Category: Crazy Requests

Not Part Of The Bong Throng

| Madison, WI, USA | Crazy Requests, Dorms

(I’m a freshman, and I’ve been in the dorms for a whole day. My roommate and I, both guys, are still getting to know each other and the other people in our dorm. We have our door open, so people can come in and say hello. After dinner, a girl walks in. Our dorm is co-ed, with even floors for guys and odd floors for girls, so this isn’t too unusual. We both look up and smile, but she seems flustered.)

Girl: “Guys, we have a problem. I can’t get into too much detail, but my roommate and I had a miscommunication, and neither of us brought our bong. Can we borrow yours?”

(My roommate and I looked at each other.)

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have one.”

Girl: “Ha, ha, very funny. Please?”

Roommate: “We don’t smoke pot.”

Girl: “Guys, don’t worry, I’m not going to rat you out to the R.A. I’m not a snitch. But I really need to borrow your bong.”

Me: “We don’t have one. We don’t need one.”

(The girls look at us like we’re crazy.)

Girl: “You don’t smoke pot?”

Roommate: “No, we don’t.”

(The girl gives us both another odd look and leaves. We go back to our computers. Then a few minutes later, she reappears.)

Girl: “Are you guys SURE you don’t have a bong?”

Pixar’s Latest Project

| El Paso, TX, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests

(My mother works as a librarian at an elementary/middle school. She has a large amount of busy work to do lately, so I volunteer my free time to help her. I am working at the front desk next to my mother when I overhear this conversation with a student who looks about ten years old.)

Student: “Excuse me, do you have any Toy Story books?”

Mom:Toy Story? No, I’m sorry. I don’t have any Toy Story books.”

Student: “Are you sure? It seems strange that you wouldn’t.”

Mom: “I’m sure, honey. I don’t have books about that.”

Student: “It’s just that it’s supposed to be really important.”

(At this point, my mom gets up to help him look and find something else to read. I figure it’s just a kid more interested in cartoons than regular books, but then it occurs to me…)

Mom: *coming back* “Sorry we couldn’t find it. Something must have happened to my copy.” *Student leaves*

Me: “Wait, was he saying Tolstoy?”

Mom: “Yeah.”

Me: “Like, Leo Tolstoy? War and Peace Tolstoy?!

Mom: “Yep, apparently he’d been reading it on his phone during summer break and now wanted a physical copy for school.”

Me: *stunned*

An Anxiety Understanding Absence

| USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Teachers

(I’ve had issues with my first period teacher from day one because she doesn’t believe anxiety exists and that it’s just me being “shy,” so we’re already on bad terms when this story happens. I have just gotten to class after having to run to school when my alarm didn’t go off. I’m tired, frazzled, and the bell hasn’t rung yet when I get in the class. I just get to my desk and go to sit down when it does.)

Teacher: “Nope, you have to go get a pass.”

Me: “But… I was right by my seat!”

Teacher: “Pass, now. If you keep it up you’ll get a referral.”

Me: “I was literally in my seat and stopped sitting down because you yelled my name!”

Teacher: “DON’T TALK BACK. GO. PASS. NOW!”

(In most US high-schools, absences are treated less severely than lateness. If I got another late pass, I’d have a week of detention, but if I was just absent for that class, I’d just lose the grade. I  call my dad crying due to her yelling flaring my anxiety badly and the entire class staring. I go home until third period, after I’ve calmed down. The next day…)

Teacher: “Why didn’t you ever come back?!”

Me: “I didn’t want to get detention from being late so I just went home at the office.”

Teacher: “I’m so lenient with you, though!”

No Jump(er) For Joy

| Wales, UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Teachers

(My school has a strict uniform policy. The school sold tank tops (sweater vests) as an optional part but not long sleeve jumpers. The tank tops are also quite expensive. My arms often get cold in the winter with just a blazer on (especially as we aren’t allowed to wear coats in the school grounds) so I buy a cheap plain v-neck jumper to wear with it. With the blazer on it is indistinguishable from the tank tops. One day after we’d had vaccinations, I leave the hall and put my jumper back on. The head teacher catches me as I am putting my blazer back on. She dislikes me because my brother is always in trouble.)

Headteacher: “That’s not part of the school uniform; take it off!”

Me: “But, Miss, I’m cold.”

Headteacher: “If you’re cold buy a tank top.”

Me: “They don’t keep me warm, and I can’t afford them.”

Headteacher: “Take it off or you’ll be in detention.”

(I take the jumper off to shut her up, but put it back on as soon as I round the corner. Later that same day I run into her again. She walks past half a dozen boys wearing hoodies instead of blazers, towards me.)

Headteacher: “I thought I told you to take that jumper off.”

Your Father Was Lost In Translation

| CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Teachers

(We’re in Spanish class, taught by a teacher who generally isn’t very competent. The classmate in this story is often harassed by the teacher for goofing off, but is honest in this story.)

Teacher: “[Classmate], ¿Cómo esta tu padre?” *How is your father?*

Classmate: “[Teacher], I don’t have a dad.”

Teacher: *looks at classmate skeptically* “Yes, you do.”

Classmate: “No, I don’t.”

Teacher: “Who do you live with, then?”

Classmate: “My mom.”

Teacher: “Are you sure?”

Classmate: “Yes, [Teacher].”

Teacher: “Make something up, then; pretend you have a dad.”

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