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    Even Dense Students Get It

    | CO, USA | Awesome, Math & Science, Teachers

    (My physics professor is known for being quite strange.)

    Professor: “This is the equation for buoyancy. Or as I like to call it: flam-buoyancy, because it’s really quite fabulous.”

    Looking Down On Your Theory

    | WA, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Students

    (One of the first classes I took in college was a women’s studies class. While there were some good points that came from it, a few classmates were overly eager when it came to finding ways that women are wronged. For a big project, one of my classmates got a friend to record her interacting with people, and then analyzed the footage to find subtle signs of sexism.)

    Classmate #1: “Now here this person is speaking respectfully, but pay close attention to his posture. He is looking down at me. From this you can tell that he thinks of me as a lesser being.”

    Classmate #2: “Of course he looking down! He’s taller than you!”

    The Teaching Style Is Below Average

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Exams/Tests, Teachers

    (The professor for our entry level class is in the habit of curving grades. I can’t imagine he’d pass many people if he didn’t. All midterms were worth exactly 100 points.)

    Professor: “I want you to know how disappointed I am in all of you. More than half the class had a score between 30 and 40.”

    Classmate: “So what are you counting as an A this time?”

    Professor: “60. One of your classmates scored in the 70s. This is proof that all of you can succeed if you only tried.”

    (The second highest score, it turned out, was a 44. The average of our previous test was in the 20s. At the end of the semester, he still refused to entertain the notion that maybe something about his teaching or testing methods might be off.)

    Disconnected From Reality

    | UT, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Extra Stupid, Students, Technology

    (Our college has several servers, one which is dedicated to course support for faculty and students. Students will sometimes call if they are having difficulty connecting to the server. Since we do not maintain the student computers, we usually have to ask them several questions about their computing environment in order to help them. Typically, this is not an issue.)

    Me: “[College Help Desk]. This is [My Name].”

    Student: “Who is this?”

    Me: “This is [My Name].”

    Student: “I can’t get to my folder. I’m in [Course].”

    Me: “So, are you not seeing the course folder, or—”

    Student: “I can’t login. You need to help me.”

    Me: “Okay, are you trying to connect from on-campus or off-campus?”

    Student: “I’m at home”

    Me: “Are you on a Mac or—”

    Student: “No! I have a PC.”

    (For security reasons our University requires that Windows users either be on-campus or connected to the Campus VPN to access servers.)

    Me: “Okay, have you connected to the campus VPN?”

    Student: “Just help me connect. You need to stop asking questions. I am telling you everything you need to know. Just help me!”

    Me: “I am trying, but I do need to ask you some—”

    Student: “I AM TELLING YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW! STOP ASKING ME QUESTIONS!”

    Me: “Did you get an error message when you tried—”

    Student: “STOP ASKING ME QUESTIONS! JUST TELL ME HOW TO GET MY FOLDER! IT IS LIKE I AM AN ALIEN AND I CAME TO YOU AND SAID, ‘BEEP BEEP BEEP! DO YOU WANT TO BE MY FRIEND?’ JUST ANSWER ME!”

    Me: “…”

    It’s No Joke(r)

    | AZ, USA | Geeks Rule, Students

    (We are in Spanish class, discussing what it means to be a hero. The instructor calls on me.)

    Instructor: “[My Name], what do you think a hero is?”

    Me: “Someone’s who’s courageous, relatively selfless, cares for others, tries to do the right thing, and can’t stand injustice.”

    Instructor: “Very good, [My Name]. Anything else?”

    Me: *jokingly* “Superman!”

    (A rude, sanctimonious middle-aged student who enjoys picking on others raises her hand.)

    Instructor: “Yes, [Student]?”

    Student: “I think she’s dead wrong. In my opinion, characters like Superman and Batman aren’t heroes. They have superpowers, and heroes can only be average people. Superman and Batman aren’t heroes. Like I said, they have superpowers – so they’re anti-heroes!”

    (The class is silent; dumbfounded at the student’s senseless outburst at what was clearly a joke.)

    Professor: “Now [Student], we respect all points of view here, but if you had ever opened a comic book, you would know that Batman doesn’t have superpowers!”

    (The whole class cracked up as the rude student sank down in her seat, blushing. That was the last time she tried to make someone else look stupid!)


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