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  • Getting A B(S) Grade
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    Holding Open Death’s Door For Chivalry

    | Australia | Bizarre/Silly, Students, Teachers

    (My brother spots his teacher as he’s about to enter the lecture theatre, and pauses to hold the door open for her.)

    Teacher: “Ah, chivalry is not dead!”

    Brother: *not missing a beat* “Yes, it is, Miss. And it was women who killed it.”

    Inigo Montoya’s Schooldays

    | MD, USA | Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, Teachers

    (Our professor is assigning lab partners on the first day of class.)

    Professor: “Now, if these assignments seem random, that’s because they are. I rolled a d20.”

    (He reads off the list, then adds…)

    Professor: “By the way, these are not set in stone. If you just broke up, or if your lab partner killed your father and needs to prepare to die, talk to me after class and I’ll change it.”

    Getting A B(S) Grade

    | CO, USA |

    (I am an engineering student giving a presentation with some disappointing partners. The professor we are presenting to is an expert in the field and so likes to ask complex problems to trip people up.)

    Partner: “So… uh … yeah. That’s my report.”

    Professor: “Well what about [doctorate level equation]?”

    Partner: “Uh… uh… um…”

    (At this point I see my partner floundering and attempt to answer as best I could, making it up as I go.)

    Professor: “You have run a business before, haven’t you?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. How did you know?”

    Professor: “Because that was all absolute bulls*** but it was by far the most professional sounding bulls*** I ever heard. I’ll give you the ‘A’ for that.”

    Mom Knows How To Make A Meal Out Of It

    | RI, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Parents, Students

    (I’m stopping by the main college building, where most of the offices and administration are, at the beginning of the school year. At the information/help desk, a mother and her freshman son are bombarding the student employee at the desk with questions. I stand nearby to wait my turn.)

    Mother: “Okay, so how do I check how many dining hall meals my son has on his account?”

    Employee: “Whenever he goes to the dining hall and has his card swiped, he can ask for his meal plan balance.”

    Mother: “No. I want to know how I, MYSELF, can check on his balance.”

    Employee: “…um, I don’t think we have a service like that. Only the student can access that, so you can ask him.”

    Mother: “But how am I supposed to check if he’s eating enough?! I want to keep an eye on his meal plan balance to make sure he’s eating well and often! How do you expect him to do that on his own?!”

    Son: *standing there embarrassed and looking like a kicked puppy*

    (I gave him a sympathetic look, and then decided I was better off coming back later!)

    Dysfunction

    | Tucson, AZ, USA | Math & Science, Teachers

    (I’m taking math, and we’re talking about functions and how to tell if a graph is a function. We are using a book of sorts and it of course, is asking us if its a function or not. One graph, of course, is all over the place and most definitely does not pass the vertical line test.)

    Teacher: “Is this a function?”

    Class: “No.”

    Teacher: “H***, no! I don’t even know what that is!”


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