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  • Teachers Acting Rashly
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    Drugs For Both Sexes

    | WI, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Rude & Risque, Teachers

    (It’s math class and we’re all working on homework. The teacher is very laid back and is known for talking with students while he has us work. Somehow, the topic has turned to drug deals at school.)

    Teacher: “I just don’t understand why you would deal drugs in a school. The school can check your locker or car whenever they want. The only safe place to keep drugs is down your pants so if you smoke weed you bought at school, you’re pretty much smoking someone’s…”

    Student #1: “Penis?”

    Teacher: “Yeah, that.”

    Student #2: “Don’t be sexist! You could be smoking someone’s vagina!”

    Teachers Acting Rashly

    | Hamm, NRW, Germany | Health & Body, Teachers

    (I am in German class, when I notice that weird red spots are starting to appear on my arms. I have felt ill since a few days prior, but now I’m really dizzy and my skin is itching pretty bad and heating up. Since I have studied along with my mum when she was becoming a nurse, I am pretty sure it’s fifth disease, so I raise my hand. The teacher is known for being extremely strict.)

    Me: *after being ignored for 15 minutes of silence with my hand in the air* “Mr. [Teacher], I’m getting this rash on my arms and I’m pretty sure it’s fifth disease.”

    Teacher: “I did not say it was okay for you to speak.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m either having an infectious disease or a pretty bad allergic reaction. I would like to call my parents and go home.”

    Teacher: “No, you can’t. Everyone’s working right now, and you should be working, too.”

    Friend: “Mr. [Teacher], would you please just look at her? She’s being serious.”

    (The teacher looks at me. I am already covered in a rash that looks like the spots on a leopard. It’s pretty obvious, as I am nearly completely red and my skin is normally very light.)

    Teacher: “I don’t see anything wrong with her. Now shut your mouth, both of you, or I’m giving you detention.”

    (After his lesson, I went to the office to let them call my parents – the typical procedure at my school. They also told me it was probably just an allergic reaction. My mother came, took me to a doctor, and it was (surprise!) fifth disease. I was pretty smug when I called the school to tell them and sent my doctor’s note. When I went back to school my teacher was ill. Guess what he had…)

    Missed A Few Breadcrumbs Of Knowledge

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Students

    English Teacher: *on analogies* “…Okay, so this answer would be ‘bagels: bread’ because, that’s what they’re composed of. See?”

    Student: “Wait a second… BAGELS ARE MADE OUT OF BREAD?!”

    An Inventive Take On History

    | CT, USA | Extra Stupid, History

    (My fifth-level French class is studying France in the 16th century. In French, the word for “this” is “cette,” and the word for “seven” is “sept,” which sound similar.)

    Teacher: *in French* “Name two inventions from this century.”

    Student: *in French* “The seventh century?”

    Teacher: *in English* “No, in THIS century. Can you imagine if I asked about inventions in the seventh century? ‘Hmm, the wheel, fire…'”

    (The other students continue making suggestions along these lines.)

    Me: “Um… the seventh century was after the fall of the Roman Empire.”

    Teacher: “Oh. So I guess they had fire already, huh?”

    Me: “Yup.”

    Monkey-like Behavior

    | Houston, TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Students, Transportation

    (My younger brother and I ride the morning bus at six am, and many of the students try to get a little extra sleep on the bus. This particular morning, one of the students has brought a ‘screaming monkey’ toy and is making it scream over and over again. He is ignoring protests to make it stop)

    Me: *to a friend* “If that kid makes that thing scream one more time, I’m gonna go over there and throw it out the window…”

    (My brother then stands up, walks over to the offending student, grabs the toy out of his hand, slaps him across the face with it, and hands it back to him.)

    Brother: “Don’t do that again.”

    Rest Of The Bus: *applauds*


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