.)

Teacher: “That’s very interesting. Which ones are your parents?”

(I point.)

Teacher: “Do you have siblings?”

(I point to my 11-year-old sister and 14-year-old brother.)

Teacher: “Oh, you have two older sisters.”

(I point to my brother.)

Me: “My brother. He’s too young for beard.”

Teacher: “Very interesting. Who’s the one with no hair?”

Me: “My grandma. She is sick.” *I later learned it was cancer*

Teacher: “Sorry to hear that. Who are the others?”

(I point to my aunt and uncle and cousins, explaining.)

Teacher: “Wait, this one is your male cousin? I thought that was a woman again.”

Me: “Yes, he’s 23 but didn’t grow his beard yet.”

Teacher: “Your family is really interesting. Maybe give the women and girls dresses. Then we can tell.”

Me: “But we don’t wear any.”

Teacher: “Never?”

Me: “Unless it’s a big party.”

Teacher: “I like your family. They’re interesting.”

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