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    That Would Be A Miraculous Child

    | OR, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Students

    (We’re learning about Adolf Hitler and the teacher mentions that he was an illegitimate child.)

    Student #1: “What’s an illegitimate child?”

    Student #2: “Like when a chick has a baby, but she doesn’t know who the dad is!”

    Student #3: “Wait… but what if she has the baby and they don’t know who the mom is?”

    (Entire class goes silent and just stares at Student #3.)

    Teacher: “[Student #3], take a second and think about what you just said…”

    The Dark Side To Make Up

    | VIC, Australia |

    (I am 15. I am female and have never worn foundation except for very, very formal events and even then it was applied by someone else, so I have no knowledge of how it works. I am walking to my next class when I see a girl  in my year level that I’m relatively familiar with. I’m startled because her face is paper white when she typically has very attractive tan skin.)

    Me: “Oh, my God, [Girl]! Are you all right? You’re deathly pale! Are you feeling okay?”

    Girl: *smiles* “No, actually I’m not wearing foundation today.”

    Me: *embarrassed* “I’m so sorry. I don’t really know much about make-up. To be honest I thought your skin was darker.”

    Girl: “Don’t worry about it, honey. It is, it’s just that I’ve been wearing foundation every day since I got to high school so now my skin has lost a lot of colour and is really dry and in bad shape.”

    Me: “Oh, wow, that’s a thing?”

    Girl: *laughs* “I’m really wishing I was in your position right now, sweetie.”

    That Activity Has Been Axed

    | PA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Students

    (In my paramedical biology class, we started out the term with a survival activity in which you’re given a list of items and you’re supposed to rank them as most important to least important.)

    Teacher: “Okay. So, what did we all put as our most important item?”

    (A lot of students shout out the map or the lighter.)

    Teacher: “Good, good answers. Any other ones?”

    Student: “The axe.”

    Teacher: “Hm. Why is that?”

    Student: “Well, you can chop up your fellow survivors and eat them if you’re starving.”

    (Everyone is silent.)

    Teacher: “… and that’s the last time we’ll do this activity again.”

    So Dumm

    | Germany | Field Trip, Language & Words, Students

    (I’m on a school trip to Germany, Austria, and Switzerland and we’ve stopped off at the Holocaust Museum. After the tour I go to quick grab a bite at the cafe and I see a girl from my group standing, staring quizzically at the food.)

    Me: *waiting behind her*

    Girl: *turns to me with a really confused expression and points to a piece of cheese pizza* “You speak German, right? Is this vegetarian?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Girl: *points to pepperoni pizza* “What about THIS? It looks vegetarian.”

    Me: “No, honey. That’s pepperoni.”

    Girl: *looks aghast* “Ugh! I would have never figured that out! Thank you! They should put these darn signs in English, I say! How did you even know that?”

    Me: “I’ve been learning German for four years. Handy when you go to GERMANY.”

    (She ordered and left the poor cashier looking bewildered. I ordered in German and she gave me a grateful smile. Honestly, learn the language if you go to the freaking country.)

    Onions Make Most People Cry

    | Portsmouth, England, UK | Bizarre/Silly, Students

    (It’s exam week and half of my chemistry class isn’t in, so we have light revision, Our teacher mentions the properties of nitrous oxide, aka laughing gas. I turn to my friend.)

    Me: “I wonder what it would be like on that. You’d find everything funny.”

    Friend: “True. I mean, you could put a red onion on the table and it would be hilarious.”

    Me: “Spinning it would set us into laughing fit.”

    (We actually imagine this and start laughing to the point that our teacher sees us.)

    Teacher: “Why are you two laughing?”

    Me: *giggling* “We are just laughing at spinning an imaginary red onion.”

    (There’s a long pause.)

    Teacher: “I never expected that kind of response…”

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