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    That Number One Feeling

    | Switzerland | Bizarre/Silly, Math & Science, Students

    Math Teacher: “And now what’s the solution?”

    Student: One.”

    Teacher: “Good! And why?”

    Student: “I feel that.”

    Incontinent About The Asian Continent

    | MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Students

    (In eighth grade, I take a cooking elective that involves partnering up with two or three other kids in the class. I’m Chinese, and rather obviously so, with an unambiguously Chinese last name and Asian features.)

    Partner: “So, [My Name], are you Asian or Chinese?”

    Me: “…I’m both. China’s in Asia.”

    Partner: “Really?”

    (I had to actually get out an atlas and show her that China was in Asia.)

    Explosively Enthusiastic

    | PA, USA | Math & Science, Students

    (It is the first day of chemistry, right as everyone has just entered the room and sat down for the first time…)

    Student: *looks around* “So what do we get to set on fire and/or blow up?”

    Teacher: “Uh… No, we don’t do that here…”

    Student: “Oh. So what the heck’s the point of this class then?”

    (Later that year he somehow managed to cause a chemical burn on the ceiling by heating the wrong test tube. It was completely an accident, but he seemed rather pleased with himself nonetheless.)

    Evolving Your Viewpoint

    | USA | Math & Science, Religion

    (I’m in my free period. I’m leaving the bathroom, and I walk right past one of my fellow teachers’ biology classroom, and I stop when I hear this exchange.)

    Student: “I’m sorry, but [Teacher], you’re wrong.”

    Teacher: “How so?”

    Student: “Read the book of Genesis! Everything you are saying is wrong! Nowhere does it mention evolution in the bible!”

    Teacher: “Do you have a bible handy?”

    Student: “Like any good Christian.”

    Teacher: “May I see it please?” *she is silent for a few moments* “Fascinating; right here in chapter one, verses twenty-nine and thirty, it says, ‘Then God said, “Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the surface of all the earth, and every tree which has fruit yielding seed; it shall be food for you; and to every beast of the earth and to every bird of the sky and to every thing that moves on the earth which has life, I have given every green plant for food;” and it was so.’ So, class? Who remembers what the word ‘carnivore’ means?”

    Student #2: “They eat meat!”

    Teacher: “Very good, and yet here in [Student]’s bible, it says that God designed every animal, bird, et cetera, to eat plants. And yet we know for a fact that some animals are carnivores and have been for thousands of years. Why do you suppose this happened? [Student], can you answer?”

    Student: “Well, they obviously evolved to eat meat!”

    Teacher: “Very good, [Student]. You’ve JUST used the bible to prove that the theory of evolution is actually true.”

    Student: “But evolution is false!”

    Student #2: “You JUST said animals evolved from vegetarians!”

    Student #3: “I heard you clear as day!”

    Student: “I didn’t say they evolved!”

    Student #4: “I heard you plain as day!”

    (Every student starts speaking up, and we are calmed down by the teacher eventually. How she managed to keep a straight face through this exchange, I have no idea.)

    Up To Your Knees In Stupidity

    | UK | Bizarre/Silly

    (A classmate wearing a skirt has just finished a presentation to the class.)

    Teacher: “Okay, any constructive comments?”

    Student: *deadpan, to the classmate* “Your knees look like they have faces in them.”

    Classmate: “What?!”

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