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  • Reading The Guard The Riot Act
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  • November's Theme Of The Month: Outsmarting The Teacher!
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    Adorably Radioactive

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Students, Technology

    (I am in an honors chemistry class and the teacher is assigning projects about the uses of radioactivity in science.)

    Teacher: [Student #1] and [Student #2] will be studying PET scans.”

    Student #3: “Awwww… that’s so cute!”

    I Pity The Fool

    | Townsend, MA, USA | Politics, Students

    (It’s time for student government elections, and most of the candidates are going around making ‘campaign promises’ and trying to win over the voting students. One student, however, was content to simply hand out slips of paper and post a few fliers.)

    Slips/Fliers: “I’m not popular. Cast your pity votes now!”

    A Punishing Wit

    | BC, Canada | Exams/Tests, Students, Theme Of The Month

    (I am in my math class just minding my work and studying for an upcoming test, when my teacher comes up to my desk. He is a known joker.)

    Teacher: “[My Name], you better do well on the test or your parents are going to punish you.”

    Me: *without a moments pause* “What could they possibly do that is worse than being in your class?”

    (The entire class burst out laughing. My teacher found it so funny he marked the day on his calendar: ‘[My Name] made a funny.’)

    Their Brain Is Dead Meat

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Bizarre/Silly, Books & Reading, Language & Words, Students

    (We are studying the short story ‘Lamb to the Slaughter,’ in which a woman bludgeons her husband to death with a leg of lamb, and then proceeds to feed the lamb to the police officers investigating the crime.)

    Teacher: “So, the name of the story is a pun. Can anyone tell me what a pun is?”

    (There is silence for a minute before one student puts in her answer.)

    Student: “Is it, like, based on the story? Like, is it, like, meat?”

    Reading The Guard The Riot Act

    , | USA | Field Trip

    (I’m in an astronomy class taught by a teacher who works both at our school and the rival high school. The rival school has a planetarium but ours doesn’t, so we take a day-long field trip to the other school a couple times that year to use it. The rivalry between our schools is incredibly intense, especially around the football season, so we receive this warning from the astronomy teacher on the bus ride over.)

    Teacher: “Okay, now, I want you all to listen up. When I brought my last class over it was right before the big football game. We arrived right at the change of classes, someone spotted our IDs, and I found myself nearly having to diffuse a riot. You guys are a much smaller class and will be vastly outnumbered. I want you all to hide your IDs. Do not take them out for anyone and do not let them know which school you come from!”

    (As we arrive, a security guard waiting to check our IDs notices that we have them all pocketed.)

    Security Guard: “School IDs out at all times, please. The policy is the same here as it is at your school.”

    Teacher: “No, [Guard]! I told them to hide them so that we didn’t have another riot!”

    (The security guard looks at him, then at us, and then gets this glazed over look on his face like he suddenly remembers something. He looks at the clock then back at us.)

    Security Guard: “Classes are about to let out! The planetarium’s down that way! Quick, hide your IDs and run! Run! I’ll come check them once you’re all safe!”

    (Admittedly that was the first time a security guard ever told us to run in the halls…)


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