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  • Reading The Guard The Riot Act
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  • November's Theme Of The Month: Outsmarting The Teacher!
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    Their Brain Is Dead Meat

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Bizarre/Silly, Books & Reading, Language & Words, Students

    (We are studying the short story ‘Lamb to the Slaughter,’ in which a woman bludgeons her husband to death with a leg of lamb, and then proceeds to feed the lamb to the police officers investigating the crime.)

    Teacher: “So, the name of the story is a pun. Can anyone tell me what a pun is?”

    (There is silence for a minute before one student puts in her answer.)

    Student: “Is it, like, based on the story? Like, is it, like, meat?”

    Reading The Guard The Riot Act

    , | USA | Field Trip

    (I’m in an astronomy class taught by a teacher who works both at our school and the rival high school. The rival school has a planetarium but ours doesn’t, so we take a day-long field trip to the other school a couple times that year to use it. The rivalry between our schools is incredibly intense, especially around the football season, so we receive this warning from the astronomy teacher on the bus ride over.)

    Teacher: “Okay, now, I want you all to listen up. When I brought my last class over it was right before the big football game. We arrived right at the change of classes, someone spotted our IDs, and I found myself nearly having to diffuse a riot. You guys are a much smaller class and will be vastly outnumbered. I want you all to hide your IDs. Do not take them out for anyone and do not let them know which school you come from!”

    (As we arrive, a security guard waiting to check our IDs notices that we have them all pocketed.)

    Security Guard: “School IDs out at all times, please. The policy is the same here as it is at your school.”

    Teacher: “No, [Guard]! I told them to hide them so that we didn’t have another riot!”

    (The security guard looks at him, then at us, and then gets this glazed over look on his face like he suddenly remembers something. He looks at the clock then back at us.)

    Security Guard: “Classes are about to let out! The planetarium’s down that way! Quick, hide your IDs and run! Run! I’ll come check them once you’re all safe!”

    (Admittedly that was the first time a security guard ever told us to run in the halls…)

    TotallyObviousWho

    | Hamburg, NY, USA | Language & Words, Religion, Students

    (My global history class is studying world religions. It’s the day before the test, so we’re playing an online quiz game where each student selects his or her own username. I’m a bit of a class clown, and my chosen username is ‘Satan’)

    Teacher: “All right, who’s Satan?”

    Me: “Me. Without a doubt, I am Satan.”

    (My username is kicked out of the game, so I have to choose another one.)

    Teacher: “I don’t think I have to ask who TotallyNotSatan is.”

    Email Fail

    | MD, USA | Language & Words, Students, Technology

    (I am a tutor for a sophomore class and help them prepare for college. I show them a website where they can organize their grades and things for college representatives.)

    Me: “Now, notice how my email for colleges to contact me is just my full name and a random number. This doesn’t seem important but it is. How many of you have an email address?”

    (All of the students, about 20, raise their hands.)

    Me: “Okay. How many of you have an email address you would actually say in public?”

    (Only five have their hands raised.)

    Me: “How many of you would say your email address is professional?”

    (One hand is left. I call on him.)

    Me: “Tell me your email address.”

    Student: *hesitates and then hangs his head* “str8gangsta420.”

    (Needless to say, I told him to change it.)

    Dancing Around The Important Stuff

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Musical Mayhem, Teachers

    (I am in an AP US History course, shortly after the teacher shows us a video about George Washington.)

    Teacher: “One of the things I like about this video is that it mentions some lesser-known facts about our first president. Did anyone else notice when it said he was an excellent dancer? Now, I’ve never been able to find any YouTube videos showing how to dance a minuet like Washington, but I did learn this historical jig!”

    (The teacher clicks his mouse, starting a lively song, stands up, and does a jig.)

    Teacher: “Who wants to learn the jig? Come on, if you participate in my dancing days I’ll let you teach me your dance moves at the end of the year!”


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