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    Got That Field-Trip Buzz

    , | WV, USA | Field Trip, Geeks Rule

    (My class is on a field trip to a West Virginian university. My English teacher and ten students are in a monorail cart. It starts to move and pick up speed.)

    Teacher: “I’ve always wanted to try this.”

    Me: “Try what?”

    (He thrusts his fist out toward the ceiling as the cart moves faster.)

    Teacher: “TO INFINITY!”

    Everyone: *in perfect unison* “AND BEYOND!”

    (Best part of the trip.)

    After-Parting Words

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Bad Behavior, Field Trip, Teachers

    (We are in an assembly being briefed by our coordinators about the upcoming formal: the expectations of the students, security, etc. The usual stuff.)

    Student: “Will security be doing any breath tests before entry?”

    Coordinator #1: “I don’t know. The security comes with the hotel booking; it’s up to them. My advice is to not drink or take drugs at all. That way you don’t have to worry.”

    Coordinator #2: *chimes in* “Yeah, that stuff’s for the after parties anyway.”

    (After about a half second of silence, the entire assembly, teachers included, cracks up laughing after what Coordinator #2 just said sinks it. Coordinator #1 has a look of absolute surprise and shock.)

    Coordinator #2: “Oh, god, did I just say that out loud?”

    Racism Is An Ugly Color

    | Prague, Czech Republic | Bigotry, Language & Words, Teachers

    (It is the start of my first year at high school, and our teacher does not know our names yet. She has just offended one of my Asian classmates, but she apologises, saying it won’t happen again.)

    Teacher: “Anyway, back to the question I originally said. Anyone know the answer?”

    (No one answers. The professor points in the direction of the desk in which another one of my Asian classmates sit.)

    Professor: “Okay, so, what about you, yellow guy?”

    (The whole class looks at her with disbelief.)

    Asian Classmate: “Pardon me?”

    (The professor looks dumbfounded for a moment before realising the misunderstanding that has happened and bursting into laughter.)

    Professor: “Sorry, sorry, I meant the guy in the yellow shirt in the desk behind you.”

    (The class joined in on the laugh, and we finished the period on a happy note.)

    That Snow Way To Behave

    | UK | Bad Behavior, Teachers

    (At our boarding school there are two teachers who are sisters and used to be students here. They are both sweeping snow that people have trekked into the hall.)

    Teacher #1: “Snow used to be a lot more fun when we were kids.”

    Teacher #2: “Because we didn’t have to tidy it up?”

    Teacher #1: “Yeah, that… and do you remember that time someone threw snowballs in the corridor?”

    Teacher #2: “That was hilarious. Who did that?”

    Teacher #1: “Same person who built a huge snowman and left it right outside the front doors.”

    Teacher #2: “Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. Maybe it WAS me.” *notices us listening in* “…that was very naughty.”

    Time Warping To Victory

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Parents

    (In our religion classes sometimes our teacher and our class have a discussion about things that bother us. This week the topic is embarrassing parents.)

    Teacher: “Okay, class, who here has embarrassing parents?”

    Me: “My dad sings Beyoncé and did The Time Warp at the food court in a shopping centre, in public.”

    Teacher: “Well, [My Name], my dad loves to watch Miley Cyrus and sings Wrecking Ball all over the house. Which one would you rather?”

    Me: *not missing a beat, staring her right in the eyes* “My dad dances in public.”

    Teacher: “Good point.”

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