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    Use His Outdoor John Voice

    | ON, Canada | Bizarre/Silly, Teachers

    (Our radio teacher is known for being the human incarnation of ADHD. During this class, we’ve split off into groups, and I’m in the radio studio with two guys named ‘John.’ The teacher comes bounding into the room.)

    Teacher: “You two! I just thought of something! If you two formed a band, and then you had a concert outside, you could call yourselves ‘The Outdoor Johns’!”

    (Then he bounded right back out of the room.)

    This Lesson Hits New Heights

    | MO, USA | Awesome, Bizarre/Silly, Math & Science, Teachers

    (My science teacher is the craziest I’ve ever had. As an end of the year project we build rockets and pvc pipe launchers to study force and such.)

    Teacher: “I wonder what would happen if I launched a marble and how hard I’d have to launch it to make a hole in the ceiling?”

    (He proceeds to load a marble into a launcher and begin to try different psi. He eventually hits 30 and a huge crack is heard making everyone jump. We look up and see a hole.)

    Teacher: *setting his goggles down* “Well, class, you need 30 psi to take down a school ceiling tile. They need stronger tiles.”

    Same Name, Different Junk

    | CA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Rude & Risque, Teachers

    (I have a psychology teacher who is really intense during lectures in a hilarious way. He is known for giving out nicknames and using them for the eternity of the school year. We are playing a class jeopardy game where the student who answers the question correctly chooses to pick the person to choose the next question. I am male. There are two other females in my class with my name.)

    Student: “I choose, Female [My Name].”

    Teacher: “Female [My Name]? Do you mean [My Name] C.?”

    (Later…)

    Different Student: “I choose, Male [My Name].”

    Teacher: “Yes, the male one. The [My Name] with testicles. Hey! That’s a good nickname. You are now [My Name] with testicles, or [My Name] T for short.”

    (The female student with my name laughs much louder than the rest.)

    Teacher: *calling on same female student* “Okay, now you can answer a question, [My Name] V.”

    Stopped The Lesson From Falling Flat

    | Ukiah, CA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Math & Science, Teachers

    (I am in my high school physics class. The teacher is lecturing on light and sound waves while I’m leaning my chair back. I accidentally tip too far and my chair falls backward.)

    Teacher: “Let’s jump forward a few chapters; that’s gravity. Now back to waves.”

    Don’t Bank On His Language Skills

    | Newark, NJ, USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words, Students

    (I’m an after-school English tutor for our exchange students. The assignment today is a brief speech about what everyone in your family does, but no dictionaries are allowed while they’re writing the speech.)

    German Student: “Okay. I can go first?”

    Me: “Okay, [German Student], go ahead.”

    German Student: “My mother is a nurse. She works at a big hospital in Essen. She takes care of new babies who are born with sickness. When she was young, she was a nurse in Moscow. My father is an ATM. He—”

    Me: *interrupting* “A what?”

    German Student: “ATM.”

    Me: “A banker?”

    German Student: “No! ATM! He met my mother at hospital! He is a wagon-driver!”

    (He makes siren noises and flashes the classroom lights.)

    Me: “Oh… an EMT?”

    German Student: “Oh, yes. EMT.”

    (He finishes the speech without incident. Next up is a nervous Spanish student.)

    Spanish Student: “My father, uh, is… My father is an avocado.”

    (His father is an ‘abogado': a lawyer.)


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