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    Driving Down His Age

    | London, England, UK | Food & Drink, Students

    (I made the decision at 23 to go back to education and get a college qualification. Since I am going to be older than most of the other people in class I decide to let my beard grow out in the months before I started so that it is very obvious I am older. My plan works and whilst some people think I’m weird, everyone is aware that I’m about six years older than most of the other students. About three months down the line we are chatting over lunch.)

    Classmate #1: “I can’t wait until I’m 18 and can drink legally… I’m gonna get wasted on my first day.”

    Me: “You think that… but give it a month, six at the most, and the novelty will wear off.”

    Classmate #1: “What would you know about it?”

    (At this, more or less everyone in the room looks at her.)

    Classmate #2: “Umm… [Classmate #1], you know [My Name]… is 23, right?”

    Classmate #1: “Stop lying! He’s 16.”

    Me: “No, he’s telling the truth. I’m 23.”

    Classmate #1: “Stop lying; you’re 16.”

    (I pull out my driver’s license and show her, at which point a thought occurs to me.)

    Me: “Hang on, I gave you loads of lifts in my car… How did you think I could drive?”

    Classmate #1: “I thought you were driving illegally! I thought it made you kind of a bad boy…”

    (At this everyone in the room burst out laughing. The course we’re studying is public services and almost everyone in the class wants to become a police officer.)

    Criticism Started With Mother

    | Moorhead, MN, USA | History, Students

    (In my Intro to Literary Studies class we’re learning psychological criticism. My teacher is passing around a handout on Freudism.)

    Teacher: “Now, like it or not, this all started with Freud.”

    Me: “Well, according to Freud it all started with Freud’s mother.”

    An Alarming Ability

    | MI, USA | Awesome, Teachers

    (I am taking a history class with a world-famous historian. Most of us have taken multiple classes with him and he has specifically asked us to take this class. We view him as a minor deity. One day during class the fire alarms go off.)

    Professor: “I guess we should evacuate.”

    (Twenty minutes later it is clear it was a glitch in the alarms, so we go back to class. Five minutes later the alarms go off again.)

    Professor: “STOP.”

    (The alarms immediately stop.)

    Professor: “I can do that.”

    Swearing Like A White Anglo-Saxon Protestant

    | MI, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Pets & Animals, Religion

    (There is a wasp in the classroom. It has been flying around for several minutes and finally lights on the podium behind the oblivious professor.)

    Student: “Excuse me, sir, but there’s a wasp right behind you.”

    Professor: “What?” *whirls around* “Where?”

    (The wasp promptly takes off and lands on the projector screen.)

    Professor: *chuckling nervously* “Well, uh, I’m something of a pacifist, so… I’m going to see if I can get him to go outside.”

    (Despite the protests of many bloodthirsty students, myself included, he opens the window. He then proceeds with the lecture, gesturing forcefully at the projector screen as always, occasionally shaking it.)

    Professor: *jokingly* “Now, don’t you sting me!”

    (A few minutes later, the wasp flies again, this time to land on the professor’s shirt.)

    Student: “IT’S ON YOU!”

    Professor: “Wha— Oh!” *swats at the wasp frantically*

    (The wasp makes its way out the window at last.)

    Professor: “Wow. That was a little frightening! Good thing it didn’t sting me, though. Ya’ll would’ve heard quite a few choice words.”

    The Wrong Time Warp

    | Exeter, England, UK | Bizarre/Silly, Musical Mayhem

    (I’m in a tutorial for one of my modules at university. I and the friend I’m sitting next to are known for being a bit goofy but not to the extent where we disrupt the class. Our tutor, however, usually ends up rather exasperated by our escapades. This time around he’s a little late to the classroom and we’ve occupied our time by singing the Time Warp from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. He enters:)

    Friend & Me:LET’S DO THE TIME WARP AGAAAAAAAAIN!”

    Teacher: “What the h*** are you two doing?”

    Friend: “We’re doing the Time Warp!”

    Me: “There’s never a wrong time to do the Time Warp!”

    Teacher: “Yes, there is. There are many wrong times to do the Time Warp and this is one of them.”


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