• Painting Colorful Language
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  • June's Theme Of The Month: Field Trip, Part 2!

    Weeding Out The Liberals

    | USA | Criminal/Illegal, Students

    (We are discussing liberty in Puritan New England.)

    Professor: “So what don’t we have the liberty to do in today’s society?”

    Student: “Drugs!”

    Badgering With Questions

    | CA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Pets & Animals, Teachers

    (My friend and I are taking an introduction to technical theatre class as part of our acting major requirement, so our professor has taken us to the scene shop to look at some tools.)

    Professor: “Now, do not distract someone using a saw… unless they’re on fire… or there’s a badger eating their back.”

    Friend: *to me* “Where do the badgers come from?”

    Professor: *overhearing her* From holes in the ground…” *pauses* “When a mommy badger and a daddy badger love each other very much…”

    The Money Isn’t The Only Thing That’s Fake

    | London, England, UK | Math & Science, Money, Teachers

    (I have recently gone back to college to get more qualifications. As part of the induction day we do an activity in groups where we are given one hundred fake pounds to buy materials with which to make a raft. My team comes up with a design that will cost 63 fake pounds, leaving us some change to make later additions if we want them. We go to the materials “store” to buy our materials and I have this exchange with the person running it.)

    “Store” Keeper: “So that’s… £30 plus £8, add £25 so it’s uh…”

    Me: “It’s £63.”

    “Store” Keeper: “That’s right; £63 please.”

    (I hand over £65, expecting £2 in change.)

    “Store” Keeper: “Okay, here is your change.”

    (He hands me £35.)

    Me: “Are you sure about that?”

    (He proceeds to explain the huge train of logic he went through to get there which had something to do with me paying £65 total and handing over £100.)

    Me: “But I gave you £65… You owe me £2; that’s it.”

    “Store” Keeper: “Oh… uh, yes, that’s right. Sorry.”

    (The best part? I found out the next day that he was my maths teacher…)

    Biological Math

    | Orlando, FL, USA | LGBTQ, Rude & Risque, Teachers

    (My friend and I are both bisexual girls and in an upper-level engineering course. At the end of one lesson, our professor has the TA stand up and introduces her.)

    Me: “Oh, no, she’s cute…”

    Friend: “Yeah, I might just… never understand the homework… just be in her office hours all the time…”

    Me: “I know, right?”

    Friend: “She’ll be like, ‘but this is basic algebra!’ and I’ll be like, ‘I don’t understand. Just explain it one more time!'”

    Acting Predictably

    | WI, USA | Movies & TV, Students

    (I am chatting with an incoming freshman while we wait in line for the grill:)

    Me: “So, you are going to be a theatre major?”

    Freshman: “Yep.”

    Me: “With a minor in digital cinema?”

    Freshman: “Wait. How did you know? I never said that.”

    Me: “When we first started talking you said you wanted to be a movie actor, so I put the two together. Either that or I read your mind.”

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