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    28 Haze Later

    | USA | Zombies

    (I have just joined a college fraternity, and we are undergoing the inevitable hazing rituals.)

    Fraternity Leader: *in loud bold voice* “And now for your final challenge, you must survive the zombie pit!”

    Me: “The what?!”

    Fraternity Leader: *conversational tone* “The zombie pit! A few years ago the science department accidentally created the rage virus. Turned a few students and faculty members into zombies. We keep them all in a pit at the back of the football field.”

    Other Hazee: “Why?”

    Fraternity Leader: “For science. See how long they keep going for I guess.” *changes tone back to bold voice* “To the zombie pit!”

    Me: “Wait a minute. You actually expect us to get into a pit full of zombies?”

    Fraternity Leader: “Did I mention most of them used to be cheerleaders?”

    All Other Hazees: “TO THE ZOMBIE PIT!”

    Droning On About It

    | Madison, WI, USA | Language & Words

    (I am in an extracurricular club that’s affiliated with a national civil rights organization. We have just done a presentation for some students on the issues of privacy and drones as part of a larger event, but the response was lukewarm, so the club is discussing what might have gone wrong.)

    Club Member #1: “Well, maybe it wasn’t interactive enough. You saw how [Group before us] had games and stuff to draw the audience and we just talked.”

    Me: “I’m not sure that’s all it is. I think maybe we should have done a more student-focused issue. I mean, this one’s important, we know that, but I think for most people our age, the issue just goes over their heads.”

    (Everyone kind of stares at me and a couple people start laughing. After a few seconds, I figure it out.)

    Me: “Did I really say that?”

    Club Secretary: “I’m putting that in the official notes. [My Name] suggests that discussions about drones go over people’s heads.”

    Sounds Like A Government Plan

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Students

    (I and two of my friends were working on a program for a class project. After spending several hours failing to get something to work, I suddenly say:)

    Me: “I think I know what’s wrong. Well, I don’t know what’s wrong, but I think I know how to fix it.”

    He Must Have A Lot On His Plate

    | LA, USA | Extra Stupid, Students

    (I run the transportation for a large university. I employ some of the best and smartest student workers  and they’ve seen a lot of odd things. A student needs to register his car to park on campus. A student worker is creating the account when the following exchange happens:)

    Student Worker: “I need the license plate number.”

    Student: “What?”

    Student Worker: “The number off the license plate.”

    Student: “My car won’t fit in the building.”

    Student Worker: “The number of the plate.”

    Student: *relieved* “Oh, okay. Because I wouldn’t have been able to fit my car into the building.”

    Student Worker: “..”

    (This is a college student. Be afraid. Be very afraid of the future!)

    Not Chickening Out Of History

    | Lexington, KY, USA | Awesome, History, Pets & Animals, Teachers

    Professor: *discussing the auspices in Roman religion* “And when they were in a place without birds, such as they open sea, they usually carried sacred chickens with them along with some sacred grain which they’d spread on the ground or something to let the chickens peck at.”

    Class: *sniggering*

    Professor: *in the most epic voice possible* “RELEASE… THE CHICKENS!”


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